Summary:
In this chapter I wanted to give a possible reason why Ward could have done one of the most dreadful actions of his life: the murder of his original family.
I'm sincere: when I saw that, I lost every hope in him and didn't want to watch a minute more of the series.
But you know: "Heart wants what it wants" and I couldn't resist, also because I reasoned that the authors are the authors, but Brett Dalton is Brett Dalton!
I continued watching the show ONLY for him.
This chapter completes the flashbacks on Ward's life.
I warn you: there are graphic depictions of violence and death, and I'm starting to be sick of that!
But I'm forced against my will to go through all this to try to balance the scales.
It is so tiring to have to fill all the holes, and answer all the unanswered questions, and get advantage of all the misleading teases, and say all the unspoken words, and make true all the false hopes, undo a lot of things and do them all over again...
Comments are greatly appreciated: please, let me know what you think!
Chapter:
The next image was of him going to see his sister to the hospital for mental diseases their parents put her in, after he escaped from his brother's soldiers: he went up there, in the past, to the third floor where her room was located, as many times he could, to see her.
She developed a strange kind of autism, which left her some rare windows of lucidity in which it was possible to talk to her. But the most of the time she remained facing the wall, rocking back and forth and muttering a monotone song.
In spite of that, during the years he kept coming to see her anytime he could, in between missions: he talked to her about everything, about the people he met, about Simmons, Coulson, May, Fitz, … and Skye.
He told her he loved Skye.
And even now, after he fought his way out to freedom, he was here to see her. In fact, one of the most terrible things when he was kept prisoner was not being able to come to see her; and one of the few things that made him cling to life was the thought of her.
He was now in front of her and she was in one of her rare moments of clarity: she approached him and hugged him.
"Grant!"
And he, hugging her back:
"I'm here for you, finally, Cate! Sorry for all these months of delay, but I was stuck in a tough mission…"
They remained hugged in this way for some time, she with her ear on his heart, soothing in that calming beat, he caressing her long black hair and slightly lulling her, when she said a strange sentence:
"I'm happy you came to see me!
I was wondering if I would see you one last time…
I thank God for sending you here!
I wanted to say you this: I remember all the words you said to me during all these years…
… but I was so far away I couldn't answer you."
"Don't worry…
I'm familiar with the impossibility to talk…"
"You didn't waste your time, I assure you: I heard all of that and I felt all your love, Grant.
Tell me, now: how's Skye?"
He remained shocked at this and stuttered:
"She's in trouble.
They are transforming her in a killer.
She is allowing them to mold her up, because she desperately needs to belong to someone.
She's an orphan and she had been rejected and abandoned all her life. Shield has become her family, but they aren't honest with her: they exploit her weaknesses to transform her in what they need.
And I hate what she has become: she is a miniature copy of the Cavalry."
"I see.
But I'm glad to see that they couldn't change your heart, that big heart of yours, my beloved brother.
They couldn't, because you are too good."
"I'm not a good man, Cate"
"Yes, you are. And never let yourself believe otherwise, do you understand me?
I know you since infancy.
I heard your screams and your cries for help when you were little and mother and father tortured you: I could hear them even several rooms away! And this went on for years!
I saw what you did to protect Thomas, to protect me, all at your own expenses; and those were the actions of a hero!
This is the reason I always called you "my little brave heart"!
I'm sure of this: you will find freedom and happiness, one day, because you deserve them."
"You think too high of me, Cate, but I appreciate that."
"Of course I do.
I love you!
I will always love you!"
He didn't understand why she was so passionate, so fervent in her speech. She seemed to belong to another world, like her body was stuck down on Earth, but her soul was flying high, oh so high! She had a fire in her eyes so that they were almost blazing.
Then she asked him to go out and please bring her a cup of tea, because she fancied it.
He went outside and started to prepare. A nurse came to him and asked him if he was here to bring her home.
"What? No, I don't think she is ready to come home, is she?"
"It's because her parents came yesterday and said to prepare her, because they found an arrangement for her at home."
"What?!
That's not possible!
They are the reason she lost her mind!
