I'll answer reviews before every chapter.
Grammar Guests(1,2 & 3): Sorry about my grammar, sentence structure and everything else that bothered you. I'm still a beginner and will work harder to improve, either way I appreciate the feedback and will try harder. I don't have a Beta even though I'm trying to find one but will keep going by myself in the meantime. I tried to fix all the mistakes pointed out. Sorry if I write like i'm trying too hard, i'm just trying to push myself.
Other guests (1 & 2): thank you for the feedback.
cwalk74: I really want Ana to branch out, she's a nice person doesn't make sense that she basically only has one friend. Get ready for a well rounded Ana!
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Thanks for reviewing.
Chapter Two: Dear Christian Grey
I sit staring at the email. I feel my heart falter, then spike to the point where I can hear it pounding in my ears and feel it hammering against my chest.
Not here, please, not at work.
My pleas are redundant as I feel it; my eyes tearing up, my hands pointlessly trying to wipe the threat away. How can I control it? It's his name right there.
Christian Grey.
My nose flares in rising anger at him and myself. I can't believe it- just a few moments ago I was scanning a document, reflecting on how many good things happened today. Which, however, having turned out to be a resounding one, helped me in not feeling like a complete piece of trash today. There it stood, a tiny flickering spark of hope that I could move on from this person.
However, now, as I sit staring at this unread email, tears mounting like a dam ready to burst, I wonder if it's a possibility. When he isn't even here but his mere name can affect my entire body.
Breathe. My subconscious instructs me. There's a simple solution, just don't open it. A roar in my head resonates voicing everyone's agreement with what my subconscious suggests.
Impulsive thoughts flit across my mind, wondering what he could possibly want to say to me.
Don't open it.
Don't open it.
Don't-
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8, 2011 14:25
To: Anastasia Steele
Dear Anastasia
Forgive the intrusion at work. I hope that it's going well. Did you get my flowers?
I note that tomorrow is the gallery opening for your friend's show, and I'm sure you've not had time to purchase a car, and it's a long drive. I would be more than happy to take you- should you wish.
Let me know.
Christian Grey.
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
I scan it over, and over again trying in vain to find a hint that he misses me, a hidden message- but nothing. He's only being polite, sticking to his word in providing me a ride to José's show. My eyes ache from staring at the words for so long and the tears stream freely now. I have no idea how I manage to get to the bathroom, but as I dab wads of toilet paper against my cheeks i'm thankful for the escape.
José's show, I'd forgotten all about it.
How am I going to get there? Why hasn't José phoned? Why hasn't anyone phoned? Right... the freaking Blackberry, I completely forgot that everything is still diverted to it. Has he been getting my calls? I wonder dumping the toilet paper in the waste basket then returning to my position by the sink. No, he most probably threw it away.
My fingers drum against the granite counter, on which I lean on. I scoff then cross my arms over my chest, as I realize I never gave him my email address. His stalker tendencies really have no bounds. How did he get my email? Thinking about it now, this is the most normal thing he's done so far considering he has my shoe and clothes size.
Is it weird to miss his stalker ways? His emails?
Him.
My heart staggers and clenches and I feel the void I've grown all too familiar with expand. Dazedly, my right hand comes to rest on my heart and massages the internal pain.
The voices are no help whispering at me in complete varying opinions. My subconscious shakes her head and my inner goddess opens only an eye to show her mild interest, they're both still mad at him. My conscience is quiet and I have no clue as to why. Could I bear to see him again? Someone who enjoyed inflicting pain on me… no, no, no I agree with them, not yet. I'm not ready to face everything that's happened. I need more time.
Taking a deep breath I give myself a hard look in the mirror. Dry tears and bits of tissue greet me. Jeez... I'm pale and skinny, skinnier than before.
I scoff and my reflection mirrors me a cruel smile on her face. I'm becoming a ghost; is this what love does to someone? I love him, but no he can't love me… simple. He made that very clear, so no questions about your course of action. I tell myself this even as the thought of rejecting him almost causes my resolve to crumble.
