"When I'm standing near you, I can't get my words out, like I fear you, being in your shadow..."
-Triplo Max, "Shadow"
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Freed POV
I didn't get any sleep that night because of the healers coming and going, mending the last of the damage to my leg. It wasn't painful at all because they made sure to numb it, but I couldn't sleep for other reasons.
Laxus knew. He knew.
And that little fact in itself was enough to scare the living daylights outta me. I had been so anxious and afraid that I promptly shooed him out of the room, making up a lame excuse for wanting to rest before the healing process continued. Fortunately, he seemed to understand and left right away, leaving me to chastise myself for being so stupid.
He knows I love him... And he doesn't have a problem with it? He would've said something if it made him uncomfortable or anything, he's a very vocal guy who is not afraid to voice his concerns... Right?
Still, there was the nagging doubt in the back of my mind that kept me from sleeping that night.
What if he isn't okay with it and he's just trying and failing to let me down gently?
There was one thing I knew for sure: when I saw him tomorrow, I had to say something about this. I couldn't keep running from it. Especially not after he knew. It was like trying to hide behind a glass wall.
But what was I going to say?
How was I going to just ask if he was okay with me being the way I was? It seemed so awkward and nerve-wracking that it drove me crazy. But by the time the sun came up, I was able to walk again, and everything was back to normal.
It was still pretty early when there came a soft knock on the door. "Freed? Are you awake yet, sweetie?" Mirajane's familiar voice called.
"Yeah, I'm up. Come on in." I replied, smiling a little. Mira was someone I could trust, I could ask her what I was supposed to do about this whole predicament with Laxus. She was the only person who knew about my feelings for him.
The door slid open, and in came Mira. She was smiling warmly, with a crimson lump of fabric in her arms. "Hey. I fixed your coat." she told me, setting the lump down on the bed. "I figured you'd want it back before you start going out and about again. So while you were injured, I made it my personal mission to fix it up."
"Really?" my whole face lit up and I dropped the book I had been reading, scrambling to unfold the coat and see. It looked brand-new. All the burn marks and rips were gone. "Oh man!" I clapped my hands like an excited child and threw my arms around Mira, hugging her tightly. "Thank you so much, I was wondering what I was gonna do about this!"
"You're welcome, Freed." she laughed and patted my head a few times. "I'm more than happy to have helped in some way, you overwork yourself too often."
"I know, I know." I rolled my eyes as I pulled away. "You've told me. Several times."
"That's because it's true and you need to stop it." she chuckled as she sat down on the edge of the bed beside me.
"Oh hey, since you're here... Laxus knows." I gave her a deadpan look. I knew she'd figure out exactly what I was talking about, she was smart.
"I know that he knows. He was talking to me about it last night." she replied, evenly. "And don't worry so much about it, he doesn't have a problem with it. In fact, he was genuinely grateful and said he wanted to repay you somehow. You've been so good to him, and I'm proud of you."
I grimaced, beginning to fidget nervously. "You're kidding."
"I wouldn't lie to you. Especially not about something so important to you." Mira shook her head slightly as she went to put her hand over mine.
"U-Uhhh..." I quickly scooted back before she could touch my hand. "M-Mira... The hand... I-I don't..."
"Goodness!" she slapped her hand over her face as she realized her mistake. "Shit. I'm so sorry, Freed, I didn't mean to. I need to stop forgetting you don't want people touching your hands. As I was saying, I'm telling you the truth, honey. He isn't upset at all about this whole thing." she instead put her warm hand on my shoulder, which I was okay with.
"I-It's okay. I'm fine. Really." I gave her an unconvincing smile. "And... I know I n-need to... Say something to Laxus... B-But I don't know how."
"What exactly is it that you want to say to him?" Mira tilted her head at me, blue eyes sparkling with concern and sympathy.
"I just wanna tell him... How I feel... And ask if he's alright with it."
"Well... I'm not sure what to tell you. You can't go wrong if you just tell the truth, and I know you are exceptionally good at that."
"B-But what if I mess it up, or make it sound weird, or..."
"Freed. It's fine. Just tell him how you feel, it's that simple. If you want, you can write it out as runes just to ensure that it is the absolute truth, nothing less. That might help calm your nerves a bit."
"O-Okay. Maybe I will." I nodded, realizing how good of an idea that was.
"Good boy. Remember, it's gonna be fine, okay? I believe that." Mira slowly rose to her feet and kissed the top of my head. "Alright, I'm gonna go get back to work. Go get your coat on, Laxus should come by to get you in a few minutes." she said, as she walked out of the room.
