NOT ALL THAT ANGSTY, HAS A CUTE ENDING BEAR WITH ME, I SWEAR ON MY LIMITED SMUT-WRITING SKILLS.
"I love you."
Smiling, Kai's lips found Ray's cheeks, skimming across the skin and dipping into his cupid's bow before finally meeting his lips. Hands rose to caress clothed flesh and giggling between passionate kisses, they blindly stumbled their way from the kitchen to their room, unable to tear their eyes off of each other and unmindful of if their noisy footsteps woke anybody else in the dojo.
Laying side-by-side in each other's arms a good hour later, sated, flushing and happy in the most palpable way possible, it occurred to Ray that Kai never told him he loved him too.
…
Ray had no doubts as to the fact that Kai was crazy behind him, in the best possible way. Though it didn't seem likely, the big bad Russian was actually a total softie who regularly did things that would generally not be expected of him, like cuddling in bed every night, buying Ray anything he so much as looked at, trying to cook once to surprise him, devoting time to check out everything Ray enjoyed doing, letting him sit in his lap whenever he wanted, cracking silly puns because he loved to make Ray smile, and countless other things that had the neko melting into a puddle right where he stood every damn time.
… and hence, Ray Kon had no doubts that Kai Hiwatari was a thousand and one percent in love with him.
It was just that he would like to hear it be said sometimes.
Kai still had trouble talking about his feelings. Right in the beginning, before they even started dating, Kai found it impossible to not stiffen the fuck up when anybody so much as hugged him. From that Kai to this neck-kisses loving, cuddly and tactile Kai was a journey Ray was very proud of him for making. He was aware Kai wasn't a man of many words, and that even if he had been he probably hadn't had a lot of practice using those words to issue anything more than a challenge across a bey-dish, so he waited patiently over months for him to learn to whisper the three words he was dying to hear.
Except the day didn't seem like it would come and it hurt him.
Every 'I love you' was met with a softening of stoic features, an almost tangible embrace of the Russian's smoldering red eyes, careful, wandering lips and calming brushes of long fingers down his spine. Never with a specific, particular, finite 'I love you too' in words that he could hear and feel and memorize the tone, timbre, and pitch of simply because they were the one gift he had wanted of Kai, ever. He waited and waited, and knew it was pointless.
So he got creative.
They were snuggled up together one night, chuckling together over crass jokes and innuendoes that'd never be uttered in the light of day when Ray, with the abrupt haste of someone ripping a band-aid off, gripped on to Kai's hand, squeezed comfortingly and murmured,
"This. This means 'I love you'."
Kai's eyes gazed into his with remorse and guilt for five seconds, and Ray felt his own welling up. He squeezed Kai's hand again.
"It also means 'I got you. I am here for you. You don't have to hurry, you can take your time. I got you. Always.'"
A strong arm grabbed him around the waist and pulled his body to shroud Kai's. The form underneath him trembled and he saw Kai's lips quiver. The guilty expression was drowned by an overwhelmed, shaky smile that made a breathy sob catch in his throat.
"Thanks.", Kai whispered quietly.
The entangled fingers parted to shift the grip so that Kai had a hold of Ray's palm now. With a choked laugh, the Russian squeezed his hand then brought it up to kiss it, then squeezed again, and again, and again.
They didn't make love that night, they just lay together, bodies in full contact and hands clasped as they talked, about Ray's village and Max's latest crush and Daichi's habit of chewing on his fingernails and why doesn't Tyson's dad disown Hiro?!
All through the night, time and time again, Kai lovingly squeezed his hand.
…
The change was dizzying.
Kai would trudge up to him in the morning, as the Bladebreakers crowded in a single bathroom and brushed their teeth together like gross, domestic individuals, and clasp his hands and squeeze them.
He would hold out his hand in a silent handshake after every match but his fingers would press into Ray's skin with insistence.
Dinner together? Ended with a tight, reassuring grip. Hell, it started the same too.
Random moments in time were punctuated with fingers enveloping his and grasping them with enough pressure to make his lips curl into a smile as he squeezed back. Words seemed overrated now, he'd meet Kai halfway. Always. He had promised.
… and continued to, every single time their hands touched. Through fights and crusty silences, nights of toe-curling passion and days buzzing with sweet, loving warmth, months and then years, till the day they stood facing each other with watery eyes and beatific smiles, as every person who had ever meant anything to either of them sat on surrounding pews, watching in rapt attention.
Kai looked beautiful in a white tux. Kai looked beautiful as Ray Kon's.
Kai vows left Ray shaking, simple, brief and beautiful as they were. A secret for only Ray to understand and stow away in his treasure chest of things, promises, only and only he would ever have the fortune of receiving from Kai.
"Thank you for waiting. Thank you for never giving up."
A gentle squeeze of both his hands.
"I love you. Always."
Listen I KNOW it's not very likely they got to the point of marriage without Kai learning to verbally emote, but it's cute, okay? Also, my fingers don't like my brain so there's that.
I read a meme or a prompt or a tweet or an article or something relating to this gesture once upon a time and I immediately thought of Kai. As someone who struggled with affection for so long it ruined relationships I wanted so badly to see fulfilled, I can tell you, it sucks not being able to say how much you care about someone, and it's a real thing that happens to real people.
Point is, I am heartbroken and I wanted to indulge myself. Review if you liked it! Or if you hated it! Just review and make my day.