Chapter 77

I put one of the couch pillows under Oswald's head, before stepping toward the living room window. His body is covered by a heavy blanket that matches the couch, clothes strewn over the couch and floor. I pick up his thin white shirt and put it on, concealing my otherwise naked body. The shirt is a little long for me, going down to my upper thighs, but it's otherwise just my size.

I pull back the curtains of the living room window, and look out into the city skyline. It's one of those rare clear nights in Gotham, with the moon in full view between two brightly lit skyscrapers. I pull his shirt closer, some of his warmth still lingering.

A shadow of clouds pass over the full moon, slightly obscuring it from view. Behind me, the record player clicks to life and slow jazz begins playing. I turn around to find Oswald, wearing nothing but his jacket and slacks. He wraps his arms around my waist.

"That...was exceptional," he chuckles, squeezing me.

I place my hands on his arms, a frown crossing my face, "That...was a mistake."

"No," he shakes his head, "no...we may have our differences, but, when we're together...it's wonderful."

We kiss, a slight breeze whipping my hair and pulling me toward him. The right thing to do would be to push him away...but, I don't want to. Is that wrong? And, and besides, Fish wants me to seduce him, isn't that what I've done? Or was it him who seduced me? Was it something in between?

Oswald leans down, and my expression gives me away. He frowns, and his grip on me tightens, constricting me to his chest.

"I know what you're thinking...that I'm not right for you...that I don't...deserve you."

I remain silent for a couple of seconds, contemplating my next words, "No...that's...that's not it Oswald. We're just...too different, you know what I mean?"

Grabbing my hand, he leads me into the living room, where he sits us down at the piano, opening it up.

"You say either, and I say ither," he starts, playing a single note.

"Huh?"

"You say neither, and I say nither. Follow along," he instructs, smiling to me.

"Either, ither, neither, nither, let's call the whole thing off. Come on now. You like potato, and I like…"

He turns to me expectantly, and I shrug, "...potauto?"

"Yeah. You like tomato, and I like…"

Starting to get the idea, I join in, "...tomauto."

We switch off, singing, "Potato!"

"Potauto!"

"Tomato!"

"Tomauto!"

"Let's call the whole thing off!" we sing together.

Oswald wraps his arms around my waist, "But oh...if we call the whole thing off then we must part. And oh...if we ever part then that might break my heart."

"So if you like pajyamas, and I pajamas, I'll wear pajyamas and give up pajamas," I sing before Oswald joins in, swinging me back and forth, "for we, know we, need each other so we, better call the calling off off! Let's call the whole thing off!"

We chuckle, as we get up from the piano and start to dance, the music still playing in our heads. I begin, "I say laughter and you say laoughter. You say after and I say aufter."

"Laughter!"

"Laoughter!"

"After!"

"Aufter!"

"Let's call the whole thing off!" He spins me around before pulling me back.

I press my finger onto his nose, "I like vanilla and you like vanella."

"You sarsaparilla and I sarsaparella," he responds, separating from me so we can sarsaparilla next to each other.

"Vanilla!"

"Vanella!"

"Chocolate!"

"Strawberry!"

"Let's call the whole thing off!"

I jump on top of the dining room table and Oswald stands below, gazing up as I sing, "But oh...if we call the whole thing off then we must part…"

He joins me, "And oh...if we ever part than that might break my heart!"

He grabs me by the waist and lifts me off the table, the ends of his shirt floating as I land on the ground. Together we harmonize as we tap dance to the beat, "So if you go for oysters and I go for ursers, I'll order oysters and cancel the ursers."

We slow down, returning to a traditional ballroom dance, "For we...know we...need each other so we...better call the calling off off…" we pull closer to each other, "let's call the whole thing…"

The door bursts open, Mrs. Cobblepot marching in, "Oswald!"

We separate, and I pull his shirt down to conceal as much of me as possible. Oswald fully buttons up his jacket, "M-mom, what, what a surprise-"

"I don't want to hear any of it," she grabs his wrist, "my little boy, debauching himself with a savage woman! I've raised you better than this!"

Without giving him time to collect the rest of his clothes, she drags him out of the apartment, slamming the door behind them. While it was rude for Mrs. Cobblepot to come storming into my apartment, I am rather happy she got rid of Oswald for me. Maybe I should take a note from her the next time I need to get him out of the apartment.

