Chapter 14

Magazine clippings. Magazine clippings of the article from her interview all those years ago taped into the pages of the notebook.

"What the hell is this?" she asked sniffling back tears, upon reading the article about herself that she never even got to read since it was published after she left.

"A magazine article," he swallowed nervously and slowly, unsure of how to recover from her discovery. He didn't want anyone to see that he kept that magazine article from over twenty years ago. He ensured that the notebook was hidden from his family and Mellie for years, and now for the first time his notebook was being seen by eyes that were not his.

"I know that," Olivia said dryly. "How do you have this?"

"It came out about a week after you left," he replied monotonously, he knew she was going to ask for an explanation at any minute, and he was trying to think how the hell he could provide her with one.

"Why?"

"I'm not sure, that's just when it was published," he said, though he knew that that wasn't what she was actually asking about.

"No," she retorted laconically. "Why do you have this? Why do you have this after so long? And why the hell did you bring it with you?" Olivia grew a little angry. Was this some sort of trick that Fitz had? To try and remind her about how she used to want to be a singer. She thought she made it clear that that was a sore subject for her last night when she told Fitz to stop apologizing for inadvertently causing her give up singing. It was a dream, but just that – a dream. And now here he was with a physical reminder of the time that she reached her peak, almost making it to stardom, as if he was rubbing it in her face and mocking her.

"Is this some sort of joke to you? Do you think that showing me this article would make me go back to LA after 23 years?" Olivia was on the attack when Fitz failed to answer her previous questions. He looked down at the ground and shook his head.

"No…I don't expect…well anything," Fitz replied. "I didn't expect you to see that. You weren't supposed to see that, no one was." Fitz answered honestly, but nervously. He knew a long overdue conversation was going to need to happen. Last night had gone well, but that was only the surface. There was still so much more to say that he wasn't even aware of until now.

"Why did you bring it here with you if it's so valuable to you and so private?" Olivia recalled seeing Fitz with the notebook at various points throughout the past week. He was attached to it. After seeing him get so worked up over the very thought that he may have lost it after leaving it at the beach, she started to believe that his heart was in the right place.

This wasn't a cruel joke like what she immediately thought. But she was still confused as to why he carried this old magazine article with him everywhere.

"I bring it with me everywhere," Fitz explained. His voice was quiet filled with a touch of embarrassment, and perhaps some kind of slight shame if Olivia had to guess. He avoided her gaze, remaining fixed on the floor. Olivia wasn't sure if he was ashamed to seemingly still be hung up on her, or ashamed that he was caught with this secret.

"Stop," Olivia scoffed in slight annoyance, but also slight amusement, "no you don't."

"I do…" Fitz muttered in the same slightly shameful tone. "I…" he trailed off, not wanting to continue.

"Fitz? What is it? Will you tell me why you bring it with you everywhere?"

Fitz's face flushed a shade of red brighter than she had ever seen before. She could hear him swallow a lump in his throat.

"You're going to think I'm a creep," he uttered quietly before continuing. "I read it whenever I get stressed and need help."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him, unsure how the hell an interview about her life could help him with whatever stressors were in his.

"Well when I first got it, I read it every single night before bed…out of Mellie's watch of course. When I realized you left LA, it was the only thing I had left to connect with you…Well, that was what I told myself. I told myself that I was reading it each and every night to connect with you, even if it was just some magazine article, but that wasn't it…" Fitz took a deep breath, recognizing a truth that he didn't even admit to himself until right now. "…I actually read it because I was insanely jealous of you, Liv."

"What?" Olivia choked out in disbelief. At the time of that interview she was barely getting by with whatever money she could get from gigs that were spread by word of mouth. She didn't have any family to rely on, and her closest friend was on the other side of the country. Fitz had his whole life in California, and a luxurious life at that. Money was never a concern for him, and if he needed, he had multiple trust funds set up in his name. How could he be jealous of her? Clearly he was delusional.

"You were jealous of me?"

"Well now, don't say it like it's so hard to believe." Fitz playfully smirked.

