CHAPTER FOURTEEN: TOO CLOSE, TOO WONDERFUL

You're my golden hour,
The colour of my sky

You've set my world on fire
And I know, I know,
Everything's gonna be alright.

( Golden Hour, Kacey Musgraves )

THURSDAY
ALICE

I find myself alone for the first time today, finally with the room to read through the pile of messages I'd been ignoring. Each and every one - all nine - from Bella. It's my own fault - I had initiated the conversation, after all - but catching up with reality is far from relaxing. I shift again and again on Rosalie's made bed, the weight of Bella's words heavy, but not enough to sink me down into the mattress.

The entire conversation is one sided, save for the bomb I dropped last night.

So, I kissed a cowboy, I wrote. 7:55 pm. I didn't get a reply for another few hours - then Bella's soliloquy began.

10:45 PM, last night:

What? That's fucking wild. Tell me everything.

Right around midnight, I got a few more.

I guess you're off with Butch Cassidy or whatever, but …
You remember what you told me right before you left?

Then:

You said it felt like everything was about to change.
Maybe you were right. Maybe this is it.

Ten minutes later, one after the other.

Alice, it's okay if it is.

Jump in with both feet. Always.

That's what you told Edward to do.

That's what you told me to do.

It's the best advice we've ever gotten.

Finally, a message from early this morning:

Dude, if I don't hear from you soon I'm going to tell Edward you've been taken captive by confederates.

I don't know how to answer her. It's been almost a full twenty-four hours, and I don't know what to say.

Maybe I was right. Things feel different. I feel different, being here. More me. And less.

I close my eyes, but when I do I no longer darkness. I don't flash through my childhood, or my best days on the job. I don't see my friends, or the faces of my family. Not anymore. Since yesterday - since I first saw him, really - my eyes close and all I see is Jasper, hovering over me, unblinking. His mouth is parted in awe, or ecstasy, or both. His cheeks are flushed. He's beautiful. It feels right, seeing Jasper there when I close my eyes. Like it's where he's supposed to be.

I've never experienced need like this before. That's what scares me.

Curiosity is one thing.

Deep admiration is manageable.

This? This all consuming, I-want-you-every-minute-of-the-day need? It's overwhelming. It's addictive. It's delicious, and wonderful, and absolutely fucking terrifying.

Unsure what else to do with myself, and desperate to think of anything else, I click on Bella's name and watch as my phone begins to dial her number. I hold the phone to my ear, letting the too-loud dial tone shake my skull.

Hey, you've reached Bella Swan -

I collapse back onto my - Rosalie's - pillows. - you know what to do.

I end the call and try again, desperate for something. Anything. "Come on, Bella," I mutter against the dial tone. "Take your eyes off my brother for one -"

Hey, you've reached Bella Swan -

Ugh!

This time I leave a message. "Hey," I manage. After a few breaths, I say, "I'm alive. Consider this soldier safe - free will in tact. I've just been running around working and spending time with… Butch Cassidy … so there's no need to call in the freakin' Union brigade or anything. I'm okay. Things are good. I think. Yeah - no, they're good. I'm good."

I go quiet. I desperately want to tell her about the James fiasco, but once Bella knows something, it's only hours (if not minutes) before Edward knows, too. Once he knows, so will Carlisle and Esme. Then I'll end up with a billion calls from my worrywart parents. It's not worth mentioning - especially not in this half-assed, minute-long voicemail.

Do I say something about Jasper? Fuck, I want to talk about him more than anything else. I come up with the same meager list of excuses why I shouldn't, and settle on something much more … vague.

Before my message gets cut off, I add: "I keep thinking about what you said last night - I guess I do kind of feel like a different person out here." A person who sleeps with cowboys they barely know. "I feel weird," I say, then rush to correct myself. "But it's a good weird - a really good weird. I just miss -"

Beep.

Time's out.

I huff in frustration and end the call, throwing my phone back on the bed with a muffled thunk.

The frustration doesn't last long. Within seconds it's been outweighed by my need for a sounding board. I pick up the phone to try and call again, thinking that at the very least, I can finish my message.