After showering, putting on some clothes, and cleaning up the living room, I prepare some eggs for myself and sit down to eat. I look around at the surrounding living room, recalling last night. Oswald got quite creative, and they always say that sex is better the second time. It's true really, at least in my experience, but was it worth having to put up with him the rest of the time? Then again, there's more benefits to Oswald than just sex, our strange friendship is what led to sex in the first place.

On a small side table, the phone rings. I'd kept the large red rotary phone Oswald had used when he thought he'd killed Ed. To my knowledge, it isn't bugged, and why waste it? I needed a phone anyway, it was becoming far too expensive to keep calling Amanda by payphone.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Natalie? It's Barbara, could you come down to my apartment? We need to talk," she asks on the other side of the line.

I run my hand through my hand, I never get a break, do I?

"Sure, I'll be down in about a half hour," I respond, before hanging up.

Barbara answers right away when I knock on the door, holding a glass of wine. I smile, if only to mask my worry.

"Babs...a little early to be drinking, don't you think?"

She smiles, "Well, at least I don't look like I've just had sex."

I chuckle, "...it's that obvious?"

"Oh no, Nat, I just see these things. So, come on in, tell me all about it," she opens both doors, allowing me to step in.

"I have a feeling you didn't call me here to talk about my sex life," I point out.

She closes the door, "Yeah, it's just that your sex life is much more interesting than what I want to talk about. So...who was it with? Wait...let me guess...Peter! It has to be Peter!"

I laugh, wondering if I should ever tell her about 'Peter', "Of course, who else?"

"What's he like in bed?" she asks as we sit down at their dining table.

"I know he's taller than you but, to me he seems like he'd be kind of...small, in more than one sense. And how thin is he under that suit? I mean, a suit's suppose to fill a guy out, especially if they're on the smaller side. And you...you're pretty short but also curvy...what I mean is...was it like making love to a skeleton?"

I practically fall down laughing, "No, it was not like making love to a skeleton! I mean...it's hard to say, I don't exactly have anyone else to compare him to. But, you know, he's pretty good, a little on the rough side though."

For Oswald, a "little" on the rough side is more than an understatement, it's downright offensive.

Barbara downs the rest of her glass, "Hey, you want your partner to be a little rough, keeps things interesting," she places her glass on the dining room table when a realization comes to her, "wait...you guys used-"

"Yes," I interrupt.

She sighs in relief, "Oh, thank god."

I glance around the apartment, despite the apartment supposedly housing two occupants, you'd hardly think someone like James Gordon lives here at all. After all, most detectives wouldn't make high enough a salary to afford such a place, even with overtime.

"Hey Babs, isn't Jim suppose to think you're out of town? Wouldn't he know if you stopped by?" I inquire, tapping my finger on the table.

She shakes her head, toying with her empty glass, "As if, from dawn till dusk Jim's off at work, sometimes longer. And he never notices all the things I do around the house! A hurricane could come through here and he'd never notice!"

She picks up her glass and walks over to the collection of wines and spirits sitting atop a low cabinet. She holds up a particularly expensive-looking bottle of wine, "Want some?"

"No thanks, I have to go to work after this, remember?" I remind her.

"Ugh, that's right. God, you and Jim with your day jobs. At least you can find time to get busy with Peter, Jim and I haven't had sex in months. He always comes home from work exhausted, and I go to bed unfulfilled. Of course, I'd make that sacrifice for him of course but, at the same time...a girl's got needs."

She refills her glass, "...am I sounding like a bitch right now? I'm totally bitching right now, aren't I? I'm sorry, I just get kind of ranty when I'm drunk."

"No problem," I nod, "to be honest, I turned down the wine because truth be told...I'm a complete lightweight."

Barbara rolls her eyes, "Well, no duh! Look at you, you're like...tiny. Miniature, fun-sized. You can only hold as much as what's proportional to your body. But don't take it too hard on yourself, as evidenced by how drunk I've gotten off of a couple of glasses of wine, I consider myself a lightweight as well," she stops to take a sip, "...so, has Peter ever gotten you drunk?"

"We've had wine on dates, but otherwise, no. I, I try to stay sober around him," for obvious reasons…

"You should trust your boyfriend a little more. Go out, get drunk, live a little! ...he looks like the kind of guy who'd be into white wine-no...champagne! You should totally get him a bottle."

Give Oswald liquor? While I've never seen him drunk, the idea of a drunk Oswald sounds frightening to say the least. He could turn violent, or worse, he could become sentimental.

"I don't think he's ever had champagne, and neither have I. But, Babs, what is it that you want to talk about? I'd love to chat some more but...I have to be at work in an hour," I explain with a tone of urgency.

