9:30 Wintermarch 24th
The blizzard was raging outside. Wynne was able to use her magic to close the opening some more before resting. Everyone found something to do. Alfred was sleeping, Wynne was writing in her own grimoire, Talen was talking to Morrigan and trying to help her figure out healing. Alistair, Derek, and Eren were working on cleaning their armor and weapons with me right next to them. Sten was near the entrance doing his meditation. Zevran was trying not to freeze with a blanket around him. Leliana was humming, getting an early dinner ready.
"You doing better missy?" Derek asked. I shrugged as I got my shoulder pads and wiped them down.
"I'll live. It's not going to be the last time I fight against darkspawn." I reasoned.
"Don't worry about it. The priss threw up twice when we encountered them!" Derek laughed.
"I heard that!" Talen shouted.
"Trust me, I've lived underground for most of my life. The smell whenever you'd stand by the entrance to the deep roads was the worst. Considering that we're going to go through scouts of them you'll get there." Derek patted my back.
"You're being awfully nice." Alistair chuckled.
"I'm always nice!" Derek huffed. I laughed. I took a look in my pack after I was done cleaning everything. I took out a change of clothes and went toward an inconspicuous spot. I didn't want to stay in darkspawn blood after all. After I was done, I went to sit down next to the fire and got out the Antivan book from the Circle. I bit my lip as I looked at Zevran cleaning his own armor. A small nervous ball settled in my stomach, wondering if this is the right time to go up to him and ask.
"Ah! You finally have started reading it?" Leliana asked, sitting next to me.
"This? I already told you I can't read Antivan." I said. Leliana gave me a smirk and I realized what I said. I heard Zevran chuckle.
"Is this something you found on your travels?" He sat by us and held out his hand. I nodded and gave it to him. He snorted. "Smut, very lady like."
"I-I got it because I don't know how to read it! I was hoping to learn how to write Antivan." I mumbled. Leliana giggled.
"Ah sabes como hablar pero no leer?" Zevran asked.
"Se mira distincto pero todavía no entiendo." I said. Zevran laughed.
"Your accent is very distinct, a little forced but not bad." Zevran said. I blushed in embarrassment.
"That was interesting to hear. Perhaps you'd like to learn Orlesian as well?" Leliana asked.
"One at a time. I can't focus on trying to write Antivan only to mess up to try to speak Orlesian." I said.
"Point taken." Leliana hummed.
"I have to say, I enjoy the company of two beautiful women." Zevran smirked at us.
"Is that all you do in your spare time? Flirt?" Leliana asked.
"I make sure to separate my work from passion but considering you stopped my work, I could do with more passion. Especially in this cold, I have heard the best thing to do is to share body temperature." Zevran insinuated.
"Not on your life. I would sooner throw you out in the blizzard." Eren snapped.
"Ah, Is she your woman?" Zevran asked.
"No! I'm not his anything." I said. Eren scoffed while both Derek and Alistair laughed.
"Is this really the time to be doing this?" Wynne face palmed.
"Relax Senior! We might as well have fun while we're stuck in here." Derek guffawed.
"Then you don't belong to anyone?" Zevran inched closer to me.
"I'm married." I said.
"Forbidden fruit and double the temptation." Zevran purred.
"I'm pretty sure that means a resounding no either way." Alistair said.
"Exactly so lay off." I said, pushing his face away and getting up to sit back with Alistair. Zevran gave me a playful smile before the fire rose and then went back down. Talen came by and glared at Zevran before sitting between him and Leliana.
"So, what are we going to eat?" Talen asked.
"Are you hungry again?" Wynne asked. Talen shrugged.
"It's actually a side effect from the joining. It seems that every Grey Warden goes through a period of eating everything in their path." Alistair said.
"I don't eat everything in my path." Talen pouted.
"Is that why you nearly ate the whole hare?" Derek snickered.
"I only went for seconds and that's it!" Talen shouted.
"Yes and that's the reason why you ate the food at Ostagar like it was the last thing you would ever see." Eren chuckled. Talen got bright red.
"It's a good thing we get lots of exercise." Alistair laughed. The blizzard started to get worse and cold air was coming inside. Morrigan scoffed and went to the entrance. Her hands shone while roots began to cover the remaining part of the entrance.
"That will do, for now." She smirked.
"This means more snow and that means we won't be able to get to Flemeth anytime soon." Eren sighed.
"At least we found shelter." Leliana added.
"Shelter that leads straight into the bowels of the earth where darkspawn grow more powerful." Morrigan mentioned.
"We won't be caught off-guard at least." Alistair shrugged.
"I think we should get some rest while we're at it. This storm isn't going to pass for a few hours. Might as well get comfortable." Derek said. The GWs went and formed their small group so they can see who's going to take watch for now. Leliana and I put our cots together and Alfred laid next to me. I lit a candle and wrote until it was time to go to sleep.
9:30 Wintermarch 25th
Through sheer luck or something greater, we didn't have any darkspawn coming near us in our cave. It was also nice to actually sleep and not be so frigging cold during the night. We got up, ate our rations, put away our camp, and moved on. Morrigan moved the frozen roots to show a completely snowy landscape.
