Chapter 5: A detour
That night at dinner I tell father about the development of my feelings. He looks contemplative before he sighs, resigned, with a soft smile he only ever shows me and my siblings. He admits, "I'm glad he is being very respectable and I'm pleasantly surprised by his behavior."
Jelamet improves. My sisters come for a visit and the world is full of color for a moment, with the pair of them home. We talk about everything that's happening to each of us, our plans and what we are doing. I am so happy to have something to share this visit but both of my sisters are concerned. Margaret tells me, "Be sure because you can back out of an arranged marriage in a number of ways." I know my duty though, and Meliodas is agreeable. I like him and that is more than others get in their arranged marriages. I wish it had been my choice, but it's fine.
Veronica though, she lists every bad thing she knows about Meliodas. That he disappears for days on end. He is lord over the demons, as his Father is king over all the lords, and she says Sir Meliodas settles violent matters with hand to hand combat. Veronica thinks it is barbaric. "Imagine not a fair-minded adjudicator but simply whoever is the better fighter would absolve a crime through a win." Then she goes on about how Sir Meliodas is gay. He has never been seen with another woman but has a tall handsome human he has been seen with numerous occasions but especially when he goes on his 'trips'.
The news had rattled me, as I liked Sir Meliodas in a way I hoped would be reciprocated. He likes to look at me but that doesn't mean he is interested. He seems to enjoy extending his visits but Sir Meliodas knows I am stuck here and that can be a kind gesture to break my life into manageable pieces. It would explain why he is closed off with me. That our relationship would be on paper, a face to the world but behind closed doors, it won't mean anything.
At this point in our progression, I can accept it. He can show me the world and we will truly be friends.
They left, Margaret taking a trained Sky Manta while Veronica shows off on her Wyvren. I'd been allowed in the city to see them off but it is Tarmiel that escorts me and there will be no detours to sneak off to see Mead or his family.
With things repeating as they do here, the days go by in a blur of gray. Eating alone, helping Jelamet stay healthy and reading novels. The only thing that breaks up the days are my nightly pleasure of opening up Meliodas' gifts. I had set aside a child's toy for Mead to give to his siblings when I opened the older gift. I have a pile designated for them. Another has a scarf of azure silk with a note that says, 'I thought of your sapphire eyes when I'd seen this shining in the sunlight.'
It is pretty.
Before I know it, it is time for tea again. I decide on my sitting room for another game of chess but today Jelamet has Jennah chaperone telling me she wants to stretch her old bones. I frown at her back as she leaves me in the hall with Jennah holding the tray of tea. Our time won't seem right without Jelamet there to fill in the blanks or interrupt with a silly story about me as a child.
Today is different in an even worse way than Jelamet's choice to stay away. I set the table with Jennah. She takes a seat by the fire with a book and I wait, fidgeting with my dress, wondering if it matters what I look like at all if Sir Meliodas is only interested in men. I peer outside, noting it is later than usual. He should be here.
He forgot. My heart sinks, my hands shake and I stand in my sitting room with Jennah looking at me with concern. No, not him too! Then I feel the tension leave my body as I resign myself to this fate. Of course, he forgot me. I excuse myself when another few minutes pass and Jennah asks, so much pity in her voice, "Would you like me to clean up the tea?" I agree, and soon enough, she leaves me on my own like everyone else.
I had hope that it would be different with Meliodas. He'd built me up with his repeated kept promises. He'd even sent me a stack of books about demon history and culture when I'd mentioned how lacking the Goddess Library was of his clan. My casual mention of interest and he'd listened, listened well enough to think of something to do about it, then executed it. He'd been reliable, but now, slowly I let go of that view to fit him in the category with those who have let me down.
With a heavy heart, I opened the door to my balcony, walking across it to the railing. Without the clouds covering our backyard and city drop off, I can see the gardens and the tiny specks of green far below our floating island. I like the clouds, so I can disappear for just a moment... I raise my wings just to feel them stretch but I can't rise. No emotion flows through my veins to spark the drive for flight. I stand, always waiting, looking out at the tiny world below wishing I could be apart of it- when I hear the door open.
