9:30 Wintermarch 30th
Today is the last day of the month. What a crazy month it's been. Howe attack the Couslands, the Ostagar failure, and lastly our mage allies. To think so much happened in such a short time. Now here we are traveling to Soldier's Peak. It would take about 9 days to travel there if the weather was good. It was lightly snowing right now and I didn't see any storm clouds so we got that going for us.
I was in the wagon with Leliana, Zevran, and Derek. Sten, Alfred, and Eren were walking. Wynne, Talen, and Alistair were on Bodahn's cart. It was nice being on a horse drawn wagon. Eren and Alistair both take turns taking care of the reigns. Derek, with his experience with horses, uses Levi's equipment to take care of their hooves and their food. It was amazing how much you needed to take care of them. I was never a horse person myself. Cats and dogs for me please.
"You seem to be lost in your thoughts. Anything on your mind?" Leliana asked.
"Huh? Oh I'm just going through all the events that happened in this month. Tomorrow is the first day of Guardian." I said, going over my journal.
"Has it been that long? Feels like a few days at most." Derek grunted.
"Yeah…" I read over my passages. So much has happened. It was kinda hard to wrap my mind over all of this. I ran my hand through my hair before remembering how it got burned several times.
"If you need someone to style your hair, you can say no more." Zevran piped in.
"And what do you know of cutting a woman's hair?" Leliana asked.
"I know of many things that would be able to aid me in assassination." Zevran winked.
"Pretending to cut someone's hair, tipping back their chin, and cutting their throat right?" I answered. Both Leliana and Zevran looked at me in shock. "What?"
"You have quite the idea for one missy!" Derek guffawed. My face grew red in embarrassment.
"That would be the case in other matters but not in this case. The next time we camp, I will cut your hair. Would you like a massage afterward? One for your scalp of course." Zevran hinted.
"No thanks Zevran. I can accept the cut but not anything else." I declined with a shake of my head.
"Try as hard as you might Zevran, but I think you will not get through to her." Leliana laughed.
"Yep! Loyalty is hard to come by nowadays!" Derek agreed.
"One day I shall bend you to my will Hermosa." Zevran winked.
"In your dreams maybe." I scoffed. Derek laughed at my comeback.
"So who was your husband missy? He must be a great man if you owe him this." Derek looked at me with curious eyes. Leliana and Zevran also looked expectantly.
"Well he wasn't a great warrior or anything. He was…a good man." I remembered fondly. "I am short but he was a foot taller than me. He was big and pudgy but he had some mean muscular arms. At first I didn't care for him. I didn't even know he loved me until he confessed 6 months after we've known each other."
"Truly? Didn't he do anything that would attract your attention? Bring you flowers or perhaps compliment you on your clothing?" Zevran asked.
"I never noticed." I shrugged. "After that we had our time together until we got together officially. I proposed after another 6 months."
"You proposed! Ha!" Derek guffawed.
"That seems…so improper!" Leliana giggled.
"Well you cannot deny that you aren't forward." Zevran chuckled.
"At the time I was rushing into it. I had a string of bad luck with men. He saved me from an abusive relationship and I thought that staying with him was…I guess a reward." I confessed. "Then my feelings grew beyond that and I naturally fell in love with him. We didn't get married until after my daughter was born though. It took a long time for us to prepare. We barely had enough money for anything and the night was so bittersweet too. A relationship is 50/50. We had our tough years, there were days that I wanted to leave. In the end, you need time, patience, understanding, compassion, and plenty of love to stay together." I explained.
"How nice. I wish to find something similar." Leliana sighed. Zevran opened his mouth but Leliana cut him off. "I said something similar, not a night in the cot." She glared.
"And there goes my proposition." Zevran sighed and shook his head.
"You really don't quit do you elf?" Derek huffed.
"Are you jealous my dear Grey Warden?" Zevran hinted.
"Don't you start with that nonsense unless you want my foot up your ass." Derek growled darkly.
"Now, now, there is no need for such violence. Is it so bad to want to indulge in your passions?" Zevran sighed dramatically.
"Not really but no means no Zevran." I countered.
"Determination is one of my strong points. It makes me an excellent assassin as well as a lover." Zevran chuckled.
"Good for you." I deadpanned. The wagon stopped and Derek looked out. It seems there was a group of people out on the road.
"Bandits. Get ready." Derek said, jumping off the wagon. The rest of us got off but Derek shook his head at all of us. "The big hitters are up first. You guys hide along the wagon and hit them once we've started fighting."
"Exactly why do these bandits come at us at the front?" Zevran asked as we sneaked along the wagon.