She cannot return back home with them!"
And then a bad, bad feeling gripped his soul and he started running towards her room, but he was too late.
He heard the sound of smashed bones down the building; saw the open window and the chair near it.
She was gone, forever.
He heard a feral scream fill the room and only after several moments he realized it was his own.
He ran down the stairs four steps at a time and, grasping all the courage he could muster, he went where her body lied lifeless on her back.
Her hair was all spread on the ground and framed her head and her body.
He kneeled near her and took her hand in his, so little and white compared to his, then looked to her face, seeing her vitreous eyes half open filled with tears.
And in that exact moment, destroyed by the sorrow, an incredible similitude stroke in his mind, reminding him something that was erased years ago…
His sister's face resembled his grandmother's face the night she died! And all came rushing back to his memory and he remembered everything!
He almost drowned! His head was spinning like in a vortex!
He had to keep breathing forcibly for a while to capture the enormity of the events: his father and Christian provoked both his grandmother and his sister's deaths; and his mother never did anything about all of that, her sin of omission maybe worse than theirs.
And in that precise moment, a chilling familiar voice resounded in his skull, making him shiver:
"I told you: you cannot afford to be forgiving.
You should have followed my suggestions all those years ago and all of this would never have happened: you should have killed all of them when you had the chance.
I hope you will not waste your opportunity, now!"
The Beast was back, and Grant welcomed it wholeheartedly for the first time:
"No. I will not waste this opportunity. I will do what I have to do."
The next image was about his parents' and Christian's end.
His sister died a month ago and the family organized a quick and hasty funeral for her, just to preserve appearances: he stayed hidden in a dark corner of the church during all the ceremony and then watched them bury her and go away shortly after.
There were only his father and his mother.
No traces of Christian or Thomas…
What a tight family!
He remained there for hours, after they were gone, kneeled on her tomb, kissing her picture on the gravestone, tears rolling down his cheeks…
When darkness filled the graveyard, he stood up and greeted her, vowing that he would avenge her.
The Beast was arisen and nothing and nobody could stop it.
He went in search of his brother, extorted a confession from him (which, by the way, confirmed finally his innocence in the well affair) and then the two of them walked home.
When his father saw him, he paled visibly. He had to use a walker to move around, while his mother was too drunk to even recognize him.
He was visibly terrified, but said, mocking confidence:
"You are not welcome in my house, so please leave.
You are not my son anymore!"
"Sorry, but I'm here to keep my promise", answered the Beast.
He made them listen the recording in which Christian confessed the truth about the well.
"You freak will regret this, I swear!" said again his father, his ancient rage coming out.
Evidently the leopard couldn't change its spots…
But the Beast said, deadpanned:
"Maybe… But my only regret, now, is to be fifteen years late."
Then he forced them to sit on three chairs, tied them there and watched them while he was preparing for the arson.
He wanted to seize in their eyes the same fear, the same pain whose terrible consistency he tried to tame, unsuccessfully, for all these years.
He wanted to see in their eyes the fear of death that is stronger than life, the fear of death that dominates and destroys.
He was reconnecting with the pain, the anger, the anguish of death and the fear of being destroyed that now he was reproducing specularly through the dramatic destruction of his once-upon-a-time-executioners.
He had assumed the role to judge and execute other human beings that he considered, rightly, guilty and wicked.
He was returning the outrage suffered with a restorative revenge, expressions of a cruel, defensive need to eliminate enemies - which from externalhad become internal - that otherwise would have been un-suppressible.
When the house was all on fire, the only things he heard leaving them were their fits of coughing due to the smoke, and their hellish curses.
Done.
All done.
Closure achieved.
The Beast was satisfied… Grant wasn't.
The next image was of Skye aiming and putting four bullets in him:
"Never turn your back on the enemy. You told me that".
And while he was sliding down the wall with two bullets stopped by his Kevlar vest and two that reached his body doing thankfully only minor damage, the Beast said to him:
"She hates you! I told you that!
Why are you so stubborn? Leave any hope and go on!
She is not different from all of them and she, also, deserves to be punished, to be killed!"
