Dean focused on walking down the steps, balancing everything on the tray carefully to not drop it. He let out a small sigh when he got to the end, pausing when he heard footsteps following after him.

Turning his head he watched John come down the steps, looking more rattled and uncertain than he could ever remember the man being.

Before he could speak John spoke first, words he never thought he'd hear from his dad coming out.

"I'm sorry." the older man said softly, looking at him for a moment before he tore his gaze away to look at the ground.

Dean turned his body around completely to look at him, not saying a word just yet.

He watched John swallow heavily, taking a deep breath. He could see when John registered the smell of sulfur in the air but still didn't say anything.

"I've been avoiding this, avoiding you, avoiding Sam." he said softly. "Because...its all my fault."

Shaking his head John brought his hands up to run his fingers through his hair. "It was supposed to be me." he said, his voice tight. "I was supposed to be the one to go and give the fake colt, I was supposed to be the one that was to go to somewhere we knew was a trap, not Sam."

"But he argued, and we all know damn well how he is when he argued." John said, fondness and tiredness merging in his voice. "The most stubborn person I've ever met, he'd fight tooth and nail to say that the sky is green if he believed in it. And I hated to admit it, but he had a point."

"He said that I've been in this longer, that I was the one bringing you boys into this life for...for Mary. To avenge her. For over twenty years and this was the first real one true lead that we had." John swallowed hard. "And for the first time that we argued, and you know we argued a lot, I gave in. I let him convince me and even though I hated it and even though I knew in my bones that it was wrong, he was just so damn confident that..."

His eyes closed tightly and his head came forward in a small bow. "And then he got kidnapped, the demons took him, Azazel escaped us, and everything just came crashing down and nothing went right, our one chance gone and Sammy was gone and just..."

John took in a deep, great shuddering breath. "It's like everything that could've gone wrong did go wrong and I had no idea what to do. Then by some miracle we got Sammy back but he's not..." he glanced at the few feet towards the door where Sam was being kept. "He's not Sammy anymore."

"And it's not fair on you, everything that I've dumped on you for years and years." John continued. "And especially this, dumping this on you and letting you face this all alone. Stepping back and basically ignoring everything."

"I'm sorry." John said, looking at him again, unwavering. "I've been so wrapped up in guilt and shame and self hatred, at doing this, at bringing my boys to this part, that...I just stopped everything. I stopped being your dad, I stepped back and let you deal with everything. Again."

"Dad." Dean started to say, not knowing how to continue for a moment.

"But that's over now, I'm not done feeling guilty, I'll never not feel guilty about everything that I've put you guys through, but I'm done doing nothing." John said, nodding to himself. "So, I'm here. What do I need to do?"

This was a role reversal that Dean had no idea how to deal with and had no desire to be in at the moment. Letting out a deep breath he turned back to the room where Sam was.

"Lunch." he said simply, walking the rest of the way. John opened the door, the smell of sulfur got stronger when he did and he heard his dad groan at the smell but he ignored it.

Sam was still lying on the cot, thankfully he didn't seem to have tried to claw at himself anymore but the blood had dried on his clothes and skin a bit more. He turned his head to look at them when they entered but didn't make a sound.

He could hear John cursing behind him as Dean came forward, putting the tray on the ground next to the cot.

"What did he do?" John asked, slowly coming closer to him.

"Scratched himself to oblivion." Dean said, sitting on the cot and opening one of the water bottles, rolling his eyes when Sam scowled at the sight of it. "Just drink brat."

John swallowed hard and came forward more, looking at Sam who was alternating his gaze from Dean to him.

"Alright, tell me what I missed." John said, rolling his shoulders back.

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