Several commenters were kind enough to estimate that it takes approximately 67 stabs to reach the center of an immortal demon lord without adjusting for paraglider drops and attack booster foods. Thank you for making it so I don't have to use the proper search terms or calculate things myself!
You commenters all rock, even the ones who didn't give me math. It still feels like I forgot something big on this chapter. Oh well.
Epona, Link, and Zelda prove that they are Hyrule's best demon-slaying crew.
Out in Hyrule Field, Epona glared at Link as he appeared next to her in a little pop of light.
Link smiled and folded his arms. "Shouldn't you be with Malanya? Seriously Epona, you didn't need... to..." Link sensed the something that Epona was gesturing to with her head. That spurred him to turn around and look at the colossal problem which was behind him.
"Ganon was born out of a dark past..." Zelda's history lesson was not at the forefront of Link's attention as he hoisted himself into the saddle. "He has given up on reincarnation and assumed his pure, enraged form." Link mentally was looking at the grass and wondering if updrafts from fire would carry him upwards far enough to attack Ganon's face.
Zelda knew what he was thinking and that long range was gonna be much better for this fight. "I entrust you with the Bow of Light-a powerful weapon in the face of evil." She had seen Link's wildly improbable archery skills. "Link, you may not be at a point where you have fully recovered your power or all of your memories..." She patiently waited for him to finish undoing the leather strap that tied the Master Sword to his hand. This gave her the opportunity to give him a pep talk on behalf of her predecessors while Ganon did his dramatic posing. Ganon was currently outranking Revali in the drama department. "But courage need not be remembered for it is never forgotten."
Epona figured Link was about done with removing the straps so she galloped to the bow and demonstrated just why she was objectively superior to other horses. Link acknowledged Zelda's work on making glowing weak points by making use of said weak points.
From the distance which Kass and Paya previously assumed was safe, they were rapidly scribbling down notes after they'd took up partial cover behind a large boulder. They couldn't exactly see a lot and Kass had taken the spyglass from Paya to combine his amazing eyesight with her note-taking speed. They had improvised binoculars by tying his spyglass and her spyglass together. "The hero didn't even flinch! The horse is a hair's breadth from that hoof and SHOOT THE GLOWING AREA! WHAT Epona just grabbed a tree branch for some reason and it is on fire and she is setting more grass on fire and his horse is an arsonist too whaLinkjustjumpedintotheinferno!"
Paya gasped and her pencil tore through the pages.
"Wait, no, he's pulled out his paraglider at the last second to rise into the heavens and strike! YES! Link hit three spots in the space of a second! He shot faster than I can even see!" She made a grab for the makeshift binoculars but Kass wasn't done. He waved a wing at her and separated the spyglasses so they could both watch. Paya listened with rapt attention as Kass reinvented Hyrulean sports-style commentary. She couldn't take her eyes off the glowing bow and streaks of light which fought against Ganon. "He just went UNDER it! He's riding around the back of it again now!" Kass knew ten seconds of this fight was going to be worth several works of wordsmithery.
On the other side of the battle, the many ghosts of Hyrule Castle were trying to get a good look at things, but without the benefit of a spyglass. They were dead enough to not care about having protective cover.
It took Link and Epona very little time to kill Beast Ganon. Epona's skill and anticipation of Link's movements was unparalleled. All watchers fell silent when the pure and holy light of Princess Zelda became visible. Paya's pencil was forgotten as it dropped to the ground. Awe filled the souls of the dead men on the castle ramparts. Not one person moved until the sky changed to blue.
"I've been keeping watch over you all this time..."
"Really?" Link didn't know how he felt about that. Then a couple realizations clicked. "Wait... Are you the voice I hear on the Blood Moons? How are you speaking my language!?" Epona snorted and walked off to do some cool down exercises. Link and Zelda could work this out without her help.
Zelda sheepishly said, "I may have inherited a bit of knowledge from the Triforce of Wisdom. It does come in handy."
Link considered this. He was thinking of how nice it would be to have another person to chat with. Malanya was going to have to meet Zelda. This would have solved so many issues a hundred years ago.
