Chapter 98
Gabe drives the sleek black car as Oswald sits shotgun. Eel sits in the back, quietly bouncing a paddle ball. They'd just picked Oswald up from Don Falcone's mansion, and were now driving back to Bamonte's.
"I don't get it," Gabe admits, his focus still on the road.
"You Gabe not get it?" Oswald chuckles, "Quelle surprise. What pray, don't you get?"
From the back, Eel raises an eyebrow at Oswald's choice of words. Gabe glances over at his boss as well, "Why not just tell Falcone the truth? It was that Liza girl that betrayed him."
"Timing Gabriel. Timing is everything," Oswald smirks, "and Liza...is a time bomb."
Oswald splays his hands in front of him, closing his eyes, "Just...wait a while. Then watch and learn."
He twists his lips into a satisfactory smile, his fowl teeth poking out from behind his jaw. Gabe's attention turns back to the road as Eel perks up.
"Say boss, what do you need all this stuff for?" he asks, gesturing to the crates loaded in the back of the car.
Oswald grits his teeth together, "That, my boys is for tonight's jewelry exposition at the Gotham Museum."
"...we're stealing jewelry?" Gabe assumes, "That's a bit low brow for you, boss."
Oswald shakes his head, "No, no Gabriel, the diamonds and jewels will merely be the bait for a certain Queen of Diamonds."
"But if one or two diamonds were to go missing in the process, you wouldn't mind, right boss?" Eel suggests.
"No...ugh, this is not about the money or the jewels. This is about exacting revenge on Marsha," he grumbles, his unclean nails grasping the top of the glove compartment.
Gabe's expression shrinks, "Marsha, Queen of Diamonds? What did she do to you?"
"She humiliated me in front of Don Maroni is what she did!" he snaps, pounding his fist down, "And I will not stand for that."
"So she took a couple of jabs at you. So what?" Eel shrugs.
Oswald buries his head in his hands, "This is why you two are the muscle...and I am the brain. You don't grasp the subtleties of this business. Image, and intimidation, is everything. And if even one person stands a chance of taking you down a peg, you get rid of them. End of story."
Gabe and Eel silently make gestures to each other, expressing their discomfort. Oswald puts his hand on Gabe's wrist.
"Gabriel, please watch the road. And Eel, don't encourage him."
Gabe gasps as he realizes he's about to swerve into a motorcyclist, and veers out of the way.
Oswald snaps his fingers to Eel without turning around, "Do you have the basket?"
Nodding, Eel turns around to the back and brings out a large woven basket with a cloth wrapped around it, and tied together with a bow, "Uhm...gotta ask boss-"
"Then ask it!" he demands.
"I-I don't see how all the stuff in here is gonna help us get rid of Marsha-"
"Give that here," Oswald leans out from the front seat to grab the basket, pulling it to him.
"That's not for Marsha," Oswald explains as he returns to his seat, placing the basket at his lap, "it's for Trixie."
Thirty minutes into my workday I realize that Ed has not approached me yet. Strange, there shouldn't be a reason for him to be upset with me. Did he discover something? Did he...find out about Oswald? About what he does, or worst yet, what he does to me?
Making my way down into Ed's workshop, I find it empty. But on the rickety table where he usually keeps his CRT television and video game sets, is his tape player. A singular tape sits next to the tape player, with a sticky note attached with the words "play me" in scratchy handwriting.
Taking off the sticky note, I insert the tape and press play. Immediately, a familiar voice begins filling the room.
"Forensic examination by Edward Nygma. 8:42 A.M., GCPD morgue. The room is approximately 19 degrees Celsius. I ate half a cranberry muffin earlier, saving the rest for later."
I can't help but chuckle at the last line. This must have been from yesterday when I gave Ed those cranberry muffins. But why would he want me to hear this tape? If he really wanted me to hear it, why couldn't he just have come up to me and asked?
"What do a dead man, a cruise ship, and an emu have in common?" Ed's voice asks.
Hmph, he's never told me this one. Gosh...I can't think of anything…
There's the sound of the microphone being pulled down, then pulled back up again, "Correct. Nothing."
I cross my arms and smirk. Of course Ed.
"Ever more curious…" Ed's voice chirps up a little. I love it when he does that...no, no, no! Don't...
"He what?!" the gruff voice of the medical examiner shouts from the tape.
Oh...this is probably what Ed wanted me to hear.
"Nygma, how many times have I told you to stay the hell out of here?"
"But...I, discovered something-"
"You'll discover your butt on the street if you keep doing this. Out," the medical examiner spits.
There's the sound of clattering surgical tools, "Your loss...you sloppy ignoranus."