"Because our bandits are not as smart as the rest." Leliana replied. I nearly snorted. I heard some shouting until metal hit metal. Leliana got her bow ready while I followed Zevran's lead. Some of the bandits were facing away from us. There were two archers. A ball of wasps started to sting all the bandits. Zevran and I made our move then.
The bandits that were panicking, I hit with my knuckles. I broke two jaws and knocked another unconscious. The others weren't as merciful. I understood their point of view though that didn't mean I had to like it. After a string of lightning attacks, all the bandits hit the ground. Derek and Sten moved the ones that were in our way and we left.
We didn't have any more incidents like that and we set up camp once it started to get dark. The snow stopped and there were scattered clouds in the sky. We settled on our rations for tonight since we didn't hunt anything down.
"What I wouldn't give for some nug right now." Derek sighed.
"Aren't those the pig things you have underground?" Talen asked. Most of our camp was gathered around the fire. Morrigan had her separate camp and Sten always ate away from the group.
"They are so cute!" Leliana squealed.
"Cute? Have you seen their feet?" Alistair made a disgusted noise.
"Are you done with your meal?" Zevran asked sitting by me.
"Hm? Yeah." I said not really focusing.
"You are still thinking about the bandits from earlier." Zevran stated as he took out a small dagger.
"And what exactly are you doing?" Eren asked, glaring at Zevran.
"He's cutting my hair. Try not to panic." I answered. Eren huffed and looked away. I could feel Zevran's fingers going through my hair.
"You have such thin hair." Zevran stated as I heard the dagger cut away at it.
"Can't help it. It's from my grandmother. I really dislike it." I sighed.
"Now to my earlier inquiry…" Zevran started.
"I understand but I don't like it. I don't think I'll ever like it or enjoy it. It's something that we do because we have to do it not because we want to do it. At least, that's how I see it." I said.
"There are those that live for the thrill of battle, the gasp of every single death, or maybe the gasp of their own death. How they play with lives that they control and the power the comes with it. It is a very addicting feeling of power." Zevran mumbled as he cut my hair. Leliana came over and stared.
"Is there something wrong?" I wondered, my face heating up.
"No, it actually looks good. Almost like my own but you don't have the braid that comes with it." Leliana described my hair.
"May you please face me? I might as well fix you bangs." Zevran said. I got up and sat in front of him. The fire made his dark skin shine almost. He grabbed my bangs and cut them with a tenderness I never thought of him. I couldn't help but stare. He gave me one of his smirks. I felt a small blush and looked away. "And that should be the last of it." I ran my finger through my hair. He settled on a small messy bob but at least my bangs were semi straight.
"Thank you." I said sincerely.
"Of course now as for the payment." Zevran rubbed his chin and hummed.
"I knew there was a catch." Leliana giggled.
"Perhaps a smile from a beautiful lady." Zevran winked.
"You're crazy." I laughed.
9:30 Guardian 1st
What better way to start a brand new month than a trip to the fade?
Except this one…I almost didn't wake up from.
I woke up in my realm with a soft breeze swaying the leaves of the apple tree I was underneath. The fade looked so real but, when I looked up at the blue sky, the island where the Black City still floated. I sighed and laid on the grass. Real grass poked me and it felt like things were still moving underneath me. Not in the fade though. It almost felt like a bed, soft and warm.
Halo was off in the field. He was rattled by Flemeth, I could tell that much. Which made me wonder, if Halo explored the fade, does that mean he knew more than me?
"Halo, what kinds of things were you exploring in the fade?" I asked. Halo floated lazily next to me.
'Things that most cannot comprehend. I merely searched for spirits that would help. There are different realms here. You cannot enter unless you can find the pass letting you in. Think of it as this; you will not find spirits of compassion unless you feel compassion. It is the same for their realms. It's confusing.' Halo explained. I laughed.
"Sounds like it. Hey Halo, do you know what I know? About what's going to happen in this world?" I asked.
'So long as we remain tethered we share our minds. Eventually I will give you the power to summon those spirits that have chosen to help.' Halo said.
"No way! You can summon them? I thought only mages can do that." I looked at him in awe. His ball fluffed up.
'I am a being of power. This is child's play.' He huffed with pride.
"Then, from that time before when Flemeth was here, with those spiral castles, can I make images appear?" I asked. Halo looked at me.
'It can be done.' Halo said. I balled my fists as my heart started to pound.
"Can…Can I see my family then?" I asked. "Just for a bit?" Halo seemed to hum and paced/floated around, thinking. I was stuck with my anxiety until he floated in front of me.
'You will need to be careful. You can lose yourself in your memories.' Halo said.
"Then I'll trust you with that." I said. Halo chuckled.
'Close your eyes.' Halo instructed. I did. 'Open them.'
