Everything or Nothing
Marian woke with a start, her skin covered in a thin veneer of cold sweat. She sat up quickly, panting hard. The sense of panic she felt ebbed away as she realised she wasn't in danger. Some terrible dream must have shocked her awake, already it had faded into indistinct shapes she couldn't grasp. She wiped her eyes vigorously then gazed about.
She was lying in bed, the fine trappings of wealth and comfort all around her, yet simple, not so ostentatious as to be garish.
Once her breathing had relaxed to a more natural pace, she swung her legs out from under the sheets and stood gingerly. The gentle calls of birds in the distance drifted in through the open window. She couldn't place the horizon that greeted her through the paned glass.
She had a distinct feeling that she was forgetting something, something important. It was just beyond the edges of her mind, nipping away.
Marian shook it off as nothing but the remnants of bad dream and paced over towards a dresser, gazing at her reflection in the nearby mirror. Her hair was a mess of black spikes and she tried to wrangle it into submission for a few minutes before making do and getting changed. She opted for something light and comfortable, a simple shirt and trousers. Now that was done she- she wasn't sure.
I really haven't woken up yet. Marian thought to herself as she rubbed at tired eyes.
The soft click and creak of a door unlocking and swinging open made Marian spin around. An elven woman padded through the door, platinum blond waves trailed down aside her temples, eyes a shade of emerald green only feasible in elves. A delicate cream nightgown clung to her hourglass figure, though not immodestly. A warm yet delicate smile took hold of her face as she saw the human.
"Marian!" The elf smiled wide and warm and ran up to throw two lithe arms around the human's neck. She leaned in and kissed Marian full on the lips. The human's eyes widened at the contact.
"I … who are you?" Marian managed out with a nervous stutter when the elf relinquished her passionate embrace.
The blonde raised an eyebrow and a coy smile. "How long have you been asleep, dear? It's me, Valora, remember?"
"Va- of course." Marian let out a nervous breath with a chuckle. It all came flooding back to her now. "Sorry I just, I think I had some kind of nightmare."
Marian rubbed her head with a furrowed brow. She must really be losing it.
"Poor thing." Valora teased, poking the human in the forehead with a smile. "It's all that adventuring you do. Maker knows you'd sleep easier if you weren't always off in some dark dungeon somewhere, risking your life."
The warrior's eyes flickered for a moment.
"It's my job, Valora." Marian put her arms around the elf's waist, pulling her in close with a cocky smirk. "Besides, you'd think less of me if I wasn't such a hero."
"I could never think less of you." Valora leaned her head on Marian's shoulder with a relaxed murmur, a delicate hand over the human's heart. Marian hugged the elf woman protectively, inhaling the shorter woman's scent with a contented smile. "I just wish you wouldn't put yourself at risk so much. I worry about you."
"You don't need to worry about me." Marian pressed a soft kiss to Valora's head, earning her a warm smile. "I can look after myself, and I've got my friends with me. You know I don't put myself in harms away alone."
The human's brow furrowed.
"That reminds me." Valora pulled her head back to look up at Marian with those sparkling eyes. "We received a letter this morning, your sister is on her way to visit. She can't wait to see you!"
"Bethany?"
"Yes, it's been ages since she's been to visit. I'm sure you're still worried about her, but you don't need to be." Valora's eyes were soothing. "You know she doesn't have to worry about the Templars anymore. She's perfectly safe."
"Safe?" Marian's voice barely a whisper.
Valora gazed at the human's distant expression with quizzical eyes. "Yes, she's quite safe, she can look after herself you know. You'll see her soon." A delicate hand reached up to Marian's forehead. "Are you sure you're alright dear? You don't seem well at all."
"She warned me about your kind." Marian turned her hard gaze back to Valora. The elf said nothing but stood there confused. "None of this is real. You're not real."
"What are you talking about? Mari, how could you say something like-" The elf shook her head quickly then grabbed Marian's hand, putting it to her chest. "Do you feel that?" – A strong, if elevated heartbeat – "This is real. I'm real."
Marian pushed away from the elf. She threw her gaze about frantically.
"This place, these clothes, everything, it's just a trap! I need to leave!"
"No! Mari, please! Just talk to me. What's wrong?"
Valora tried to reach forward and hold the warrior once more, to calm her from whatever terrible malice had taken hold, but Marian backed away.