Two rings in, I hear the telltale sound of something smacking the glass doors to my left. I end the call and jolt off the bed, phone forgotten in favour of investigation. Another direct hit rattles the doors, hinges and all. I pull back the curtain just in time to see a third thing - a small, quickly moving rock - smack the pane just above my head.

I tug the doors open and rush outside, hoping to God that I don't get whacked by a freaking projectile.

Only one step out onto the balcony, I spot tufts of blond, curly hair spilling out from underneath a cowboy hat. "Hey!" I shout, just desperate enough to stop Jasper from chucking something else in my direction.

He quickly hides his hand behind his back, standing at attention. He smiles at me, feigning a childlike innocence.

I dart further out onto the balcony. "What are you doing!?" I demand, half bent over the rail to look at him.

"Throwin' rocks," he casually calls back, pulling one arm forward to reveal his weapon of choice.

I scoff in disbelief. "You're going to break the door."

"The door looks fine to me."

I glance over my shoulder at the perfectly-in-tact-glass, then back down towards Jasper. "What do you want, Romeo?" I submit.

"Attention." I laugh. He keeps smiling.

"Okay," I say, playing along.

"And? What else?"

"That's about all."

"Then I'm going back inside -" I taunt, shifting like I'm about to turn around and leave.

Jasper quickly says: "actually, no! Wait! I uh - I wanted to show you somethin'."

When I don't immediately indulge him, Jasper adds: "that, and I thought maybe you 'n me could use a little time away from all this."

All this, he says, motioning not only towards the group of cabins housing my models, but the mess hall sure to be packed with his hungry, tired ranch hands.

I look at Jasper, illuminated by the strange pink glow of tonight's sunset, and submit to my basal need to escape - the very same instinct Jasper's come to indulge.

I grip the rail of the balcony a little tighter, trying to quiet the fluttering in my stomach. I should go back inside. I should call Bella. I should call my parents - I haven't done that since getting here. I should finish the alterations for tomorrow's shoot.

"Alright," I submit. "Wait there." Before he can say anything else - before he can even grin - I retreat back into the room.

I grab my boots off the floor and tug them on one by one, stopping only momentarily to check my still-done-up reflection in the mirror before heading towards the bedroom door. Something stops me before I do.

I grab my phone up off the bed, and type out a quick, direct message to Bella.

I miss you guys like crazy. Call me later?

A split second of deliberation has me leave my phone on the bed, too invested in finding Jasper to think on it much further. Before I've even rationalized the choice, I'm outside.

The evening sky has lost its swirls of cotton candy blues and pinks in favour of a more appropriate bruised purple. Night creeps over the treetops, inching closer and closer to us all, but when I spot Jasper, I feel as though the sun has found us again, burning brightly in him. It's golden hour anywhere we go.

"Hey," I say, pulling Jasper's attention away from the horse he's petting. "You've got impeccable aim, you know? I couldn't get a rock up on that balcony if I tried all night."

Jasper glances my way just for a second, but keeps his hands on the large, dark coloured animal beside him. "Played a lot of baseball as a kid," he casually states. "Used to chuck shit up there all the time to bug Rose, too." That puts a smile on his face.

I come to stand beside him, settling both of my hands on the wooden fence we've congregated by. After a pregnant pause, I finally ask: "so?"

"So?" Jasper echoes, confused by the question.

"What did you want to show me?"

"Ah." Jasper takes a full step back and lands his hand firmly on the neck of the horse beside us. "This is Alonso," he tells me.

"Alonso?" I ask, before chuckling at the name.

"Alonso," he says again, "belongs to Seth. Asked if I could borrow him for the night."

"Why would that be?" I ask Jasper, before cautiously moving forward to give the horse a pat on his long, black nose. What I really want to ask is: is this a thing? Do you always make a point to introduce passers-through to the local livestock, or is it just me?

"Well, he's easiest to learn on."

Ah.

Fuck.

He's got me cornered.

"Oh, no. I'm not - no, I've had enough misadventure for one day." I immediately pull my hand back and shove it in the back pocket of my jeans, breaking any contact between the animal and myself. Just to reiterate my point, I give my head a good hard shake. No. Not happening. No way in Hell. I am not - and will never - get on that horse.

