9:30 Drakonis ?
We walked slowly and quietly as the dragon slept. Even the tumbling stones caused us to freak out slightly and look at the dragon. It still slept and everyone let out a sigh of relief.
"Tis such a missed opportunity. It would be wondrous to learn a dragon's form." Morrigan whispered.
"If you really want to learn, how about we call it down and leave you to it?" Alistair chuckled.
"It will need a chew toy to keep it occupied." Morrigan shot back.
"Do we truly want to antagonize a creature like that?" Zevran laughed nervously.
"No so let's cross as quickly as we can and avoid it." Eren said. We all kept quiet after that, crossing the mountain as subtly as we could. I noticed the gong nearby and the massive amount of bones near it.
"That must be a signal for its food." I said.
"Then it would be wise to stay away from it." Wynne mentioned.
"This is a once in a lifetime chance! Why can't we fight the dragon? It's experience against the Archdemon!" Derek reasoned, looking at the gong with a fervor in his eyes.
"Don't you dare do it Derek." Talen glared. "I'll burn your beard off."
"You can try priss!" Derek guffawed before we all shushed him. Still, crossing an open space like this while having a dragon literally over our heads, was not at all calming. I could only think about the Gauntlet ahead which only drove my anxiety harder. Ahhh! Even nightmare mode wouldn't even prepare me for this.
"Why do you even want to fight it?" Talen whispered.
"I have heard tales of massive beasts beyond the stone. It makes my blood gurgle with excitement to know I'm so close to such a creature!" Derek had this giddy look on his face.
"There is no sense in fighting a beast that would likely kill us before our quest." Sten put his two cents in.
"If we need Sten for clarity, then you really know we shouldn't fight the dragon." I responded. Derek huffed but we got to the door safe and sound. The dragon was still sleeping on its perch and we opened the door.
As soon as I walked in, I knew that the place we were standing on was holy ground. There was a silence that can't be found anywhere else except the oldest of churches in my world. Our footsteps echoed in the small room. Torches were flickering but they had an odd light to them, greenish blue. It reminded me of the veilfire that you encountered later on, remnants of flame still burning. Even with no discernable windows, light filtered in from somewhere. Besides the reverence I had for the place, it was clear that no one has been here for a very long time.
Dust clung to the benches that were long rotted away. The image of Andraste that was nearby wasn't cleaned for who knows how long. The few vases that were scattered around the room were cracked, their contents long since turned into dust. The candles that must have burned at one point, lay in a pile of wax and used wicks. It was dilapidated that's for sure but it still held onto respect of the one that stood in its temple.
"This place is old, much older than the temple." Morrigan quietly said.
"It needs cleaning." Zevran scoffed.
"So is this were the Ashes are then?" Alistair wondered. No sooner that he said that, a man came through a door that was in front of us. His image faded in and out before settling in a more permanent figure. He stood tall with his armor gleaming in front of us. Many of us reached for our weapons but I didn't because he wouldn't harm any of us. He was one of the first true disciples of Andraste, not turned by the dragon cult.
"I bid you welcome, pilgrims." He nodded to our group.
"Who, or what, are you?" Eren asked, his sword ready in his hand.
"I am the one who protects and guards the Urn of Sacred Ashes. I have waited many years for this." The Guardian spoke, his voice echoing in the small room.
"For us? Really?" Talen crossed his arms in disbelief.
"Your arrival is the first in a very long time." The Guardian nodded. "It has been my mission, my life, to protect the Urn and prepare the way for the faithful who come to worship Andraste. For many years I have stayed here and many more will I remain until my task is complete and the Imperium has crushed into ash to scatter into the winds."
Or until Corypheus comes in and decimates the whole mountain like how Mt. Helen erupted in my world and leave nothing left.
"The Imperium no longer has the power that it once had, spirit. Their empire has been weakening for some time now." Wynne responded.
"Ah, is that so? Then perhaps my time for an end is drawing near." The Guardian seemed resigned.
"But since it's not completely gone, we have come here for-" Eren started.
"The Ashes, yes. I understand." The Guardian nodded. "You have all come to honor Andraste, and you shall, if you have proven yourself worthy."
"What constitutes us being worthy?" Leliana wondered.
"The Gauntlet will judge you. If you are worthy, you will behold the Urn and will be allowed to take a small pinch of the Ashes. If you are not worthy, the Ashes will be lost to you." He answered.
"And what is the first task?" Zevran asked.
"Before you start on your journey, there comes the trial of pain." The Guardian started.
