Chapter 16.
Morning
A lone figure stood crouched on a branch of a tall pine. Almost completely clad in black, it was impossible to distinguish them from the forest in the darkness of the early morning. Unless the one looking was a shinobi with Byakugan, of course. With that thought in mind, the figure quietly leapt off the tree – no need to risk – the enemy might very well have a Hyuga in their ranks.
The crunch of the fresh snow upon the figure's landing had interrupted the silence, but was quickly absorbed by the surroundings. Even so, the figure stilled, listening in to the dark woods for good measure. Caution satisfied, they strode towards the making of a campfire, glad to finally be able to warm up a little.
As soon as the fire was up, the figure removed their hood, revealing a young face with jet black hair messily falling around their head and face. The man's lone hand hid from the cold under his cape, only to reappear a moment later with a sheathed sword. Resting the weapon aside but near enough on the log he was sitting on, the man could finally relax himself, holding his palm above the comforting flame.
The man allowed his mismatched eyes to close for something other than blinking for the first time in four days, releasing a tired sigh. Surrendered to the bliss, he didn't even notice the feeling of cold disappear, nor did he any longer feel the falling snow landing on his skin. It was as if the whole forest around him disappeared, evaporated much like the snowflakes that hit the fire before him. And the fire was the only thing that remained in his head, surrounded only by the void of his blank mind. It wasn't long, however, until the image started to build back up. This time, there was no snow covering the ground or falling around, nor was there any cold. Instead, the camp was surrounded by lush green of a summer forest, pleasant evening breeze caressing the flames of the campfire and the man's raven hair. And suddenly, the man wasn't sitting alone – there were three others gathered around the fire – he could almost hear their distinct voices, exchanging spooky stories before bedtime.
"Naruto, I didn't get to the scary part yet, stop screaming."
Sensei's baritone.
"But Kakashi-sensei, your stories are hella creepy! Even Sakura and teme are scared."
The idiot seemed to be born obnoxious.
"Shut up, Naruto! I'm not scared of some stupid story."
Even now the man could clearly picture the look of adoration Sakura so often sent his way.
Oh, how stupid he was to reject their love, the man couldn't admonish himself enough. He didn't realize it back then, but he had everything already. There was no need for his foolish quest of vengeance. The boy sharing spooky stories over a campfire lost everyone he loved once. The man who was currently sitting under a pine tree, warming his exhausted muscles on a small fire… That man experienced that loss twice, the second time being entirely his fault.
"Sasuke!"
Said man's eyes shot open, the serene picture of a boy who regained his happiness instantly vanished, giving way to the reality of a man who threw that happiness away.
Sasuke lifted his head to the sky, inhaling sharply. Trying to banish Naruto's angry and determined face right before his Chidori collided with his best friend's Rasengan. Sasuke saw the snowflakes closing in from above, but the moisture in his eyes was not entirely due to them. Blinking the tears away, Sasuke let a humorless laugh.
"Look at me, getting all emotional for once."
His friends they still may be, but Sasuke didn't feel like he was much of one to them all these years. It took years being apart from his team for him to start missing them. They were right. Everytime they tried to knock sense into his thick skull, they were completely right. And now Sasuke wanted nothing more to be able to tell them that they were right and he was wrong. But before that, he knew, he needed to atone for his sins. And he will start by helping his friends to free their village from Danzou's dictatorship.
The daylight started to break by the time Sasuke began to realize how therapeutic his exile had been these past months. It was time for him to move. As reflective as his exile had been, it still was exile. He needed to constantly relocate to avoid getting captured. So, Sasuke picked his sword up, put down the fire and got rid of all the evidence that anybody ever was there under that pine tree. Stretching his limbs, he put on his hood and tightened the cape around his shoulders, once again becoming a nameless figure in the dark of woods.
He had Root to shake off his tail.
Sasuke will rest only once everything is done. Perhaps then he could once again sit with his team and tell stories by the campfire.
Noon
Tsunade sat in a spatious gazebo, a small orange book in hand. Her eyes skimmed through the text once more, before she made a note on a piece of paper and pocketed her read.
"That idiot…" she muttered, half amused, half impressed.
"I still don't understand how you ninjas could tolerate this cold," the former Hokage heard a voice behind her.
"It has nothing to do with being ninja," Tsunade replied, turning to the freezing woman who sought her out. "Good afternoon, Koyuki-sama. I thought you'd be busy with curating the research."
