Lexa
Her mind wanders aimlessly as her body carries her through the familiar woods of the Trikru territory. The sticks and stones crunch underneath her heavy but careful paws and the soft summer breeze blows warmly through her dark brown fur. She lets her mouth hang slightly open just to savour the different scents. She can practically taste the stream that flows on her right, the moss that grows on stones around it and the flowers that bloom from the crooks and crannies of those stones. Even with her eyes closed and her mind somewhere else, she is completely aware of everything around her. Nothing goes unnoticed.
Clarke
With bare feet and blonde locks running wild, she runs through the corn field that lines the Southern edge of the Skaikru border. Despite never having ventured beyond that what she knows to be home, she makes her way into the dark woods without a second thought. It is no longer her territory, no longer safe. And yet, with a tear streaked face and a red bleeding gash on her cheek, she wanders further.
Lexa
It starts as a twitch in her nose, which then rushes to her spine like a wave of electricity travelling through her heightened senses. From her spine it trickles down her sides, sending shivers all over her body and then finally stopping her in her tracks. Her eyes pop open and her pupils dilate. In just a split second she has gone from a tranquil state to a tense one. With her paws digging into the earth beneath her, she sniffs the air for whatever sent her on edge. At first, nothing. All she can smell is the forest. She can smell the soaked fur of the deer that has just come out of the stream, she can smell sour scent of the wild blueberries growing in the bushes…
A quiet growl escapes her jaws as she shakes her head in frustration. But then, her nose twitches again. It, whatever it may be, is back. This time the wave of electricity travels through her with enough force to send her leaping forwards. And without an ounce of hesitation she barrels though the woods with nothing but a primal drive to hunt.
Clarke
It doesn't take long until her short legs get tired of rushing though the unfamiliarly rugged ground of the forest. She collapses against a tree trunk and pulls her knees to her chest so tightly, that she struggles to take in the deep breaths of exhaustion. Not that she would notice it, because her mind is entirely too foggy to think about breathing. It is too foggy to even consider the fact that she is in the middle of the woods, with no sense of direction and thus no way back home. All this goes unnoticed by the six-year-old Clarke Griffin, because she cannot breathe. She cannot think and she cannot begin to imagine a world where her father doesn't exist.
Another sob rocks through her body when an imagine of her father's lifeless eyes flash before her foggy ones. She wasn't supposed to be there, she wasn't supposed to see it. But how could she have known. Her mother only said that he had the flu. She said that he would be back home sooner than she'd know. She said that he'd be okay…
But at the end of the day she was only a six-year-old girl. An extremely stubborn and impatient one. And so even after her mother had told her to stay away from the med bay so that she wouldn't catch the cold, she just couldn't wait. And so she didn't. With her mother asleep, she had climbed out of her bed, taken her mothers key card from the kitchen table and tiptoed out of their small apartment. A smile had crept up her face as pride and anticipation filled her chest. She had then made her way through the familiar halls of the ark, all the way to the med bay. With a swipe of a key card, the metal doors had open before her and she had stepped in. Still smiling, she walked towards the single cot at the end of the room, where endless tubes and machines surrounded the person who lay there. A chuckle had escaped her lips as she thought about how surprised her father would be. How his laugh would fill the empty room as he would pick her up from under her arms, and hold her above him like a bird flying through the air. They way he used to when she was younger and she'd hide behind the door and then jump out to scare him. Yes, that what she would do. And so she had crouched down when she had been close enough to hide under the slightly draping blanket. And then, with a deep intake of breath and with two small fists ready at her sides, she had jumped up and shouted;
"Surprise daddy!"
She sniffles as she wipes away a single tear falling down her cheek. Her hand falls heavily on her side like it's too heavy to hold up. Everything feels too heavy. Too exhausting. Even her breaths come out in long dragged out puffs of cloudy air. Goosebumps appear on her exposed arms and legs as the wind grows colder with the setting sun. But she is too tired to care, to try and warm herself up. And with one last chilly blow, everything seems to go quiet. Only the soft sniffles can be heard echoing through the hollow empty space surrounding the tiny shivering girl. It is as if only the shell of a person is left sitting there. In the middle of a meadow, in the middle of an endless forest.
As seconds turn into minutes, as the blood on her cheek dries into crusty flakes and as the last rays of sunshine disappear beyond the horizon, the slender body of Clarke Griffin becomes more and more indistinguishable from the surrounding nature.
