Author's Note: Getting towards the end of this one now! Jane and Kurt have a difficult conversation - although a lot less difficult than I originally planned! I want to eventually write a fic where Jane goes to Kurt to tell him about Oscar, and the team tries to figure out his endgame while Jane carries out his missions. I really didn't want to go into Jane telling Kurt about Oscar in this one, too (especially since it's already so loooooong), so I decided not to do much with that reveal. Hopefully it doesn't detract too much from the fic. :)

Jane wearily paid the cab driver, glad she'd had the foresight to stuff some cash into her 1920s purse before the undercover mission. She hadn't expected to need it in quite this scenario—and her phone, normal clothing and wallet were all back at the NYO, so she'd had to walk until she could hail a cab, and hope like hell Kurt was too distracted by his fight with Allie to notice her gone before she could find one.

She hadn't overheard much—just Allie telling Kurt she'd have to be blind not to notice the way things were between him and Jane, and Kurt protesting that they'd been completely professional. Even so, it had been enough to make things clear. Jane had ended up damaging their relationship, without even meaning to.

Why Allie had seduced them both into agreeing to a threeway, if she felt so strongly that Jane was in the way? She'd seemed so practical that Jane had actually let herself believe that there'd be no issues with tonight—at least, no issues not caused by Jane herself.

As she crossed the street to her safehouse, she shivered and pulled the collar of Kurt's shirt up around her face, which did nothing to ward off the chilly air, but made her inhale his scent. Her heart ached at the familiarity of it—he smelled of comfort, but his scent also inspired a deep tug of longing that never seemed to go away, no matter how firmly she put him in the 'just friends' section of her brain.

And after tonight, she'd never be able to be close to him without remembering how it felt to bury her face in his neck as he pounded into her. Or the sound of his voice as he'd murmured, Fuck, Jane, I want you.

He hadn't wanted her enough to start a relationship with her, so why had his words felt so affirming?

It's too complicated. She made herself remember what he'd said that morning, as she'd been ready to apologise for standing him up at the park.

What did that even mean, 'too complicated'?

She guessed it didn't matter now, after the way things had turned out.

Now she was home—but she was only just remembering that her keys were still at the NYO. Which would have been fine if Kurt had driven her back from Allie's—he had a key to her place, as the lead agent on her case—but as things stood…

Damn it! Am I gonna have to take the subway all the way to Manhattan, wearing this stupid dress that I couldn't even zip up properly, looking like I just had a threeway with two of my co-workers?

She'd rather just break the window and call a glazer when she was inside. But maybe she could improvise a lock pick instead.

The twenty-four hour mini-mart on the corner sold bobby pins, which would work just fine for Jane. FBI safehouse or not, the lock wasn't top quality—budget cuts?—and while she'd had a protective detail, that hadn't mattered much to the FBI. When her detail had been dropped, she'd thought about mentioning getting a more secure lock, but then forgotten about it, preoccupied by the situation with Oscar.

Hope he's not spying on me now, she thought, arriving back at her front door. She'd sent him a text before their undercover mission, warning him that she was working tonight, so not to expect her at the warehouse.

Less than thirty seconds later, she was letting herself into her apartment with a sigh of relief. Thank you, deviant past self, for learning how to pick locks.

She switched on a lamp and flopped down on her couch, kicking off her torturous high heels and pulling her scrunched-up stockings out of the borrowed purse. She hadn't bothered to put them on again as she'd prepared to flee Allie's apartment, half-zipping her dress, wriggling into her underwear, then grabbing Kurt's shirt for both warmth and modesty. She'd carried her heels across Allie's wooden flooring, then put them on outside, once she was sure they wouldn't hear her retreating footsteps.

Now, Jane fought the urge to just curl up and go to sleep, hiding from all the conflicting feelings she had about the evening. She knew she'd regret the decision when she woke up groggy, Kurt's and Allie's scents still clinging to her, a reminder of of her ill-advised—but so fantastic—night of debauchery.

Don't think. Shower.

