Chapter 94
The oven door slams shut as Liza takes a sigh of relief. She takes off the over-sized mittens before leaning against the marble counter of the breakfast bar.
"Chicken, in the oven...cheese plate set out in the foyer...wine uncorked and ready with the glasses...we've got everything, right?"
I come through the garden door with a large chocolate cake still in it's baking dish, "'Mother Falcone's Special Chocolate Fudge Cake', remember? You left it out on the outdoor windowsill to cool."
She sighs, "Of course! I could've left that cake out to freeze! Thanks."
We hand over the rest of the food to Falcone's servants, who bring it over to the dining room down the hall.
Liza and I take seats at the breakfast bar, and she asks me, "If Falcone has all that help, why did he want me to cook all the food? And choose the decorations? And the color of table napkins?"
I recall something Barbara told me on one of our superhero escapades, "I'm not quite sure...but a friend of mine describes it as being 'the lady of the house'. You're in charge of hosting, so things like...picking out food and decorations. It feels more authentic and personal when the food is prepared by one or two individuals rather than a staff of cooks."
She leans her elbow on the countertop, "Well, we've got a little time to kill before the first guests arrive. I don't want to get into my dress right away…"
I shake my head, "Me neither. Some women claim that heels are comfortable, but I'm unconvinced."
"Yeah, especially those 'high society' girls Carmine keeps introducing me too," she puffs out her chest and puckers her lips, "well deary, I don't know what barn you were raised in but Basil Karlo pictures are simply bottom drawer entertainment. You really should see an opera at the Gotham Memorial darling, it'll do you good."
I laugh, thinking of Veronica in Liza's impression, "Yeah, that about sums them up."
"But the thing is, I feel like I should act like those girls. You know, snobbish and fake," she confesses, "after all, I have an image to keep up now. Especially with Carmine around."
I wave her off, "No, no, Liza, you can be classy and still be yourself. Take it from me."
I jump off of the breakfast bar, and start walking across the kitchen as I sing, "I've wined and dined on Mulligan stew, and never wished for turkey. As I hitched and hiked and grifted, too, from Maine to Albuquerque."
I slow down, leaning against the kitchen counter and tossing my hand back over my head, "Alas, I missed the Beaux Arts Ball, and what is twice as sad, I was never at a party where they honored Noel Ca' ad."
"But social circles spin too fast for me...my Hobohemia is the place to be," I flit my arms around and twirl the skirt of my dress as I start trouncing around the kitchen.
"I get too hungry for dinner at eight. I like the theater but never come late. I never bother with people I hate...that's why the lady is a tramp."
Liza chuckles, and joins in, "I don't like crap games with barons and earls."
"Won't go to Harlem, in ermine and pearls," I sing as Liza and I lean against the breakfast bar.
She rests her arms on the bar, and smiles, "Won't dish the dirt with the rest of the girls…"
"That's why the lady is a tramp," I finish.
Liza spins around, undoing her apron and hanging it up on the coatrack, "I like the free, fresh, wind in my hair."
"Life without care," I respond.
She smirks, "I'm broke!"
"It's oke!"
Liza runs to open the window, "Hate California, it's cold and it's damp…"
I throw my arms up, "That's why the lady is a tramp!"
"I go to Coney, the beach is divine," Liza turns toward me.
"I go to ballgames, the bleachers are fine!" I reply, gesturing a bat swing with my arms.
Liza picks up a newspaper, and approaches me, "I follow Winchell, and read every line. That's why the lady is a tramp."
"I like a prize fight, that isn't a fake," I confess, placing a finger on my chin.
"I love the rowing, on Central Park lake," she gestures to her heart, bending her knees.
I walk around Liza, "I go to opera, and stay wide awake!"
We sing together, "That's why the lady is a tramp!"
I take the bridge this time, "I like the green grass, under my shoes. What can I lose?" I gesture to my chest, "I'm flat!"
Liza cracks up in laughter, "That's that!"
She continues, "I'm all alone when I lower my lamp…"
"That's why the lady is a tramp!" we sing, smiling at each other.
Liza shifts to her side, bending her back, "Girls get massages, they cry and they moan…"
I take out a stick of lipstick from my skirt pocket, "Tell Lizzy Arden to leave me alone!"
"I'm not so hot...but my shig's my own," she responds, doing a small dance, "that's why the lady is a tramp!"
We grab each other's hands and twirl around the kitchen, before stopping at the breakfast bar and resting our elbows on the countertop.
"The food at Sardi's is perfect, no doubt," I presume, gesturing to Liza.
She shrugs, "I wouldn't know what the Ritz is about."
I take a nickel from out of my skirt pocket and slam it on the counter, "I drop a nickel, and coffee comes out...that's why the lady is a tramp."