Zelda had no idea what Link was thinking. She had intended to lecture Link for every unnecessary and completely avoidable wildfire. The taste of sweet freedom was making her much more forgiving. Besides, she knew Link had really been trying to be good and not ridiculously destructive. "Link, what do you plan on doing now?" Zelda asked.
"Oh? Um, Epona and I were planning to head East and check out some new lands after we say hi to Malanya. You can come too."
"Well, thank you but I want to go to Kakariko first..." Link and Zelda heard the slate beep before she could finish responding. "What was that? May I see?"
"Oh," Link showed her the screen. "Vah Ruta just finished shutting down."
Zelda reached for the slate. "What? Why did Vah Ruta stop working? We need to check this out. Give me my Sheikah Slate."
Link did not hand it over and found the Slate out of his hands before he could react. "Actually, this was originally my Slate, you know. It's fine, I set the Divine Beasts to do a shutdown sequence after they fired. I need to make sure it's got the Antimaliceware running properly. I can show you what I mean while we head to Kakariko. I promised Koko I'd let her play with the camera rune after I killed Ganon."
Zelda didn't give back the slate.
"I need to bring cats back to Hyrule so, you know."
"You should not be introducing a small carnivore into the ecosystem. Not without proper consideration."
"But..."
"Link, no. Furthermore , where do I even begin?! You should not be set loose without supervision of some kind. I have NEVER heard of a Great Fairy being so annoyed with someone that they stopped trying to tease or creep someone out."
"It wasn't my fault the wind blew embers off my suit and set her flower on fire... Okay, maybe I should have seen that coming."
Zelda folded her arms.
From a distance, the Champions and the King Bosphoramawhatsit watched Zelda and Link. When the wolf joined them, Revali looked sideways at it, said "Oh. It's Link's mangy mutt," and made a shooing motion. Urbosa moved aside to let the wolf get a better spot in the lineup.
Mipha started to reach down to pet it before remembering she was incorporeal. "It's a wolf and deserves more respect than that. Link's friend here has done his share of work."
No one besides the wolf noticed Daruk drifting slowly further away from the wolf. All of them jumped when the wolf dissolved into spirit fires and reappeared as a ghostly man with more than a passing resemblance to Link. "Hi there!"
"Who in the name of Hylia are you?!" Revali said. He instantly knew he didn't like this guy. One Link was enough.
The King's response was more calm. "Would you be a relative of Link's?"
"Predecessor. Link, Hero of Twilight. It is a pleasure to meet you, your Highness. Sorry, I'm not too good at formalities."
Daruk folded his arms, "We're all dead and besides, being a previous hero chosen by the Goddesses should be worth a little respect."
Urbosa muttered, "I knew you were no ordinary wolf..."
King Rhoam asked, "When did you start helping Link?"
"After Death Mountain. He picked up a fire rod there and Link needed someone to help watch out for fires getting out of hand." Link of Ordon grinned happily as the younger Link walked after Zelda. It wasn't apparent from this distance that they were having differences of opinion about the Slate and cats. He could, however, guess. "Farore thought Link might need some assistance. Now that he's got Epona and Zelda looking after him, I should be able to take a break." He smiled the smile of a man whose burden was somebody else's problem now.
The Champions and erstwhile ruler stared at the old Link. There might have been a lecture for Link but he didn't stick around to hear it. The rest of the ghosts departed from this plane of existence to party in the spirit realm. Or whatever they do when they go rejoin other dead friends. At least two were planning to give the Hero of Twilight an earful for leaving Zelda to babysit the Hero of Crime.
"...furthermore you should really not have fed your entire store of Hearty Durians to the Sand Seals right before going to fight those Lynels. You should have cooked those! What were you even thinking?!"
"I'm sorry! Those were the only fruits I had and they were looking at me with those eyes and being all fluffy..."
Zelda unfolded her arms and inhaled. She realized they'd been standing here for a while and she was now famished. There was all of Hyrule to see on foot now that she had her freedom and old friends were out there. "You know what? We should probably get going before we lose more daylight. Tell you what, I'll forgive you if you tell me that joke."
Link did not follow. Him and Epona gave Zelda looks of confusion.
"I only heard the first and second parts, I never got to hear the end of it. I kept getting distracted by Ganon, you see."
Link happily told the joke to Zelda on the road. She laughed and agreed it was hilarious.