On my way back, I check to find that my phones still switched to divert. Jack's in a meeting, so I decide to phone José, before emailing him back. He answers on the second ring.
"Hey José. It's Ana."
"Hello stranger." His tone is warm and welcoming. I immediately feel a sense of familiarity and the corners of my lips twitch upwards. "I can't talk long, but I encountered a problem with going to your show."
"Oh, you still want to come?" I can practically picture his broad grin. "What's the problem?"
I sigh sinking into my chair. "I don't have a ride, Wanda's officially gone- don't ask it's a really long story."
"Adiós Wanda, and good riddance." I frown at his words but still cherish this, a nice normal conversation. "So you need a ride um, gimme a minute I won't take long." I keep the phone pressed to my ear and hear muffled voices. I spin in my rotary chair glancing to Jack's office the door remains closed, then José's back.
"Ana? I know this isn't perfect but, I have this friend who could totally drive you. He moved here a while ago from Switzerland, a total genius, kind of nerdy- totally your style."
"Hey!"
"You know what I mean. His name is Adam Bereado- we call him Adam B."
I hesitate- he wants me to ride with a complete stranger. "Uh, I don't kno-"
"Please Ana," He pleads. "I really want you to come and I swear on my life he's trustworthy- a saint even."
I begin to roll my eyes at José's attempts to convince me. Then suddenly and altogether several things happen. Images of him surround me- his lips instructing me not to roll my eyes, his hands slowly lowering on my body, a hard spank. In the next second the sudden sound of scraping chairs reach my ears. I straighten too abruptly at the sound and my chair staggers backwards, the phone slips from my hand and I disregard it as I grip the edge of my desk to regain my balance. I don't wait to catch my breath, but swoop to grab the phone underneath the desk.
"Ana? Hello?"
Then right there with my head underneath my table, I don't have time to contemplate my next words and so without thinking I say. "Okay why not," Then pause to gulp a lungful of air. "Text me the details later."
"Really?! Okay, see you tomorrow!"
"Thanks, I can't wait." I hang up and pull myself up so quickly my head spins. Jack's door opens and I try to act casual and smile brightly. The two men breeze right past me and I release the biggest breath when they're out of hearing range. Fanning myself with one hand I remark at my ease of getting winded.
"This is way too much exercise for me." I murmur adjusting in my seat and easily enough, get back into the head space of writing an email to the man I love. How to begin? Do I write his name or Mr Grey? I don't want to be too light or too rejecting, would he even care?
I put my elbows on the desk burying my head in my hands and shaking my head. Why is this so complicated? I start and delete so many emails, I can't possibly write that I miss him, and want nothing but to wrap myself in his arms and forget this whole ordeal.
Fuck it, I type an email as simple and forthcoming as I can be.
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8, 14: 50
To: Christian Grey
Hello Christian
Thank you for the flowers, they were lovely.
I'm glad you liked the glider I hoped you might. Work is interesting and going well. Thank you for the offer but I've already secured a ride for tomorrow. Thank you for your concern.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8, 15: 03
To: Anastasia Steele
I could still attend, that is if I'm still invited.
Christian Grey.
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc
From: Anastasia Steele
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8, 15: 10
To: Christian Grey
I know you were just attending on my behalf. I'm sure you're very busy anyhow, there's no need.
Thanks again.
Anastasia Steele
Assistant to Jack Hyde, Commissioning Editor, SIP
From: Christian Grey
Subject: Tomorrow
Date: June 8, 15: 37
To: Anastasia Steele
Of course, Anastasia. I hope you enjoy yourself.
Have a great day.
Christian Grey.
CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.
The last email took him twenty minutes to send. It makes me wonder what he was doing in that time. I flit past thoughts of him working, eating, taking an important phone call and tell myself it's probably something I don't want to know. I exit the tab finding myself unable to respond. The head spinning doesn't stop the rest of the work day. By the time I leave I've gone to the bathroom a minimum of six times, the overwhelming feeling to cry unrelenting. I leave teary and red eyed saying only a quiet goodbye to Claire and Jack.