"Whoa." I breathed out. This was nothing compared to when we came out of the tower.
"Great, more snow." Derek grumbled.
"Let's get moving." Eren said. We trudged through the snow that went up toward our knees or, in Derek's case, up to his waist. Talen growled and melted the snow with a cone of fire. He looked proud of himself until Wynne tsked at him.
"If you are planning on doing that for our every single step, you won't be able to fight if we encountered enemies." Wynne scolded him.
"At least I made a path." Talen pouted.
"Wynne is right. You should conserve your mana." Eren said. Wynne gave me a side glance though. I'm pretty sure she's thinking that it's not too much of a problem because I'm here. In the end, we walked through snow but when it got too deep either Talen or Wynne would focus on melting the path. We eventually got on the usual path that wasn't as snowed in.
I would see trees, barren, frozen and beautiful. Fields that glistened in the sun. I would see ponds frozen over. Derek pushed Talen into one to see if it would break. Talen nearly burnt off his beard. It was funny.
Alistair kept on eyeing Zevran while he tagged with me and Sten in the back. He wasn't being inconspicuous. Zevran chuckled.
"Is there something you would like to ask me?" Zevran asked.
"I'm just making sure you're not getting ready to stab me in the back." Alistair quipped back.
"If he does something Alistair, you'll be the first to know. I'm pretty sure being flanked by a tall and intimidating qunari will give him pause." I smirked. Sten breathed out of his nose and Zevran nervously chuckled.
"You see? No back stabbing here." Zevran said.
"I don't trust you." Alistair huffed.
"Are all Fereldens this suspicious?" Zevran asked.
"You have to admit they'll be suspicious of you because of what you did. It's going to be hard to earn their trust." I explained.
"Ah but not yours?" Zevran walked closer to me.
"I'm open to the idea but that doesn't mean I'm going to jump right into your arms." I glared and pushed him away.
"Such a shame." Zevran chuckled while I rolled my eyes.
"Careful now. She is the one who subdued you. Who is to say she will not do it again to shut your mouth?" Morrigan threatened.
"I wouldn't mind it if she did." Zevran glanced at me.
"How about no? I already told you I'm married." I said.
"You haven't mentioned that before missy." Derek said.
"There's nothing to say." I sighed.
"If you are married then why aren't you with your family?" Alistair asked. I bit my lip.
"They're dead." Eren stated.
"No they're not! They're still alive! I just…I can't see them." I snapped. Alistair made an 'oh' face when it dawned on him. He was one of the people that I told the truth to.
"It think it's best if we leave her be." Wynne suggested.
"I for one am most curious about this. Why did you come to Ferelden if you had a family waiting for you somewhere else?" Morrigan drawled.
"I didn't have choice." I answered.
"And what does that mean?" Morrigan asked. I got angry.
"I'll leave that to you. I'm not answering anymore questions." I huffed.
"She was on a burning ship coming to Ferelden. She didn't come here on her own free will." Eren explained.
"I'm standing right here! What gives you the right on telling everyone about my life!?" I snapped. Everyone was surprised. Eren stared at me.
"You might as well tell everyone besides accepting your fantasies." Eren said.
"They are not fantasies! My family is still out there unlike-" I stopped. I didn't want to hurt Eren but he did for some odd reason. He gave me that glare I was used to seeing on him.
"Hey, hey, it's not the time to be fighting about whatever this is ok?" Alistair stepped in. Eren wasn't listening though.
"You need to realize that you can't go back. Your 'family' has moved on and have left you." Eren glared.
"Boss!" Derek chastised him before I felt that lump in my throat.
"No they won't! They're waiting for me, my husband and my kids. One day I will go home! I know it!" I shouted. I remembered the dream with Halo and of what he told me. I'm going home one day.
"You're going to keep hurting yourself by believing in a delusion." Eren scoffed.
"Hey can you both-" Talen started.
"Is this what you want to do to me because I rejected you? Because you want me you're going to try to hurt me by using my own family against me?" I snapped.
"Andraste's breeches can you both stop? This really isn't the time." Alistair sighed.
"Actually I think this is something we have to acknowledge." Leliana piped up.
"There isn't anything good about dredging up old feelings." Wynne said.
"I think this is just too personal." Alistair sighed.
"Eren was in love with me and I rejected him. End of story." I snapped. "God, you are still the entitled prick I met all those years ago!"
"And you're still the annoying woman who does anything to defy me!" Eren shouted. We both glared at each other before Eren huffed and continued on his way.
"Um…" Alistair started before I glared at him too. "Well! Now since that's settled, we should start going, ok we should go, now." Alistair cleared his throat before the rest of them started to move. I stayed where I was. The bad part of me was telling me that this was all my fault but I didn't even start it! This sucks.
"This is why you should never fall in love." Zevran chuckled.
"You wouldn't know the pang of the heart Zevran." Leliana said. They were the only two that stayed. Zevran's face changed slightly before he smirked.
"This is true of course." His laugh felt hollow.
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to rain on anyone's parade." I sighed before I started to walk behind the group.
"I knew there was something between you two but nothing like this. I always thought you were playing hard to get." Leliana said.
