Guest Comment

BossLady: Oh, I definitely understand life being busy! I hope things are settling for you now, or at the very least things are going smoothly! I'm so glad you liked the SB development, and I will have to get back to that fairly soon! I hope you enjoy some more NY time in the meantime.

Title: Reassurance
Summary: The new development has Graham feeling a little left out.
Note: Sorry about the wait on this! I had a bit of an emergency, but things are good now! Prompt from tumblr "Wait a minute. Are you jealous?." This turned angsty pretty quick for what the premise.

"Wait a minute. Are you jealous?"

Graham couldn't seem to tug his lips from their frown, and he shifted his palm again. Still, there was nothing but her warm skin, no flutter under the spot she'd said she had felt the slightest movement. "No," he finally said, lip pouting ever so slightly.

Her own hand rested on his and he saw from the corner of his eye the laughter she was trying to bite down. She leaned forward slightly, and he met her forehead with his, emitting a soft sigh. "You know the newbie is only getting started, here. In a couple weeks, I'm sure he'll be big enough for you to feel, too."

"I know," he said defensively, but couldn't help the press of his hand once more. The swell there was amazing to find, but knowing that she could feel the first movements of their baby and he couldn't made him feel a little left out, no matter how much logic he applied.

She bit down on her lip, her eyes alight. She looked away to hide her smile.

He tried to glare at her obvious amusement, but finally just sighed and leaned down to press an ear to her belly. "What does it feel like?" he finally asked.

Her fingers threaded in his hair, soothingly stroking against his scalp. She hummed. "Like … champagne bubbles. Or sometimes it's more like a fish flicking its tail. It's so subtle."

He tried to take that in, running the pads of his fingertips across her skin. She shivered slightly, tugging gently at his curls. "It's just that it's still …."

"Unbelievable?" she guessed.

He turned to look up at her, thinking about it a moment. "A little," he agreed. He smiled down at the curve, delicately trailing over it. "Incredible might be more like it. But definitely surreal."

"I don't think feeling him will make it any less so," she said with a grin. "Sure hasn't for me."

He chuckled slightly and then edged up to kiss her. "I don't know if it will make it feel more real or just stranger, to be fair."

She leaned into him, pecking at his lips teasingly before laying back against the pillows. "Well, you didn't think it could happen, so I get that."

He shrugged. Although it was true, that wasn't what had him faltering when he thought about the tiny being taking shape inside her some days. "I found a new book."

She groaned. "Another? They're starting to get contradictory," she said, rubbing her temples.

He smiled sheepishly. "Lazo recommended this one. It's supposed to have some good info."

"Graham," she said, drawing out his name pointedly. "It's going to be fine."

"I know," he said immediately, although a panicky bit of fear shot through him. "But it'll be good to be prepared."

She tilted her head, a small smile on her face. "We're going to have to figure out what works best for us, not necessarily use the advice collected from twelve different parenting books."

For all the conviction she put in her words, he could still see the slightest uncertainty behind her expression. This wouldn't be the first time she raised a child, not really, but there was still such a newness to it that made her nervous. Raising Henry in this life was a gift she didn't take lightly, but he knew she often felt like it wasn't something she truly did.

But at least she had that, had those memories and Henry's personality that reflected her parenting style. Graham felt like he was going in blind. Between all his memories, he'd never even had the inkling that this might happen to him, getting the chance to raise a family. It scared him more than he wanted to admit.

Maybe that's why he wanted to be able to feel the newbie now. It had been sixteen weeks already, ten of them knowing about this new little person. Maybe he'd feel more … ready once he felt those slow stirrings.

"Well, I don't exactly have anything for comparison. No good examples, at least. The books'll help with that, I think," he said finally. He leaned his head into her neck, pressing small kisses into her skin.

She was silent and didn't relax into his touch as she usually did. When he looked up at her, he understood why. Her brow was creased, and she looked deep in thought. Curious, he cupped her jaw gently, getting her attention. She took a deep breath and finally pressed her lips together to give a strained smile. "When did you stop looking for your parents?"