She got up and headed for the bedroom, shed everything but her underwear, then went into the bathroom. As the water heated and the room began to fill with steam, she looked in the mirror, wondering why she felt so numb. Surely, after all of this, I'd be justified in crying a little?

Her eye makeup was intact, though her lipstick had rubbed away a few dozen kisses ago. She reached for her makeup wipes. Don't think about the kisses.

But how could she not?

You had sex with Kurt. You can't run away from that.

It seemed like not more than two minutes went by without her remembering the way he'd moved, the way he'd sounded, tasted… I had everything I wanted, just for a little while. And now the memories will haunt me forever.

He'd looked and sounded so genuinely swept up in need for her as they'd taken a moment to adjust, his cock finally filling her. He'd pressed his forehead against hers and watched her as though he could see into her soul, the moment so intimate that she'd had to close her eyes to retreat from it.

But he must have been able to read how much she cared for him, how much not being with him had torn her apart. She'd tried to hide it, but he'd gently requested that she look at him, and she hadn't been able to deny him. He had to have seen how much pain it had caused her that tonight would be the only time for them.

Jane turned away from the mirror and stepped into the shower, grateful for the warm, soothing water. What would it be like to share a shower with him? And why the hell couldn't she switch off all of these completely unhelpful thoughts?

It was as though tonight, she'd allowed all of her feelings for Kurt to come to the surface again, and nothing would go back into the box labelled 'wishful thinking' in her brain, where she'd stashed everything after he'd rejected her.

She hit the bathroom tiles with the heel of her hand, frustrated, then grabbed the shampoo bottle. Rubbing shampoo into her scalp almost violently, she gritted her teeth. Get a grip. Kurt and Allie are gonna work this out, and he's gonna go back to normal—and you'd better do the same, because you promised him you would.

She scrubbed her skin, not wanting any trace of his scent or Allie's to remain. It was a fun night. And just a fun night. It didn't mean anything to him, so it doesn't mean anything to you.

Why did her brain refuse to accept that it had meant nothing to Kurt, though? Was it just because he liked to cuddle after sex, instead of withdrawing immediately the way Oscar did?

Remembering the way she'd tried to sit up, and Kurt's response had been to kiss her again, and again, and again, Jane swallowed hard. It doesn't mean what you think. Even though it felt like the most perfect moment in my entire life.

She lingered in the shower for a few minutes after she was clean, as though reality waited outside the shower cubicle. Then she reluctantly shut off the water and grabbed a towel, taking a deep, shaky breath.

Time to go to sleep and get over it.

Only that didn't end up happening, because as soon as she opened the door to the bathroom, she smelled coffee.

As Kurt got into his car, he cursed under his breath. Of course Jane would run the first second she realised things weren't right with him and Allie. He'd known this whole time that things would get awkward between them, but he'd wanted Jane so much that he'd ignored his common sense. Now Jane was blaming herself, he was sure, and he'd hurt Allie, too.

He felt guilty for even thinking it, but part of him felt lighter than it had since Jane had left him to wait at the park. What we have feels right. He hadn't wanted to admit it since she'd stood him up at the park, but after the way they'd connected tonight, physically and emotionally, he couldn't ignore it anymore.

Even though that had been exactly what he'd been planning to do before Allie had broken it off with him.

Maybe she was right, and he really was an idiot.

Jane had the potential to hurt him so badly, because she meant so much to him. He didn't think it was just because she was Taylor—these feelings didn't seem connected to the relief he felt that she was safe and relatively unharmed. The way he felt about her as a person, rather than as the remembered figure from his childhood, was vital and intense. She smiled, and he wanted to smile too. When she was worried about something, he worried right along with her.

But all of that meant that if she wanted to, she could grind his heart into the dust with her boot heel. He already felt as though she had, by standing him up at the park. The way he and Jane had lost themselves in each other tonight had renewed his hope for them, though—as had Allie's gentle exasperation at the way he'd handled his rejected feelings.

Vulnerability was Kurt's least favourite emotional state, but he couldn't shake the thought that if he could weather the discomfort of baring his emotions, he and Jane could have something more lasting and committed than any of the relationships he'd enjoyed in the past.