"It kind of is. You had millions of dollars to your name, your family had a private jet, you had like four houses-"

"You had courage," Fitz interrupted before she could go on listing all of the Grant family's assets. "And it's written out clear as day in that article. You talked about how your father was expecting you to be a lawyer, but you were tired of following along with everyone else's expectation of what you should be doing. And-and I remembered you telling me on our first date about how at some point you have to break away from what your parents want out of you and do whatever it is that will make you happy…" Olivia listened as Fitz continued on, rambling with more rapid speed.

"And damn it, Liv, I was so jealous that you were able to do that, and I couldn't!" Fitz had to stop to take a breather before getting too emotional.

"I'm sorry if it seems like I'm angry. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself. I could have told Big Gerry off years ago! I should have. I should have told him off the minute I got back from the Navy to tell him I was done with him." Fitz chuckled a little to himself, "you remember when you told him off? The day we first met…"

Olivia nodded, getting closer to the observation table and taking a seat next to Fitz.

"Yes, I remember," she ran her hand through his curls at the side of his head, making him purr audibly and lean into her touch. "I remember everything about our time together…"

"That was when I fell in love with you," Fitz admitted. "I know I said it after our first time together, but it was actually then. I saw how badass you were, taking on my father head-to-head -which is something I had always wanted to do - and then leaving him speechless, which for a US politician is pretty hard to accomplish."

Olivia laughed at Fitz's joke, making him glow with some optimism. There was another moment of silence between the two of them. Fitz cleared his throat, and stared into Olivia's eyes, bringing him back to that day of his welcome-home party.

"That was the moment I started loving you, but I never stopped, Livvie."

"Fitz…" Olivia felt tongue-tied at the moment.

"I still love you, Olivia Pope," Fitz repeated far more sheepishly. "I know I messed up and lost your love all those years ago. But I guess coming here, I was just hoping I could see that you at least didn't hate me anymore." He heard Olivia let out a gasp.

"Why would you even say that?" Olivia inquired, angry that he would assume such a thing from her. "I could never hate you."

"I-uh, I mean you left without telling anyone and moved halfway across the world to get away from me. I thought that…I don't know…those actions just seem a little too intense for just 'strongly disliking' someone." Fitz explained, using air quotes around "strongly dislike."

"That wasn't it," Olivia shook her head and chewed her bottom lip. She was having an internal battle of whether she should proceed or end the conversation. It didn't help that the heat of his blue eyes were fixated on her. She felt her head rushing with thoughts on whether or not she could be as honest to him about her emotions as he was with her.

"When you left me to go give your speech, you made it pretty clear you were going to follow the political path that everyone set up for you-"

"Livvie, I know…and I can't even begin to describe how sorry I a-"

"It's not that," Olivia cut him off. "I never hated you, not even after that. I couldn't hate you, no matter how hard I wanted to, and that was the problem."

Olivia took a deep breath, now having Fitz's complete attention and silence.

"That was why I left. I couldn't stand to continue on and watch you become Governor of California, not because I hated you, but because I somehow was still in love with you, and it would have just hurt too much. I would have gone back to the East Coast, but Gerry's endgame was you winning the Presidency – which for the record, I think you totally would have accomplished. And if you became President, then that meant seeing you just about every single day. I couldn't handle waking up everyday and seeing you on the news, so I needed to go away, but it wasn't because I hated you, it was because I loved you. That was why I chose to come here of all places," she said speaking about Zanzibar.

"I understand," Fitz replied. It was definitely a different perspective he had never thought before, and it made him feel slightly better. He wasn't going to lie though, hearing Liv use the word "loved" in the past tense stung him.

"I didn't become President though, because of you," he spoke softly. Olivia gave him a look. She wasn't sure if that statement was accusatory or not.

"The article," Fitz noted. "After I got over my jealousy of you, I would read it whenever I felt stressed and needed advice. It was reassuring for me of my decisions, even if they were unpopular by some, and gave me courage to continue with whatever choices I made."