His eyebrows shot up in surprise at the question. Finally he looked away, thinking about it. "I don't know," he said carefully. "I'm not sure if I ever really looked."

"You weren't curious?" she asked, gaze glazing over.

He sighed. "Of course I was curious. But the town near where I grew up … they didn't have answers for me. None that they'd care to give, at least."

She was quiet a moment, taking in his answer. "And you never got an answer, right?"

He nodded. "Right. But by the time I—well, I didn't really care anymore after I lost Fionn."

Her breath was stuttered, and she didn't meet his eyes. "When I went to the forest, back when I was with Mary Margaret … I saw what it could have been like."

He leaned up, keeping his focus on her direct. "If there wasn't a curse."

She nodded with a jerk. "Everything was there. A whole nursery that was supposed to be mine. I just—I could have had a good example."

He gave a sad smile and brushed a hand through her curls. "I wish—"

She stopped him with a hand over his mouth. She shook her head. "No, don't you dare. If it didn't happen, then I wouldn't have you. I wouldn't have Henry. I wouldn't have the newbie."

His lips pressed together and his head bowed. Yes, that was true. But at the same time, he wished his beautiful, strong wife could have had the happy childhood her parents dreamed of for her.

And, if he was honest, there was part of him that believed he didn't deserve her, especially when she could have had everything a princess deserved. In the end, Henry and the baby were the reasons to be grateful of the curse, more than anything else.

She blinked rapidly, lashes catching the tears that wouldn't escape. "I stopped looking for my parents years ago. I hated them for leaving me, these faceless people I never met. Now, I know how much they cared, how much they must still care … Graham, am I selfish for not searching for a way back?"

"No," he said firmly. "Emma, we don't know the first thing about using magic to open portals to another land. Trying to blindly use your magic in a place that isn't supposed to have any would put you and the baby at risk, at the very least. Even they wouldn't want that."

She stifled a sob. "But—"

"I've seen the kind of price that comes with using magic like that. I will not risk you. I would never be okay with that, and I can't believe in any sort of condition that they would, either," he said, and there was no surprise to him that his words were marked with a growl.

Suddenly her eyes were clear, and she reached out to trail her fingers along his jaw. His chin quivered, a tremor behind his protective anger that only she could coax out. "I would never risk the baby like that, Graham."

His jaw set, noticing the omission in her avowal. "You, Emma. You, too."

She hesitated, then finally gave a sad smile. "Yeah, okay. I won't risk myself like that, either."

He let out a long puff of air, surprised at how completely the promise made him weak with relief. A tear slipped down his face as he sunk to her lips, demanding a kiss that was returned just as fervently.

"You'll protect me right back, right?" she whispered when he let her breathe again.

He nodded. His hands slipped under her waistband as he trailed his lips down her neck, the almost urgent need to be skin to skin with her overwhelming. "I love you," he said forcefully.

Her hips arched up, allowing him to rid her of her sweats just as easily. "You have nothing to worry about, Graham," she said, twisting her legs around his waist to pull him close. She brushed her hands across his face, kissing him between her soothing motions. "We'll be safe, all of us."

He shuddered, and then dragged her blouse off. "Please."

"And you're going to be a great father," she insisted.

He paused, hovering over her for a moment. His heart was jackhammering, still in the throes of bright fear and doubt. This wasn't the reassurance he was expecting.

"I mean it," she said, then took the hem of his shirt in hand and pulled upward.

Once he was free of it, he reached down to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, looking over her thoughtfully. He placed his hand over her belly again, the barely-there swell. He swallowed thickly, and tried not to shy away from her conviction. Finally, he nodded. "You're a great mom, Em. I'll just follow your lead."

She pulled him back to her. "Thank you."

And while her thanks were very clearly not just for the last statement, neither verbally acknowledged the weight of it. Instead, they focused on another sort of reassurance.