"Oh this should be good." Derek chuckled before Talen knocked his staff on his head. Wynne gave them both a scathing look and they shut up.
"The path that has led you here was not easy. There is suffering in your past, your own suffering, and the suffering of others." The Guardian's voice boomed out. The tension grew as pressure seemed to mount in the small room. The Guardian looked to Eren who gripped his sword.
"Eren Cousland." The Guardian nodded.
"How do you know my-" He started.
"You abandoned your mother and father, leaving their lives at the hand of the betrayer Rendon Howe, knowing that he would not show mercy. Do you believe you failed your parents?" He looked at him, expectantly with everyone else's eyes on him as well. I saw Eren gulped, shuffling on his feet before putting away his weapons.
"Yes." He breathed out before clearing his throat. "I should have taken them. My father was dying but I could have at least-" Eren put his hand over his eyes. "I should have dragged my mother out with me. I left them to die." He exhaled sharply with his eyes red with unshed tears. My stomach dropped at that because I should have done more too.
"That is all I wished to know." The Guardian looked
"Tis amazing that every single religion thrives on guilt like a glutton to mince pie." Morrigan scoffed.
"No, he's not making him feel guilty." I shook my head.
"What would explain what he just did then?" Morrigan asked.
"He made him face what he needed to face, the thing he's been trying to push down. Sometimes we need that to get over it. If you let it out, let it bleed, then it can heal." I explained.
"Unjustifiable in my opinion." Morrigan rolled her eyes.
"Well whatever he has gone through, I just want to say you were in a position where there was no right choice." Wynne said. Eren cleared his throat and nodded again.
"I'm guessing that you're going to be letting everyone go through a trial of pain then? Ask your question spirit." Derek put his hammer down, waiting for it.
"Derek Brosca, you were a casteless dwarf, born with nothing to your name and rose to the ranks of Grey Wardens, esteemed in your lands. Yet you left your own family, your own kind to their squalor, to their fate. Do you believe you have failed them?" The Guardian asked.
"No because after all of this is done, I'm going down there and I'm going to make things right. I'm a Grey Warden meaning my words have weight to them. They can't toss me aside like some random casteless anymore. By the time I'm finished, there won't be any casteless." Derek finished.
"That's a commendable quest." Leliana nodded.
"Sounds like a hard one too." Talen said.
"Harder than an Archdemon? Heh, I'd tackle it like the dragon outside." Derek laughed.
"Talen Surana." The Guardian started. Talen glared at him but puffed out his chest in preparation. "The betrayal of your friend Jowan is a scar only still healing and one that stays with you but that is almost equal to the pain of your own shame. You accepted an apostate's teaching of blood magic then later gained the power over your tainted blood through a potion that costed the lives of several innocents. Many a time you have looked down upon these mages and now have joined their ranks, do you believe you have failed yourself?"
"No because of the fact that Jowan used blood magic to save his own life made me open my eyes a little more. It's not the best way but it can be used responsibly. A tool can't be evil just like magic is not evil. So I'm taking it bit by bit and maybe one day it can actually be seen as something useful instead of something to be feared." Talen explained.
"An ideal that won't be shared by most in the circle." Wynne said.
"Then good. Allow him to introduce his magic in your safe world and perhaps those Chantry fools will see the uses of it." Morrigan shot back.
"Now, what of those that follow you?" The Guardian wondered.
"This is repetitive." Sten grumbled.
"Alistair, you are a noble knight and a dutiful warden. There have been many a time when you have wondered if things could have been different if you had joined Duncan on the battlefield. Perhaps you could have fought besides him, protected him from the killing blow. You wonder if you should have died instead of him." The Guardian explained.
"I…yes. I do think about it. 'What if I had died instead of Duncan?' If Duncan was saved then…I believe everything would be better. He had more experience, he was wiser. Things wouldn't be so difficult for the rest of us if he was here." Alistair sighed.
"Prince, you don't know that. Even I could tell that Duncan was on his last leg at Ostagar, seen too many people like him not to notice. Either way, you're here and you're making a difference." Derek grunted.
"He saved you from the battlefield by sending you to the tower." Eren nodded.
"Thank you." Alistair whispered.
"Ask your question, Guardian, I am ready." Wynne said.
"Wynne. Your age has made you wiser and the advisor to your companions. You are ready with words of wisdom but you wonder whether these words are banalities. If the words you spout are nothing more than empty from a long and distant past. If you are a tool used by the Circle and the Chantry to spread their word. Do you doubt what you say?" The Guardian asked.