I nodded my agreement. "Bye, sister. See you later." I slowly stood up, still a bit wobbly on my feet, and wandered into the washroom to get cleaned up.
After taking a long shower, getting dressed into my usual attire (I was so happy to have my coat back that I couldn't stop smiling), and brushing out my long hair, I came out to discover Laxus was sitting on the bed that I had made earlier, waiting for me.
"Hey." he greeted, smiling as he saw me. "You look good. Mira told me how excited you were when she showed you that she fixed your coat."
I blushed. He thinks I look good. "Th-Thanks... You l-look nice too." I was already messing up, I wanted to facepalm so bad.
"Heh. You ready to go?" he asked, tilting his head to one side, regarding me with absolutely lovely golden eyes.
"Yeah. Let's get out there before I can change my mind." I nodded and started for the door, trying my hardest to get my blushing under control. I don't wanna make a fool of myself on my first day being a part of Fairy Tail again.
Laxus chuckled and got up, diving in front of me so he could take the lead, walking us out of the infirmary to the open cafe. I smiled as I glanced around the busy tables. Everyone was talking and laughing and just being themselves. Cana was perched in the corner, chugging down an entire barrel of some kind of foul liquor. Mirajane was at her counter, serving out any kind of food or drink anyone wanted. Natsu and Gray were having a heated argument by the wall across from me, glaring daggers at each other. Erza was on her way over to the two boys to break up the fight, face set in a dark scowl. All the familiar faces made me smile even more.
I found my way over to the Thunder Legion's usual table, by the entrance to the guild and the cafe. Evergreen and Bickslow were seated on the same side, laughing hysterically over some sort of joke Bix had just made.
"Hey, guys." I greeted, tapping Ever on the shoulder as I passed, intending to sit down across from them like I always did.
Her eyes got absolutely huge. "Freeeeeeeeed!" she shrieked, as she and Bix sprang to their feet and dragged me into a huge group hug, Laxus laughing loudly as he joined in.
I was immediately crushed, and couldn't help but giggle as I squirmed around. "Hey! I'm glad to see you guys too, but I can't breathe, you idiots!" I said, scoldingly. "Next thing you know, I'll be back in the infirmary for a serious case of collapsed lungs and crushed ribcage!"
"Shut up, drama queen. We fucking missed your mean ass." Bickslow whacked me over the head with one beefy arm.
"He's right, you know. I felt super bad for making you guys come on patrol with me." Evergreen agreed, wiping tears of happiness and regret from her lime-colored eyes.
I pushed them all off me, taking a deep breath, a huge grin spreading across my face. "I was only gone one day and you have the audacity to call me a drama queen? I don't think I'm the one deserving of that title, guys..." I paused for a moment, and then glared at Bix. "And you need to watch your language."
"Hah!" Laxus barked a laugh and chased Bix and Ever back to their seats. "Alright, stop harassing each other. Let's enjoy the rest of today. Ever, can you go get us some drinks from Mira?"
"No. Make Bix do it." the brunette crossed her arms defiantly and turned up her chin like a child refusing to eat her vegetables.
"Alright. Bix, you've been voluntold to get us some drinks. Hop to it." Laxus turned his attention to the tall boy sitting beside her.
"Aw, damn! You'll pay for this, Evergreen!" Bickslow growled, as he rose to his full height- a terrifying six foot eleven inches. "What do you guys want?"
"Just tea. Mira knows how I like it." I replied, sitting down across from Evergreen.
"White wine for me." she piped up.
"And I'll take a cherry coke." Laxus added.
Bickslow nodded, quickly memorizing our orders as he turned and went off to the counter, yelling something at Mirajane. I sighed and settled into my seat. All the warm familiarity was so nice. I had been with Fairy Tail ever since I was only six years old. I was twenty now, but everyone thought I was younger because of my height and build. I had known Laxus for just as long, fourteen years. He was always my closest friend from the very start, eventually introducing me to Ever and Bix when I was fifteen. Five years later, we were best friends.
Ever suddenly got up and ran off to talk to Cana, whom was all the way across the room. Bix was still at the counter, practically harassing Mira, so Laxus and I were alone at the table. He immediately turned to face me, and I swallowed hard. It seemed he wanted to discuss things too.
"Freed? About last night... I just wanted to say I'm really sorry if I made you uncomfortable or anything. I really hope I didn't." he said, giving me a concerned look. His tone was so sincere that it made my heart melt.
"N-No, you didn't." I suddenly found myself unable to speak without stammering and quickly looked away, my cheeks reddening. "I-I just needed s-some space b-because... W-Well... I-It kinda scared me to r-realize that you know I... I-I... L-Love..." I couldn't get the words out now, I was too nervous and vaguely aware of the fact I was trembling violently.