"I like the sweet, fresh, rain on my face...diamonds and lace," Liza begins.
I complete, "No got!"
She shouts, "So what?!"
"For Robin Taylor, I whistle and stamp…" I giggle.
We finally finish, "That's why the lady...is...a…-"
A knock at the kitchen doorway stops the two of us, as Don Falcone steps in on our musical number, "Ladies, the guests will be here soon. I suggest you change out of your housework clothes now."
We both nod, "Yes sir."
As Liza and I file out of the kitchen, Falcone grasps my shoulder, "A moment, Trixie."
Liza looks back with a worried expression as she walks down the hallway. Does she know something? What Don Falcone wants to discuss?
He steps in front of me. A foot taller, the older man poses a serious threat physically. He may be old, but there's something in his grim expression that conveys both wisdom and danger.
"You aren't just Liza's friend from lady's school...are you?"
I tighten up, trying to hold back my shock. Should I confess right away? Or wait to see what he knows?
"Penguin may be smart, but he's a bragger. His hubris got the best of him," he explains.
Oswald ratted me out? Why should I be surprised? I should be surprised it took so long to happen. And yet...I still feel a twinge of betrayal. Oswald…
"I believe we can work together to come to a mutual agreement," Falcone begins pacing into the kitchen, his hands behind his back.
"I know you're the Trickstress, and Barbara Kean's Batwoman. That's no secret to the court," he confesses, his back turned to me.
Now with his gaze off of me, and his back turned, my eyes widen in realization. They know...that's how the Talon was able to ambush Barbara at her apartment.
"If you know our identities, why not go to the press? Why not tell everyone? The media still thinks Batwoman is a man, and an heiress masquerading as a superhero would make a compelling story," I question.
He chuckles, turning his head around ever so slightly, "You sound like a reporter. ...no, we won't go to the press. Like I said, there's a...mutual agreement we could come to. Barbara's already agreed to the decision."
...what? Is he bluffing? Barbara would never...but would she? Two betrayals in one day, what did I do to deserve tha-...okay, let's not answer that question.
"Recently, my armoury was robbed. I want to know if Penguin was behind it." Don Falcone expounds.
The armoury? True, Oswald knew about it, but it was Fish who located the armory through Liza...Liza…
I look up at the Don, his expression grim and bleak. He wants it to be Oswald. Better a snitch like him than one of his underbosses like Fish Mooney. And Liza would be connected as well, I'd be practically giving her away.
Snitch on Oswald or on Liza? I could care less about what happens to Fish, but...to be honest, I like Liza. And she's done nothing wrong by me, unlike Oswald. Now Oswald...I have plenty of reasons to snitch on him. But...would I? Should I? He could easily go after me, or send someone after me, and he's been getting stronger too. Not just physically, but in his reach in the mob world. But at the same time, Oswald can take care of himself, if Liza were caught, no way would Fish protect her. The only person Oswald truly cares about is himself...and maybe his mother. But I personally wouldn't mind if she kicked it.
"It was Oswald," I lie, "he hired the men who robbed the armory."
Don Falcone cracks a crude half-smile, "Of course...thank you for telling me. Now, I'm also aware that you and Oswald are plotting to take down Marsha. Is this true?"
I nod, "Yes, Oswald has a personal qualm with her."
"He has a personal qualm with everyone, that's what makes him dangerous," Falcone spits, before returning to his calm tone, "...the Court will allow Marsha to be taken down. In her stead, Barbara will take her seat in the Court."
Barbara...become a member of the Court of Owls? So that's her part in this. She's going to take Marsha's place. But why? Why turncoat now when we've been working so hard to take them down?
The doorbell to the Falcone mansion chimes, and Don Falcone's eyes relax, before turning toward the door, "Ah, our first guests are here. Best get ready Trixie."
'66 Standalone Special: Hi Diddle Di Riddler!
On the hip streets of Gotham's nightlife, Natalie, friend to the famous heiress Barbara Kean, walks home with the mysterious forensic scientist: Edward Nygma.
"That was a swell time Edward, who knew you could dance like that," she comments to her casual associate.
"In social circles, it's imperative to keep up on the latest dance crazes sweeping the nation," he replies, while holding her hand, "say, where do you live? Uptown like Barbara Kean?"
She shakes her head, "No, I live in a modest apartment fairly close to here. Despite the crowds I run with, I am a working girl after all."
"Well, I guess this is where we part. Perhaps I could have your number so we may get in contact again?"
"Sure," she takes out a small card from her purse and hands it to him, "there you go."
Natalie smiles at Edward, before walking down the street to her apartment.