One side of Jasper's mouth pulls up, fashioning a crooked sort of smile that hits me straight in the gut. "Oh, come on now," he pleads. "You're not gonna come all the way down to Texas - spend your whole week surrounded by horses - and never actually get on one?"

"We didn't come here to ride horses," I say. "This isn't a vacation." Good excuse.

"Seth has taken the girls out twice now," Jasper reminds me.

I cross my arms and frown in his direction and go on ignoring his incredibly valid observation. "What about dinner?" I stubbornly ask.

"You gotta work for your supper tonight," he teases. God, I hope he's teasing.

I laugh nervously. He laughs too - loud enough to convince me there won't actually be work involved, but not loud enough to convince me up onto that horse.

Jasper starts walking off towards the gate. "C'mon, then. No excuses. We've only got a few more days - gotta spend 'em right."

"We can spend them right here, on solid ground," I yell out to him.

When that doesn't work, I try for anything that might get me out of this horseshit. "What about all the - the cougars and raccoons and whatever? It's getting pretty dark."

His laugh is marvelous, and boisterous enough to draw attention to us both. Jasper turns on his heel, brows furrowed so tight I'm sure he's actually upset with me. "Oh, now you're concerned?"

"I -"

"Just two nights ago you stormed off by yourself, goin' God knows where to find God knows what in the pitch dark. You didn't seem so scared then. There's no use tryin' to lie your way out of it now."

I gape at him.

"You really stepped in it now, Ms Cullen. Get over here."

After a few seconds hesitation, I agree. "Fine!" I huff. "Do I at least get to know where we're going this time?" Jasper smiles that same fucking crooked smile. "Not a chance."

~oOo~

"Alright, you can get on up here," Jasper says, shoving a brick of hay until it rests beside the horse. "C'mon."

I wipe my sweaty hands off on my jeans and walk forward, forcing a smile for Jasper's enjoyment. I've never liked heights - never been too sure about animals, either - but I'll do this. For him. Jasper spent all day enveloping himself in my world, after all. It's the least I can do.

I can get on the horse.

Ten seconds, I tell myself. Just get up there for ten seconds, and that'll be enough. You can say you tried. And you will live. It's fine. It's all fine.

I climb up onto the hay bail. It stays firm under the heels of my boots, barely giving way to my weight. Up here, I'm almost Jasper's height. I can see the top of his hat and the top of the horse's head. The animal feels a little less intimidating once we're near the same size.

Jasper moves to position the horse right up beside me, the … foot part … of the saddle dangling just below my knee.

"So you're gonna get your left foot in the stirrup there, right up to the heel."

I do as I'm told.

"Yep, alright, now lean all your weight into that foot - don't worry, the saddle'll hold ya - put your hands up here, one on the horn, right there," Jasper says. He takes my left hand and curls it around the thing sticking up at the front of the saddle, then puts my right at the back of it. "Now just pull yourself up and over."

"Just -?"

"Yep. Like you're takin' a big step over somethin'. Uh - climbin' out of a pool."

"Okay." It's incredibly awkward, but somehow I manage to hoist myself up and onto the horse. Jasper's strong hands work to keep me steady, one hovering ready at my side incase I tip at any given moment. Once I'm balanced up on the saddle, his hand falls to rest on my thigh. My eyes dart away from the animal to the spot where Jasper touches me, then up to meet his eyes again.

Jasper smiles, pats my leg, and moves away. The second that Jasper's warm, comforting touch leaves me, so does any and all faith that I can actually do this.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I suck in a deep, uneasy breath.

The horse chuffs. I think he's just as nervous as me.

I'm too tall up here. This isn't right. I wasn't built to be this far off the ground.

The horse moves to take a step forward.

"Woah," I breathe out, both hands grabbing tight onto the horn of the saddle. The second I make noise, Alonso slows to a stop, Jasper laughs and takes a generous step back. The horse jerks forward to follow him. I squeak, gripping both the reigns and the horn tighter in my hands. The leather refuses to give, rubbing uncomfortably against my skin, but it's the closest thing to security I've got. The horse makes a grumpy noise.