"Demon." Setting her jaw, Marian cast an accusing finger.
Valora stopped. Her expression fell from pain to something Marian couldn't read. Then, in a heartbeat, in a blink, everything fell around them. The warm bedroom disappeared into the ether. In its place, a hazed space of distorted shapes and nothingness surrounded them. Marian found herself back in her armour. The comforting familiarity of the plate metal bolstered her resolve.
Valora was nowhere to be seen, in her place stood a woman of purple skin. Two twirling horns crowned her head, a plume of purple fire stood in place of hair, eyes a black that was somehow impossible. Its gaze was cast down to the floor.
"I could make you happy." 'Valora' murmured softly, its voice still that of the elf, but distorted, like an echo at the far end of a cavern. "I could give you everything you ever wanted. Gold, sex, power, it's all yours."
It looked up into Marian's eyes, there was a pleading on the demon's face that made Marian's chest clench.
"All I ask- all I want, is you."
"It's never that simple." Marian shook her head, keeping her voice steady. Her fingers twitched for the sword that had materialised at her back. A nervous bead of sweat trickled down her spine.
"I don't want to hurt you." 'Valora' sighed, its expression despondent. It pulled up its arms and hugged itself as though cold, maybe it was comforting itself. "I'm sorry for deceiving you. I- I just wanted to make you happy."
"Yeah? At what price?" Marian spat, wanting nothing more than to turn and run, but unwilling to tear her eyes away from the demon, lest it pounce.
"Well … you would stay here, with me."
The demon gestured to the Fade around them. As she did, the landscape beneath their feet shifted into a valley, with beautiful wildflowers and majestic mountains beyond. A few birds filled the sky with their harmonious song. A charming log cabin stood by a calm stream. It was isolated, serene and beautiful.
"Tell me. Is that so terrible a price?"
"I won't listen to you, demon." Marian reached back for her sword, wondering just how much damage she could do with it. In this realm, demons were king, mortals were the outsiders.
Another sigh from the demon, this one dejected, its expression was warped by pain and it swallowed thickly.
"I'm sorry. I wish … I just thought I could make you happy."
Marian couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt at seeing the demon hurt.
"Look, just tell me how to leave and I'll go." Marian kept her voice low, frightened any sudden movement or noise would antagonise the demon. She gripped her sword tight, muscles tense for a fight. 'Valora' merely raised her arm and pointed behind the human. Marian didn't dare turn until-
"Marian! Sister!"
"Bethany?"
The warrior turned despite every instinct telling her not to take her eyes off the demon. A blank door of pure white stood behind her, shimmering like a mill pond. A cold seemed to grow from the door like a bitter breeze. Distant sounds emanated from beyond, sounds so familiar.
"Shit, Hawke." It was Varric. "Come on, get up! Don't let me down now."
"It'll be ok, Beth." Isabela was there too. "She'll be alright, she's too damn stubborn to die."
Bethany was screaming, sobbing for her big sister to wake up.
Two gentle hands and a warm presence swept over Marian from behind. She tensed but no attack came, the demon's contact was gentle and soothing.
"If you go back, you will be in so much pain." 'Valora's' voice was quiet. "I've glimpsed what your future holds. You will suffer so, so much, you already have."
Marian felt the demon's head press against her back as purple arms wrapped around her torso.
"Don't go, please. Stay with me and you'll never suffer again."
Marian's breath was a series of heavy pants. She stared into the white abyss, its starkness a cold, unforgiving brutality of a cruel world. At her back, the warm, inviting presence of a demon and all the promises it offered.
"I can give you peace, happiness, love, complete and unconditional. You've earned that much at least."
A hand guided Marian's head to gaze into eyes of darkest pitch. Somehow they were so warm and gentle, so enticing, so loving.
"Everything you could ever want, no shame, no guilt, no limits. I'll give you everything. Just stay with me, please."
Those black eyes were pleading, lonely and desperate.
"They're my friends, my family!"
Yet Marian couldn't drag her gaze away.
"I can bring them here!" An earnest smile. "They'll never leave your side again."
'Valora' turned her head. Marian instinctively followed her gaze.
