"THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police."
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings
The first month, Michonne was two hundred dollars short on the rent. The quick, spontaneous lap ride cost me 200.00 dollars to help make up the difference Michonne didn't have in the envelope.
The second month, the second envelope only had a store coupon for one box of Trojan.
Not a cashier's check or any cold hard cash. Just a Coupon...
Fifty percent off a box of 12 condoms. How often did Michonne think I was going to continue to pay her rent?
This was an eye-opener. I had to let Michonne know that in no uncertain terms was I paying the full amount. 200 yes. 1800, hell no. I didn't care that she rode me the first month and repeating the same act the second month where she lasted a little bit longer before I followed suit.
The sex on the couch was nowhere near 500 dollar level.
I didn't care if I startled Michonne while she was showering. I remained in the bathroom doorway.
"The rent is 1800." I had informed quite gruffly.
"I know. I've been paying it for more than a year now."
"What the fuck do you call this?" I waved the envelope that had no money inside.
"Savings. The coupon will expire soon."
"What are you implying?"
"Safe sex."
"I'm not going to continue to fuck around with you, Michonne." I'd threatened.
"Condoms are not just for who you are fucking, Mr. Substitute Landlord Grimes. It is also for who you are sexing."
"The difference?"
"You are fucking Lori. You are trying to sex me. I am not allowing your secret motive to interfere with our strictly transactional relationship. I am setting clear boundaries. The fine print."
"Never disrespect my Fiancee." My tone was every bit of stern.
"Unless my rent is overdue, don't you ever knock on my door as if this pussy belongs to you."
I was speechless. I was angry. I had to make a damn point before it became hard to remember why I was not going to pay $1800.00 IN FULL FOR HER RENT.
"Listen, do you really think what happened out there was going to have me just fork over all of your rent? Think again, Michonne."
"Wishful thinking on my part, huh?"
"Damn straight." I stood my ground, unable to tear my eyes off her sudsy tits.
The sex in the bathroom. In Michonne's shower...
I didn't even have to come up with an explanation for why I was soaking wet when I arrived back at my apartment. I was drenched, and it didn't take much for Lori to realize it the moment she was about to embrace me.
"Why are you so wet, honey? What happened?"
"Wet from fooling around with that leaky pipe in apartment 209, I strongly believe is the reason," Eugene had answered for me after magically appearing outside of our bathroom with a tool-box in one hand and a wrench in the other.