"You're okay!" Jasper promises, struggling not to laugh. "Ease off a bit." I stare at the obviously delirious fool beside me.

"Serious! You gotta relax," he encourages, coming forward to rest one hand on each side of Alonso's thick neck. He begins to pat the ever-shifting animal, eyes turned to him instead of me. "Horses are real intuitive - they feels everythin' you're feelin' up there. If you're afraid, he's afraid. If you're scared, so's he."

Jasper's hands move up to pull both of mine off the saddle's horn. He takes one in each of his own, holding them delicately at first. "How's this feel?" He asks me softly.

"Nice," I quietly - shakily - answer, nervous I might slip without holding on.

Jasper smiles a little, nods his head. His grip tightens then, like he's afraid to let me go. "And this?"

I pause, take a second to find the right words. "Like you're scared."

"Yeah."

Finally, Jasper's hands close tight around mine, so hard that all the breath clears out of my lungs. "And that?"

I answer without thinking too hard. "Wrong. Like you want to hurt me."

Jasper eases off, back to his initial grip. "See - you know what feels right and what doesn't. So does he. More than the rest of us. You have to tell him that everythin's gonna be okay." Jasper rubs his thumbs over my knuckles - one quick, easy swipe - and then replaces his hands with the reins. "And you have to believe it, or he certainly won't."

He walks me through the basics - how to hold the reins, how to make the horse start, stop and turn left or right - then hurries across the paddock to Ginger, who has been patiently waiting for me to get acquainted with my new ride. Jasper gets up onto his horse in one fell swoop, and makes it over to my side before I figure out how to get Alonso moving on my own.

"Don't be afraid to push your heels into his side. You're pretty teeny, so you might gotta dig in a little harder than you think."

I try again. Harder this time. The horse listens.

We keep practicing until Jasper determines that I'm ready to leave the confines of the paddock.

He rides Ginger over to the gate and leans down to open our path out into the wide open world. I can barely breathe, looking down at the ground from up here. One wrong move and my helmetless head could be right under one of those strong looking hooves. I could break my shoulder, or my arm, or my neck. At least in the paddock, we're a minute's walk away from Jasper's house. If I fall there, help is only a scream away. I have no idea where Jasper's taking me - out into the wilderness, I guess, the wilderness growing dark. There's no help out there. Great. Safe as can be. This guy must really, really have faith in my ability to stay up on this thing.

Thankfully, Jasper starts off slow. We lazily make way out into the fields, past the structured centre of the Whitlock ranch. With every turn in our conversation we move further and further away from civilization, and I almost find myself relaxing into the saddle.

I could get the hang of this, given the time.

We ride west for awhile, chasing the ever dwindling light of the setting sun. On the meandering route we take, Jasper points out any and everything he can - the dilapidated treehouse still hanging on from his youth, the ring where his father taught him to ride, one grazing field, another, and another, and another, until we finally catch up with one of his roaming herds. I don't notice them at first, not until Jasper points out a group of pitch black, definite things standing firmly in the distance, like a forest of rocks. I'm only half convinced they're actually real until one moves and another follows close behind.

My breath catches in my chest. My heart flips. Every piece of this property looks like its been pulled right from a photograph, like maybe what I'm seeing is an elaborate backdrop and nothing more. I must constantly remind myself: this is really happening - all of this is real. I'm in Texas. I'm on a ranch, riding a horse, watching over the herd. Beside me is a genuine, real life cowboy. A genuine, real life cowboy, whose made it his mission to be a part of my genuine, real life.

I look towards Jasper. He's already looking at me. "What?" I ask. "You like this place," he says, all matter of fact.

"I do," I reply, just the same.

He smiles proudly. We ride slow and steady up to and around the herd, as not to disturb the bundle of resting beasts. Once we're about a quarter mile past the herd, Jasper asks me a question I've been dreading. "You want to go faster?"

"What? No." I instantly, adamantly reply.

"You sure?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm -"

He speeds up anyways, taking off with Ginger so fast that I have no choice but to hurry if I want to avoid being left behind. I give Alonso a good knock to the side with my heel and lean forward just a smidge, and the horse responds immediately. I take off, the air whipping across my face a relief against the stifling summer night.