"You already know our answers, don't you Guardian? But mine is yes, I do doubt whether I'm just saying dribble that passes through one ear and out the next but only a fool is completely certain of himself." Wynne replied.
"Then tis a wonder if you still allow your word to be better than the others." Morrigan glared.
"I don't believe that what I say is always the best but I had my painful experiences and don't want anyone else repeating those mistakes." Wynne said.
"So long as I get to ogle at your bosom, you can talk my ear off as long as you'd like." Zevran winked and Wynne took a few steps away.
"Zevran." The Guardian's voice boomed.
"Oh my turn now?" Zevran wondered.
"You live your life with no regrets and have killed many with your blade but there is one death that has haunted you constantly. A woman by the name of-"
"How do you know that?" Zevran's face paled.
"The knowledge has been granted to me. Do you regret-"
"If you want to know that badly then yes." Zevran cut him off again. "I do regret her death, now move on." His guilt turned to anger and he made sure not to look at anyone after his question. The Guardian nodded at his answer.
"Leliana, you are ever faithful to the Maker and to Andraste. Yet you say the Maker speaks to you when all who knows of the Chant agree that the Maker has only spoke to one, Andraste, his bride. Do you believer yourself Her equal?" The Guardian asked.
"What!? No I would never-" Leliana argued.
"You existed in Orlais, you had standing and power. Once you came to Ferelden, to Lothering, your greatest fear was of losing yourself. You were afraid of fading away and disappearing. The Brothers and Sisters challenged your beliefs and what you declared. You were hurt by their scrutiny but you reveled in it nonetheless. The attention was centered on you in these moments and you relished it, whether or not it was negative or positive." The Guardian elaborated.
"I liked it, yes. I must admit I did like the attention but I'm not here because I want attention or the fact that I was afraid of disappearing. I have accepted that part of myself and my faith that drove me here. I know what I believe and I will not waver in them." Leliana declared. It made me happy that she was accepting the lesser parts of herself.
"That's good." Alistair and Talen said at the same time. They both frowned and looked away. Funny.
"Morrigan, daughter of Flemeth-"
"Do not even try Spirit, I will not play your games." Morrigan refused. The Guardian nodded to her response.
"Sten, your Arishok gave you a quest to this land, to observe and answer a question of his. In that quest, after losing your compatriots, you slaughtered an entire family in a blind rage. Do you believe you have failed your people by allowing a Qunari to be seen in that light?" The Guardian asked.
"I have never denied that I failed." Sten nodded. Considering there were those that still didn't trust Sten, hopefully this will make him see that he isn't so sure of himself either. Finally, the Guardian looked at me and my stomach dropped. I hated this feeling like the night I was going in for a difficult test that I haven't studied for.
"You, the one who walks without her name." Yep that got curious glances out of everyone. "You have come from a strange land to an even stranger time. The regrets that plague you are numerous and they follow you as close as your shadow does. It is a wonder that you haven't broken from all the regrets you carry but there is one that is constantly at your mind, one that you cannot forgive yourself for." I braced myself for it. "The fact that you knew of Rendon Howe's treachery and did nothing to stop it. Did you believe you failed yourself?"
"You what!?" Eren shouted and turned to me. I took a breath.
"Yeah, that's my biggest regret and yeah, I failed. I wanted to save more but I couldn't. That was my weakness." I replied.
"You knew!" Eren yelled.
"Yes! I knew and I also knew that no one would listen to me! Even you saw how far your father believed in Howe!" I snapped.
"Why didn't you warn me? Why didn't you tell me?!" Eren slapped his chest.
"How could I tell you? Yeah you had your suspicions about Howe but having to tell you that he was planning an all out attack on the castle would have seemed farfetched at the time! There was no one that would believe me! How could they when Howe and your family have been attached to the hip since the war ended!? No one would believe a bodyguard or a lowly handmaiden!" I reasoned.
"You could have done something!" Eren roared, his face getting red with anger.
"I did do something! I did the only thing I could do at the time which was protect you and your family AND I FAILED!" I screamed out. "I couldn't save Oriana, I couldn't save Eleanor, I couldn't save Bryce!"
"And their deaths fall on your head." Eren didn't raise his voice so much as a whisper but I heard it clear as day. "They are dead because of you."
"Eren-" Talen tried to intervene before Eren grabbed the collar of my armor.
"You only bring misfortune and death around you." Eren's face was unnaturally clear which scared me more than any glare he gave me. I had to stand on my tip toes as he lifted me from the ground. "You're a pestilence that only swerves failures around me."
"Boss!" Derek shouted.
