The Quimby Files

by slapstick.genius

Diamond Joe Quimby's family album does not include the North Carolina drawings, which are in the Springfield museum. But it does include a history of gore, crime and a strange relationship with The Burnses and The Quartermaines of GH fame.

3. The Drunken Jack

As Jack Quimby became a teenager, Wyllie died of natural causes. Although saddened, he kept on fighting for his life. When he turned fifteen, his half sister Jolene (the daughter of Chris' favourite sleeping friend ever, Honey Blum) met him only once, and with disgust! She never met him again in his lifetime.

However, she and Chris nonetheless pen pal together with the two Quartermaines of a single British Channel island, Constance and Percival. As big spinster sister Constance got sick and then died of bubonic plague, in late 1703 her much younger brother sailed to America on the Courage, with heavy amounts of difficulties. Even after the pirates attacked and sunk the Courage in 1704, Percival survived to work for the British East India company.

Jolene Blum and Percival married, much to the disappointment of Jack, so he had to leave them alone as they went to piney and utterly coniferous Maine. However, he found a flame in the form of Abital Fitzgerald. Abi and Jack got married and moved to a log cabin, where the former gave birth to only child Morris Fitzgerald Quimby in 1722.

Morris clearly loved his mother, but his dad was drunk and rather tough on him, so they left him behind a month before he died drunk and penniless in August 1730, in order to work as entrepreneurs.