Cartman in Counseling: Part 1
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(It's summer, and everyone at South Park Elementary is attending the annual Race-a-fun to fundraise for the senior nursing homes and their patients. Stan's gang is there, with him, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters also in there.)
(As the camera slowly zooms into the scene, the announcer says "Welcome to the annual Race-a-fun at South Park Elementary! Join us in fundraising to help give elderly people the care they need! Admission fee is only five dollars!")
Kenny (eating some watermelon) Mmm mmm. This watermelon is delicious. (spits out seeds on to the floor)
Butters (also eating watermelon and looking at Kenny): I agree, dude! Watermelon is super tasty. Perfect for the summer heat!
Cartman: KENNY! You're messing the floor up you little douchebag!
Kenny (starts crying and walks away) Whah!
Butters: What the fuck, Cartman? It's gonna get sweeper up! It's okay!
Stan (also eating watermelon) Cartman? CARTMAN? You made my friend Kenny cry? What was that for?
Cartman: See this, Stan? Because Kenny spat out watermelon seeds all over the floor! (lifts up his own paper plate, with his name written on it) and I just found out that this was MY PLATE!
Butters: My plates a good nutrition program my fella.
Stan: Yeah. My Plate. You should check out their food pyramid.
Cartman: But this means Kenny ate all my watermelon! He's a douchebag!
Stan: More like you're the douchebag, Cartman.
Cartman: Well, that does it you little soyboy faggots! Imma find Kenny before the marathon starts!
Butters: Cartman! Get yer life together!
(Meanwhile, Kenny is doing some warm ups with Kyle and the kids before the marathon. Kenny, due to his clumsiness, struggles with these exercises quite a bit.)
Coach: Okay kids, let's do some push ups. Here we go!
(Kenny tries to do a push-up but falls down on his tummy. His hands and limbs don't always have much strength in them, especially from his family's poverty diet. Thankfully, Kyle encourages him to keep trying. Though Kenny is slow at this, he succeeds.)
Kyle: Good job, Kenny! (gives Kenny a high five)
Kenny: Woohoo! I did push ups!
Coach: Now we move on to... hey, does anybody know where Eric Cartman went? Eric? Eric?
Clyde: The obese kid who punched my arm yesterday on the playground?
Nathan: The jerk who stole my milk money?
Timmy: car toe man? Argh! No!
Jimmy: the kid that pretended to be disabled to make me lose?
(In Kyle's mind, a flashback of the episode "Cartman Joins the Special Olympics" comes on screen. We see "disabled" Cartman with his mom at the Special Olympics entry table and hear Cartman going "Der! Der!" Flashback ends and we zoom out of Kyle's mind).
Stan: Listen up, everybody! Cartman's behind Kenny! Look! (points at Cartman, who's sneaking up behind Kenny's back)
(crowd turns their heads towards Cartman)
Kenny (turns had towards Cartman) Mrph mmm mm mph... Hmph?! (shivers)
Cartman: Just what you deserve, you little fucker! (Cartman pulls down Kenny's hood, exposing his full head. Cartman also punches Kenny on the right shoulder and kicks his left arm)
Kenny: AHH!!! (starts crying and screaming in pain, with tears)
(nurses and coach rush to pick up Kenny by his legs and back, since his arms hurt, and they send him to the nurses office to treat his bruises.)
Kyle: Oh my god, you punched Kenny! You're the - Cartman? CARTMAN?!
(Cartman pulls his greasy tee shirt off and runs towards the serving table, topless) YOU DESERVE IT YOU FILTHY JEW!
(Cartman goes into complete rage mode, running on all fours and squealing like a pig around the gymnasium. Cartman also flips over the serving table, knocking down whole watermelons and spilling water onto the ground. Everyone is panicking, screaming and dialing the authorities against Cartman.)
Kyle: Jesus fucking christ! Cartman is destroying stuff!
Butters: Cartman don't know how to be good.
Stan: At least I hope my friend Kenny is okay. He got punched by him hard.
(Cartman knocks down and breaks several mugs from a bazaar table, running around like a pig just like from the episode "Shots!!!". Students continue panicking and screaming for help.)
Stan: Cartman should seriously get into My Plate to burn off all that fat.
Butters: No he shouldn't! If Cartman was skinny...
Kyle: Then he would be more aggressive.
(Suddenly, as Cartman is about to pull Mr. Garrison's jacket off, Cartman's armpits are caught by a coach.)
(At this point, Cartman is restrained and carried into an ambulance by several people, is shot with a tranquilizer, and is driven to the ER.)
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