"You should have died instead of them!" Eren roared and pushed me roughly against the wall. "If there is any penance you can hope to give me is your death to pay for theirs!" Eren had moved one of his hands to my neck and started to squeeze.
"Let her go!" Alistair tried to grab his shoulders but he wouldn't budge. Soon my head started to get lightheaded and my neck ached with severe pain. It wasn't until Sten nearly threw him off me to where I finally stumbled onto the floor, coughing and hacking while trying to breathe again.
"Eren that is not what we stand for and you know that!" Alistair shouted at him but Eren seemed to only look at me. I stared up at him, clutching at my neck as Talen and Zevran went to kneel next to me.
"After we gather the ashes for Eamon, I want you out of my sight. Should I ever catch you again, it will be my sword plunging into your chest." Eren threatened, a blank look in his eyes. "And if anyone stops me, they will face my blade too." He looked to the rest of the group before glaring at the Guardian who seemed saddened at what happened.
"You have passed the first trial but there are more lying in wait. Step forth, pilgrims." The Guardian blinded our group with light and the door behind him opened. I wasn't sure what to feel. It was all too much at the time so I pushed it down until I can revisit them again. I wasn't going to explain myself further to Eren. I did what I could with the power that I had at the time and it wasn't much. I failed and I was reminded of that every single time I saw Eren. Maybe one day the guilt will fade but right now it's clear and it hurts as much as my neck.
"Nia, let me-" Talen reached over with his hand filled with healing energy but I stopped him and shook my head.
"Save your mana Talen and let's get this over with." I coughed out, getting up. The group looked around in anticipation as we followed Eren but he looked over me as if trying to not even notice my presence. The door led us to a grand hallway with spirits all in two rows.
"What is this?" Derek wondered as we wandered in.
"Our next trial, I suppose." Morrigan said. Even she was watching Eren carefully. I walked up to the first spirit at my left, hearing her riddle, Andraste's childhood friend.
"A tune." I answered and it was the right one. After her explanation, her form dissipated and flew to the door. "We need to answer the riddles." I coughed out.
"And how would you know the answers?" Derek asked.
"All you have to do is listen." I replied. I didn't want to be anywhere near them. I felt naked. I'm pretty sure some of us were feeling that right now too. Having your failures and regrets pushed out into the open like that was no picnic. The thing is I already knew and was trying to deal with it. I was hoping that Eren wouldn't figure it out, that I can take it to my grave. Life isn't that simple.
We got the riddles solved slowly. Whenever someone would get stuck on one, I would go up and answer the right riddle. This part was the easiest of all the trials in the Gauntlet. Eren wouldn't even look at me, still sporting that same empty but rage filled look in his eyes. It made me feel smaller than I already was. I felt paranoid, as if everyone was staring and judging me for what I did, for what I didn't do, for my failure. The Guardian was right on them following me everywhere.
Eventually we got the door opened but it was pitch black. I couldn't see beyond it. I don't remember it being this way. A breeze was there but it seemed to pull us in rather than push out.
"Are we supposed to find our way in the dark without a torch?" Zevran wondered. Talen had sprouted a small fire in his palm but the darkness didn't recede. Eren hadn't a care as he stepped forth and we all followed him.
My footsteps echoed and my eyes grew wide, trying to see through the darkness. The fire from Talen waned until there was no more light. I stepped carefully, reaching for anything or anyone and not being able to see beyond my hands. God, it was so dark.
"Jesus, what I wouldn't give for a flashlight." I muttered before I stumbled into a loose stone and hit the ground hard. I groaned in pain before opening my eyes and finding myself in a freeway. "What the…? Am I in the fade?"
"Why am I standing in the middle of nowhere?" My breath stopped as I heard that voice and slowly looked behind me. Standing tall, leaner than he used to be, but he was still my husband Louis.
"Puppy!" I ran to him and, like all the other times before, he reached out and hugged me back.
"Kitty!" Once he said that, everything came out and I started sobbing into his chest. My face was probably a mess and I left large wet spots on his shirt too. I wasn't wearing my armor and had on my old clothes, I was normal again. There I was, crying my heart and my eyes out until I had to stop when my throat started to hurt. Louis calmed me down, rubbing circles on my back. I heard his voice crack a few times, most likely also feeling the weight of the situation. After everything, we held each other just relishing the fact we were here together again.
"Here we are again, another moment with kitty that I know won't last but is always cherished." My eyes look up towards him confused at his words. I know my husband and this isn't what I expected. He smiles at me with already bloodshot eyes and pokes my forehead. "Ah what the hell am I trying to pretend to be all polite and shit! Kitty! I miss you so much!" He roughly pulls me back into a big hug. I giggle at his touch and his quick pecks.