"Shut up!
She can hate me, but I will never hate her! Never!
I can't blame her for what she did: she's right in hating me!
And you hate her because she has a hold on me comparable only to yours.
No, I cannot hate her, and, if I will ever be given the possibility, I will protect her, instead!"
The next image was about the Beast, again.
It was insatiable and Grant let it take complete control of his life, a life made worthless by Skye clear rejection.
It suggested killing the doctor that adjusted Kara's mask; it made Grant kill Talbot's men when they rescued Bakshi and it suggested brainwashing him; but when they discovered who was the culprit for Kara capture, the Beast become irrepressible!
"Bobbi is exactly like your mother!
She sacrificed Kara for her own goals and then did nothing to rescue her!
She didn't say anything to anyone at Shield to try to save Kara afterwards.
She is why Kara had to suffer months of torture!
She is exactly like your mother, that let your father and Christian beat the crap out of you and rape your sister! Without saying a word! Without asking external help! For fear, for negligence, for indifference, for a quiet life.
Often the sin of omission that covers the evil is graver than the evil itself.
And Bobbi didn't say anything because she didn't want to ruin her flawless façade."
The Beast was furious with Bobbi and wanted to make her experience the same tortures Kara went through. But Grant decided to apply one of the lightest ones he ever experienced: needles under fingernails. He used that method on himself when he had to pass the lie detector's test, about a year before.
But when Bobbi managed to escape and accused him to be a coward deep inside, he couldn't restrain himself: how dared that woman-man judge him?
And the Beast suggested the worse punishment ever for her: see her love killed in front of her, to destroy her heart of stone.
But Someone up there made its plans backfire and at the end of the day it was Ward that had to see his love bleeding out in his arms and dying for his own fault.
He felt like the world had stopped turning.
And his life's pattern repeated itself once again: anytime he managed to grab something valuable and really important to him, it kept slipping away like sand between his fingers… And he started to be really pissed off about that!
The Beast inside was the only one that could keep him upright:
"This is all Shield's fault!
This is May's fault: she framed you!
And this is Coulson's fault: if he kept out of your lives, you two would be together and happy, now! But he had to force you in joining him for his own egoistic needs, and this is the result!
Shield killed Kara!
And Shield ruined Skye, too!"
And that was the decisive moment: Grant's heart petrified.
And from that moment on it melted only to hate.
Hatred flowed through him like a river, and it was red, and hot; a warmth that enveloped him like a hug, like a wool garment.
Hatred made him feel good: it protected him from the cold of solitude, of abandonment, of rejection, of despair, of anger, of frustration, of envy, of resentment, of fear.
Now the truth was crystal clear in front of his eyes: he was born for the needs of others, the conscious or unconscious need of his father to have someone to subjugate, to dominate, to use, to exploit, to sacrifice, to destroy, SOMEONE TO RETURN THE OFFENSE TO.
He was stuck in the same devilish gear and he would continue the family tradition!
Hatred made him feel whole.
Indeed he felt to be himself only when he hated.
And hate meant to imagine and to plan to kill the ones that caused him so much pain.
So he finally chose the power to hurt and kill, to give space to the narcissism of death belonging to the worst part of him, a part of him ignored for too long, that now was prevailing and was expressing the monster inside.
The Beast decided to leave indelible trace of its passage through pain, lies, violence, fear, and death.
The Beast decided not to be afraid and not to suffer, ever, more evil as a victim, but it was willing to inflict on others the suffering endured, in the role of executioner.
"You're right. And I will take my revenge, even if this will be the last thing I'll do in my life!"
From then on, all was a never ending flow of dreadful events: he taking charge of Hydra, with the cleaning up of all its unworthy members; the attempted murder of Dr. Garner; the Von Strucker's boy torture; the suffering of the fight clubs' attendants that followed his "protocol"; the terrible death of Rosalind Price and the attempted murder of Coulson; the torturing and killing of Malick's lackeys; Simmons's torture; Fitz's chilling shiver when he heard Ward offering himself to It as a gift…
Finally the flashback of his life was over.
And finally he would be facing the truth.