When I get home I free fall collapse into bed. Letting my hands and legs hang over the edge of the bed, I consider sleeping like this- I felt exhausted in every sense of the word. Is this it? The great and spontaneous love that I've read about in all my books for years, because it fucking sucks.
I'm transported back to the work, when I thought of his body on mine. When I open my eyes again my phone's in my hand, my finger hovering above Christians' name- which I couldn't bring myself to delete. My hand vibrates abruptly and I'm snapped out of my trance. I'm so shocked with myself that I yelp as I throw the buzzing phone across my room into a pile of laundry. I bury my face in my pillow fighting the urge to scream and take what feels like hours to clear my head.
You rejected him twice. You don't get to complain and be weak. I leave that on repeat as I slowly get up and go to dig the phone out of my bra cup. It's a text message.
From: José R, 19:21
Hey Ana Bear
My friends' name is Adam Bereado. Kate told me you started your job at SIP (Congrats!), he'll pick you up around 17:40 at your work address. He drives a nice blue pickup it's a long drive, so play nice.
See you tomorrow ;)
The message brings forth realization. I honestly agreed to drive hours with a complete stranger just to avoid one person. I change into my pajamas and climb in to bed pulling the covers up to my neck, the beige ceiling stares back at me. Whoever this person is José trusts him and he's not one to hang out with the wrong crowd, so I shouldn't be worried. I turn to my side deciding it's for the best, trying unsuccessfully to push away thoughts of the men in in my life.
The man I don't know, the man I wish I didn't know and the man I wish I knew earlier- before BDSM, before Mrs Robinson, before the pain- the tears come before I can stop them.
On Thursday I get up half an hour later than I usually do because I spend it staring at the wilting rose on my bedside table.
The day goes fast, too fast and I know it's because I'm nervous to meet José's friend. Throughout the day I reassure myself I have time to prepare to meet Adam B. I think of conversation topics and write them down only to glance at the clock and see an hour's passed.
Jack is especially attentive today, making unnecessary idle remarks and conversation with me all day. I wouldn't even have considered it strange if Jack had given me actual work today instead of just taking his calls. I was basically entertaining him my whole work day. At first I suspected it was the dress I was wearing but he can't see it underneath the light grey, button up coat, but the heels probably give it away. I write it off its my first week he's just going easy on me- I let that thought sit there.
When it's just after 17:30 I collect my jacket and purse and try to reign in my nerves. In the bathroom I do last minute adjustments and unbutton the coat to reveal the dress underneath; today instead of Kate's' plum dress, which I suspect she took to Barbados I wear a sleeveless ruby red, short, lace up dress. It was a 20 year old birthday present from my mom that I've never had occasion to wear before- or denied all invitation attempts.
It hangs of my skin and I readjust one of the pins holding it in place. "Twenty me was bigger- than I am now." I say reassuringly to my reflection. Two weeks ago you was bigger than this. The vixen comments and my pale skin and thin features look all the more haunting,
I clumsily apply mascara and pinch my cheek, wishing I knew how to use makeup. I sigh irritated and look away, down at the floor where my image won't hurt me. Pretty grey high heels that painfully remind me of his eyes. I shake my head, throw a sympathetic smile at my reflection and leave the bathroom.
Claire smiles at me and waves as I head out, and Jack is there talking to another one of my co-workers Elizabeth. He smiles at me and I desperately wish I hadn't caught his eye but he hurries over to the door and rests his hand on the handle. He stands nonchalant acting as if he isn't blocking my exit.
"Date tonight?" He asks skimming me over and taking in the dress. My skin crawls.
"No, just a friend's show." I give him a meaningful look which I hope conveys my discomfort but his smile only grows. Thank you very much Jackass! That's all the time we have for you today.
"Well, I hope you enjoy yourself."
"Thank you." I see his hand moving and slip through the slowly opening door. "Bye Jack." I call haphazardly behind me basically sprinting down the stairs. I really need to figure out what that guy's deal is. I think resisting the urge to turn around and see if he's still watching me.
Outside a little ways down on the curb rests a shiny blue pickup, a Ford, I think. Leaning against the passengers side is who I can only assume to be, "Adam Bereado but prefers Adam B?" I approach, the man looks up from his phone and with it still in hand points a finger at me.