"What do you mean playing hard to get?" I asked.
"You mean all those times Eren would stare at you and defend you were lost on you?" Leliana wondered. I raised an eyebrow.
"He would stare at me?" I asked. Zevran laughed.
"This," Zevran put his arm around my shoulders. "Is what we call oblivious my dear Leliana."
"Andraste's sword, you really had no idea?" Leliana asked. I shrugged off Zevran's arm.
"I don't think I would even like to know. I mean, yeah, Eren was kinda defensive with me but that's because we were friends. I didn't even think he would do all of that because he was in love with me. Remember, I only learned about it recently." I sighed.
"And how long was he was enamored with you?" Zevran asked. I bit my lip before sighing.
"A little over a year…" I mumbled.
"And you never realized anything? Exactly how did you get married in the first place?" Leliana asked.
"Apparently my husband was in love with me for about half a year until he finally made me realize that he liked me." I explained. They both laughed. It actually made me feel lighter.
"Ah love it is a beautiful yet painful experience." Leliana sighed wistfully.
"Which is why passion should be more important." Zevran commented.
"A relationship can't be built on passion." Leliana stated.
"Who should say that it should be a relationship?" Zevran chuckled.
"You are terrible." Leliana laughed.
"What say you my dangerous beauty?" Zevran asked.
"What you're asking me?" I wondered.
"Of course I am!" Zevran smiled. I rolled my eyes.
"It's difficult to try to stay in love. You have to know the person and they have to know you. You shouldn't try to keep secrets, you need to have trust, and you need to have love. Communication is key and you need to like being around each other. Oh but you also need friends and time alone but when you get to go home and see them…It's nice." I smiled softly.
"You really do love your husband." Leliana giggled, her face becoming red.
"If that's the case then why aren't you with your family?" Zevran asked. My face fell.
"I can't go back and I'd rather not get into specifics either." I sighed.
"That's fine. You are welcome to stay with me if you'd like." Leliana smiled.
"Or if you would prefer more passion then-" Zevran started.
"No." I stated.
Eventually we caught up with the group. I won't lie, it was awkward. Eren was avoiding me and I preferred it that way too. We were able to get past the lake by nightfall and stayed in an abandoned cabin. It was old with a few parts of the roof missing.
"I can't wait until we get to Lothering. Maybe all the refugees have gone and we can get a few rooms at the inn." Talen stretched on his cot.
"I'd like to have some decent ale for once." Derek chuckled.
"I want to go to the Chantry. I was wondering about the sisters and mother." Leliana sighed.
"I don't think I've ever visited Lothering. It would be nice to write about something new." Wynne said, going over her grimoire.
"Does this inn have good beds? I would rather not lay my head where fleas have been." Zevran said. Alfred growled. "You are not a flea ridden mutt. You are a courageous pure bred mabari! Fleas should fear you." Alfred barked happily.
The more I heard about them being excited about visiting Lothering, the more I dreaded going there. Of course, things didn't have to be this way right? Lothering didn't have to get destroyed, right? Ugh all of these possibilities and what ifs make my head hurt.
"You have said you had a family." Sten said as he sat next to me. I nodded. "They why do you wish to be a man?" Oh shit, here we go again.
"I don't want to be a man." I said.
"And yet you fight." He said.
"Yes I do."
"I don't understand. Women are priests, artisans, shopkeepers, or farmers. They don't fight." Sten said.
"That doesn't go for all scenarios. There are women who fight." I responded.
"Why would women wish to be men? That makes no sense." Sten huffed.
"So they can't be women because women don't fight?" I asked.
"Exactly." Sten said. I nearly busted out laughing because of how serious he was. "Whether Qunari, human, elf, or dwarf how we are cannot be controlled. We cannot choose the size of our hands, the color of our hair, or whether we're foolish or clever. We just are and, from what we are, women cannot fight."
"It's not that they can't Sten is that they have no reason to but, think of it this way. If you can bolster your army by gathering woman who are skilled at fighting, you have a greater chance of defeating your enemy than relying on men. Numbers count for something." I explained.
"Strategy counts for more." Sten replied.
"Yeah that's true but, if you counted out the woman in our group which is me, Leliana, Wynne, and Morrigan you're left without one melee person, a ranged fighter, and two extremely well trained mages, especially one that knows healing. Wouldn't take count as a disadvantage?" I asked.
"Then I would be careful not to get hit." Sten huffed.
"It's not like I'm disagreeing with you. I was forced into this situation so now all I'm trying to do is make the best out of it. Like you who lost your sword. You're trying to make the best of this one too until you can find it right?" I asked. Sten stared and then sighed.
"You have drawn up a fair point." Sten grumbled.
"Glad to hear it." I giggled.
Beta'd by FearaNightmare and Syutaku
I forgot to mention that I was writing about the recent changes to Darkspawn instead of using the Origins template. You know the hole ape like Genlock and that sort of thing. Anyway a bit of a downtime chapter, increased character interactions just something slow.
Thank you Wollerosekkaufn and XInsanityXGuiltechXShadowwindX for following! Thank you Undeadhero143, Syutaku, and Chimera Spyke for reviewing! Please Review!