The tape cuts out as the door behind me begins to creak. I turn around to find Ed standing in the doorway, his hands folded in front of him, lacking his trademark smile.
"So...I have been banned from the medical examination room," he admits, his head bowed.
"I see, I guess he didn't want your help after all," I mumble, "oh Ed...I'm sorry. I know you were just trying to help-"
"No need to apologize Nat," he tilts his head up and forces a smile.
I read his expression, and sigh, "...there's more bad news, isn't there?"
"I just discovered that Ms. Kringle has been seeing a fellow coworker. A Detective Flass," he reports.
I put my hands on my hips, "Well...whatcha gonna do? It's her right to choose."
"I know…" Ed looks down again, before his head jolts back up, "I just...I want…"
Unfolding his hands, his shuffles toward me, coming so close as to have our stomachs touch. With him being about a foot taller than me, my vision becomes obscured by his upper chest.
"I would like to have someone...you...as a best friend...and someone else, as a romantic lover," Ed places his large hands firmly on my shoulders, "...perhaps I can't have both...am I really confined to a singular friend?"
"I don't think so Ed," I explain, "it's just...some people find your approaches to friendship a bit...off-putting."
He takes his hands off of me, and folds them, closing himself off, "But you've never taken issue with my tendencies. What makes everyone else different? Why don't more people have your sensibilities?"
I chuckle, relaxing my posture, "Because when we met, I took issue with everything equally, you just didn't notice. And because...I was pretty desperate for a friend."
Also because I thought he was cuter than a kitten in a pet shop, but that's not worth mentioning to him.
"You were always very independent and...stiff. And standoffish. And often times rude...now that I look back, why was I friends with you?" Ed questions aloud.
"I don't know," I confess, "but I thank you for putting up with me during those years. Really."
I smile up at him, but Ed doesn't return the smile, instead twitching his nose and bowing down his head.
"It still doesn't fix my current dilemma with Ms. Kringle. I feel a deep frustration of the sexual nature," he informs me, his tone far too blunt for the subject matter.
I almost laugh, but force it back in, "Ed...you're not going to get every girl you have feelings for. Trust me, I haven't gotten any of them."
He sighs, throwing his head back, "But this is the first time I've ever had to manage such feelings. It's very difficult, and consumes much of my headspace."
"That's how these things work," I reassure him, slapping my hand on his back, "you try and you try. Sometimes you get lucky but, most of the time...not so much. You just have to pull yourself back up and keep moving."
"You make it sound so simple," he whimpers, but as he looks down, his expression shifts, "but...I'll give it a try. Thank you Nat."
My hand slides off of his back, and as it glides back to my side, Ed grabs my hand and squeezes it.
"Birds of a Feather" Chapter 100 Bloopers (Part 1 of 2)
*Oswald and Natalie leap out of the bathtub wearing swimsuits to run to crew members holding towels*
Oswald and Natalie (running): Cold, cold, cold...
*Oswald waddles out wearing a tight pair of leather pants*
Oswald: Okay, when they say "Draco in Leather Pants", they don't mean it literally, okay? Now can I please take this off?
Director: We're on in five!
*Edward walks cross camera*
Edward: Has anyone seen my glasses?
Natalie (talking to Renee and Crispus): Ugh, so just as I introduce you guys as significant characters, Gotham announces that you guys won't be returning as regulars. Talk about timing?
Renee: I know, right? Don't tell me you planned that-
Natalie: No! I don't have any connections to the show, and I had that shit planned months in advance, especially with going into the mid-season with Renee and Barbara's love affair.
Oswald (popping up): Work's a bitch, isn't it?
*group laughter*
*Edward walks cross camera in opposite direction*
Edward: Seriously, has anyone seen my glasses?! I only have one pair!
*Barbara, Natalie, Ivy, and Selina dancing together onset*
Natalie (shouting from another room): Did you leave them in your coat pocket?
Edward (checking coat pocket): No, I didn't-...oh...I did…
*crew members trying to fit Eel/Patrick into a red leotard and white goggles*
Eel/Patrick: There's an explanation for this...I promise.
Author's Note: The bloopers are sort of some of the things that go through my my mind while writing BOAF mixed with what I imagine BOAF would look like if it were an actual show filmed alongside Gotham. There's going to be two blooper parts, one now, for the unofficial one hundredth chapter (when you count the extra chapters), and for the official hundredth chapter.
Guest: Yeah, I've already reedited the chapter several times. I'm feeling really nervous about it actually, I'll explain more when the chapter comes out on Monday
Questiongirl473: Yes I'm doing something special: the BOAF Bloopers! Hope you enjoyed :)
Thanks! :)