It wasn't just the sex—though the sex had been fucking amazing. If he spent too long thinking about her orgasmic cries, or the way she'd drenched his fingers when he'd first reached down between her thighs, he was going to have to wait out a hard-on before he got out of the car at Jane's place.

But as they'd lain there recovering, his cock still deep within her as she'd lain on top of him, he'd felt her tense up in preparation to leave, and all he'd known was that he wasn't ready for her to go. As she'd lifted her head, he'd guided her into another kiss, and she'd melted back against him as though she'd been waiting for an excuse to prolong their contact. That kiss had stretched on for a couple of minutes, a confession without words that he'd been helpless to prevent.

His need for her ran so much deeper than sex, and it almost scared him. He'd revealed more about his life and his thoughts to Jane, during the few weeks since they'd met, than he had to Allie during the duration of both of their relationships—over two years. Jane was so easy to talk to that he'd often walked away from their conversations asking himself, 'Why did I say that?'—but he also felt that she knew and understood him better than anyone else in his life. When she looked up at him with those large, expressive hazel eyes, he felt seen.

Kurt turned onto Jane's street, reminding himself that tonight might not go the way he wanted. He'd been the one to reject her the morning after she'd stood him up, but the fact remained that she had left him waiting without an explanation. It was possible that she hadn't been playing it cool when she'd agreed with him that a relationship would be too complicated.

But even as he cautioned himself, he couldn't make himself believe it. Not after everything they'd shared tonight.

He knocked on Jane's door, but got no response. "Jane, we need to talk," he called through the door, but she didn't reply.

He'd noticed her lights were still on through the window—obviously, she hadn't gone to bed yet—but sitting there and ignoring him wasn't Jane's style. Uneasily, he pulled out the spare key to her apartment and slid it into the lock.

Maybe it was unethical of him to enter her apartment uninvited, but he couldn't just wait until tomorrow to work this out with her. Their working relationship would suffer if they didn't get some kind of closure for tonight. The last time he'd seen her, she'd been naked, wrapped in a blanket, telling him that she'd be fine alone for a few minutes, while he went to find Allie. If they didn't address this before he saw her at work tomorrow, they'd end up talking about it as they worked, and that would distract them both—maybe with disastrous consequences.

As soon as he got inside, he realised she was in the shower, and his mind drifted straight into the gutter. More than anything, he wanted to join her there, but it was bad enough that he'd let himself into her apartment unasked.

He was too restless to just sit and do nothing, so he went into the kitchen and made some coffee. It was late, but with or without caffeine, he'd be too on edge to sleep much tonight, so he had nothing to lose.

She'd probably be pissed at him when she realised he was here, but she was most likely pissed at him anyway. He just hoped like hell that he could talk her around.

Of course Kurt was here, instead of making sure Allie knew it was her he wanted. Had she really expected otherwise? Maybe if she'd left a note, he would have stayed put instead of coming over to make sure Jane understood her place in his life.

She went straight into her room to grab something to wear, dressed quickly in a pair of lounge pants and a long-sleeved shirt, then blotted her wet hair with her towel. If he was going to barge into her apartment without prior notice and make himself at home, he could wait a little.

For good measure, she blow-dried her hair, then looked around for something else she could do to stall.

This is pathetic. Just go out there, listen to his rejection speech, nod and smile, then watch him leave. It's not that hard. You already did it once, remember?

Steeling herself, she picked up his shirt from the floor and headed out to the living room.

Kurt was sitting on the couch, still wearing his jacket, an almost-empty mug of coffee cradled between his hands.

"Hope you brought decaf, because otherwise you're gonna be up all night. Who makes coffee at one in the morning?" she said, throwing his shirt in his direction, then leaning against the wall near the entrance to the kitchen.

Kurt set down the mug and stood up, and Jane suppressed an inappropriate snicker at the glimpse of his bare chest under his jacket. Clearly, he hadn't left any of his clothing at Allie's place.

"I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight anyway," he said. "Jane—"

"Why are you here?" she demanded, wanting to cut through all the bullshit. "Allie was upset. You should be with her, making her feel better."

