Well, this chapter is very silly. But this whole fic is kind of silly, so what can I say? I like it. It's fun to write.

Funny How Things Happen

Kiba soon tired of the kitchen. The table was hardly comfortable, especially with a large couch sitting useless in the living room. He'd slept on it, clearly it was comfortable enough.

So he changed locations.

Unfortunately, he soon found himself equally unsatisfied with the couch. Maybe it was because all he was doing was lying around.

So he picked up a nearby magazine, Konoha Home and Garden.

What? She lives in an apartment. What the hell does she read this for? He flipped through it briefly. Oh, interiors, right.

Wallpaper designs held no interest for Kiba. He skimmed some of the articles anyway, mostly because he was reluctant to go snooping through her apartment for better things to do. Even with his limited knowledge of females, he knew girls hated that.

It took another half hour before Kiba stopped caring.

"I guess I would like some of that burn cream after all."

The apartment didn't respond.

Therefore Kiba felt even better about strolling into the bathroom and beginning to go through her stuff, which consisted mostly of medical supplies.

He ignored the tampons (typical female hygienic accessory) and barely skimmed the assorted pill bottles and ointments. Kiba was not one to be interested in drugs; his sister was a medic herself. She had a closet full of remedies in all shapes and sizes, with which she healed Kiba's ever-present injuries, as well as those of their dogs and other members of their tight-knit clan.

His eyes widened when he spied a box of condoms.

Check it out. Guess Sakura isn't the goody two shoes I always thought she was… Or she is, she's just very well prepared regardless. He scanned the box.

"'Ribbed for her pleasure'. Ewwwwww…"

He snickered and dropped them back into the drawer from whence they came, attention span already spent. The burn cream was sitting on the bottom shelf of the cabinet he'd left open. Hooray! Relief.

He took up 15 more minutes of boredom by rubbing the cool salve into his skin. But there was really only so much of the stuff you could put on before it stopped absorbing.

Kiba splayed out on the couch once more. Geez. Why doesn't she have a TV? Or books? Maybe in her room…

He popped his head over the back of the couch, peering down the hall at the door that sealed behind it a world of mystery, peril, and (probably) pink. He then vaulted over the couch, tiptoeing closer (no one around to hear but hey, you make your own fun) until he was finally close enough to swing the door open and step cautiously across the threshold of the danger zone.

A surprising amount of blue filled the room, mingled with the tiniest hints of rose and that sort of dusky purple… maude, mauve, mavis? Unexpected. He kept his wits about him, though, not allowing this odd color scheme to sway his caution. A girl's bedroom was nothing to be trifled with; he knew personally, having been taught time and time again just what 'KEEP OUT, NO BOYS ALLOWED' meant by his sister.

Still… Sakura wasn't here. And he was bored. And it was her stupid coffee pot that had decided to pour itself all over his pants. And it was because he had no pants that he couldn't leave. He would have borrowed a pair of Sakura's, but she was much more hippy than he; it would not be a proper fit, and saints be damned if he would be caught wearing a girl's pants.

By this string of logic, he had every right.

Sakura hummed to herself as she hurried towards the Inuzuka compound; she would soon be finished with the quest for clothing, which meant that Kiba could leave and she could enjoy this sudden break she'd caught.

Her dear shishou had dismissed her immediately after hearing about the rough night Sakura had had, stating that a tired medic was useful only on the battlefield, or any other time that resting was considered a commodity. Of course, Sakura knew better than to think that this had much of anything to do with her own condition… Tsunade was just having too rough a morning to bother with any kind of sensible business before 5:00 in the afternoon.

I keep telling her to limit her drinking when she knows she has things to do the next day, which is just about every day, but does she listen to me? Psh.

Still, it wasn't like she could really complain. Free days were few and far between. Sure, Kiba was intruding on this bounty, but not for long.

The main house of the Inuzuka clan appeared on the horizon, and she sped into a trot, almost tripping into the door when she arrived. Thankfully, no one was around, so she was able to recover gracefully. She would have knocked, but the door opened before she could get to it. Kiba's mother stood there, clearly on her way out.

"Ah! Can I help you?" Tsume scrutinized the pink-haired girl suspiciously. "You're not selling anything, are you?"

Sakura held up her hands. "No, I'm afraid not. I'm a friend of—"

"Oh, say no more, say no more! I didn't recognize you, but hell, I hardly know any of my daughters' friends these days. Anyway, she's in her room. I would welcome you more properly to our humble abode, but I'm running later than usual. Maybe next time!" Kiba's mother had already moved past Sakura when she turned back around. "Oh, and see if you can get her to eat something, would you? I don't know if it's just lingering morning sickness or what, but she won't even look at anything edible."

She jogged away, flapping a hand in farewell. Sakura waved dazedly back. She felt awkward, but it was unnecessary; she had the mother's approval to invade the house, and surely Kiba's sister would know where to find his wardrobe.

And my medical skills might get some use today after all…

Hana didn't bother getting up when she heard her door being knocked on.

"I told you, Mother, I'm not hungry! Seriously, if you bring me one more steak, I'm going to paint your face with its juice!"

"Um, gross. I'd rather you didn't."

Hana opened her eyes slowly and sat up. The person at the door was a stranger with pink hair and green eyes.