"Anastasia but prefers Ana Bear." I chuckle dryly, forcefully and know he truly does hang out with José now, "Oh God I hope that's the only bad thing José's told you about me. A nickname is about the only dirty secret I can part with." He pockets his phone and sticks his hand out to me.
I remember Ray always used to tell me that a persons way of greeting and the way you feel during the greeting determines your whole relationship. He told me this when I made a new friend, had a date, a job interview. I remember Chris-His greeting I fell in his office and he helped me up, his hand was sturdy, soft and rough at the same time and sent electricity through my entire body... Guess he didn't feel it. Kate's hands are always soft and reassuring, however, they click when she moves them in a certain way and she cracks them consistently because she spends hours typing. Chloe's hands were wet and clammy when I met her, but hard like soil and dainty.
Adam unaware of my internal thoughts shakes my hand then opens the door for me. I smile gratefully in thanks and because his hands are warm and it creates an immediate sense of friendship. I note Adam's dressed up as well, and know that I'm not overdressed.
"Don't worry he just told me a few of your dirty secrets." He closes my door once I'm buckled in and rounds to his side unaware of my racing thoughts of what José could've told him. My eyes shoot to his face in disbelief but Adam has a teasing smirk playing on his lips. Once he's buckled in my heart rate has slowed, "Don't worry all I know is José thinks you're a saint." He turns the key and we're off.
"Likewise." Oh J, feeding us the same line.
"The show starts around eight and continues till midnight. José wanted you there early to give you the artist's tour but unless I break every speeding law in the book we'll be there around eight thirty-" He glances down at his watch. "Uh, nine to the latest."
"It's alright I don't mind being with the lesser folk." He chuckles and I feel several imaginary pats on my back in congratulations for acting normal thus far.
After about an hour in the car I feel myself relaxing. Adam's personality resonates good, and all the accompanying synonyms that come with it. He's extremely friendly to the point of utter trustworthiness and not to mention good looking. He has tidy somewhat jelled dark brown hair with greenish almost blue eyes and a lean, strapping body. Exactly what you picture when someone says cute sci-fi nerd. Though I couldn't help but compare him to that person who was still the icing on the cake, and the cherry on top of the ice cream despite all.
"So José told me you moved here from Switzerland," He nods in tune with my words. "I don't hear an accent."
"I'm not Swiss just studied there for a long time. I was actually born in Queen Anne." He looks at me expectantly, and I find myself raking my brain for my basic knowledge of that part of Seattle. "Home of the Space Needle and extravagant mansions of the 19th century- very impressive."
"You got that right- wish I enjoyed it for more than fifteen years."
"What happened?"
"I graduated high school and got an opportunity I couldn't refuse." My eyebrows rise past my bangs. Well- that's definitely not what I expected to hear.
With prompt Adam then goes on to tell me his life story- even though he talks about everything but himself. He describes the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology where he studied for 5 years, going into detail about architecture and nature. He details all about the wonderful people he met when he transferred to Caltech. Then only when he tells me he moved here for work does he actually mention anything about himself. Honestly, he sounded like a young, technological genius and resolute in his modesty about it.
"I mean Switzerland was beautiful, the mountains and the architecture was breathtaking. The city came alive so beautifully with its light and nature in a way that America hasn't conquered." I nod staring at his face as they change with memories. "I definitely see myself there when I settle down, but there was too much opportunity everywhere to ignore you know?"
He continues and I listen. "And it got even worse when I finished studying. I felt like I was getting pulled in so many directions. Offers coming from as far as a specialized research facility in freaking Antarctica." He laughs like the idea is the most ludicrous thing he's ever heard. "To as close as Canada-" He stops mid sentence. "I feel like i'm talking your ear off,"
"No, no," I say quickly. "Don't stop I'm interested. You've lived such a full life and you're the same age as me? That's amazing." I breathe his adventures captivating me. I don't have to fake interest, because his life was genuinely exciting and experienced. He studied at only top institutions, and worked with so many great's of our time it was easy to get lost in his story- almost forgetting all my problems.