I'm going to fall.

I'm going to fall.

I'm going to fall.

I keep thinking about it the whole time Alonso darts forward, but somehow I stick to the saddle. Don't depend on beginner's luck, I tell myself. I squeeze my thighs tighter in a desperate attempt to hold on. I grip the reins with all I've got. I lean back until I'm straight in the saddle, just like Jasper. I keep breathing. I don't fall. The whole time we ride, I don't fall.

We slow down when the terrain turns uneven, dotted with rocks and trees.

Jasper eases Ginger back to moving at a snail's pace, keeping her steady until we're riding side by side, just a few feet apart. "You know, you're not so bad at this," Jasper drawls, speaking just loud enough to drown out the buzz of cicadas.

The noise I make in response is halfway between a laugh and a snort. "Don't have much of a choice, do I?"

He chuckles. "If I didn't think you'd be any good, I wouldn't drag you out here in the pitch dark. Have a little faith in yourself, darlin'. So far I've seen you do everythin' you set your mind to."

… Technically he's not wrong.

The rest of our ride is leisurely, almost relaxing. Alonso and I develop a sort of kinship in our shared survival, and I even manage to sneak a pat or two before Jasper suggests we stop for a break. I agree, working hard to hide any disappointment in my voice. I kind of like it up here.

Jasper leads us all through a thicket of trees, one that clears only to make way for a kidney shaped pond - maybe a spring. The only way to make out water from ground is by the rippling lines of moonlight reflected in its surface, but I'm sure there's something there.

He dismounts Ginger in one fell swoop and walks her over to the water. The animal bends her long, graceful neck and begins to drink from a spot between two trees, her body bowed for almost a full minute before she straightens up again. Jasper pats Ginger's side, drops her reins over a branch near his left, and then turns to hurry back in my direction.

Back at my side, Jasper eases my right boot out of its stirrup, then comes over to the horse's left side. He reaches out for me with both hands. "Kick your right foot over," he says, "just the opposite of gettin' on."

I nod my head and do as I'm told. The second I've got both feet on the left my other boot slips from its holder and my body lurches - ass first - towards the ground. That terrible, stomach churning feeling of falling doesn't last long. I don't fall. Jasper's got me. His big hands are curled around my hips, and those perfect arms of his easily guide me back to Earth.

Down on the ground, Jasper's grip stays just as firm. I twist around to face him, spotting a bit of dirt on the underside of his chin. Just the perfect amount of imperfection. "Careful," he mutters, pulling me taught against himself. "I don't get my deposit back if I bring you home broken."

"Oh, ha-ha," I say, reaching up a hand to brush the dirt off his face. I have to stretch up onto my tippy-toes to get it, but Jasper keep still and ever patient with me. "I think we're far past the point of playing it safe."

The smile that splits his face in that moment is indescribably perfect. Relieved. Excited. Humble. Jasper. It's just Jasper. "Good," he says.

"Good," I say.

Looking up at Jasper now, last night feels a lot less like a very-thoroughly-concocted figment of my imagination. Less like a fever dream.

I haven't let myself fully acknowledge us all working day long, but now, trapped by Jasper's tawny stare, I'm drowning in memories. I see him again - Jasper, hovering over me. My eyes aren't even closed this time, but I see him. More than that, too. Each and every one of my senses are activated. I can see his hands working their way down my body, long fingers only stopping to curl around my thighs, so real I'm not certain it's only memory. can smell the sweat on his skin, and taste the deeply sweet wetness of his mouth. The best - the very best - I can feel the way his hips fit against mine, when he's moving inside of me. I can feel my skin glowing electric. It's all right there, like we never left that perfect spot.

There it is again, that overwhelming need.

Followed close behind? Fear.

Jasper's grip tightens around me. His chest swells with a deep breath. He must be thinking about the same thing. I should be pleased - I should be thrilled to know he's captivated - but when Jasper leans down to kiss me, all I know is fear. Last night was good. Too good. A fucking religious experience. I want more, and more, and more, all while knowing that each taste is dragging me closer to a Jasper addiction.