I wasn't sitting outside anymore. I was in the driveway of my own house. It wasn't distorted like the fade usually is. Both the van and the truck were there. The kitchen window was open and I could hear the kids laughing and the tv was on. I gulped and headed toward the door. I opened it and went through the kitchen to go into the living room.
My husband was playing video games at the living room tv. Both of my kids were on the mattress, playing. My daughter was crawling to catch my son who was doing his best to avoid her. I crouched down and watched them. They were exactly as I remembered them.
'This is a memory. You cannot interact with them.' Halo floated beside me.
"I know." I said softly. I watched as my memories interacted me at different intervals, a kiss there, my kids crying here, making them their bottles, feeding them, watching them sleep. My husband, Louis, keeping me company. It seemed to pass by so quickly.
'It's time to leave.' Halo said softly. I nodded. They couldn't feel it but I hugged both my daughter and my son and kiss my husband on his head.
"I'll be back ok?" I said to no one. I went out and closed the door behind me, standing right under the tree again. I let out a shaky breath as I started to cry. I felt Halo hug me but, for once, his warm light couldn't penetrate the ball of loneliness that had stayed in my heart.
I woke up with tears streaming out of my eyes. It was still dark out with Wynne and Leliana sleeping next to me. I saw the light of the fire and decided that I didn't want to sleep again. I took out my journal and my pencil and went out. The cold hit me quickly and I shuffled next to the fire.
"You're awake early." Eren said. I was surprised he was out there but nodded. I sat near the fire and began to write. "Was it a dream?"
"Yeah. One where I didn't want to wake up from." I sighed, my breath visible. Eren remained silent as the crackle of the fire and the sound of my writing were the only things audible.
"What was it about?" Eren asked.
"My family." I answered. Eren huffed and watched the fire. I got done with writing the segment of my dream and watched the fire.
"You and Zevran have gotten close." Eren stated.
"Slightly." I responded. "It's not like I mean to. I was the only one that stood up for him. Maybe that's why he's so stuck on me."
"I'm not very fond of it." Eren said.
"You and Alistair both." I said.
"Well, at least you've saved a life." Eren scoffed.
"I saved yours." I replied.
"…And yet my mother stayed." Eren said. That pierced through my heart.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. Eren's face contorted in pain.
"No, I should be the one apologizing. I wasn't…fair to you when everything happened." Eren rubbed his face.
"You did have reason to. You lost everyone in one single night. You saw it. I, at least, didn't see the faces of my own family when I left for Ferelden." I said. I could completely imagine my husband's look of despair though.
"My family was taken from me, while you were taken from your family. It may not seem like much but I do hope you reunite with them again." Eren said softly. His eyes were dead set on the fire. His startling ice blue eyes were empty but accepting. Little by little, Eren knew that his life wasn't going to be the same. The only thing I could do is be there as a friend.
Daylight soon came and, after eating, we went back on our way. Alfred, Sten, and I made up the back while the others were on the cart and wagon.
"Ok Sten, I need you to help me with something." I said.
"Of course I am the one to help with all your lofty problems." He deadpanned.
"I'm having performance anxiety when I fight." I explained while Alfred ran off into the forest.
"You cannot deal the killing blow." Sten stated. I nodded. "This stems from your inexperience and your denial to combat our enemies."
"But I do fight when we need to." I said.
"You battle but you hold your punches and your dagger does not meet flesh. We cannot afford to let our enemies live. This is why women cannot be fighters." Sten said with a huff.
He wasn't wrong. Ever since the day that Rael ended our friendship, my blade has stilled near other people. I killed those people to protect him and how did he repay me? Ending everything. I'm afraid of myself but I'm also afraid of others seeing me in a different light. I know the group wouldn't exactly judge me for it. In fact, they would welcome it but having lost Rael hit me greater than it should have.
But then I start thinking; if I can't protect them when the time calls for it and let them die because of my mistake, would I be able to look at myself? My head hurts. I'd rather not think about that.
Beta'd by FearaNightmare and Syutaku.
I'M SO SORRY GUYS! I wanted to update this sooner but real life kicked me in the butt this past week. I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO UPDATE IT ON MY ANNIVERSARY FOR MY STORY! TT^TT
That aside, it's been 2 years since Nia has gone on her crazy journey as I published Days of Our Lives on Oct 9, 2014. I have everything planned out neatly in my head and I can't wait for the new dragon age that's going to come out in the next few years. Here's to more good years to you guys! I LOVE ALL MY FOLLOWERS! Now let's hope I can get done with this story by next year lol
Thank you Crazyhyper09, Rayne Nightingale9412 (for all the favorites lol), and batgerelbattumur213 for favoriting/following! Thank you Chimera Spyke and WindBear47 for your reviews! Please review!