The daimyō of the Land of Snow merely smiled, coming closer to the older woman. Tsunade noticed servants trail behind her some distance away. They carried what looked like trays with tea and food.
"There are probably years and years until we can develop technology to overcome the eternal winter," Koyuki Kazahana replied, shivering slightly. "I thought we could have a conversation over some hot tea. Goodness knows maybe it'll warm me up a bit."
Honey-colored eyes shone with merry. "Did you know, drinking hot tea like that increases your risk of esophageal cancer?"
The younger woman let a laugh, shaking her head.
"Please, Lady Tsunade, I would ask you to refrain from mentioning how everything I do can kill me sooner than I would've liked to."
"I only state facts," Tsunade shrugged, inviting her companion to take a seat for their tea. "So, what is it that you wanted to talk about?"
"Oh, nothing relevant to my or your duties," Koyuki clarified, "Just a friendly chat while I have some free time."
"You are lucky that the weather is good today," Tsunade said jokingly, glancing at the bright and clear afternoon sky. "Otherwise we'd be talking indoors over a blizzard, like the usual."
"True." Koyuki paused, letting the servants pour the two their tea. "You've been residing here in the Land of Snow for quite some time…" she then began, trying to choose words.
"Finally kicking me out?" her guest asked with a smirk, raising her brow and eliciting another chuckle from the younger woman.
"Of course not! You are welcome to stay here for as long as you wish. It's not like you haven't contributed to our country either. We are grateful to you for sharing your medical knowledge with the Snow," the daimyo reassured. "In fact, that was precisely the reason I wanted to speak to you. Only today did I finally realize that I haven't expressed my formal gratitude for your help."
"Please," Tsunade dismissed, "you are endangering your country by allowing me to hide here, so consider us even. Besides, the agreements we've made regarding the development of Konoha and Snow's medicine fields are 'thank you' enough."
It was Koyuki's turn to smirk.
"I knew you would say that. Which is why I didn't bother preparing any gifts for you."
At that, Tsunade let a loud bark of laugh.
The two continued their light banter until there was no more tea in their pot. By this time, the sun had already begun to set, and they reluctantly called their afternoon tea finished.
Evening
The party at Kakashi's house had started wrapping up, with all of Kakashi's friends saying their goodbyes and leaving (Gai offered to walk Kurenai home). Only Hinata's classmates remained, celebrating her past birthday. Apparently, Tenten and others who couldn't come to Shikamaru's yesterday made a point to throw her a surprise party on the next day. They begrudgingly enlisted Kakashi and Hanabi's help, seeing as it was his house they were going to have a party at. Needless to say that Kakashi escaped into his study as soon as Gai and others left.
He hoped to get at least some work done, but it seemed the papers will have to wait. His door opened with a slight creak, allowing his sister-in-law of all people to enter. Hanabi looked almost sheepish, and the door didn't burst open with a bang, so Kakashi assumed there was a reason for the girl's strange behavior.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
The girl didn't respond immediately. She came up to his desk and lied unceremoniously on the wood, easily taking up half of the space. Cloudy eyes looked up at him from her position on the desk.
"Nothing."
"Alright," Kakashi said in a tone that told her he was not buying it. "Why are you not having fun with the rest, then?"
"I'm just tired," she replied, averting her eyes.
The jounin regarded her answer for a moment. There was no way she could be tired at 8 pm, but on the other hand she must have been helping Hinata's friends organize the party.
"You know, I don't like big crowds either," he tried to approach from a different angle.
The girl let out a scoff. "It's not that."
"Boys problem, then."
"No!" she shot up. "Why– Uhh, fine, I'll tell you. Just stop spewing nonsense," Hanabi grumbled, before slumping on his desk again. "It's just that neesan has so many friends and, don't get me wrong, I'm happy that she is so popular, but… Seeing them have so much fun together…" she trailed off.
Kakashi knew where this was going, and where it was coming from. Loneliness was a hard burden to carry, he knew from experience. And what can be lonelier than being an heiress of a great clan? In fact, Kakashi did not remember ever seeing Hanabi interact with anyone her age, let alone befriend them.
"You want friends like that too," he said, pulling an armchair from the corner towards his desk beside his own chair.
Her silence as she slipped into the offered seat was answer enough.
"I don't know much about making friends," he continued carefully. "But I do know one thing. One, just one friend is enough. Trust me, I don't have many friends, and I turned out alright."