Jumping in with both feet is a lot harder than it looks.

I pull away in a desperate attempt to pace myself, both heels sinking back into the ground. Jasper looks just as disappointed as I feel, but I put on a coy smile and play like I'm nothing but hard to get. "If I gotta work for it, you gotta work for it," I tease. He laughs. I can feel his eyes burning into my back as I take one, then another step away from him. I can't believe that worked.

Jasper eventually walks past me, leading Alonso over to where Ginger stands, and hooks his reins over the same low-hanging branch. I follow him to that same spot, and together we work our way along along the water's edge. His hand finds mine when the ground grows rugged with roots sprouting from the monstrous, ancient trees that have made this place home. They all look identical to me, but Jasper pays special attention to one old, crooked tree. Its roots curve way over the pond's edge and stretch down below the water. Its branches are bent over the water's shimmering surface in quite the same way. He stops rather decidedly underneath it, right where the tree's roots bend into the trunk. Jasper uncurls my hand from his. He takes off his hat, tosses it on the ground, and runs both his hands through his hair. One falls back to his side, but the other works to wipe a bead of sweat off his forehead.

I stand there unblinking, absolutely in awe of Jasper's every languid movement.

"It's hotter than a witch's tit out," he grumbles, pulling the slick material off his dewey chest. Jasper's words distract me from the strange fantasy of this place, back into his rugged reality.

"That's colourful," I tell him, huffing out a laugh.

He drops to the ground, heavy like a rock. Jasper makes himself comfortable in the grass, then motions for me to join him. "Sit with me a minute?"

I nod and follow his lead, dramatically plopping down.

Not a good idea. My back hurts. My thighs hurt. My ass hurts.

While I try to find a comfortable spot for my aching body, Jasper tucks both hands behind his head and leans against the tree trunk, all to look up towards the star-speckled sky. I've seen wilderness at its best here on Whitlock farm, but this hidden oasis feels like nothing else I know - it's more like a place I would have concocted as a child, one filled with faeries and magic stardust and water home to a siren or two.

"This is -" I don't have a word great enough prepared. I shake my head, struggling for something right, when my mouth picks something for me. "Incredible." I don't just mean this one spot. I do - it's beautiful, of course - but I mean so much more than that. This whole evening - this whole week - could be summed up just the same. Every minute has been filled with enough goodness to outweigh my ample anxiety, time and time again. I'm happy here. Content. I feel a kind of security that I haven't felt in so long, maybe ever.

"Yeah, well," Jasper begins, without the intention to say much else. He huffs a laugh and gives a firm shake of his head. Finally: "it's home."

I hum in approval.

Jasper goes silent, so I follow suit. We stay there, just like that, breathing in the cool air that rises off the water. The impossibly hot night fades into the background. The sweat on the back of my neck dries. My muscles ease back to normal.

I uncross my legs and shift closer until my shoulder meets Jasper's side. My touch breaks his focus, and he turns turns to me wearing a pleased little smile. One of his arms swoops down to wrap around my shoulders and lean my head against him, close enough that each and every breath I take is dominated by his scent.

Time passes by so gently I almost forget to watch it go. I'm too taken by Jasper, the glowing water, and the sweet quiet we all share to rationalize much else. It keeps going and going and going and I'm happy to let it, until I realize again that we're running out of it. Jasper must come to the same conclusion. He starts speaking right then, rather unceremoniously, his words low and serious and meant only for me. "This was my mom's favourite spot," he tells me. I lock my eyes on Jasper, encouraging him to speak further.

"Said it was the most peaceful corner of the ranch. I didn't really know what she was gettin' on about when I was young, but I always figured she was right. Everythin' here just - I don't know - it seems pretty fucking peaceful to me." Jasper sort of chuffs at himself, and then continues on. "When we were kids just practicin' how to ride, she'd take us up along the ridge for awhile like went just now, then we'd turn 'n go deeper 'n deeper into the woods until we'd find this place. W'd stop to let the horses drink, 'n just sit 'n talk, or eat, or I don't know - sometimes Rose 'n I would get right in the water to cool off on hot days like this."

"Did your mom ever join you?" I ask, indulging in his nostalgia.