Meanwhile, at Stately Kean Residence, the famous heiress Barbara Kean expresses her artistic side, painting on an easel.
"Thank you for inviting me for tea, Babs," Veronica Vreeland, a fellow famous heiress thanks as she sips her tea.
"Anytime. It does get lonely around here without Natalie."
"Then why don't you invite her?" she questions, "It wouldn't be a dynamic duo if there's only one of you."
"She's off on a date tonight, wouldn't spare me the details of course," Barbara smiles mischievously.
Just then, the red rotary phone on Barbara's desk starts ringing. She gets up to answer it, "Hello?"
"Batwoman, it's Commissioner Gordon. That contemptuous, conniving cowboy, Shame, has robbed the Gotham National Bank. We need your help."
"Well Commissioner, Nata-...I mean the Trickstress, is out tonight. I would never commence in crime-fighting without my trusted sidekick, so I hope you'd understand there might be a slight delay. We do have separate lives outside of crime-fighting, after all, behind our masks, we are normal, everyday people," she responds.
"O-of course I understand Batwoman. Please do hurry," the Commissioner stutters slightly, before hanging up.
After hanging up, Barbara punches a number into the rotary phone, "...Natalie? The Commissioner just called, Shame has robbed the Gotham National Bank. How soon can you make it here?"
"I just got home, if I take the subway I could get there-"
"No wait! I just got an idea. Sit tight Natalie, I'll be right there," Barbara suddenly hangs up the phone, and marches over to the Shakespeare bust by the fireplace.
"Whatever are you going to do, Babs?" Veronica asks.
"Simple. I'll give her a lift in the Batmobile. To the Batpole!" Barbara cries, as she opens up the head of the Shakespeare bust and pushes the red button hidden beneath.
A secret wall slides open, revealing two fire poles side by side labelled "Barbara" and "Natalie". Barbara takes care to hop onto the one labelled "Barbara", sliding down to the bottom.
By the time she's reached the bottom, she's changed from wealthy socialite Barbara Kean to famed crime-fighting superhero Batwoman. Hopping into the Batmobile, she begins to power it on.
Taking the Trickstress's lines, she starts uttering the words, "Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed."
Smiling in self satisfaction, she replies to herself, "Roger that, ready to go."
The entrance to the Batcave opens, and the Batmobile speeds off toward Gotham City.
Batwoman and the Trickstress arrive at Gotham National Bank, as dozens of cop cars surround the building. A helicopter flies over the building, as Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara stand among the cops crouched down behind the array of police cars.
"Goly, thanks Batwoman for giving me a ride, and for letting me use the Bat-Automatic Changing Room in the Batmobile," the Trickstress thanks Batwoman.
"Don't mention it Trickstress, as women of the law we must be prepared for sudden calls such as these."
The dynamic duo approach Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara, "Reporting for duty, Commissioner."
"Oh, thank goodness you're here Batwoman and Trickstress! Shame is somewhere in the Gotham National Bank, we've got the building surrounded, but we wanted to wait for your call," Chief O'Hara explains.
"We'll handle it from here, c'mon Trickstress!" Batwoman gestures to the Trickstress, as the two start running past the police line toward the Gotham National Bank.
Rounding the back of the building, they take out their Bat-Grappling Hooks, and, spinning them around a couple of times, they throw them up, the two hooks latching onto the edge of a nearby window. Putting one foot, then the other up onto the wall, they start scaling up the wall.
"Say Batwoman, why can't the police handle this case themselves? They seem to have been there far longer than us, and there's enough of them to handle Shame. Even if he is a criminal mastermind, he's just one man, with maybe some henchmen," the Trickstress questions, as they scale the building.
"That may be true Trickstress, but you must remember, these are highly skillful supervillains, more devious than the world's ever seen. Any normal police force would not be well-equipped to handle these maniacal menaces, like Shame, Penguin, and the Riddler," Batwoman reasons.
"Gee Batwoman, I never thought of it like that."
They're halfway up the building when a window on the building next door opens up. An upright man in a familiar blue and gray costume and cowl, and a young man in a red vest and tights poke their heads out the window.
"Batwoman, look! It's Batman and Robin!" the Trickstress exclaims, pointing to them.
"Ah, well met, fellow crime-fighters. Tell me, what brings you ladies to this part of town?" Batman asks.
"Official crime-fighting business, of course. Commissioner Gordon has us chasing that crooked cowboy, Shame," Batwoman explains.
Robin turns to Batman, "Holy outsourcing Batman! Commissioner Gordon giving jobs to Batwoman and the Trickstress? We'll be out of a job before we know it."
"Nonsense Robin, Gotham is a big town, plenty of room for two crime-fighting duos, especially two so...attractive," Batman compliments, gesturing to their female counterparts.