"Put some shoes on!" He rushes excitedly, and for a slow moment, nothing processes. Meliodas came? He's never sounded excited before. Blankly I take him in, from his messy hair to the blanket he has folded over the basket on his arm, realizing gradually- he really came. "Are you okay?" He asks. He steps towards me slowing until he stands a few feet away, his face easing into his zero calm while mine finally comes alive.
"Yes!" I exclaim, absorbing all the excitement he lost and I step to him, arms up to embrace him. His eyes widen in surprise and that alone, another expression on his face, brings me back to reality. "I... forgot myself." I correct, stepping away and we stare before softly and with his face back to showing me nothing he reminds, "Shoes." I walk around him and he follows.
"Why?" I inquire, having a guess but not wanting to assume. We slip into the hall, heading to my room.
"Lord Bartra finally agreed I am capable of being your escort. With me, you can see the world." My steps quicken at his worlds. I can leave the castle! I go to my room in a rush as I enter my closet. I don't even look, slipping on the first pair I find. "Today though, it's just the meadow under the city, I wanted Bernia for their ale but I think your father wants to test if I will bring you back." He speaks through the wall as he stays in my room. "Safely, I mean."
In no time at all, with us running through the halls we escape the castle, having passed a beaming Jelamet in the entranceway. When we're at the fence I pause, this is as far as I can usually get without the guards swarming. Meliodas holds it open for me, and slowly, I walk out. Together, we head toward the street across from the castle and... no one drops from the sky, no guards follow and I realize Sir Meliodas has truly set me free.
He is my ticket to the world. Gay or not, we can have a friend-marriage. He smiles at me and although I haven't stopped grinning since he showed up, it fades, my steps slowing until I stop, looking down a street. Meliodas backtracks, peering at me curiously. I reach forward touching his arm beside the baskets handle over his cotton sleeve. He looks down at my hand on him as I lean in, talking low and fast into his ear. He smells like fall with the faintest attractive scent of man musk. When I finish he stares into me, wide-eyed and clear.
"Lead the way." He relents, and I resist the urge to hug him, unsure if he will want me too. In its place, I give him a watery smile and the deepest heartfelt, "thank you", I can muster. He nods, pupils blown as I point down the street and head that way. Sir Meliodas follows, looking around at the houses as they get smaller and less kept up. To his credit, he doesn't seem to mind, looking at me when I look back to him.
I knock twice when we reach our destination but the noise inside is alarming. I hear a yell cut through the chaos, "It could be a job, so shut up!" As soon as the gangly boy opens the door I throw myself into his arms, my head tucking into his shoulder. "Ugh!" sounds from his chest as he steps back in surprise, still managing to catch me. A shrill chorus of, "Ellie!" and, "We missed you!" fills the air as the kids swarm. There is a big pile of Mead and his siblings around me. I detangle, Mead's red face is scowling as he pries off his brother by his ear as he hugged me around the middle pressing his face to my chest.
"Ow. Ow! Mead, stop!" Markle complains and Mead pushes him toward the pillows on the floor in the living room. "I can't help it, they are perfect and soft and-"
"Shut your face before I break it." Mead threatens and I laugh, touching Millie's face and picking up Mable. Mae acts like she doesn't want to be a part of our reunion but I nudge my shoulder to hers getting a side smile from her. I look around and frown, where is Sir Meliodas? The doorway is open and there he is, watching me through it while leaning against the house opposite this one. "Oh." I walk out to him, Mabel in my arms as I take Meliodas' forearm and guide him in with me. He's tense and I am not sure why.
"Sir Meliodas." I start, "These are the only friends I have." I point, letting go of his arm to do so, giving names. At the end, I state, "Everybody, this is my intended. We have to get married for political reasons even though neither of us want that." I explain. Millie looks mortified at the idea, Mae though looks Meliodas over with a little appreciation.