Hanabi couldn't help but giggle. "Yeah, right. You are a model example of an antisocial deviant."
"Hey, I prefer introvert."
"Introvert, my foot," she snorted. "There is only one '-vert' in your person, and that is 'pervert'."
The masked man chuckled, giving her a much deserved noogie. "But seriously," he said, ignoring the girl's protests from under his arm, "you shouldn't worry about these things. You have everything ahead of you. Besides, aren't we friends already?"
He wasn't expecting her to acknowledge it. In fact, he fully expected her to dismiss it as a joke. His goal was to distract her enough until he referred her problem to more competent instances, namely Hinata. To his surprise, however, Hanabi cheered up a little.
"Yeah," she said, smiling, "we are, aren't we?"
Kakashi grinned in return. This girl was something else.
"What do you say if we ditch this party and go outside?" he suggested, nodding towards the window.
"Hell yeah!"
Five minutes later, the two were resting quite comfortably on the roof of his house, gazing at the vast expanse of the night sky. There were no clouds and they could clearly see all the stars that littered the heavens. Every now and then Kakashi pointed at some constellation that he recognized. His talk about the North Star seemed to especially grab Hanabi's attention. Kakashi marveled at how earnestly she listened to his explanations about the axis of rotation and how that made the North Star suitable for use in navigation.
"And if you measure a line equal to about five distances of the leading edge of the Big Dipper there, you can approximately locate the North Star," he said, pointing a finger at said part of the constellation and drawing an imaginary line from its edge towards the North Star.
"And that line points to where is the north? Wow." Hanabi sighed contentedly. "Sky sure is pretty today. Hey, remember how we went to Suna?" she asked, turning to her companion. "Is it me, or the sky was even prettier then?"
"It's because in the desert of the Land of Wind there were no towns," the masked man easily replied. "Konoha is a big village, all the light from the houses and streets makes it harder for us to see stars." He then looked at Hanabi conspiratorily, "You know, I've been to a place where the sky was even more beautiful," he bragged, amused at Hanabi's bewilderment.
"No way," the girl said. Despite her denial, she had already begun nestling herself more comfortably to listen to his tale.
"Oh yes," Kakashi quirked a smile. "It was up north, in the Land of Snow. I was on a mission there, had to save the Princess," he said, earning a snort of disbelief from his companion. "On my way back, I saw it. Streaks of green, yellow, blue, red and all the colors inbetween, painted across the black of the night sky. It was as if the sky itself was on fire."
Hanabi listened to her good brother, trying to imagine the picture he was describing. She felt her mouth stretch in a smile from the sheer awe in Kakashi's voice. It must have been a sight to behold…
"I heard that down to the south you can see it too," the jounin continued, "but it is more of a fiery red than ethereal green like in the north."
Despite the cool of the night and the chill of snow under their backs, the pair lied for a long time, feeling quite comfortable on the roof. Kakashi was recounting stories from his and his team's youth when he heard their guests start to leave. He made a pause and sat up to watch Hinata's friends bid their goodbyes and depart in uneven groups. As if sensing his stare, his wife turned her head, somehow instantly finding him with her eyes.
"What are you two doing here?" Hinata inquired, getting up on the roof herself.
"Oh, neesan, you should sit with us too," perked up Hanabi. "It's so calm here."
The elder Hyuga happily obliged.
"So, what were you telling my sister this time, Kakashi?" she asked, joining them on their spot.
"Why did it come out as if I was doing something bad?" the man replied with an easy smile.
"He was telling me stories of his team. You know, when he was a genin."
"Chunin," Kakashi corrected.
"Whatever," Hanabi conceded, crossing her arms over her chest. "Come on, what happened after the Yellow Flash kicked your ass?"
Hinata smiled. "Oh, my."
"Minato-sensei kicked all of our asses, not only mine," Copy Nin's felt the need to add. "At the time we got so desperate in our desire to win that somehow Obito made us agree to this ridiculous plan. He proposed for us to swap our clothes in order to confuse Minato-sensei. Obito took my clothes while Rin had to wear his. And I… I ended up with Rin's," he finished, feeling as embarrassed as he was back when he wore that dress.
In hindsight, it wasn't the best idea to tell something so disconcerting to Hanabi, Kakashi thought, already seeing the amusement on the two sisters' faces. In Hanabi's case it shone with a twinkle of mischief, no doubt the girl was filing that information for later use as blackmail.