"Sometimes she'd get her feet wet, but no. Not really. She was too put together for that kind of thing."

I nod in approval. I can see her - the brunette woman from all the photos hanging on Jasper's walls - so clearly now that she almost feels real. Her olive skin is dressed in clean white linen. She's perched on the sturdy end of a fallen tree, dangling over the river with her feet sunk into the tepid pond water. I can picture a little Jasper, and little Rosalie, too. Both sun-kissed, decorated with curls still white blonde in their youth, half dressed and splashing away just within their mother's reach.

Jasper tightens his arm around me. I notice his breathing stop, just for a second, then resume back to its normal, easy ebb and flow. "When she died, you know, this kinda became a place for me. I mean, not just me, but all of us. Me, Rose, my Dad - we'd all come out here - together, alone, whatever - and just sorta … try 'n find that peace, I guess. Always worked for me. Never feel better than I do sittin' right here."

I soften my posture against him. Just a little.

"I uh - I don't make a habit of draginin' people all the way up 'round here, but I thought maybe you could use a little peace and quiet after today," Jasper mutters.

"You were right," I tell him solidly.

He goes quiet. I feel a twinge of jealousy at Jasper's ability to speak so eloquently of his past. His memory is impeccable - and I assume it's only improved by the fact that he's never had to leave this place. Jasper can stroll through the past whenever he pleases. He can visit the spots where his life happened - where his mother sat with him, where he and his sister played - whenever he pleases. It must be nice. I try to express that, as basically as I can. "It's nice, you know, how open you are about your mom."

"Well, it's been a long time," Jasper explains. "It's a lot easier for me to talk about now."

I wish I felt the same.

"- But it's easier to talk to some people than others."

"You feel like you can talk to me?" I quietly ask.

Jasper still doesn't look at me. His eyes keep aptly focused on the water flowing in front of us. "Yeah," he says, his mouth curling up at the side. "Are you surprised?"

"No," I quickly answer, "just glad to hear it."

He breathes out all the air held in his chest and turns to look me in the eye again. That lopsided smile of his knocks the air clean out of my lungs, too. We're both breathless.

Jasper watches me. He doesn't blink, doesn't inhale, doesn't move. The weight of his stare has me squirming in place, filled with more intention than any words he could speak. I can see it, in the ever-changing hues of his eyes. Don't leave. Stay here. Be with me. I can see in his weighted brow that simply thinking those thoughts won't be enough. Sooner or later, Jasper is going to say something out loud. I can feel it drawing nearer, too. The words are coming soon. Sooner than soon. Maybe in seconds. When they come, I won't have an answer for him.

Jasper's lips part around a word, and terrified of what he might say, my body lurches into action. I jump up from my seated position, ignoring the ache in my muscles as I do. I come up with a plan - equally brilliant and ridiculous - and hurry to bring it to life.

"Well then," I say, words flowing without further instruction from my brain. "I wonder if it's still good for a cool off."

Jasper shifts to watch me stroll off. He blinks up at me, head tilted in absolute confusion.

I'm doing this. I'm actually doing this!

I kick off my muddy boots one by one, letting my white socks hit the dirt one after the other.

Jasper just stares at me, one brow arched in question.

Once I've straightened back up, I undo the button of my jeans.

He breathes out a laugh. My name follows, breaking his silence. I can tell by Jasper's tone of voice - he thinks I'm crazy.

"Come on!" I playfully insist, shimmying my jeans down over my hips. They hit the ground and I struggle to kick them off to one side, hands busy maneuvering my shirt over my head.

"Alice!" Jasper exclaims, eyes widening in surprise. He fumbles up onto his feet, hands now coated in the same reddish dirt we were sitting on. "What are - I - what are you doing?" He glances back towards the barn - towards civilization - still chugging along only a mile away.

I smile as sweetly as I can. "Going swimming," I tell him.

A/N: OH - WHAT'S THIS? A NEW CHAPTER ? SHE ACTUALLY UPDATED ? IS IT TRUE? CAN IT BE REAL ? SHE LIVES?

it's a fucking christmas miracle.

CHAPTER 15 COMING SOON.

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