Bella's Remorse – a ReWrite 2-22-2020
Bella sat on the shore and waited for Jacob, the sun was shining bright in the mid-afternoon sky. That morning when she woke the sun was so bright and beautiful that she'd decided to spend the afternoon at the beach with Jacob after she finished her chores.
She had set out some blankets for them to sit on but, really, she knew Jake would probably sleep most of the afternoon. She came prepared this time; she brought "Wuthering Heights" and was looking forward to rereading it yet again.
She gazed at the beach. When the waves violently crashed into the shore, she remembered the darkness Edward had left her in when he left her in the woods. She was grateful to have Jake… she looked forward to their lazy afternoons napping on the beach as much as she looked forward to him teaching her how to ride.
She continued hearing Edwards incessant lecturing in her head every time she endangered her life. The danger was like a drug that she couldn't get enough of but those lazy afternoons were a happy reprieve. Edwards's voice had woken her from her stupor. Even when she felt she'd gone too far and she could actually die, she took solace in the fact that she would hear his voice.
She closed her eyes and rolled her head over to look towards Billy's house and laughed when she saw Jake clumsily hit his head on the porch. He'd grown so tall since they first met.
He noticed her so she quickly looked away, pretending to watch the waves on the shore again. When she looked back, Jake was running up towards her. She laughed at the memory of his wolf form with the jeans tied to his hind leg. She always found the wolf disarming. He was like her big puppy.
He wasn't wearing a shirt, she figured he anticipated having to go wolf at some point. Bella couldn't take her eyes away from his chest, when he noticed he started to flex.
"These babies are rock hard but I can make them soft as a pillow for you to lay on if you'd like." He winked and blew a kiss in her direction.
A few moments later they were both laughing uncontrollably. Jake went to hug her and she pushed his head a way as he easily held her waist. He slipped through her defenses, lowered his face to hers and landed a kiss on her cheek. She was completely caught off guard. When she recovered, she pushed him away as hard as she could. He dropped in the sand laughing harder than he had before.
"You were right, these are as soft as pillows." She caressed his abs and looked over to see his reaction but just as she'd assumed, he was out like a light moments later.
While she lay with her head on his chest, she heard Edward's voice in her mind asking what the hell she was doing with this dog, but Bella knew it was only her imagination.
She dozed off reading her book. When she opened her eyes, she saw Jake standing at the tree line motioning for her to come. She followed and saw she was suddenly in Edward's clearing. It seemed weird to see Edwards clearing so near Jake's beach. In the middle of the clearing was a bed and, on the posters, and the wrought iron head board, blooming rose vines weaved in and out.
Bella felt very excited to be there. She walked up to the bed and threw herself on it. Jake stood on the other side of the bed watching her with lust in his eyes. His shirt was still off. His skin was still a warm caramel but it was somehow glistening in the sunlight. He sat on the bed beside her and placed his hands on her lap.
Bella turned into him. He smelled so good, just like the roses that were weaving in and out of the wrought iron. She snuggled into his chest and he lowered his faced and kissed her softly on her cheek. Bella knew it was nothing but a dream. She'd always wondered what it would be like to taste him and that there was no problem kissing him back. She turned her face, meeting his lips. He pulled back, surprised at what she'd done but quickly recovered and went in for a deeper more passionate kiss. He took her face in his hands and covered her lips with his, sweetly suckling them. Bella felt a fire within her at that moment! She opened her mouth and slowly licked his lips then sucked his bottom lip gently.
There was a noise in the woods. Jake reluctantly pulled away and turned around to look into the trees. Bella looked around him, half expecting someone to break through. When no one they both laughed nervously. She was lay back and took him in. He was tantalizing, she could hardly contain herself. Jake looked into her eyes while he caressed her face. He kissed her cheeks and then moved on to her neck. His lips were so warm. Bella loved the way it felt.
It had been so long since she'd felt that way. She had always hoped she could give herself to Edward, her virginity was still intact and she'd wanted him to have it. But, with Jake so close and his sweet smell she imagined how it would feel to have him inside of her.
He lay on the bed to catch his breath but it didn't last long… Bella straddled him, put his hands over his heads against the headboard and covered his face with hot kisses. He didn't mind the rose thorns digging into his hands, he was just happy to be with her. Bella could feel his manhood between her legs. She was excited but hesitation was also starting to build in the background.
Jake put his hands on her waist and slipped them up her shirt. He felt her breasts, slowly caressing her with his thumbs. It was warm in the clearing and hotter on the bed, but despite that heat she shivered. Goose bumps started rising everywhere his hands went. He lifted her shirt over her head expecting her to protest but she just stared at him, drunk with desire. Bella could tell he was ready and she wanted to be ready too.
He slowly caressed her right nipple with his tongue and Bella melted. She turned her head, embarrassed. Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement in the tree line. She suddenly felt like there was someone watching them.
Jake sat up, followed her gaze and scanned the trees, but there was nothing there. She was brought back to her delicious dream when Jake bit her nipple. She took his hair into her hands and pulled his face towards hers and kissed him again. The hotter the kisses got, the more she rocked back and forth feeling him tremble as she got him closer to his climax. She could feel him through his pants, between her legs. Passion washed over her like water.
When he reached the pinnacle of his passion for her she felt guilty for having let herself go that far. Jake was warm in her arms. His lips had been delicious… but found herself longing for Edwards sweep lips.
She moved to Jakes side and sat with her back to him. She couldn't quite shake the feeling that they were being watched. She looked towards the trees, just trying to avoid Jake, expecting not to see anything. As scanned the tree line, she saw what she'd been feeling… there was a figure standing just within the cover of the trees.