"Hey." Laxus slipped his warm arm around my shoulders and leaned closer. "It's okay. I understand."
But now I just had to say it, because him understanding something unspoken wasn't good enough. I took a deep breath, mustered up every ounce of courage I possessed in my tiny little body, looked him square in the eye, opened my mouth and said, "I love you, Laxus."
Now that it was out in the open, all my courage died abruptly and all my typical shy, introvertedness returned full force. The blood rushed to my face and I quickly hid my face behind both hands, looking away and groaning loudly as I realized what had just happened.
Laxus was speechless for a total of two minutes and thirteen seconds, I counted. I peeked at him from between my fingers. He didn't look angry or uncomfortable or upset or anything negative. He just looked... shocked.
I messed this whole thing up for myself, didn't I?
"Freed?" He called out, his voice soft and uncertain. I didn't react, trying to hide as long as possible. "Freed. Look at me." He repeated, with a lot more confidence. He slid his hand under my chin and gently pushed upward so I was looking at him. I was probably a blushing, trembling mess. It was embarrassing. "I love you too." He told me, with the most sincerity I've ever seen from a human being in my entire life.
"I-I..." I started to say, voice shaking harder than I was, but he put a finger to my lips, stopping me.
"Wait, I wasn't finished." he tucked a long strand of hair behind my ear, the touch soft and sweet. "You mean a lot to me, okay? More than you could ever imagine. I'm beyond grateful for all the things you've done for me, and I'm so fucking sorry for using you, taking advantage of you, and getting myself expelled from Fairy Tail last year. It was so selfish and stupid of me to turn your own loyalty and devotion against you and make you use your own magic against other people, simply because I told you to. You're such an amazing person. I'd be so lost without you."
I couldn't believe my ears. How was this happening? No, it couldn't be. I was dreaming. I had to be.
I quickly turned away from him and pinched my arm as hard as I could, wincing at the sharp pain.
"What're you doing?" Laxus gave me a confounded look.
"Trying to wake up." I told him, blatantly.
He laughed softly and grabbed my wrist. "Stop that. Don't hurt yourself. This isn't a dream."
I realized how perilously close his fingers were to my hand and shyly pulled away, mumbling, "My hand..."
"Shit, sorry." he quickly released my wrist and shifted his grip over to my forearm instead, which was much more comfortable and grounding. "I hope you know I never do that on purpose, it's just natural human instinct to go for the hands when it comes to affection."
"I-I know and it's o-okay." I reassured, patting his shoulder comfortingly. He stared at my hand like he wanted to touch it, and I nearly recoiled simply from fear that he would. "I'm k-kinda a special-case scenario when it c-comes to the hands, so I understand w-why you guys do it so often."
"Yeah. Thanks for being so understanding, Freed. That's another thing I love about you. You're so... Easy to talk to and get along with because you listen, and you understand because you're always thinking and you're so damn intelligent it's not fair." he chuckled as he spoke, sliding his hand up from my forearm to my shoulder, brushing my hair out of the way.
"It is too!" I immediately retorted. "If you read more books you'd be the same way."
"Oh come on, you know I've never been much of a reader." he protested, pretending to whine.
We both laughed after that. It was normal for us to have little fake quarrels like that, simply because it was so funny to make fun of each other without actually meaning what we were saying.
"Ah, well, point still stands. You're amazing. Absolutely awe-inspiring." he said, once we had calmed down enough to speak legibly.
"Heh..." I looked away again, trying to hide my blush, which seemed to get more and more prominent the more he spoke. "I-I'm sorry, words are failing me right now, s-so is it okay if I..?" I trailed off as I pulled a pen from my coat pocket.
"Oh, of course, Freed. You're an excellent writer too, did I mention that?" Laxus smiled warmly.
"Stop flattering me." I scolded, as I took his arm, rolled up his sleeve, and carefully wrote something in elegant runes on the underside of his wrist, turning his hand palm up to do so.
Once I finished, only a moment later, he examined his wrist, admiring the perfectly done glyphs I had written there. "It looks really nice, but I'm afraid I can't understand it."
"Gimme." I grabbed his arm again and went back to work on his wrist.
Under each rune, I wrote the meaning.
Beautiful. Perfect. Trustworthy. Strong. Unbreakable. Persistent. Intelligent. Wonderful.
"Look at it now." I told him, releasing his arm.
