Quick Disclaimer:
For those of you who aren't aware, I used to have an account on here called LittleWonderland (2013). I haven' touched that account in years but recently decided I wanted to continue with my old fics. However, my writing 7 years ago was pretty substandard so I've decided to fix up a bunch of my old fics and repost them to my new account. Also, yes, I'm aware all the pairings in Fairy Tail were confirmed in its final season and that this isn't a canon pairing. This is just me having fun with one of my old stories so let's not judge hey? If you want more info on my reasoning behind my decision to make a new account and fix up all my old stories you can visit my profile.
Also, this story contains graphic imagery and depictions self-harm. This story and this author in no way promote or endorse self harm. If you or someone you know is experiencing mental illness, please don't hesitate to contact someone you trust or a professional. Now more than ever, it is so important to get the help you deserve.
Chapter 1: Out of Hand
Inhaling sharply, Gray tried to calm his shaky breathing.
His hands trembled violently, splattering red liquid from his fingertips in the process.
Blood.
There was so much blood.
More than he'd ever seen before.
His trepidation grew and a sense of dread swirled in the pit of his stomach.
This time he had gone too far.
Fresh cuts along his wrist provided a stark contrast to his creamy, pale flesh. The blood oozed continuously, dripping steadily and consistently onto the tiled floor below. For a moment he felt as if he couldn't move. Like time had been suspended indefinitely except for the slow trickling of his life force. Colours drained away from his vision, painting everything in hazy shades of grey. Dizziness swept over his mind. What was he doing again?
He stepped backwards in his confusion and bumped the empty towel rack. The force of his bodyweight against the metal rack was enough to break it from the wall, pulling away plaster and creating a loud clang as the metal hit the tiles.
The sound echoed loudly in the small space that was the bathroom, prompting his mind to momentarily switch back on and recognise what was happening around him.
Gray had hurt himself. Badly. And the consistent blood loss was causing him to dip in and out of consciousness. Self-harm had been an issue for him for many years. Ever since that incident. But he had always felt like he was the one in control. Now his self-destructive behaviour was in control of him.
"Gray?" A strong female voice called out to him from behind the locked bathroom door, "I heard a loud noise. Is everything ok?"
Gray's dark eyes widened. The voice of his house mate Erza sent him into a panic. She couldn't see this! He was sure the red-haired woman wouldn't take this well at all. He didn't want to traumatise her with the sight of his self-inflicted injuries.
Opening the cupboard beneath the sink, Grey reached inside to receive a box of tissues, tearing out several at a time. He pressed them against his bloodied wrist, wondering if putting pressure on these kinds of wounds would actually stop the bleeding.
"Gray?" Erza called again, this time her voice tinged with worry at his lack of response.
She knocked her slender hand against the hard wood of the door, pressing her ear against it, trying to make out any sound she could to indicate that Grey was ok.
A dark feeling of anxiety swelled up inside her. Something wasn't right.
Gray opened his mouth to reply but nothing came out. He was almost panting now, his breathing coming in ragged huffs. The blood wouldn't stop. It just kept on oozing out, seeping through the tissues one after another.
He grit his teeth in an attempt to try and ignore the growing pain in his arm. He'd never thought his problem would grow to be this bad. He had never intended to kill himself. At least not in this way. Any time that he'd thought about suicide, this wasn't what he'd pictured.
Erza was pounding on the door now, yelling something Gray couldn't quite make out. He stumbled again; the blood loss was really taking a toll on him now. Sound was disappearing from his world. He didn't even hear the loud thump of his body against the already damaged wall.
"NATSU!" Erza screamed frantically in a voice that didn't even sound like her own.
Her other house mate, dashed around thee corner in flurry of pink hair and a white scarf.
"What's wrong?" Natsu was clearly flustered, he'd never heard such a tone in Erza's voice.
Inside the bathroom Gray had collapsed on the floor, unable to stand any longer and barely conscious.