Bella got up and put her shirt back on. She started walking back towards the tree line trying not to lose the figure in the trees. It started to circle around the clearing as she followed him, each step taking her closer. Her heart was beating hard, she didn't know what was happening. When she reached the tree line Jake was behind her.
"Bella, we shouldn't be here," he said as he took her hand.
She didn't want to listen to him and pulled away. She turned back towards the tree line and ran. When she crossed over she was in the clearing from that dreaded day when she'd met James. The rain was falling hard, she felt the thunder, it felt so real! There was lightning off in the distance, touching down on the mountain peaks.
Bella looked around not knowing what to expect but when she turned to where Edward had tried to hide her she saw James standing there. His eyes were red and filled with hatred. He walked towards her deliberately licking his lips.
"So, Bella, where is your protector now? Did you run him off, where you too humanly clingy for him?"
Bella started backing up and tripped on an exposed root. James was standing over her now. "Tell me Bella, I want to know, did you run him off? If you would have just allowed it I would have made you my muse."
Bella looked up at him. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, she wanted to yell that she hated him. That he was a vile creature who killed for sport but her mouth was dry. It felt like she had cotton on her tongue and stuffed in her cheeks. All she could do was sit there, staring at him, wide eyed as he got closer.
"You ran and I found you, but he came and rescued you. He can't rescue you now." He licked his lips as he inched closer to her.
Bella crawled backward and struggled to stand but the mud was too slippery and the rain continued to fall.
When he was inches from her face, she closed her eyes and squeezed them tight. After a few seconds she opened them, expecting him to be there ready to kill her, but there was no one there. She was lying in the woods close to her house where Edward had left her broken and alone. The rain was heavier now but she was able to stand up. She started walking towards her house. She saw light at the end of the trail in the woods and started running towards it, stumbling and falling into the mud again as she did so. When she finally broke through the woods it was extremely bright, she couldn't see anything but she felt the urge to keep running.
When Bella eyes adjusted to the light she noticed she was standing in a dark alley. The men who had tried to harm her that long-ago night were standing in the middle of the street and her heart began to race. She wondered if James was right. Had she only ever survived because Edward was there to defend her? She stood there lamenting having foolishly left Jake at the clearing. She was beginning to wonder how much what had happened was actually a dream.
At the end of the block she could see a dark figure leaning against a silver car. Her heart skipped a beat at thought of Edward coming to her rescue.
The men started to walk towards her and she looked from them to the dark stranger but he wasn't moving. When they finally were a few steps from her she looked over and noticed he'd gotten into his car and was driving towards her. The men were now surrounding her and laughing as they whistled and snapped at her with their teeth. She noticed they had the stereotypical sharp vampire teeth and their eyes were red.
The car zoomed in behind the men and James stepped out. He stood looking at her, amused at her expression. She knew there was no way she was going to get away from him again. She stood very still and braced herself for what was coming, again, giving into the fear. She started screaming and shaking uncontrollably but nothing was happening, she didn't hear them snapping anymore. She felt warm as sunlight washed over her.
Bella opened her eyes and she was lying on the bed in Edwards clearing again. Jake was gone and James was gone too. She looked around catching her breath, trying to calm herself.
At the end of the clearing she saw Jake's wolf standing beside Edward. Edward looked at Jake and motioned him away; Jake uncharacteristically obeyed and started walking into the cover of the trees.
Edward walked towards Bella. He looked hurt and disappointed. Despite her shame, she couldn't take her eyes away from him. He was more beautiful than ever, he looked so soft. His pale skin was flushed and his cheeks were red from the sun. His amber eyes were so warm. When he got to her he sat beside her on the bed.
"Bella, you have to let me go. You have to be happy and live your life. I'm not coming back. I can't rescue you anymore, you have to stop being careless."
Bella looked away. Deep down, she knew he was right. She was ashamed of everything she'd done but she couldn't let go. She turned towards him and grabbed his hands. Edward sat there, holding hands with her for a long time. He looked at her and mouthed, "I'm sorry," then stood up, pulled his hands out of hers and started walking away.
She threw herself after him and sobbed. "Please don't go… Please stay with me… I know I'm weak! I just want to hear your voice. Edward, I love you! Do you remember telling me that you loved me too? Please!"
She was on the ground holding the back of his legs, begging him not to go but he just kept walking.
When he reached the tree line he turned to look at her again. He was his old self. His face was marble again, the warmth that had been there before was replaced with the shimmering glow she'd seen the first time he kissed her. He smiled his beautiful smile and waved goodbye. Moments later he was gone.
Jake emerged from the opposite side of the clearing. He came over to her and put his arms around her. She fell asleep in his arms. When she opened her eyes, she was lying on the beach. Jake looked distraught. He was sitting beside her wiping away sweat and tears with the corner of her picnic blanket.
She was confused, disoriented and felt ashamed. Jake was always there, putting her back together when she fell apart. She was sad that he'd silently witnessed her suffering and longing for someone other than him. She knew that Jake deserved better than her.
He gently took her face in his hands and said, "Bella, I know I told you I would stand by you and not expect anything in return, but I just think you really need to let him go. That was not the first time you cried in your sleep. You seemed lost. I get really scared when I see you like that. I tried to wake you but you just sat there sobbing and calling his name."
Her face burned with embarrassment. She had to get out of there fast. She struggled to get out of his arms and stood up. The shame and sadness got the better of her and she stormed off. To Jake, it looked like anger over what he'd said. He let her go without another word.
She drove in silence, the memory of her dream swirling in her head. She wondered how Edward could leave her when he'd claimed he loved her. Fresh tears started rolling down her face again. Sometimes she wished she could love Jake as much as she still loved and longed for Edward, but she knew she'd never be able to.