He grinned as he once again stared at his own skin, squinting at the perfectly legible translations I had put there. His smile faded into a look of shock and fascination as he realized what all those words meant. They were what I thought of him, my poured-out feelings for him. And he understood.
"A-And you know it's legit b-because runes are incapable of l-lying..." I mumbled, fidgeting anxiously.
"Freed..." he shook his head in disbelief and raised his gaze to meet mine.
He reached out and cupped my face between his hands, tilting my chin down, leaning forward to press a long, tender kiss on my forehead. I couldn't help the startled and delighted gasp that escaped my lips as my skin began to glow where his lips were touching. A moment later, too soon, he pulled back and stared at me for a long moment. His eyes darted to my lips for the briefest moment, and I understood what he wanted. Neither of us said anything, we both started leaning toward each other at the same time for an actual kiss. My first kiss, and it was with Laxus! I felt my insides were going to explode from excitement.
We were so close to touching, his lips perilously close to mine, when suddenly...
"What's up, fuckers, I'm back!" Bickslow returned at top speed, shouting at the top of his lungs so the entire guild had his presence announced to them.
Laxus quickly released me and we both scrambled away from each other before our friend could notice what we were up to. I felt slightly disappointed. I had never been so sure of anything in my life, I really wanted that kiss. But Bickslow had to come back and ruin it.
My forehead still glowed with a pleasant warmth where Laxus had kissed me. It was almost painful to think that if Mira had taken just a few seconds longer to make our drinks, my lips would be feeling the same way right now.
Laxus gave me a sidelong look as Bix distributed our drinks. I glanced back at the thunder dragon slayer, and he touched a finger to his lips for a split second before returning his hand to his lap. I understood the message. Don't tell them about this. About us. Please.
I nodded slightly so he knew I got it before accepting the hot cup of peppermint tea from Bix and taking a sip. Evergreen realized our drinks were at the table and hurried over to come get hers. Now everyone was seated at the table once again. We all talked and made light conversation, laughed at each other's terrible jokes because we all had terrible senses of humor, and told stories of our lives that we had all heard a thousand times like we always did. And although I enjoyed every second of it, I was so distracted by one thing.
Laxus.
He loved me. He said he did, and I believed him.
He wouldn't have given me a kiss if he didn't truly love me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. He hadn't rolled down his sleeve to conceal the runes on his wrist, but he kept that hand hidden under the table. I still caught him occasionally glancing down at the runes I had written there and smiling. I was so happy I had made him happy like that. I knew it really meant something to him, those simple words I had written on his skin.
I helped him. That's what I'm here for. Doing everything in my power to serve him in any way possible, to make his day better.
The lack of sleep was really catching up to me once I finished my tea about an hour later. We were all still hanging out together in the cafe, it was normal for us to spend the entire day there, especially after jobs. We weren't lazy when it came to quests, but we weren't super active like Team Natsu either. We participated enough to be on Makarov's good side, but we weren't super crazy about working. I liked it that way. I never felt overwhelmed by work, but I also never felt like I wasn't contributing enough effort to the guild.
Now, I was just bone-tired.
I chastised myself for not getting any sleep last night, because I could barely keep my eyes open.
"Freed? You okay?" Evergreen suddenly asked, jolting me out of my drowsy, fuzzy-minded state.
I blinked a few times, startled, before yawning and saying, "I'm really tired."
"Yeah, we can tell." Bix nodded his large head a few times, regarding me with overly critical eyes behind his helmet.
"Aww, he's even cuter when he's all sleepy!" Evergreen cooed, talking to Laxus as if I weren't there. That's what annoyed me about her. Sometimes she openly talked about me like I was a little kid... Right in front of me.
"Yeah." Laxus agreed, glancing at me so I knew he actually meant it. "You should call it a day and go to bed, Freed." he told me.
I shook my head defiantly. "No. I don't want to."
"Okay, then." Laxus chuckled, turning back to his ongoing conversation with Bickslow. "As I was saying, you really should try to watch your language a bit more, you know how much it bothers Mira and Freed..."
I didn't hear the rest of his sentence, I'm pretty sure I fell asleep right then and there.
When I woke up, I was still at the table, but Laxus had moved me so I was slumped over in his lap, my head resting on his strong chest, his arms wrapped around me to keep me from falling over. It felt so warm and safe that I refused to open my eyes. I didn't want him to know I was awake, because if he did, this beautiful moment would end.
"He really is adorable when he sleeps." I heard Evergreen remark.
"It's not often that he's completely relaxed like this." Laxus agreed. "It's good for him, I feel like he works too hard sometimes."
"Oh well, it's his own damn choice to act like your slave." Bickslow said, and I could sense his eyes rolling. He had such an attitude, perhaps one even bigger than he was.