"When your were deciding whether or not to drop out?" Olivia put her hand on his knee, which they both noticed was scraped from his earlier brawl. Olivia hopped off the table to find a Band-Aid and Neosporin for him.

"Yeah… I must have read that article about twenty times before calling Cyrus to tell him," Fitz reminisced. Olivia walked back to Fitz and placed the Band-Aid over his scraped knee and handed him the additional pain meds she had left on the counter. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Olivia hopped back onto the table next to Fitz.

"So my words are what encouraged you to give up the most powerful job in the world…" Olivia mused. "I'll admit I was surprised when I heard the news over here. I thought it was clear you were going to win whenever you decided to run, and that was part of the reasoning for me leaving the US in the first place."

"You're not mad at me for dropping out, are you?" Fitz's voice cracked once again, this time with nervousness. After learning that Olivia had moved based on the assumption he would one day be President, and then he just dropped out, he was worried that he may have let her down. "I didn't mean to disappoint you."

"Hmmm?" Olivia looked back up at him.

"By breaking us in order to follow through with this dumb plan, and then not even carrying it through all the way. I feel like it just makes everything that the two of us went through seem worthless in the end. After you completely upped your life for a second time, this time moving an entire ocean away while pregnant, you mean to tell me that you're not the slightest bit ticked off that I didn't even follow through to be President?"

Olivia cupped his face carefully, mindful of his bruised cheek.

"I understand what you're saying, but if you carried out Big Gerry's plan and became President, you'd be in Washington right now, serving out your term, instead of here." Her words made Fitz gleam with joy.

"So you don't want me to check out and go to different resort?" Fitz grinned, making Olivia give out a light chuckle.

"No…you were right yesterday, I want you to stay here, because I-" Olivia paused for a moment, trying to blink away some tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. She couldn't believe what she was about to say. She hadn't confessed her biggest secret to anyone, not even Abby. "-Because I still love you. I still love you too."

Tears that had somehow come out despite her best efforts muffled Olivia's whispers. Fitz choked on his own breath in slight disbelief of her most recent admission. Though he felt like he was going to cry soon, he took to consoling Olivia.

"Sweet baby, it's okay, I love you too. I love you so much." Fitz embrace Olivia in a tight hug, rubbing circles on her back. He remained holding her in his arms for a long while, losing track of time. She smelled like roses and he found it to be extremely soothing to just close his eyes and breathe in her scent. It wasn't until Olivia felt the heaviness of Fitz's head on her shoulder that she realized he was falling asleep. She remembered that they both had gotten very little sleep from the events of last night, and she was feeling tired too. She could only imagine that the fight he got in and the painkillers he took only tired him out more.

"Fitz?" she shook him gently and pushed his weight off of her.

"Hmm? What? – Oh, sorry…" he blinked his eyes rapidly awake.

"How are you feeling, really?" she asked him.

"I'm fine. Just really tired," he told her, and as if on cue, produced a giant yawn.

Olivia checked her watch and saw that it was just past 11. Her daughter's wedding wasn't until 8, and she had just over six hours to kill before she had to start getting ready and making sure everything was in place.

"Do you want to get yourself cleaned up and sleep for a little?" she asked. Fitz nodded a response and she helped him off of the observation table and back to her villa.

She drew a bath for the two of them. Fitz was still a little sandy, and she thought the warm water would do them both well to relax. Normally bathing together would involve a number of other activities, but they were far too tired to engage in anything remotely sexual. After sitting in the warm tub for a solid ten minutes in silence, they got out to dry off and made their way to the bedroom. Fitz was still unclear on where he and Olivia stood at the moment. Yes, they both confessed to having feelings for each other, but there was no talk about whether or not a relationship between them was realistically in the future, and he didn't want to push her into anything she wasn't comfortable with.

"Livvie, I can take the floor if you want me to," he reminded her again. Olivia was once again washing his clothes from today, and all he had was the towel wrapped around his waist. He didn't know if sleeping in her bed naked was something she would be okay with in their current state.