"Oh shit!" He thought to himself, "I'm actually going to...die."
Tears stung his dark eyes, rolling along his ghostly pale cheeks. He clutched at his wrist weakly, trying not to think about the pain. It had never hurt so much before. His eyes fluttered closed but his breathing remained haphazard and shallow. Maybe his internal suffering would finally be over.
The bathroom door was burst from its hinges due to a swift kick from Natsu. The door collapsed loudly to the floor in front of Gray but he didn't hear a thing.
The pair rushed in, concerned written all over their faces and rightly so.
Erza was first through the door and stumbled backwards into Natsu at the sight before her. Her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes widened in shock and horror. Briefly, she wondered if what she was seeing was actually real. The sharp intake of breath in her ear and Natsu's hands tightly gripping her shoulders told her otherwise.
They were seeing the same thing.
Blood. Blood everywhere.
The vibrant red liquid was smearing on the walls from both times that Gray had fell. It was dripped all over the sink, stained against tissues and pooled on the floor.
Gray, who usually looked so strong was collapsed in a puddle of blood on the bathroom floor. His dark hair hung in his face. His usual smirk was completely erased. His jaw slack and no evident expression on his face, His eyes were closed and his usual pale skin had turned to an almost chalky white. His hands lay limp at his sides, exposing the ghastly injuries to his arms. If it weren't for the uneven rise and fall of his chest, his house mates may have mistakenly thought he was dead.
"GRAY!" A gargled screech made its way out of the red heads throat and she hurtled towards him.
She sank to her knees, instantly ruining her white jeans with the crimson liquid. She gripped his shoulders and shook him, calling to him desperately but gaining no answer. She reached for the tissue box and pulling out the remainder and pressing them firmly against the thick, gaping cuts lining his wrists. She could make out old scars and other cuts that were in the process of healing amongst the fresh ones. This was something that had been going on for a long time and she'd never noticed. How could she be so blind?
Erza grit her teeth and turned towards Natsu. She started to tell him to call an ambulance but he was one step ahead of her and already on the phone.
"Gray..." she whispered sadly, as tears began to leak from her eyes.
With both hands pressing on Gray's wounds, she wasn't able to wipe the salty liquid from her face. Her tears tumbled down relentlessly, causing the red hair in her face to stick to her cheeks. Surely, surely Gray wasn't going to die.
Sirens could be heard in the distance. Not long now and Gray would be in the hands of capable paramedics who could get him the treatment he so desperately needed.
Natsu had fetched a towel from a nearby cupboard, handing it to Erza wordlessly before making his way to the front entrance. He wanted to be visible to the ambulance so there was no doubt about the address they were supposed to be at.
Everything was a blur after that.
Multiple paramedics rushed in, with Natsu trying his best to explain to them what had happened. A traumatised Erza had to peeled away from Gray as they lifted his unconscious body onto a stretcher and into the waiting ambulance.
The apartment was now silent save for Erza's muffled sobbing.
The red head picked herself up off of the bathroom floor and made her way to the front door.
"Where do you think you're going?" Natsu was quick to block her exit.
"Where do you think? Gray's going to the hospital. That's where we should be. He needs us!" She choked out, trying to keep from escalating to a yell.
"Not looking like that you aren't," The pink haired man gestured to her bloodied clothes, "Look, Gray's going to be unconscious for a while. They probably won't even let us into the room until he's stitched up and stable."
Erza frowned at Natsu's crass way of describing the medical treatment Gray was about to receive, but she couldn't deny that her appearance needed to be tended to. There was no way she could walk into a hospital like this without causing some serious alarm.
She threw herself into her own shower, the one attached to her bedroom – not the one where Gray had done that. Frantically she scrubbed at her blood covered limbs. She didn't want to waste any time. What if something happened to Gray at the hospital and she wasn't there? She already felt like a failure for not noticing the state of his mental health. She didn't want to let him down again.