Robin cocks his head, "Gee Batman...I never thought of it like that…"
"Anyways, it's good seeing you two. Perhaps we should team up sometime, wouldn't that be swell?" the Trickstress suggests.
"Awe, that'd be swell alright, good day Batwoman! You too Trickstress!" Robin waves to them as Batman closes the window.
Batwoman and the Trickstress continue climbing the wall, as the Trickstress comments, "Golly Batwoman, what a pair. And what's with those strange costumes?"
They reach the top and climb through the window into the bank. Just as they reach the top, a loaded gun clicks, "No one move a muscle."
The vile villain Shame, dressed in leather cowboy gear and a red bandana around his neck, points a flimsy pistol at the dynamic duo. Just then, a masked man in a green and black suit with a flowing cape crashes into the building. He appears to be floating off of the ground.
Shame gasps, "It's Green Lantern!"
Green Lantern aims his power ring at Shame, and fires a blast of green light. It hits Shame, knocking him to the ground.
"Criminals shall quiver when they hear the name of the ultimate superhero, Green Lantern! Protector of truth, justice, and the American way!" Green Lantern announces, rising higher above the ground and striking a determined pose.
Batwoman raises an eyebrow, "Uhm...well, thank you Green Lantern, but the Trickstress and I-"
"Fear not innocent women! You're safe in my hands!" he declares, before constructing a lasso from his green energy and wrapping up Shame, "This cowboy's headed back to the sheriff's office."
"Holy energy constructs, Batwoman! How did he do that?!" the Trickstress gasps.
"He appears to be a superhero with extraordinary powers, we should proceed with caution, but also be welcoming to this new hero. After all. we were once young, inexperienced startups looking to get our footing in the crime-fighting world," Batwoman concludes.
Green Lantern flies off with Shame in tow, and Batwoman and the Trickstress watch him.
"Well, gee Batwoman, at least he doesn't have to use grappling hooks."
Batwoman and the Trickstress run into the Gotham Jewelry Exhibition, where the Joker is stealing the
fabled Deck of Diamonds, a set of playing cards made of pure diamond.
"Three of diamonds, Queen of Diamonds, but no Joker in the deck! I'll have to rectify that, won't I boys?" the Joker asks, turning to his three henchmen.
"Yeah, sure, whatever you say boss," one of his henchmen stutter out.
Just then, Batwoman and the Trickstress come crashing in.
"Drop those cards, Joker!" Batwoman shouts.
The Joker gasps, "Oh my, what have we here? The Dynamic Duo! Think you can spoil my plans? Think again!" the Joker throws a rubber ball onto the ground, and a stream of pink smoke blasts out at Batwoman and the Trickstress.
"I don't know what kind of...ha, haha, plan you're thinking of Joker, ha...but it seems...haha...awfully
funny!" Batwoman laughs, barely able to get her words out in between.
Dumping the Deck of Diamonds into a paper sack, the Joker and his men make off with the diamonds, leaving Batwoman and the Tricksress laughing on the floor.
In the next room, the Joker and his men stop as they're faced with the harper of heroism, Green Lantern!
"Oh my, the Green Lantern here to save the day. I must say, love the suit. Green is my favorite color as well. Here, try some!"
The Joker sprays some of his laughing gas at the Green Lantern, who blocks it with a construct shield. He then turns the construct shield into a green construct fist and-BLAM!
He turns his projected construct into a mallet and strikes the goons on the head-WHAM!
Finally, Green Lantern turns the construct into a train, and loads the Joker and his goons onto the train. The train takes off, flying to a large concrete building in the distance marked: "Jail".
As the train flies off, the Joker shakes his fist and screams, "Curse you Green Lantern!"
Green Lantern floats into the room in which Batwoman and the Trickstress are still reeling in laughter from the Joker's laughing gas.
Green Lantern gasps, "Ladies! I will save you from your hysteria!"
He grabs Batwoman and the Trickstress and flies off into the city.
Batwoman and the Trickstress clumsily stumble out of the hospital.
"How embarrassing, Trickstress. Not only did we fail to apprehend the Joker, we had to be saved by that up-and-coming superhero Green Lantern," Batwoman grips, holding her head.
"Gosh Batwoman, don't be so hard on yourself. At least the hospital staff were courteous enough to respect our secret identities. And besides, we would've been competent enough to take care of ourselves. Green Lantern was just being a gentleman is all," the Trickstress reasons.
"Trickstress, you're absolutely right. Of course it would take the eye of an open-minded youth such as yourself to perceive such things. Nevertheless, we must keep our heads held high and-"
A newspaper boy approaches Batwoman and the Trickstress, "Extra, extra, read all about it! Green Lantern being named the hero of Gotham! Crowning will be at today's Superheroes Parade!"
