I've fallen... and I can't get up!

I opened my eyes. I was lying flat on my back at the bottom of a 300-foot hole. What a wonderful way to wake up, first realizing that you're still alive despite a fall that no sane person would call survivable, then realizing that you're now trapped at the bottom of a 300-foot hole with no cell service.
I tried sitting up. What a miracle, nothing seemed to be broken at all!
'Oww... My head...'
I rubbed my forehead, feeling a huge bruise already forming. But that was the only bodily damage I apparently took from what was likely a 70 mph impact with the ground. The only explanation I could come up with was that the bed of yellow flowers under me somehow cushioned my fall, but there was no way a bed of flowers could do anything resembling what a car airbag does.
So I was already confused. 'I should be dead,' I told myself. 'But somehow, I'm not.'
I tried standing, and to my immense surprise, my legs worked perfectly fine. I walked along what looked like the only path that led out.

The corridor suddenly narrowed, and then went sharply off to the left. After a few dozen more feet, I found myself in a huge dark cavern. At the center, lit by some light source I couldn't see, was a patch of grass with a yellow flower right in the middle. I cautiously approached it. This thing was too suspicious, no way it grew here by itself.

Just as I bent down to get a closer look at the flower, it emitted a sickly-sweet voice. "Howdy!"

The sound that came out of me as I jumped backwards can best be described as the call of a goose getting castrated. I wildly flailed all my limbs like cooked spaghetti for a few seconds before standing there on one leg with my arms in positions which would never block anything.

The talking demon flower just kept talking, like I hadn't just reacted the same way any human being with a fully-functional brain stem would react to a talking demon flower.

"Looks like you're new to the underground, right?"

"What in the sweet name of human shit are you?" I said in a voice around 3 octaves above my vocal range.

"My name's Flowey! Flowey the flower!"

"Am I in hell? I don't even believe in God, you know!"

The demon flower giggled.

"Wow, you ARE new here! Someone ought to teach you how things work!"

Before I could respond, I felt something akin to a log of shit being pulled forcefully out of my ass. There in front of me was a small red heart.

"See that heart? That's your soul, the very culmination of your being!" the demon flower explained.

"Well, what the fuck is it doing out here? Get it back in me! I don't want my goddamn soul out in view of literally everyone!"

"Hold on there, bucko!" the flower interrupted.

"Your soul's pretty weak, but I can make it stronger with the help of LV, which stands for LOVE. Matter of fact, I just happen to have some LOVE and no one to share it with!"

A bunch of little white pellets started appearing around the flower, each one slowly rotating to point directly at me. I reflexively jumped out of the way.

"KEEP YOUR FUCKING HAPPY PILLS AWAY FROM ME, YOU CREEPY-ASS EVIL DEAD STORE-BRAND CEREAL BOX MASCOT MOTHERFUCKER!"

The demon flower let out an evil cackle.

"Very clever, my friend! You're smarter than most of the people who fell down here.

pity..."

I turned around to walk away, but was met with a giant hemispherical shell of white pellets. Then I turned back to see another hemisphere of pellets. I was totally fucked.

The flower's face suddenly changed from a an artificial smile to an evil leer.

"now, DIE."