Hurriedly, she dried herself off. Erza had never moved so fast in her life. She pulled on an oversized sweater long enough to pass as a dress and a pair of sandals before meeting Natsu at the door.
The pink haired man had remained relatively clean throughout the whole ordeal. Granted there was still some small flecks of blood around his ankles simply from setting foot in the bathroom, but not enough to warrant a shower.
As the two of them drove down to the hospital, Natsu couldn't help but wonder if the dark-haired man would actually be around to see another tomorrow. He had been unconscious but not completely unresponsive. And Gray had still be breathing. Natsu grit his teeth as they pulled into the hospital car park. The two of them had always had trouble getting along. Always hurling insults and brawling. But underneath all the bickering and banter, Natsu held a deep level of respect for his long-time rival. Gray had to make it through. He always seemed so strong. He had to make it.
The pair stopped by the nurse's station in the ER, explaining their reason for being there before they were promptly let through to the patient rooms on the other side. They were guided to Gray's room by a tall, curvaceous brunette.
"He's unconscious, but he's stable. Somehow. It was lucky you called the ambulance when you did. He has a multitude of lacerations to both wrists, many of which required stitches. There's also evidence that this isn't his first incidence with self-harm. You two are living with him, correct?" Natsu and Erza nodded silently, "Were either of you aware that this was happening? Does he have a history of mental illness?" She asked, tapping a pen against her clipboard that held all her patient information.
The pair shook their head again. The doctor, Cana, continued to ask questions about Gray's personal and medical history, occasionally scribbling down notes.
"He lost a lot of blood so we've had to do a blood transfusion. Once that's completed we're transferring him to the mental health sector of the hospital where he'll remain as an in-patient until he's deemed mentally fit to return home. You two are listed as his primary emergency contacts, is there anyone else we should notify about this situation?"
"He has an adoptive brother but he lives hours away. They haven't been in contact for years" Natsu spoke up.
"No other family members?" Cana raised an eyebrow at the pair to which Erza shook her head sadly,
"Ok well, visitation is limited to once a week on a Saturday during in-patient treatment, phone calls can be made once per night but can only be out-going from the hospital. However, since he has no belonging with him, you can bring him some clothing from home tomorrow and speak to him briefly. If you have any major concerns you can contact the front desk. You'll be allowed to accompany him to that sector of the hospital but once you've reached reception, you won't be able to go any further."
All they could do was nod in response, trudging behind the nurses pushing Gray's hospital bed toward the mental health sector of the hospital. They both hoped Gray would wake up before they got there so they could at least talk to him before he was essentially locked away. But much to their dismay, there was no sign of their raven-haired friend regaining consciousness any time soon and the pair was forced to watch as Gray was wheeled away, past the reception desk and waiting area
Hours passed before Gray began to stir. He blinked slowly, trying to discern where he was. Everything around him was white and a strange sterile smell hung in the air. There was a sheet pulled up against his torso and felt rough against his skin. This definitely wasn't his bed. Gradually opening his eyes fully, he looked down at the blue cotton pyjamas he was wearing. These definitely weren't his either.
He tried to roll over but his whole body felt like led. Especially his arms. God, they hurt so bad. He peered down, expecting to see the full extent of the damage he had done but saw only thick white bandages wrapped around his upper limbs. Groaning with the amount of effort it took just to pull himself upright, Gray realised there was someone else in the room.
A nurse, presumably, in pink scrubs with a blonde pony tail was placing a tray on a desk in the far corner of the room. She turned when she heard Gray's vocal exertion.
"Oh! You're awake," Surprise fades into an awkward smile, "You've been asleep for a long time Mr. Fullbuster."
Her beaming smile triggered familiarity in Gray's mind. He couldn't believe it. His friend, whom he hadn't seen in 7 years was standing before him. What were the chances?
Thank you for reading (or re-reading) the first chapter of my new revamped version of Pain Can Lead to Love. Don't forget to leave a review! I'd love to know how this new version stacks up compared to the old.
With all my love,
River
The Aussie Otaku