"You don't look like a monster." She puzzles openly, "I heard the demon prince had darkness leaking out of him in waves." Mead smacks her upside the head but I snort, unprincess-like.
"I thought he'd be a monster too, but I think it's because we don't meet other races or demons often." With a smile, I turn to Meliodas to share in a moment but he has his head tilted down, face covered in shadows. Is he upset? She's just a kid. I step toward him, about to reach for him when Mille grabs it, getting my attention by pulling me. I look back and Mead is speaking to Meliodas, drawing him out of his upset.
We visit for a small while but when I peer at Meliodas, he isn't ever looking at me. After spending enough visits with him, where entire hours are spent with him staring, it makes me feel uneasy that he isn't. Something is wrong. Once I disentangle from the kids I go to him, touching his shoulder while he's showing Mead how to throw a proper punch, of all things. His eyes find my face but he doesn't meet my eyes. I ask if he's ready to go and he agrees. As we're heading out the door I tell the others, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for how it ended, I wanted a different last memory and I'm glad we got one."
I grasp each of their hands in a squeeze as our final goodbye and with shoulders back I walk away with Sir Meliodas. My eyes fill but I smile to the man walking beside me, he'd taken a long time gathering the basket and blanket to grant me time to give them each a goodbye. We're silent as we reach the gate, getting many looks from the others as we pass but I don't acknowledge any of them. After the emotional ride with Mead and his family, I don't know how I still have any feelings left, but excitement fills me as we near the exit.
"Oh, Sir Meliodas!" I exclaim, my hands brushing at the front of my dress. "I've not been to the meadow for years, not since Jelamet was well." I hope to draw him out and slowly he turns to me, catching my eye and I smile kindly to him. His nose flares and he swallows before he nods in acknowledgment, his tension eases a little but his face doesn't give me a clue to what he is thinking.
At the edge of the city, we look down at the green, a cloud passing below and I smile turning around and kicking off. Mid-air I bloom my wings and for the first time in months, I fly. My hair in chaos and my dress dragging me down as if reminding me not to get ahead of myself, that I'd have to return. My emotions center, pinned by that thought and I slow to a float as if a slower descent will stretch my time out.
In the rush of the wind, I spin, looking up at the city and Sir Meliodas is looking over the end, watching me. I wave him down and he adjusts his load, hopping off with a powerful push of his legs and he's falling through the air after me. For a brief beautiful moment, I wonder what it would be like to be loved by someone and what it would be like to love them in return. To fall into your own heart. I sigh, knowing I'll have to be content with falling through the air, in the space where nothing lives.
My wings flicker from the emotional shift and I twirl backward kicking to force myself into a more manageable position. My dress hem slaps me in the face and my wings bloom from frustration to slow until gravity takes hold and my clothes right themselves. Meliodas has the opposite approach as he zooms past me, grinning with a widespread of teeth, his sharp canines shining.
Darkness shoots out as if ink sprouts from his back and then bleed down through the air to make wings. He can fly. A shiver of fear streaks through me from the fraction of dark power I feel from him but I try to tamper it down. It feels familiar and I get a flash of an image, of a rumbling dark cloud. He slows to step down into the meadow, graceful and practiced. A moment later I follow his movements and by then his darkness is gone, so I release my wings' power in reciprocation.
The ground is solid and immediately I take off my shoes, leaving them where they lay as I spread my toes through the grass. I feel him watching but he doesn't say anything. My chest relaxes, my head clears and I walk forward, heading to the hill. Sir Meliodas follows as I get lost in the beauty of the trees, wildflowers and herbs that make its home under the permanent cloud that shields outsiders from spotting our island in the sky.
"You were more at home with Mead than I've ever seen you in the castle with me." Sir Meliodas rasps and I catch my fly-away hair with my arm, I am hoping to understand how he feels about that statement but he gives nothing away.