"And you're not upset?" Kurt asked, his voice quiet and calm in comparison to hers.

"How I feel doesn't matter, Kurt. I was the one intruding on you guys tonight, so I'm the one whose feelings are beside the point." She wound her arms around her waist defensively. "Go back to your girlfriend. Please."

"No point in that. It's over between us."

Jane closed her eyes, wishing she didn't feel so guilty. After all, Allie was the one who'd started this. If she hadn't been able to deal with Kurt being with someone else, maybe she shouldn't have suggested inviting another person into their bed. But even so, Jane couldn't help but feel as though it were her fault. "She left you? I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't the sex that was the problem. She was actually…trying to set us up tonight."

Jane stared at him. "What? But she sounded like she'd been crying."

Kurt sighed. "She had. Because she was hurt about the end of our relationship. Apparently, Rich just said what she was already thinking. But she told me she arranged tonight because I'm too much of an idiot to get with you on my own. And she said to tell you she's fine, and she doesn't blame you."

Bewildered, Jane shook her head. "This makes no sense. Did you tell her that we decided against being together?" Or at least, you decided…

"Yes."

"And that didn't change her decision?" Jane was getting a headache trying to figure Allie out.

Kurt hesitated, then stepped back. "Come sit down for a minute. Please."

Jane's muscles tensed in preparation to move, but then her stomach turned. What if he decided he preferred Allie over me, and that's why he didn't want a relationship—but now she's broken up with him, he wants to get with me on the rebound?

"I'll stay here."

A flash of pain crossed his face. "Jane…"

"Kurt, what's happened has happened. It was great, but it led to drama, and now I just want to forget about it, okay?" Just go. I'm too mentally exhausted to go through all of this now.

As she turned towards the bedroom, his words made her freeze. "I was at the park that night."

Jane pivoted to face him, but couldn't find a single word to respond with. What is he saying? Why is he bringing this up now? There were butterflies in her stomach, and she hated her body's hopeful response. There's nothing to hope for. This is just gonna end up with another rejection somehow.

"I waited for you. You didn't show. And I…" His jaw tightened as he looked over to the window and back. "I assumed you'd had second thoughts, so I told you I had, too. I was…protecting myself, I guess. I didn't want to hear you say it, so I said it first."

Oh, Kurt…

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I didn't want to hurt you. I was…" She sighed, trying to figure out what to tell him. "I had something else I needed to do that night, but I wasn't even sure what I was going to choose until I chose it. I should have asked you if we could reschedule when you first asked me, because I wanted to be there. So much."

"What was so important that you had to stand me up, Jane? I've turned it over and over in my head a thousand times, and I always come up blank." His guard was up, and his eyes held so much pain that she took a step forward, almost involuntarily.

"It wasn't—I was following a time-sensitive lead. Something from my past. It couldn't wait any longer."

Kurt's expression immediately sharpened. "You've been holding out on me? Damn it, Jane, you can't just go off on your own without backup."

"I know, it was a risk. But given the information I had at the time, I was pretty sure I'd be fine—and I was."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded. "If not beforehand, then after?"

"Was I supposed to do that in the five-second pause before you told me you didn't want a relationship? Or just after, when I was trying not to let you see how much it hurt that you didn't feel the same?" she deflected, hoping to distract him.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you away like that. Allie was right—I am an idiot."

Jane ached to put her arms around him, to dissolve all the misunderstandings, to erase her lies and deceit since Oscar had appeared in her life.

"Why are you here, Kurt?" she asked, needing him to say it. If he wanted her for more than one night, he had to make that clear. "Why did you come over?"

He approached her slowly, as though unsure of his welcome. "I guess I wanted a moment that was just us."

Recognising her own words from the night she'd first kissed him, Jane caught her breath.

This is all going to go to hell when he finds out you've been lying to him, keeping things from him. That you sent yourself to him in a duffel bag.

But she couldn't make herself care about that right now, not when he was so close, looking down at her with such intensity and thinly-veiled hope.

The only thing I want is him. For as long as this lasts.

She reached up to the back of his neck and pulled his head down to hers.