"No I'm told I talk too much when its not necessary, then say nothing at all when I should."
"Your listening skills must be terrible."
He snorts. "Well let's just say while my sisters went partying, I sat and braided my mom's hair while she complained about my dad." I laugh and am surprised at how real it sounds to my own ear. "That's a story for another day."
He then proceeds to prod until I finally start speaking. He seems attentive as I murmur about books, my education and my job at SIP. The whole time I wish I could muster my usual excitement for my love of books. Talking about myself only made me think how boring I must sound. How boring I am. No wonder he doesn't love m-
"Ana... you okay?" Adam's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. "Huh? Yeah? Sorry, I zoned out." He frowns momentarily. "Ana I've known you for almost three hours now- I know you better than you know yourself."
"Shut up." I chuckle letting him lighten the mood.
"Out with it," He says sitting up straighter. "Is it a guy? Or gal?"
"Gal?" I raise an eyebrow.
"Lady, young woman, damsel, lassie, mademoiselle, dudette- wait is dudette a word?" I look at him bewildered, and even though I'm sure he's asking himself more than me I answer. "No its not, and its nothing to do with a woman."
He glances at me before turning back to the road. "Firstly, if dude is a word so is dudette."
"Who here studied English Lit."
He rolls his eyes smiling and I do the same. "Whatever fine agree to disagree. Tell me about this guy." I feel my face drop and hadn't realized the ease I was feeling until my whole body stiffens. Why is everyone I meet reading me so easily? My neighbour Chloe, now this guy, are all girls this way after a break up. I think of Kate and those PJs she always wears after a breakup and realize how our symptoms are similar. None the less mine seem to be on a completely different level to what her, teen magazines and soap operas have shown me. Once again only things I've read and felt through those characters can compare to what I'm experiencing.
"Come on, Ana." He pauses, "Every female lead needs a few supporting characters at her side." I duck my head my eyes filling with tears. Ugh, why couldn't I like guys like this?
The thing was I wanted to tell Adam. I'm tired and worn out, and want someone to listen to me without judgement. Plus, I'd been opening up strangers all week anyway.
"Was it that bad?"
Opting, name, kinkery- fuckery and sex in general I try to think of a proper way to phrase mine and Christian's relationship. "If you consider a mutual agreement to separate because one is a non- committing, arrogant, unloving, egomania-" I sigh and take a deep breath, then again until I'm slightly panting with frustration- or hyperventilating.
Do I hold anger for Christian too? This is the first time I've spoken of Christian directly aloud and I sounded spiteful and hurt. I know I'm sad because of what happened and anger and sadness co- exist when breaking up- if you can call it a breakup. Still, I shouldn't say things about Christian to others. I signed an NDA, then again I haven't said anything regarding the BDSM. Maybe all I wanted was someone to call him an asshole and tell me I'm an angel for putting up with him. Someone to tell me I deserve better and to forget him. Even as the thoughts cross my mind I know those words would only make me feel worse. He wasn't an asshole- he just had issues that made it incapable of us being together and so did I.
And he hurt you. They tell me. He did I agree with them for the second time in two days. Maybe my cartoon characters are looking out for me after all.
"We just wanted different things." I trial off with a sigh.
"That good, huh?" He smirks but I see the sympathy in his eyes. The same sympathy I've seen in Chloe's eyes. The exact sympathy I've been avoiding so I make the corners of my lips lift slightly, and huff a laugh. "Yeah it was great."
I thought I'd feel better talking to somebody about him but instead I feel sick. My mouth feels bitter like I just ate something sour. Is it the effect of his name bouncing around in my head or the fact that I've talked about him at all?
Maybe I should call Kate and tell her everything. Its still going to be a while until she comes back and I could use my best friend. I feel the car lurch to a stop and look up dazedly from the dashboard where I was concentrating hard on not crying.
Suddenly, Adam's out of his seat and before I know it he's opening my door. "Come on."