Lexa
She has been running for hours when she finally comes to a sudden stop, just as if she has ran into a wall. Her paws push into the earth as her mind clears of the overwhelming primal haze she has been under for what must be hours. She looks around her, at first not recognising the unfamiliar trees that surround the meadow in front of her. But then, little by little, the huge moss covered stones to the right and the field of blue daisies right in the middle start appearing familiar. As cloudy memories of a spring morning spent with Anya start coming back to her, she finally knows where she is. But the meadow looks different. Something is off. With a tilt of her head, she focuses on the enormous tree trunk that almost stretches out from one side of the meadow to the other. And then, with another tilt of her head, the memories rush to the surface;
It was a brisk spring morning. The flowers had just started to bloom and the forest was filled with the sweet scents of the coming summer. It was just the two of them that day. Her and Anya running through the woods until her little paws wouldn't carry her any longer. Anya had barked out a laugh when she had fallen onto her face after tripping over the root of a large tree. With some effort, Lexa had pushed herself back onto her feet and given the meanest growl she could muster. But it had little effect as Anya had only barked out a louder laugh, swished her tail and leaped back into the woods. Lexa had stayed back for a while, partially because she wanted to show her disapproval of the way her mentor made fun of her, but even more so because she was completely exhausted. Sitting down on the damp grass, she had looked up to the endlessly green sea of leaves above her. Even though she had grown up in the forest, its beauty never ceased to amaze her. And that particular tree on that particular day, had been an especially mesmerising sight. The moment however, had been short lived as her reverie was interrupted by the echo of her mentors howl. Her body had moved on instinct in order to follow the call, and with that the anger and the tree had been long forgotten.
Like all those years ago, she is brought back from her reverie by a sound. This time however, it is not the howl of her mentor, but a mere whimper. A sound of something so broken and hurt, that it makes her hold her own breath in order to not scare it away. The whimper is followed by a sniffle and a slight shuffle of grass. Lexa's body has gone rigid. All of her senses are heightened as if ready to attack her prey. She licks her lips as her nose picks up the scent again. But this time it's strong enough to make her head spin. She shakes her heavy head in order to clear her mind of whatever this may be. It doesn't work. She knows she should turn around, she should leave. She can almost hear Anya's demanding voice telling her, "Control your wolf. It is you who is in command.", but that voice diminishes into nothing before she can give it a second thought. A part of her wants to run away as fast as possible, but something stronger tells her to stay. And with the next intake of breath, smelling the sweet scent of spring flowers and morning breeze, she takes a step forward. The grass bends softly under her paws as she walks towards the tree trunk. Another quiet sniffle. She lowers her muzzle closer to the grass and takes another deep intake of breath. With closed eyes she follow the sweet scent through the blades of grass, until her nose hits something different. Something soft and warm.
But whatever the source of the warmness was, she doesn't have the time to wonder as her entire body is rocked with a completely new sensation. It is warmth, it is comfort, it is peace and most of all it is belonging. It feels like home. But as quickly as it all appeared, as quickly it has gone away. Instantly she can feel the gaping hole the warmth has left behind, and without thinking her lips curl up into a snarl. All she knows, is that whatever the wonderful thing was, has now been taken away from her. And so, with sharp claws digging into the ground and muscles tensely ready to pounce, she lets out a low growl and slowly opens her eyes.
What her eyes meet, is not something she was prepared for. Her growl dies in her throat and somehow blocks it so that now she is left breathless. Her mind spins in endless circles as she tries to regain composure, as she tries to regain control over her wolf. But the battle is lost when she finally manages to take an experimental sniff though her nose.
Spring flowers and morning breeze.
The next thing she knows she is lying down in front of a little girl. A little girl with the most beautiful ocean-blue eyes and wavy golden hair. A little girl who is wearing nothing but a white t-shirt and blue shorts. A little girl who is shivering. A wind blows across the meadow. Small hands wrap around bare feet while goosebumps appear on her arms.
She is cold.
On instinct Lexa scoots in closer, wanting to provide warmth, but the girl quickly flinches away.
She's shivering. Is she scared? Of what?
Her brow furrows as she stares at the girl in front of her, trying to show nothing but concern. But the fearful blue eyes only water in response, sending teardrops down her pink cheeks. She lowers her head so that it's resting on her paws in the most non-threatening way she can think of, but the girl's shivers only grow more violent. And then it hits her. She is scared of her. A burning ache spreads from Lexa's chest as she slowly starts crawling back, widening the gap between her and the scared girl. An involuntary whine escapes her as the girl scrambles further away from her, pushing back into the tree trunk that's blocking her escape. The girl looks around for a way to run, but she's stuck. There's nowhere for her to go. With a trembling chin, she slowly lifts up her head to meet the deep green eyes of the animal in front of her.
Blue meets green.
Out of all the different things those young ocean-blue eyes could hold, it is the calm before the storm, the defeat in a deer's eyes before the predator sinks its teeth into its neck, the heartbreaking acceptance, that ultimately breaks her. And with one last low whine, she does the one thing no wolf should do. The one thing she especially should never do. The one thing that she was thought to be the ultimate sign of weakness, of absolute submission. But no training has prepared her for this, for she has long lost her sense of pride, duty and all of the other things that should hold her back. But they don't because she is driven by pure instinct, that drives her to give up everything she has come to know for the mere chance of contorting the scared girl in front of her. And so, while holding on to the ocean-blue eyes, she slowly rolls onto her side and then, with one last look, tips her head back, exposing her neck and rolling over onto her back.