The Trickstress gives the newspaper boy a fifty-cent piece for the five-cent newspaper, "Go buy yourself some chocolate, Billy."
He hands her a paper, "Gosh golly, thanks Ms. Trickstress."
"No problem Batson. Make sure you're back at the orphanage before dark!" she waves as the newspaper boy runs off.
Batwoman grabs the Trickstress by the arm, "Come along Trickstress. We mustn't miss the Superheroes Parade. While we may be falling out of vogue with the public, that doesn't relieve us of our responsibility to honor our fellow superheroes. Even that spotlight stealing Green Lantern…"
The Trickstress starts reading the newspaper, "Gee Batwoman, I don't know if we can even attend. Says here that this year's Superheroes Parade is exclusively in honor of Green Lantern, no other superheroes are to attend."
"Blast...well, while Batwoman and the Trickstress can't attend, that doesn't mean that the famous heiress Barbara Kean and her young friend Natalie can't," Batwoman suggests, winking to the Trickstress.
At the annual Superheroes Parade, famous heiress Barbara Kean and her young friend Natalie watch from a crowded street in Gotham's Financial District, waiting for the parade to pass by. As Natalie looks down the street and hearing the faint band music in the distance, a lanky finger taps her shoulder.
She turns around, and smiles, "Ed!"
Edward Nygma gives a polite bow, his tall figure towering over her, "Good afternoon Natalie. What a surprise, I didn't expect to see you here."
"Likewise. Are you a fan of these superheroes by chance?" she asks.
"Oh yes, definitely. I can't name any of them by heart, but it's certainly interesting to see costumed individuals taking on the duty of fighting crime, don't you think?"
Natalie nods, "Indeed."
The parade starts to come around, starting with floats for Plastic Man, the Question, the Spectre, and of course: Batwoman and the Trickstress. Ed pulls out a bag and leans it toward Natalie, "Crackerjack?"
She takes one, "Thank you."
Just as she moves away, he grabs her free hand. How direct!
Natalie gasps, but her more sinful side kicks in as she smiles and leans her head against his arm. Hopefully Barbara doesn't notice this distasteful display.
Just then Barbara walks up to Natalie, "Why, there you are. I almost thought I'd lost you in the crowd-"
She notes Natalie and Edward's handholding, and Natalie snaps out of her unspeakable thoughts and jerks her hand away from him.
"Oh...you must be Edward Nygma. Yes, Natalie spoke highly of you. Nice to finally meet your acquaintance," Barbara Kean extends her hand to shake Edward's.
He smiles, "It's an honor to meet such a distinguished person such as yourself, Ms. Kean. I'm quite a fan of your monetary contributions to the sciences."
She smiles, and nods, "Yes, well, it's important that we further our understanding of the world and beyond through the methods of science and fact."
"Well, lovely seeing you two ladies today, but I'm afraid I have to leave early," Edward explains, "...duty calls."
He steps away, and, despite his high stature, easily disappears into the crowd.
"What an interesting fellow, wouldn't you say so Natalie?" Barbara asks her, giving her a knowing grin.
Natalie blushes, "Well...yes, I guess I'd say so."
"He was quite forward with you though," she comments, her polite tone becoming stern, "you shouldn't let men treat you like a mistress of the night. You're better than that."
"He merely held my hand. That could simply be a gesture of friendship," she argues.
Their argument is suddenly cut off by the loud fanfare of a large marching band, all dressed in Green Lantern's colors of green, red, and black. The marching band is followed by the largest float of them all: a Green Lantern float with dancing girls atop it and Green Lantern himself sitting on a green throne in the center. He waves as the crowd starts to cheer for him. He flies up out of the chair and zips close to the ground, grabbing balloons from off of the float and handing them to people in the crowd.
"Holy spectacle Barbara! Green Lantern's certainly making a show of himself, isn't he?" Natalie asks her.
"He's merely being friendly Natalie, nothing wrong with that," she replies with a pout, crossing her arms.
With one last wave to the crowd, Green Lantern sits back down in his throne as the float comes to a stop. Mayor Arbury James, Commissioner Gordon, and Chief O'Hara step up onto the float carrying the key to the city as well as a golden metal.
A tall man hands Mayor James a microphone, "Thank you. Citizens of Gotham City, we honor this brave hero today for his acts and sacrifices to keep this city safe. In his honor, we present Green Lantern with the key to the city, as well as a commemorative metal, naming Green Lantern...the new hero of Gotham!"
Commissioner Gordon places the metal around Green Lantern's neck, and Chief O'Hara hands him the key, a large golden key cased in a display.
As Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara stand next to Mayor James, a thick pink puff of smoke blasts from out of the microphone, dousing all three of them. Their heads starting to spin, they all fall to the ground.
Before Green Lantern can react, two pairs of shackles burst out from his chair, securing his arms and legs to the chair. The six girls dancing on the float stop in place, tearing off their disguises and reveal themselves as robots.
The tall man who handed Mayor James the microphone climbs up onto the float, before tearing off his disguise.
"Hi hi hoo! Say hello Green Lantern to your match, the practical Prince of Puzzles: the Riddler!"
The Riddler cackles, wearing his tight green spandex one-piece with question marks, along with a question mark cane in his hand. He aims the question mark cane at the Green Lantern, and the cane glows green. The ring on Green Lantern's finger starts to glow the same green, and the ring flies off of his finger only to be snatched up by the Riddler.
"To make this a fair game, I'll be taking away your silly little power ring. Nice piece of finery, I must say, we have similar taste in color," the Riddler tosses Green Lantern's ring up in the air, before putting it in his pocket.
Raising his question mark cane up, the Riddler presses a button on it, and Green Lantern's parade float starts to rumble, steam rolling out from under it. The float begins rising in the air, with the Riddler, his robots, Green Lantern, Mayor James, Commissioner Gordon, and Chief O'Hara on it.
With the microphone, the Riddler shouts, "Tell me, citizens of Gotham, what has neither flesh, nor bone, nor nail yet has four fingers and a thumb? Hi hi hi, ha ha ha ha ha!"
The float flies off into the sky, steaming ribbons and releasing balloons along with it.
"Holy floating float Barbara! The Riddler's kidnapped not only Green Lantern, but the mayor, the chief of police, and your fiance, the police commissioner!" Natalie exclaims, "What are we going to do?"
"That riddle, 'what has neither flesh, nor bone, nor nail yet has four fingers and a thumb'...what could it mean?" Barbara asks herself, tapping her chin.
Natalie assumes a thinking position as well, "Hmm…" she snaps her fingers, "I got it! A glove!"
"Right you are Natalie. But what does a glove have to do with our caper?"
"...glove...glove...Glover St.! I remember reading that a warehouse on Glover St. has recently been abandoned. The Riddler must be keeping his hostages there!" Natalie realizes aloud.
"Well Natalie...I'm afraid there's nothing we can do beyond here," Barbara confesses.
She gasps, "Nothing! Barbara, there must be somethi-"
Barbara stops her young, eager friend, "No, Natalie. Famous heiress Barbara Kean and Natalie can't do anything, this is a job for the dynamic duo Batwoman and the Trickstress!"
The Batmobile comes zipping up to the abandoned warehouse on Glover St. Batwoman and the Trickstress jump out and run to the warehouse.
"Look at this lovely little space for storage. Out of the Riddler's hands this place could be used for good," Batwoman examines the warehouse, before she and the Trickstress kick down the front door.
The warehouse's walls have been messily painted a bright green, with disco lights streaming from every corner. A strange prison stands in the middle of the warehouse, containing Green Lantern, with Mayor James, Commissioner Gordon, and Chief O'Hara tied up in rope above the prison. The prison holding Green Lantern is made of several long metal pipes that twist and bend at odd angles, keeping him encased in a sort of jigsaw puzzle.
"Why, the Caped Crusaders Batwoman and the Trickstress. Here to save your little lantern from his demise? I thought you would be glad to be rid of him," the Riddler announces, a large spotlight shining on him as he stands on the warehouse's catwalk high above.
"You mistake a friendly rivalry for vengeful jealousy, Riddler. A line criminals like you wouldn't recognize," Batwoman counters.
The Riddler grasps onto the railing and leans back, cackling, "A hi hi ho! Batwoman, of course I know the difference. Why do you think we villains get along so well? Now, onto your friends…"
The Riddler presses a button on his question mark cane, and a metal saw slides out from the warehouse wall, just under the tied up mayor, commissioner, and chief of police.
"You will solve a series of riddles, each one you get right, a layer of Green Lantern's prison will unfold. One wrong, and the sniveling servants of the law will be that much closer to becoming sushi!" the Riddler explains.
"No problem, Trickstress and I can easily crack your cunfuddling conundrums, Riddler," Batwoman announces with confidence.
He cries out laughing again, "Ah, but that's where you're wrong Batwoman. You and your...lovely little companion will not be the ones answering the riddles. Green Lantern will! And any participation from the peanut gallery will result in the immediate deaths of my hostages!"
From his cell, Green Lantern's eyes light up from behind his mask, "M-me? W-why of course! I, Green Lantern can easily overcome whatever you throw at me, villain!"