"Oh, man," she said between poorly concealed snickers, "this is gold!"
"Come on, Hanabi-chan," Hinata was trying to be considerate, but even in the dark Kakashi could see she was smiling too.
"I didn't choose to wear a dress! We drew straws…" he defended, his words falling on deaf ears. "Obito's reaction was similar to yours after it all ended. And Rin blushed so much, I've never seen her so red."
Hanabi went into full-blown guffaws by that point. Hinata sruggled to keep from laughing. It even made Kakashi cheer up a bit.
"And you know what's the worst?" he said, remembering his teacher's reaction. "It was the closest we ever came to winning a match against Minato-sensei. He laughed so hard that he'd lost his guard for a moment. Me and Obito jumped him and I almost managed to land a good hit."
This time even sweet Hinata could hold no longer. She tittered at first, but soon it turned into a feat of giggles and chortles that together with her sister's laughter easily filled the quiet of the night. Kakashi sighed dramatically, but the warmth that had spread in his chest prevented him from regretting anything he said. It was much easier to speak of those distant times now that he was finally at peace with it.
"Sorry, Kakashi," he heard his wife apologize after they were done laughing at his expense.
Sure, they had only been laughing for 5 minutes straight, afterall…
In truth, he couldn't stay mad at them any longer than that, so he supposed it was fine. He tried to change the topic by retelling Hinata about the North Star and the beautiful phenomenon of the radiant sky he witnessed in the Land of Snow. In the end, they all agreed to go and see it together sometime.
The three of them had spent so much time talking that Kakashi didn't even notice Hanabi doze off. The girl was lying between the two adults, a picture of innocence. He snorted, taking off his coat and covering her sleeping form.
"She was probably very tired," he heard Hinata say from the other side. He turned to see her smile warmly. "Thank you," she said, her eyes contentedly gazing back at the sky.
Kakashi wasn't sure if he deserved her gratitude, but he had no heart to voice his opinion. After all, he too felt like there was something special between him and his wife's little sister. He thought maybe it was because of his feelings towards his wife, but even if he didn't like Hinata the way he did, something told him that he'd still get along with Hanabi.
The two remained on the roof, stargazing. It felt like hours until Hinata broke the comfortable silence once again.
"The sky sure is beautiful tonight."
"Yeah," Kakashi replied absentmindedly, remembering Hanabi say something along those lines when they'd just come here. He then averted his eyes to his wife. Something was bothering her, he could tell. "If you wanted to ask me something, you can ask," he said, remembering Minato-sensei's way of opening a conversation.
Hinata chewed her lower lip, before meeting his eyes. "About your team… your team under the Yellow Flash…" she began hesitantly, trailing off. She went silent after that, making Kakashi think she'd reconsidered, before starting again. "Would you tell me about what happened to them?" she said quietly.
It was Kakashi's turn to be silent. He regarded her words out of habit, but quickly dismissed all possible doubts; there was no reason to hide anything from Hinata.
"This is something I haven't told my team," he said.
"Oh, I see," Hinata's face fell, and he hastened to finish his words.
"Not because I did not feel comfortable to share it with them," he said quickly. "I just didn't want them to know what a failure I am. Didn't want to burden them with my problems either. They had enough going on without my past weighing down on them."
And what irony it was when his past came crashing on them without even him needing to talk about it, he thought, remembering the War Obito started.
Hinata watched her husband talk and she could see how he struggled with every word. Really, what did she think when she asked him about his childhood team? He didn't seem to want to stop, though, pushing himself to say more. She wanted to stop him, there was no need to torment himself just to satisfy her curiosity. Nevertheless, she kept silent, selfishly wanting to hear more about his past.
"I suppose even now I'd like to keep some things secret from them. But with you, I feel like I have to tell you everything." He chuckled humorlessly. "I'm sorry for being so selfish. I just…"
"I'm glad you are telling me," Hinata said, trying to smile reassuringly. She truly felt privileged to have Kakashi share his burdens with her. "You shouldn't feel sorry. It was me who asked." It was her who should apologize, her eyes told him.
He smiled, a rueful, but somewhat relieved expression graced his features.
"I suppose I should start from the beginning," he let out a heavy sigh, preparing to recite everything from his time at the academy to him getting appointed the jounin instructor of Team 7.