Four figures stood a short way in the distance. Bethany's desperate screams at her back still nipped on the edges of Marian's consciousness. Yet there she was, her sister stood before her with that bright smile that told Marian everything was ok. Mother was there too, her kind reassuring face just as she remembered. Carver, his ever sullen expression, arms folded in a surly stance. Father, his warm smile was comforting even now, after all this time. Marian slammed her eyes shut, hot tears threatening to break free. When she opened them again, the figures were gone.
The demon was gazing up at her, expression tentatively awaiting a response, almost fearful of what that response might hold. She looked so sweet and serene. This was like nothing Father and Bethany had warned her of.
"They're not real. Not real." Marian shook her head, voice thick with unwept tears.
"Are your memories not real?" 'Valora' soothed with voice and presence. "They really happened. They are still with you and always will be. You know them as well as you know how to live, how to breathe. I see them clearly now, they are beautiful … Please don't cry." She pleaded tenderly, wiping a slender finger over wet eyes. "I don't want you to hurt. I'm sorry."
"What- what are you?"
"I told you, I am Valora." Valora lips twitched in a sweet smile. "Your kind knows me by other names. Demon they call me, Spirit or Desire. But what does that matter?"
"You are a demon."
Valora cocked her head to the side. "Perhaps, if that's how you wish to think of me. Whatever I am, it is just a name, words really, meaningless. What matters, is that I am here, and so are you."
The scene around them changed again. A glorious orange sunset hung over a calm beach, waters shimmering deliciously against golden sands. Purple and pink coloured lanterns hung along the beach and at the water's edge, illuminating them both in a dusky haze. It was so beautiful, so romantic.
Valora leaned her head against Marian's chest again. The human's arms instinctively curled around her protectively once more.
"Tell me, does this not feel real? Does it not feel right?"
"I …"
"Stay with me." Valora breathed her plea through a contented smile. "Just … hold me, like this." Dark eyes half closed in a peaceful expression.
"I have to go back." Marian bit down hard on her lip upon saying that.
Valora's eyes fluttered open. There wasn't anger or malice there, only pain. Pitch black orbs searched Marian's intensely, still pleading without saying a word. Finally they relented.
"I understand."
Her gaze fell and with it the beautiful world she'd built just for the two of them. Cold slowly crept upon Marian and she felt a pang of regret.
"I'm truly sorry."
She reached up gingerly, biting her lip with a hurt expression. She laid her lips over Marian's, then everything faded away.
xxx
Marian woke with a start. Her breathing fast and uneven. She tried to sit up, but a body crashed into hers and crushed her in a desperate embrace. The figure pulled back before Marian could register it, then she was hit sharply across the face.
"You idiot!" Bethany's tears flowed with her wrath. "Don't you dare scare me like that ever again!" She grabbed her older sister into another embrace as she wept.
"Whew, you nearly had us worried there for a moment, Hawke." Varric's chuckle drew Marian's attention. The dwarf stood to her side, Isabela was there too, the rogues wearing identical expressions of relief. "How did you get into trouble this time?"
"I- I'm not sure." Marian managed to get out as Bethany attempted to crush the life from her once more. She put an arm on the mage's back, trying to comfort her.
The warrior gazed about her surroundings, they were stood, crouched and laying in a cavern, or a mine or some such place.
"What- what happened?"
"We were hoping you would tell us." Isabela sighed with a shake of her head. "One moment we were having a pretty routine fight. The next, you're flat on your back, dead to the world. Left us to do all your damn dirty work." She finished with a smirk.
Marian rubbed at her face trying to remember. There was a fight. It was slowly coming back to her.
"I think … there was a mage or, or something. They must have hit me with some kind of spell or … I don't know."
"Hmm, never heard of a spell that can knock you out cold like that. Though what do I know, I am a dwarf after all." Varric rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "You really were dead Hawke, no pulse, no breathing, nothing."
Bethany managed to calm her tears a bit and pulled away, rubbing her red eyes.
"Whatever it was, just- just don't do anything like that again." She scowled fiercely.
"I won't, I'm sorry Beth." Marian pulled her sister close, hugging her protectively. In a flash, an image of a woman in purple skin flew to mind. She banished the thought quickly.
Soon enough, Marian got back to her feet and the party carried on their way. Bethany kept a close eye on her troublesome sister at all times. They completed their mission and returned to Kirkwall for well-earned coin and rest, all without another hitch.
That night when Marian slept on her shoddy cot in Gamlen's home in the heart of Lowtown, she dreamed of a lonely smile and pitch black eyes.