"Alright then, let's give this a go, shall we?" the Riddler lowers a microphone on a long stand all the way down to Green Lantern's cell, "Tell me, what's black, white, and red all over?"
"Awe, c'mon Green Lantern, you can do it! That's an easy one!" the Trickstress encourages him.
Green Lantern takes the microphone, but his knees are shaking, "I-I...I don't know."
"See? I've certainly knocked you down a peg, haven't I you lackluster Lantern!" the Riddler laughs at his adversary.
"Well, have fun figuring out that riddle of mine...for all eternity! Meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy Gotham without either of its sainted heroes! Which part of Gotham should I visit first, hmm? Maybe the banks, the jewelers, oh! Or the art galleries! Hoo hoo hoo, ha ha, ha!"
Behind the Riddler, two large thugs appear. He throws his cane to one of them, before exiting through a nearby door on the end of the catwalk.
"Trickstress, you go after the Riddler, I'll help Green Lantern escape!" Batwoman commands.
She nods, "Right!"
The Trickstress ascends the ladder leading up to the catwalk as Batwoman runs to Green Lantern's cell.
"Hey, Riddler said no cheating!" the thug holding Riddler's cane reminds her.
"Of course. I'm a woman of my word, and I will abide by your rules, as twisted as they are," Batwoman replies.
"Batwoman, I can't get out of here without my power ring, but the Riddler has it! Oh, heaven knows what someone as nefarious as him will do with the all-powerful Green Lantern ring, the source of my power!" Green Lantern tells her.
"I know, that's why I sent the Trickstress after him, she'll steal the ring from right under his nose and return it to you!" she explains.
Green Lantern's eyes widen, as he begins to smile, but suddenly he catches himself, "N-no need! I can solve the Riddler's puzzles on my own! I am Green Lantern after all! Just you watch, I'll do it without your help!"
"Green Lantern, this is no time for a show of heroism, I'll help you stall the thugs with solving riddles until the Trickstress shows up with your ring-"
"I said I don't need your help!" he repeats, slamming his fist against his twisted metal prison.
Running straight past the Riddler's thugs, the Trickstress makes her way through the catwalk and to the door where the Riddler escaped from. Opening the door, the Trickstress finds herself in a small storage room. The Riddler holds up Green Lantern's ring, admiring it.
"Hmm...the powerful Green Lantern ring! If only I could wield its power, what damage I could do to Gotham City...and then the world!"
"You'll never unlock the power of Green Lantern's ring!" the Trickstress declares, "That ring is for him alone!"
He turns around, "Oh...the Trickstress. Here to try and foil my...dastardly plot, are we?"
"You betcha. You're going down Riddler!"
The Riddler slowly starts strolling toward her, playing with the ring on his finger, "You poor, little heroes. Always with the 'I'll stop you!' and the 'You won't get away with this!'. La di da, di da, do you people ever take time for yourselves?"
He becomes uncomfortably close to the Trickstress, and places a hand on her shoulder, "Do you ever just take time to...have a little fun?"
She freezes up, shrinking into herself as the Riddler makes his lude advancements, "Well, I...I suppose not."
"Come here…" he urges her.
They embrace, the two of them tilting their heads for a kiss. But just as they're about to, the Trickstress pulls up the Riddler's mask.
"Edward?!" she gasps, backing away from him.
He looks at her, confused, "What? Who is Edward? I am the Riddler!"
"Oh no, Edward. I-I understand now. Two split personalities constantly at war with each other. Oh you poor soul, to know that there is still good inside you."
He grabs her by the cloth of her costume and wraps his arm around her waist, "Listen here you beautiful blossom. I don't know what kind of game you're pulling, but it ends now-"
"No!" the Trickstress declares, yanking herself away from the Riddler, "What fits like a glove but is not worn on the thumb?"
She pulls her hand out from behind her back to reveal Green Lantern's ring, and the Riddler gasps, "No! Fooled by a woman! My prize trophy stolen from right under my nose! Confound you Trickstress!"
The Trickstress runs back down the catwalk, to where Batwoman and Green Lantern are still solving the first riddle.
"C'mon! We don't have all day! 'What's black, white, and read all over'?" Batwoman clammers impatiently.
"I can't figure it out, okay? I'm sorry," Green Lantern counters.
She stomps her foot on the ground, giving up, "A newspaper for crying out loud! The answer is a newspaper!"
Riddler's two thugs shake themselves, "Uhm...uhm, sorry. No help from the peanut gallery. You know what that means."
The thug presses a button on the Riddler's cane and Chief O'Hara is slowly lowered toward the spinning blade saw, "Someone, anyone, help me!"
"Hey Green Lantern! Catch!" the Trickstress throws the ring down into his prison cell.