"Where are we?" I ask searching my surroundings Adam had stopped in front of a burger joint…? Yep, he's going to take me behind it and kill me I decide, and momentarily consider the option. "Welcome to Little Big Burger." He says casually, confused and curious I take his offered hand, "The show…"
"We're on schedule José won't mind if we take a quick detour."
"Is this how you you get dates." I try to joke and ignore what Adam bringing me here means. "Kidnapping them."
Adam's face for the first time that night is stoic. "Right now, you need food." I follow silently as he leads us through the red rimmed door, a tiny bell indicating our arrival and we sit at the first empty, red painted chairs he sees opposite to each other. The restaurant is modern, the walls painted in grey and white. Where we sit theirs an abstract painting with green, yellow and grey. At first glance it looked like white squares and yellow lines then it shifts and you could see the effect of time travel. I didn't dwell it long instead averting my eyes to the beige table where we sat and listening to the other attendants.
"What are we doing here?"
"We've been driving for hours and I don't know about you but I'm hungry." His green eyes pierce my blue and I see the underlying message. "Its on me." I don't answer because the waitress comes- a friendly blonde with a preppy cheerleader voice- I don't order and Adam orders us both cokes and cheese burgers with fries.
The waitress turns to leave. "I'm allergic to cheese." I blurt.
Adam raises an eyebrow at me his expression doubting, when the unhelpful waitress offers helpfully. "Barbecue burger than?"
"Sure." I say unable to think of anything else to say. "No onions please."
"Yes miss." When she leaves I glare at the man across from me. "I'm not your responsibility."
"Ana its just dinner." I scowl at him. He hasn't said it outright, why we're here. I know it and he knows it, but he won't say it. I want to be angry but he's just worried about my health, and I settle on being extremely irritated. It's frustrating how Adam and Chloe have read me so easily, and I'm almost mad at myself for not making more of an effort. More of an effort to look happy, or at least normal. I feel like I've wasted time and effort- the effort it took to get up every morning, put on a face and face the world. It's exhausting and now I simultaneously want to try harder and stop trying all together. Someone, one of the characters laughs and I scowl.
When the food arrives I sneak a peek at Adam after staring at the meal for a long time he's chomping away at his burger, coke half empty. It smells wonderful, but I have no appetite and take a tentative sip of my coke and before I know it it's gone. It makes the spinning in my head stop, and my chest feel less constricted which leads me to the burger I take one bite it's good but, I hardly taste it. I wonder what he's doing right now. Working? Eatin-
"We're not leaving until you finish." I scrutinize Adam's serious expression. He leans nonchalant against the booth, hands clasped behind his neck eyes closed. I must have been out of it for a while. This asshole. I want to say. Smart, kind asshole. I continue eating faster now, not wanting to be even more late to Jose's show and because… I'm hungry. I'm starving. As I'm finishing he excuses himself and comes back with the bill paid.
Back in the car 3 minutes away from the gallery I finally gather the courage to say something. "Thank you." Christi- He-who-shall-not-be-named has put me through hell. No, that's wrong I've been putting myself through hell these past few days. No. It's him. I shake my head confused it didn't matter I wasn't healthy and I'd been ignoring it.
Adam nods, "What I'd do? Just a meal between a dude and a dudette." I smile and suddenly I'm laughing and so is he. I wonder if he know how much this all means to me. We pull up to the building and he again walks over to my side and opens my door, he offers his elbow playfully and I lock my arm with it. I'm going to make a bigger effort, Adam makes me want too- a stranger makes me want to try.
"Nice dress, by the way."
"Thanks. Lovely suit." It really was. A classic black suit, with a white undershirt and black tie.
"Aah, this old thing, it's my dad's old monkey suit. You wouldn't know this by looking at me but, I'm more of a jeans and shirt guy." He leads me into the building converted warehouse- brick walls, dark wood floors, white ceilings, and visible white pipe work.
"You? I never would have guessed." He laughs. The buildings airy and modern, and there are tens of people wandering across the gallery floor sipping wine and admiring José's work. The moment completely fills me with joy and adds to the already good evening. The pride is overwhelming in knowing José's realized his dream.