"That Castle isn't a home, Sir Meliodas, it hasn't been for a long time," I whisper and his eyes grow hard. Or does the light change from the clouds shifting overhead? "My father keeps me as locked down as he can. He does have some reasons... but, it is my fault too. I didn't want to be any more a burden so I didn't fight it." I sigh, long and wearily. I have allowed the reigns to be cut shorter and shorter until it dug in too deep and gave no wiggle room.
"Well, there is one thing about our marriage you can look forward too..." Meliodas starts, an edge to his voice I've never heard before. He doesn't look at me, instead, he puts the basket down and shakes out the blanket to lay flat as he speaks. "I'll never keep you locked away. You can go on your own adventures." His voice loses the odd tone, "I want you to be happy and free."
"I feel like there is something else you want to tell me." I guess having picked up on enough of his emotions. He gathers up the basket and he settles into a seat on the blanket. This is his opportunity to admit his sexual leanings- if he has any. I am not brave enough to ask directly, it seems personal. In his position, he may have a hard time talking about it anyways. The evidence isn't strong though. Veronica only told me circumstantial things.
"Like what?" Meliodas asks, his mouth thinning into a line and he seems to struggle to keep himself blank, but he does.
"Nothing." I smile and his face eases while watching me. With the basket out he opens it, setting out napkins and sandwiches. We eat a meal together, for the first time, and from the sun's positions I guess it must be around lunchtime. Our time goes by quickly today. "Will you have to leave soon?' I ask, hoping he won't.
"No." Sir Meliodas answers, eyes finding mine partially hidden under his brow and I'm relieved. I think he can tell because he goes back to watching me, his eyes following my movements once more.
When I finish my sandwich I refuse the cookies and treats, instead, I fall back over the blanket. I stretch my hands up and feel into the grass over my head. He clears his throat, scratching at his head and then he starts packing away the basket, fidgeting. When that task is done, he looks me over and then lays back to mirror me, at my side. His hands fold over his chest and we meet gazes. I flush having been caught but he turns to his side to face me, expression growing softer.
"Elizabeth, would you like to be my date to the Vampire princess ball?" He seems at ease but his nose flares and I realize I need to pick up on the little things from him if I want to understand him. I don't know what a nose flare means, but it does mean he has some kind of feeling about this. The pressure to go public? Or something else?
My heart races and I rise up on my elbows to openly gape at him.
"I want you to think about it as it would entail an overnight stay," my eyes grow so wide I fear they will fall out, "separate rooms." he rushes. His hand coming up as if to physically stop my assumptions. Does he mean 'obviously separate rooms because I'm not interested in you, or women,' or in an, 'obviously it's too soon for that' way?
"I want to go," I tell him, meaning it with every fiber of myself. I've never seen another kingdom and Margaret is friends with one of the Vampire royal ladies. When I was young, my sister hosted her a few times for overnight and day visits. "Who is coming of age?" I ask. It can't be who I am thinking of as she had been Margaret's age. Perhaps a younger sister or cousin? Meliodas shrugs.
"Honestly, I don't have the slightest clue, I just thought it was something we could do together." He smiles, giving an abashed chuckle. His eyes grow wide and a small grimace stretches across his mouth as he says warily, "now I just have to get your father to say yes."
I laugh, vowing then that I'd ask my father tonight before Sir Meliodas makes his attempt. It might save them some trouble.
We watch the clouds, heads closer and every so often, one of us would point and guess at a shape. A duck breathing fire, a stack of pancakes and my favorite one of the day is a genie lamp where Meliodas asks me to make a wish before it changes to something else. I don't say it out loud, but I wished Sir Meliodas and I had met differently, so we could have had a normal courting or none at all.
Forcing my hand made me feel like I have to force my feelings. I have a hard enough time with my emotions as they are! It's only made worse with me trying to separate obligation and disdain for the political arrangement of us to be together warring with my natural inclinations. 'Settle Elizabeth, this is your duty,' and I try not to like him so much.