The Quimby Files

by slapstick.genius

Diamond Joe Quimby's family album does not include the North Carolina drawings, which are in the Springfield museum. But it does include a history of gore, crime and a strange relationship with The Burnses and The Quartermaines of GH fame.

5. Cyrus Quimby, newspaper seller

As a child, Cyrus was a funny little boy, tricking his mom and big stepsisters into sandpits and ponds. Although daddy Morris had long been estranged from him since his toddlerhood, their relationship bloomed back when the latter became captain of the Harvard Frogs.

As a teenager however, his life is a little backward, with the father leaving the house in disgrace. But his childhood friends, who were tricksters from the infamously rich Burns family, helped him turn his life around to become a wealthy tabloid pedlar and newspaper seller, becoming much later a magnate himself. Ironically, by the time he celebrated fifteen years as a newspaper seller, daddy Morris died at 77 in 1799.

He met a snobbish former robber named Courtney O'Malley and slowly fell in love with her. They married each other in 1795, culminating in the births of their two children, Gabriel and much later Berenice O'Malley in the deep south in 1805 and 1819.

In 1825, when Gabe left the house to work in Springfield; even as Berenice started to get tutored, Cyrus opened a small influence stand here in 1825, becoming locally popular as a late bloomer for a decade before retiring quietly. He died in 1842.