"Just get in the bed, Fitzgerald."

He didn't need to be told twice. He removed his towel and pulled back the covers, getting comfortable and already half asleep as he watched Olivia drop her robe and approach the bed. Rather than coming in on the opposite side and laying on the other side of the bed, she came in from the side Fitz had gotten in.

"Scooch," Olivia directed Fitz to move toward the center. He was confused on why she didn't just come in from the other side of the bed, until he realized that she was following him to the middle of the bed and snuggled up beside him in the center. Reluctantly Fitz wrapped protective arms around Olivia, sighing with relief when he didn't feel her body tense up at all from his actions. He laid his head back deeper into the pillow and pulled Olivia closer beside him.

"Livvie," he mumbled, kissing the back of her neck in a dazed state, "what are we doing?"

"I don't know, Fitz. There is no plan with this one."

Eventually the alarm went off, waking Olivia and Fitz up from their restful afternoon.

"Hi," he smiled cheerfully.

"Hi," Olivia replied naturally as though waking up to him was the most normal thing in the world. Olivia turned over, pecking him quick on the lips.

"I have to go start getting things ready. How about you rest for another hour or two?" Olivia suggested as she got out of bed.

"You promise you'll wake me up before the wedding?" Fitz wouldn't want to miss this for the world. It was all too crazy for him still. Just last week he was in Santa Barbara anxious over the reasons Olivia would invite him to Zanzibar, not knowing it was actually Raya, not even knowing who Raya was, and now here he was in Olivia's bed, getting ready for their daughter's wedding.

"Promise. You've got something to wear?" It dawned on Olivia that Fitz, Jake, and Stephen had absolutely no knowledge of a wedding when they booked their travel arrangements.

"Yeah, I brought a suit. The invite we all got said to bring at least one suit because of a formal dinner that takes place at the resort at every Friday night."

Olivia rolled her eyes. Her daughter really had thought of everything. They never had fancy formal attire dinners at the resort. That was smart on her for thinking and coming up with that.

Olivia put on some clothes and leaned over to give Fitz another kiss on the side of his head, "I'll be back," she said before slipping out.

Right when Olivia left her cottage, she was immediately greeted by her daughter running toward her.

"Hey, is Fitz okay?" She was genuinely full of concern and guilt. She didn't imagine that the situation would escalate to the way that it did. Jake had come to her shortly after to tell her that she was not to blame that he had just let his anger get the best of him, but she still felt responsible.

"He's fine, sweetie. He's just resting," Olivia responded, nodding over toward her villa behind her.

"In your room?" Raya asked a little questioningly. Raya knew that her mom still had some feelings for Fitz. She could tell from how she was acting, but she didn't imagine that she would allow that this early on in their reunion. Honestly Raya thought it would take far longer, and was already planning future arrangements to get Fitz to visit the resort again after her wedding. She was already thinking of ways to fix her mom up with him again under the belief that her mother's hard exterior towards him would remain past the wedding. But it looked like she was wrong, and wouldn't have to come up with some elaborate scheme like she thought.

"He's…he's just resting," she reassured her. That was the truth, he was resting right then, and her daughter didn't need to know that the night before he was in her room as well…not "just resting."

"Okay, okay," Raya backed off, not wanting to push her mother too much after such a stressful morning. "Will you help me get ready?"

Olivia looked at her daughter. These were going to be her last couple of hours with her as her baby girl, and she wanted to spend as much time with her as she could.

"Of course."

Olivia stood in her daughter's room. They were both dressed for the wedding, with their hair styled and their makeup mostly done. Olivia was working on the final touches of Raya's makeup when her daughter asked her a question.

"Hey mom..."

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I'm feeling a little scared. Is that normal?"

Olivia sighed and cupped her daughter's face before planting a kiss on her head.

"Of course it's normal. This is a big step in your life, it would be abnormal if you weren't scared," she reassured her daughter.

"How do I know if I'm making the right decision?"

"Hmmm?" She asked, putting the makeup brush down and looking at her.