He talked about his father's suicide; his friendship with his future team; Minato-sensei and his wife, Kushina-sama. It was easy to lose himself in the narrative once he'd started. He wanted to keep the insignificant things out, like the way Obito always wore his stupid goggles or Kushina-sama's favorite phrase that Naruto somehow managed to inherit somewhat. But despite himself, he felt like telling Hinata all those insignificant little details that didn't really matter to anyone apart from himself. She never interrupted, never pitied – understanding always shone in her eyes.
By the time he got to the Kannabi Bridge mission, Kakashi managed to calm completely. He'd imagined himself not being able to keep his emotions in check, thought it would be the hardest to talk about his friends' deaths and his own failures. However, somehow, he felt nothing but relief when telling it all to Hinata. Was she what people called a good listener? Because he felt like telling her everything just from looking in her kind eyes.
He remembered everything that happened that day, almost like his memory was in hyperdrive. Every conversation and every action imprinted in his memory forever. Every day since those events he tormented himself by rewinding them in his head, over and over. Now, however, when baring it all to Hinata, it didn't sting as much. He recounted with painful detail the mission and how it went horribly wrong for his first experience as a squad leader. The kidnapping of Rin, their and Obito's argument. Obito's words that had forever defined his own life from that moment on. Their fight and the aftermath; Obito's "death" and him receiving the Sharingan.
Hinata listened to his tale. She resolved to be strong, but she felt tears appear in her eyes not too far into the beginning, when Kakashi informed her of his father's disgrace and suicide. By the time he finished telling her about their mission at the Kannabi Bridge she was openly sobbing. When she heard about the circumstances of Rin's death she pulled Kakashi into a hug. Mourning his losses, even though he himself was mostly able to leave all those tragedies behind.
She knew what happened to the Fourth Hokage and his wife, it was common knowledge in Konoha. Now learning about how close they were to Kakashi, together with everything that happened to him, she couldn't imagine the pain he must've went through as a child and teenager. That kind of trauma could break anyone, yet here before her sat a man who not only was able to overcome all the pain but had it in himself to find enough strength to fight off others'.
She sensed Kakashi wrap his arms back around her. Hinata chuckled mirthlessly.
"Look at me, being comforted instead of providing comfort."
"Who said you are not providing comfort?" Kakashi asked, much too cheerful for someone who just relayed the tragic story of their past. "Time truly heals all wounds. It took me years to come to terms with all of it," he tightened his embrace, inhaling the sweet scent of his wife's hair.
They sat like that in each other's arms for a few more minutes, before the chill of the night and the exhaustion from the day's events had finally caught up.
"Have I told you that I'm relly-really proud of you?" Hinata asked, not wanting to pull away but recognizing that they would freeze soon if she didn't.
"Not really-really," Kakashi imitated, grinning like a child, making his wife roll her eyes.
"Seriously, don't you ever forget that."
"I… thank you?" the masked man said, not knowing how to respond to a genuine compliment out of the blue. "Now, why don't we head back inside?" he suggested instead. "I feel like we've spent half the night on this roof."
The two got down, Hanabi in Kakashi's arms. True enough, it was one in the morning and Kakashi hurried to follow the youngest Hyuga's example and go to sleep. He remembered, however, the pile of paperwork that he'd left unfinished on the desk in his study and groaned. Bidding his wife goodnight, he begrudgingly went to complete his task before going to bed.
Hinata had gently put Hanabi on the bed before going to get ready herself. Once she'd lied down, she heard her sister shuffle at her side. Turning, she saw Hanabi, face grave and mixed with guilt, no sleep in either of her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Hinata-oneesan," she quietly whispered.
Hinata wrapped her arms around her little sister, who she guessed had awoken sometime during Kakashi's tale about his past. Likely, what she heard shook her just as hard as it did Hinata.
"Shh," Hinata soothed, "it's alright. Let's go to sleep now. We can talk about it tomorrow."
At three in the morning, Kakashi was finally done with his work. Entering the bedroom for much deserved sleep, he was met with a sight of his wife and her little sister, curled up on one side of the bed, sleeping soundly. This time, they considerately left him his half of the bed. Giving a last tired smile, he lied himself onto another side, fully clothed. As much as doing paperwork in the middle of the night was a pain, stargazing with Hanabi and his talk with Hinata were worth it. He felt lighter than ever; having someone listen was clearly just the thing he needed. With those thoughts in mind, he fell into a blissful sleep.
Few kilometers away, a certain Nara was finally able to piece together the meaning behind the peculiar gift of a book he'd received.