A young women dressed in black with short brown hair, bright red lipstick,large hooped earrings greets us. She glances at me, longer at Adam then back to me. "Oh you're Ana. We'll want your take on all this as well." She hands us both a brochure and directs us to a table of drinks and snacks, I almost retch at the sight I'm so full.
"Do you know her?" Adam asks once she's gone. I shake my head equally confused.
Adam shrugs indifferently the makes a face at the table. "You hungry?"
"Hell no." He laughs patting his stomach with the brochure still in hand. "Me neither."
"Ana! Adam!" I turn to see José barreling through a throng of people towards us, the sight of him brings so many familiar memories that I almost cry for the upteenth time that night. He seems like a completely different person from a section of my life that I have to rediscover. José's wearing a suit and looking every bit the professional photographer, he enfolds me in a hug and then him and Adam do a handshake I don't understand.
He then holds me by the shoulder and does the same with Adam, even though he's significantly taller then him. "I'm glad you guys made it I was getting worried."
"It's nine thirty, and I'm pretty sure I got a speeding ticket so you're welcome."
José scoffs at him. "Thanks for bringing her AB." He then looks at me purposely. "You look... different." He says eyeing me and I know what he's going to say. "Dios mio, have you lost weight? You look like-"
I blink back tears and then see a slight movement between the two. José steps back slightly and glares at Adam like he jabbed him but then he smiles and seems to quickly decide to change his approach. "I meant you look great."
"Don't worry I'm fine." I smile my voice wavering as I see the worry still etched in his eyes. "I'm just so proud of you!"
"Thank you! I couldn't have done it without you."
I frown. "Of course you could. What do I have to do with this?"
"My assistant, driving me places and..." He suddenly looks extremely guilty. "You'll find out." Adam and I both exchange a confused look but José doesn't get the chance to elaborate. He's pulled away by a woman saying that such and such wanted to meet him.
The rest of the night goes smoothly. I get Adam and José to come make a toast with me to success and future prospects it's subconsciously for all of us even if I only say a toast to José aloud. Mentally I toast for José's ongoing success, for Adam's work opportunities and for me and my fucked up life hopefully getting better. I down two more glasses of white wine without explanation before declaring the toast effective. Adams' amusement is evident and he downs two with me.
Then I spend my time analyzing every single picture I can their stunning, beautiful, some sad and painful. José's pictures are both monochrome and color some blown up into canvases and huge. They pull you into the scene and like Adam describes his life I'm sucked into the image and feel what José's felt when he took these pictures. It's stunning and I want to go find José and jump up and down with him because of his success.
I'm almost sure I see Chris- his reflection in some of the portraits' glass, but don't turn around because I'm sure I'll be disappointed. I almost laugh at how pitiable I am, but still I let my mind drift. How different this night would have gone with him. What would have happened would we have just argued or actually sorted something out? I ignore the feeling of my gut wrenching when I turn to Adam and use him to distract me. He's only mildly successful because of my inability to shake grey eyes from my mind.
Eventually something happens that distracts me completely. I finally find the reason why people have been gawking and whispering about me- some outright congratulating me.
I turn the corner and there hangs me.
Candid, close- up and in black and white. It's a picture- I look to its left and find another, then turn and find another. One of me smiling, two scowling, three pouting, four, five, six and seven.
I stare enthralled. Adam joins my side after a few minutes. I don't- can't look at him utterly shocked but he whistles lowly and eventually I turn to him my face surely red and he slides his hands into his pocket. "I was not expecting this."
"Yeah," I breathe and suddenly I'm smiling. "Me neither."
I never expected such great feedback, almost to 100 followers after just one chapter. I can't thank you all enough. I'll work really hard for you guys and try to improve my grammar and sentence structure.
Everyone please note the difference between conscious and conscience, I didn't make a spelling mistake for anyone who's confused. These are different things conscience is to do with being aware of right and wrong like in cartoons when people have the angel and devil on their shoulders. Conscious is the you being aware of and responding to your surroundings.
I will be updating every week or every two weeks.
Review- I appreciate all constructive criticism, we all have room for improvement.
Thanks again.
xoxoIvoryxoxo