"Don't talk about him like that. He's not my slave. He's just being himself and you know it." Laxus scolded. "And he's perfect just the way he is. If you have a problem with Freed, you've got a problem with me too so you can leave."
My heart skipped a beat like it always did when Laxus openly protected me from things like this.
"Yikes. The poor thing was so tired he almost fell out of his chair earlier. He would've smacked his head on the table if it weren't for you. Nice catch, Laxus." Ever praised, changing the subject, before Laxus and Bix could start fighting.
"Heh, yeah. He just got out of the infirmary and I'm pretty sure Wendy would sock me in the face if he ended up back in there so soon." Laxus chuckled softly as he spoke of the precious little wind dragon slayer who used her gentle air magic to heal the sick and injured. She had taken good care of me, with the help of other healers, and was by far my favorite out of all of them. "So I think I'm gonna hold onto him until he wakes up, just so he doesn't fall again."
"A wise decision." Bix huffed. "We don't want him to lose his intelligence because he hit his head too hard. I can't believe I'm saying this, but that little pipsqueak is useful because his magic runes are powerful enough to turn this entire guild against each other, and his intelligence exceeds all of ours by a thousand miles."
"That's because he's a nerd." Laxus said, with an affectionate undertone that told me he meant no ill will towards me by saying it. He always called me a nerd anyway, it was like a pet name.
Ironically, Bickslow's next obnoxious question was, "What is he? Your pet or your personal servant?"
"Neither." Laxus replied, with a neutral tone implying he didn't want to fight. "He's my best friend, and the most helpful person I have ever met. I don't ask him to do what he does, although I really appreciate it. He makes my life so much easier."
"So where exactly did Freed come from? I need to get me one of those..." I could hear the soft sound of Bickslow rubbing his massive hands together greedily. I almost scoffed.
"There's only one Freed in the entire universe," Laxus explained. And that one Freed belongs to Laxus, I thought. "Sorry."
"Oh, it's alright. I was joking." Bix shrugged.
I decided now was a good time to "wake up". I inhaled sharply and stirred, like a person suddenly disturbed from sleeping would. My eyes opened, and I glanced down at where I was sitting, pretending to be surprised and confused.
"O-Oh? How did I get here?" I wondered out loud.
"Heh. You abruptly passed out, you were so tired. You almost hit your head, so I figured it was best I keep you safe." Laxus explained, his voice gentle and loving. "Silly Freed, you should know by now that falling asleep in this particular guild is hazardous to your health!" he pretended to scold me, much to my amusement.
"Hey!" I squeaked out, pretending to get all indignant. "It's not really my fault, I got absolutely no sleep last night!"
He laughed and let me go. I got up, trying to look as indignant as possible, and returned to my seat beside him. I tried to pretend to be upset, but with him, it was impossible so I just kept a quiet smile on my face as I picked up a book I had brought with me (and kept concealed in my coat so Bix didn't steal it from me like he loved to do) and started to read, after finding where I had left off, of course...
"Reading again?" Evergreen asked, peering at me from behind the book.
I didn't even look up. "Yes."
"You were right, Laxus, he is a nerd." Bix snorted. "Even more so than Gray."
"You're just jealous that I can actually read, unlike you." I shot back, still not looking up. Reading and fending off haters at the same time was a form of multi-tasking I specialized in.
"Fuck you, man." the beefy boy turned away, making a huge show of not looking at me.
"Language." I calmly replied.
"Damn, Freed, I'm proud of you." Ever clapped her hands loudly. "It's not every day that you put ol' Bickslow in his place."
"Shut up, pixie fairy." Bix grumbled.
"I'm just glad to see you guys again." I smiled warmly at her, peeking up over the edge of my book to do so. "One day is far too long. The three of you are the best."
"That's really sweet, Freed." Ever grinned.
"He means it too, rune-writers don't lie." Laxus remarked, shooting me a sideways glance.
I really was glad to be back, even though my friends had crushed me in a prolonged group hug, ruined what was almost my first kiss, and openly insulted me a few times. It just felt like home, mostly because I knew better than to let all the stupid little things get the better of me and damage my pride or make me angry. They were all just being themselves, much like I was.
But I do hope I get that kiss I missed... Maybe some day... I glanced at Laxus with longing. My first kiss I've always been saving for him, anyway...
To be continued...
A/N: that went well. I love how things keep progressing and then abruptly stopping XD. Makes the fic so much more exciting. You guys are gonna love the next chapter, it gets sooooo fluffy... Anyway I love y'all, see you next chapter!
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