She sighs, "Alright I-I'm sorry, it's just that I don't get to really talk like this all that much. It's inappropriate for a proper lady of society to be talking about such vulgar things like sex and getting drunk...or so my parents always told me. I don't know," she sets down her glass, sitting up straight, "I called you here because I've been doing some research on the Court of Owls. All it took was attending a few society parties and waiting for everyone to get wasted before asking them the hard questions."

I raise an eyebrow, "Really? That's all it took?"

"Yep, upperclass folk may be stiff in public, but around their own kind they become much looser," she explains, getting out of her chair to pick up a small folder hidden under a small selection of magazines. Opening the folder, she takes out a picture of a familiar face, "Apparently, the Talons often report back to this man right here: Carmine Falcone. They're seen coming-and-going from his mansion."

Don Falcone?! No wonder I saw the first Talon climbing into his chimney when I was visiting Liza. Was he the one hiring them to go after Barbara? And why?

"I was thinking tonight we could infiltrate his mansion and see what we can find," she suggests.

"Babs, you do realize that Falcone is a major mob boss. His mansion will be heavily guarded, with far more men than the small thugs and robbers we've been fighting so far."

She rolls her eyes, "Yes Natalie, I know he's a mob boss. He use to make shady deals with my dad so that Kean Industries could be exonerated from having to pay mob tributes. Anyway, we'll have to be discreet."

Should I let Barbara go through with this? I have proof to support what she's saying, but are we ready to confront someone like Don Falcone?

"I've having V make some hidden cameras we could plant throughout the mansion. It's top-of-the-line stuff, they have audio and video," she boasts, taking another sip, "so...you game?"

I fold my hands together, Barbara clearly already has her heart set on this, I wouldn't want her to go it alone. And if it is just a recon mission to plant some bugs…

"Yeah," I murmur.

"Great, I'll meet you at V's place around ten tonight. Now go, get to your day job," she waves, as I get up from my seat.

Just as I'm about to leave, Barbara comes dashing to the door, "Wait!"

I turn around, and her hair is frazzled and hanging over her face from having run across the apartment in heels, "Look, I'm sorry for asking you to come here at such an inconvenient hour, and then being drunk and bitching about Jim..so...if it's any consolation, here."

She pulls her hand from behind her back and presents a bottle of champagne, the glass pristine and the gold wrapping so shiny it could very well be made of real gold.

"It's my best bottle, a gift from my agent when I opened the art gallery. However, I have no taste for Montagne de Reims so...please, take it. Give it to Peter, or keep it for yourself."

She hands me the bottle, still cold in my hands, and I smile, "Wow...Babs...thank you. I-I really don't know what to say."

"No need. Just, enjoy it, and I'll see you tonight," she winks, before closing the door.

Author's Note:

Song Oswald and Natalie sing: "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off" from "Nice Work If You Can Get It"

Guest: I'm glad to hear Oswald and Natalie have been missed. I agree, it's a twisted relationship, but could you ever see Oswald in a healthy, wholesome relationship? Even the one he has with his mother is touch and go

And the Music Meister, oh my gosh *rolls over and dies*. I've been meaning to do him forever, I love Brave and the Bold, it was my introduction to Batman. We've actually already met the future Music Meister in BOAF, bet you can't guess who he is. But yeah, I have a plot with the Music Meister planned out, but it won't be coming down the pipeline for a while

Erik-is-my-angel1234: Thanks! Everyone loves seeing their relationship, and don't worry, we'll be seeing plenty of them in the coming chapters

Langley21: It's good to hear that you've been anticipating the next chapter, I hope I didn't disappoint! And you got a picture with Robin Lord Taylor, lucky! He's been to my hometown but I've never met him. It would be an honor though! Juggling Oswald's emotions can be a challenge, but I'm glad to hear that you enjoy it

Lola93091: Thanks, it's good to be back!

I think a lot of people like reading their relationship, as backwards as it is. And it has been a while since Oswald's gotten Natalie, a total 34 chapters long (yes, I went back and checked)

Narutoske: Thank you :)

That scene was actually ripped straight from the show, the only thing I added was Natalie's commentary. But I added it because yeah, it does give a window into how Oswald and Mrs. Cobblepot are so alike. Like mother like son.

I think Oswald is testing all kinds of methods to grab power, both in and out of his relationship with Natalie. And if he finds a way he can manipulate her, he will use it. Natalie realizes this, but I think she needs an excuse to stay in this relationship, because she likes the attention he gives her (although she'd never admit this), and visa versa

Thanks! :)