"Yeah, I know it won't last." I giggled again as he snuggled into me. "I'm not sure why you're here but I'm pretty sure it has to deal with my regrets. In the game, this is where the Warden meets up with the person with whom they regret. Bryce for the Cousland, Tamlen for the Dalish, Jowan for Surana and so on and so forth. I'm trying to figure out which of my many regrets brought you to me."
He feigns being wounded as he pouts. "It's because your pug is a disappointment to you." Despite saying it with humor I can hear the hurt in his voice as I take a step back and give him a deadpan look. "What? What other reason could have brought you here?" he shrugs his shoulders and puts his best goofy face.
"A lot of reasons, mostly the kitty failing of course. I failed in saving Eren's family, I failed as a friend to Rael, I failed in everything." My voice broke as I got up and started to pace as I usually do when I'm venting. "Then the fact that I am not even comfortable being in this world still! Did you know I just eviscerated a man's face! I stabbity stabbed his face until it looked like a blood pie!" I let out an aggravated sigh.
"Oh shit! Savagery!" He says in his deep gruff mimicry of Chester Cheetah from my worlds television commercial. He stands back watches me pace and rant as he always does then rubs his beard. I never noticed how long its actually gotten. "Well I will say they may be failures but they are also learning points to better yourself and to better your decisions. I believe you haven't failed since you are still alive and still traveling to gather your forces….you are still alive, right?" he looks around the surroundings in a questioning gaze.
"No duh puppy. Oh I actually died again, I think I left my body on the last highway exit." I added sarcastically and he gave me an 'I had to ask' face. "I guess you can say they're learning points but do I really have to accept the killing? Because that's really messing me up like hard. Besides all the failure that's the one thing that keeps on haunting me. One day I think I'm honky dory and all of a sudden something like this happens and I'm thrown into a loop, a very depressing loop. What can I do puppy?" I finally sat down. "I'm fucking swimming in blood at this point and I'm worried. Am I going to heaven now? Can I look at myself in a mirror without ever feeling this enormous weight? I was never this way puppy. Shit, I could barely kill insects and here I am, stabbing people through the eye and shit." I inhaled and exhaled for a long time, shrugging my shoulders and running my hand through my hair.
I feel his weight against my back as he lays against me and covers me again in his warmth. "Truthfully, Kitty, I find it pretty badass what you've been able to do, but I know you are you and I am me. I will say this." He takes a calm breath which tickles my neck as his cheek brushes through my hair and then against mine briefly before he pulls away. "No matter what has happened I don't think any less of you. Remember, It's for survival. Would you rather be gone and never come back to me and the turkeys? God forgives if you wish for forgiveness. You repent when you desire it. You have regretted each kill from the start. Halo knows for the most part about the big guy. You will always be the kitty to me." He snuggles me warmly.
"Sometimes it's hard to remember that I can be forgiven considering that I feel like I can't forgive myself." I mumble into his chest. "But it makes me feel better that no matter what I do, you'll still be there for me. I love you."
"I love you too kitty. Understand that everything you are doing is for survival and nothing can make me change the love I have for you. 'Todo se limpia con jabón y agua,' as my coworker would tell me when something would happen that made me feel like I would slip into depression over the stuff I've done in the past. The same goes for you my pretty kitty, you are not at fault for this." He looked me deep in the eyes as he tipped my chin. We kissed for one last time until I opened my eyes and found myself on the stone floor of the trial. I felt that homesickness and loneliness spread but looked at my ring on my finger. I felt warm, remembering my husband's words. If it's from him, I know that everything will be alright. Everything washes away with soap and water and so will all I do to get home.
Beta'd by Syutaku!
Finally got through! I've been trying to rewrite this part since the beginning and I feel like it flows much smoother than my first time. I've also noticed how my entire demeanor changes so long as I'm with someone comfortable and that's the reason why Nia's voice pattern changes with the husband. Anyway, I'm down to the last 5 days of my pregnancy, my due date is soon and I have no clue when this baby will pop, hopefully I get the next chapter in soon.
Shout out to colindw for following/favoriting! Thank you Chimera Spyke (love your reviews) for reviewing!
Valtiel: I actually do answer my reviewer's questions, so long as they don't ask for obvious spoilers lol. I will be rewriting the awakening part and Nia will be continuing her adventures as long as they keep on doing more Dragon Age games so yes she will be in Inquisition :) I hope you have enjoyed what you've read!
PLEASE REVIEW! :D