Green Lantern catches it, and slips it on. A green aura pulses around him, his red cape fluttering in a non-existent wind, before he grabs the twisted metal cell and rips it to pieces with his two hands. He then flies up and grabs Chief O'Hara just as his feet were about to be clipped by the sawing blade. He scoops up Mayor James and Commissioner Gordon as well, and bring them to the ground. Riddler's two thugs run toward them, and Green Lantern poises for attack, but Batwoman and the Trickstress step in the way.
"Don't worry Greenie. We've got this. You need to go catch Riddler," the Trickstress assures him, as she and Batwoman assume combat positions.
Green Lantern nods and smiles, before flying up and out toward the catwalk and out the door.
The two thugs charge the Dynamic Duo, but they're prepared. Batwoman socks one thug right in the jaw-BLAH!
The Trickstress does a sideways kick that sends the other thug straight back-WHACK!
The first thug grabs a metal sheet and displays it in front of himself, using it as a shield. Batwoman gets down on one knee, holding out her hands. The Trickstress runs up to Batwoman, steps on her hand so that Batwoman throws her up. She somersaults over the thug, landing on her feet and punching him in the back of the head-BAM!
Batwoman grabs the metal sheet from the thug as he falls to the floor and turns around and smashes the sheet over the other thug's head-WHORP!
Green Lantern flies back into the warehouse, holding the Riddler in an energy-constructed cell.
"Curse you Green Lantern!" the Riddler cries, "Green suits are my thing…"
Famous heiress Barbara Kean and her friend Natalie stand in front of the Riddler as he's unmasked by the police. He's held down by two police officers while also confined to a straitjacket. Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara gasp.
"It's Edward Nygma, the forensic scientist! Gracious, one of our own men, turned to crime!" Chief O'Hara exasperates in shock.
"I don't know who you're talking about! I, the Riddler, am Gotham's greatest criminal mastermind! Prison walls and cells will not hold the Prince of Puzzles! I will return, better than ever, and I…!"
The Riddler stops mid-sentence, his jaw stretched out and frozen in place. Then, without warning, he collapses to the ground, the two police officers just catching him as he's about to hit the ground. They force him back onto his feet, as he tilts his head up, making eye contact with Natalie.
"...huh...wha...Natalie...what are you doing here? Whe-where am I?"
"Don't think we know your tricks Riddler!" Commissioner Gordon warns.
"Jim dear, I think this man might be genuinely sick," Barbara suggests, "he'll get as much assistance from the Kean Fund for Troubled Persons as I can allocate."
The two police officers throw Edward into a white medical van with bars on the windows. He looks through the bars of the back window as the van drives off, "The...who? Natalie, what's going on?! Who am I?!"
Natalie looks down and folds her arms. Barbara puts her hand on her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry you ladies had to witness that. Barbara, while I admire your charity work for criminals, it sure does put you in some harrowing situations," Commissioner Gordon observes.
She flips her hair, "Don't worry about me Jimmy darling, these criminal masterminds might be dangerous in their current state, but rehabilitated, think about the good their skills could do for humanity."
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara walk off, leaving Barbara and Natalie by themselves.
"Gosh darn it Barbara, I've really got bad luck with picking men, don't I? Maybe I should just stay a working girl forever…"
Barbara shakes her head, "Take it from me Natalie, married life isn't for everyone. Besides, the two of us have a higher calling beyond finding a husband. Protecting the citizens of Gotham City, from all that may threaten it."
Natalie looks up at her friend, and smiles, "Gee Barbara, you're right. Thanks for making me come to my senses."
They both chuckle, before Barbara slaps her back, "Now, let's go get some burgers and fries, you and me!"
Their arm on each other's shoulder, Barbara and Natalie walk down the street as the sun sets in front of them, their shadows casting the figures of Batwoman and the Trickstress.
Author's Note:
Song Natalie and Liza sing: "The Lady is a Tramp" from "Babes in Arms"
davinaxo: I'm glad you're loving BOAF. I think people are starting to root for Ed more than Oswald now. But Oswald is what was promised from the beginning, plus I feel like he's a more complex character than Ed, at least at this point in the show. Also, Ed and Natalie don't have a ship name. Natward sounds good, unless someone else has a suggestion
Erik-is-my-angel1234: Thanks, I'm glad you like Amanda Waller :)
Langley21: While every friendship has its ups-and-downs, I think Natalie and Ed are close enough to work things out, although Ed is still concerned. Yeah, Amanda has her hands in everything, and she always has eyes on the ground. It's funny that I'm reaching the point where Montoya and Allen get more involved in the story (planned several months ago), right when it's announced they will not be returning as regulars
Thanks! :)