"I mean I love Zeke, I do. But what if later on he gets second thoughts, or I get second thoughts? How do you know that you want to spend your entire life with only one person by your side? And how do you know when you find that person?

Olivia took a deep breath. What a loaded question…but a good question nevertheless.

"I think you're asking the wrong person," Olivia smiled.

"Come on, mom," Raya urged slightly desperate for a real answer, "you've never even felt close to wanting to marry someone?"

Olivia answered, thinking how best to describe the feeling to her daughter, "I guess you'll know because you can just feel it. That's probably not the most specific of advice but…" Olivia trailed off, putting the makeup brush down on the counter.

"You'll just feel like, well…the world is a crazy and terrifying place, but everything makes sense when you're with them, everything just feels right. They make you want to be your best self, and just be a better person in general. And even though they make you a better person, you'll still mess up, but that's okay, because they'll love you at your absolute worst still. And when you go to bed each and every night with them, you get this weird feeling in the pit of your stomach that's a combination of gloom because your day with them is coming to an end, but also exhilaration, because you know that tomorrow when you wake up, you'll get to spend a whole new day with them, and then another, and then another. It basically hurts to even imagine a life in the future without Fi-Zeke!"

Olivia stopped abruptly catching her tongue. She corrected herself quickly, hoping her daughter didn't notice the Freudian slip that escaped her lips. She thought she was fast enough, and thanked the lord that her daughter had no change in her facial expression from that little slip up. She would have if she noticed, Olivia thought.

"Mom, would you get married?"

"Honey, it's your wedding day, we should be focusing on you!" Olivia pressed.

"I know, but if you met someone, someone that made you feel exactly like how you described, would you?" The slip up did not go unnoticed by Olivia's daughter.

"Um well, uh…I guess, if the right person asked." Olivia wanted to pivot the focus away from her. "What has got you asking all these questions?"

"Just the nerves I guess," Raya replied. "Mom, I know you never got married, but have you ever felt this scared about a big step in your life?"

Olivia nodded and squatted down to get onto her daughter's level who was sitting in a chair.

"When I first found out I was going to be a mom, I was absolutely terrified. My mother died when I was young, and I had no idea what I was doing. I was basically just a child myself." Olivia stroked her daughter's cheek, "I remember being terrified because I had just moved here, and it was a lot, and I was going through this transition alone. But then I had you, and I realized how silly that was, because I had you; and once I heard you cry for the first time on that day, I knew I wouldn't be alone as long as I had you in my life."

Olivia wiped away tears from her daughters' eyes.

"Mom…" Raya whimpered. "Mom, I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…"

"For what?" Olivia asked, gripping her daughter tightly in a hug.

"For inviting Fitz, and Stephen, and Jake, and not telling you about it. I should have told you. You've always been such a great mom, and I just went behind your back," Raya cried.

"Don't be sorry, Raya. I am so sorry that I never told you about who your father was," Olivia began crying as well, joining her daughter in the tear fest. "I didn't know, and I was so ashamed by it. I felt so bad, so I never brought it up. I thought I let you down. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Forgive you?!" Raya asked her mother in disbelief. "I was never mad at you to begin with! I don't care if you slept with hundreds of men. You're my mom, and you've always taken care of me no matter what, and I love you. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course, sweetie, I'm not mad either," Olivia cried, and pulled out of the hug, wiping her eyes clear. "But uh…just for the record…I-I haven't slept with uh…hundreds of men…" she said awkwardly, making Raya laugh.

"The whole plan was to find my dad to walk me down the aisle…but I don't even care about that anymore. That was so stupid. Mom, will you walk me down the aisle instead?"

Olivia's face beamed with glee and pride. Of course she would walk her daughter down the aisle. It would be an honor.

A/N: I am sorry to say that this story is going to be coming to an end in a few days. I have about one chapter left which will also act as the epilogue as well. I plan on finishing it up and uploading it this weekend. I am so thankful for everyone who has enjoyed reading this story. Thank you for all the support.