"And who the hell might you be?"

The girl flushed. "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Haruno Sakura, a friend of Kiba's. I need one of his shirts to bring back." With an inquiring look from Hana, she began to babble. "See, he had to stay at my apartment last night due to, er, unforeseen circumstances, and the shirt he had on yesterday got…dirty, so I put it in the wash, but he continues to systematically dirty the clothes that weren't that way previously and it's just getting a little out of hand." She finished and took a deep breath.

Hana blinked. "…Okay. Are you implying that my brother went on a drinking binge and for once didn't manage to throw up on all of his clothing?"

Sakura rubbed the back of her head, giving way to a pained grin. "I guess I'm just lucky? But he also dumped coffee on himself, so I need pants too."

Hana would have laughed if she didn't think that would negatively affect her gag reflex. "Sounds like my brother, all right. Quite a handful, isn't he?"

"That'd be one word for it… It's not like I have a real problem with him waiting around for the laundry to be done, but I'm not exactly used to having guys lounging around my place with very little clothing on. Well, guys who aren't Naruto."

Then she had to stop and think about that for a minute because, all things considered, she should have been pretty damn used to being around semi-nude males period. She was a medic, after all. It was kind of strange that Kiba bothered her at all. The Naruto singularity made the discomfort caused by Kiba even sillier, considering that one of Naruto's higher levels of drunkenness consisted of just straight up being naked.

"Yes…" Hana mused, leaning in the doorway and waiting for Sakura to come back to the world, "Quite distracting, aren't they?"

The girl swallowed a blush as she skirted past into the hall. Hana held back a chuckle.

Sakura cleared her throat. She felt nervous for some reason, and attributed it to her usual desire for respect, something she suspected this formidable clan did not give out freely. Tsunade constantly reminded her that it was pointless kowtowing to everyone, but Sakura maintained that a wide spread of respect was highly effective. The Fifth was just lucky she was talented enough that her drinking and gambling didn't get in the way of most people's admiration... "So what's this about you not eating? Your mother seemed to think that as a friend of yours, I could persuade you, but seeing as how this is the first time we've met, I don't think that would go down so well. I am a medic, though, so I'm happy to help if you want me to."

"I dabble in medicine myself, actually," Hana cracked a grin, seeing Sakura blanch a little, "…but seeing as how I'm not conventionally trained, you would probably have a bit more perspective on the matter." She rested a careful hand on her stomach. "As you and anyone from up to 100 miles away can see, I'm pregnant. But I ought to be way past the morning sickness stage, and yet I've felt sick since yesterday for no real reason. This obviously rings a small alarm bell in my head and sends my mother up the wall. Grandmothers… " The woman rolled her eyes. "I've been thinking it's just a touch of the flu, but I haven't really eaten anything since yesterday and my mother can't stand it when I don't eat. It all comes back up, though, so I just decided to stop."

Sakura frowned. "There has been a virus going around, so this is probably just a 24-hour thing… Still, I should examine you on the off-chance that it's more serious. Wouldn't want to give the grandmother more to worry about than she needs."

"Sure, thanks. You're all right, Sakura, you know that?" Hana smiled, then abruptly kicked a door open, stunning her impromptu guest into a brief cardiac arrest. "This is Kiba's room. Shirts are in the bureau, pants are in the closet." She held a hand to her mouth. "Ugh, moved too quickly. I think I'm going to be sick again. Excuse me a moment."

As Hana fled the scene, a wet nose bumped Sakura's hand. She looked down (though not that far) to see Kiba's monstrous pooch leaning into her legs like a giant furry boulder. She smiled and scratched behind his ears.

"Hey, Akamaru. What's going on? Are you guarding your boy's room?" She glanced around the surprisingly large space. "Maybe I should wait for Hana… You wouldn't take too kindly to some strange girl looking through Kiba's stuff, would you?"

"I don't really care either way. And he's pretty shameless, so I don't think he would either."

Sakura jumped a little. "Wow. I didn't know you were talking."

Akamaru eyed her. "Have been for a while now. But it's not like we see you very often these days, so it makes sense that you wouldn't know." He nudged his head against her hip, demanding more pets.

Sakura complied. "Yeah, I suppose." The peace was interrupted by a series of heaves echoing down the hall. Girl and dog looked at each other for a moment.

"How about you pick out a new outfit for your boy while I go check on Hana?" An affirmative bark later, Sakura was following the sound of Hana's groans. She found her in a spacious bathroom, reclining against the bathtub and gripping the toilet bowl rim like a lifeline.

"So hungry… but so sick… feel crappy too long… want Sho…"

"It's a good sign that you're hungry, but you're too pale. Who's Sho?" Sakura felt Hana's forehead for a temperature, watching her kindly.

"He's my fiancée and he's been gone on a mission for two weeks now. I miss him. He's always gone. Thank goodness the mission ends in a week. I can get my fix again." The woman grinned, head lolling somewhat contentedly, despite her state.

Sakura smiled. "I'm happy for you."

Hana was about to say something, but paused when Akamaru padded in, jaws full of clothing.

"What's this? You made Akamaru pick stuff out? That's no fun." A sly smirk spread across the woman's face. "Or did you really not want to snoop? My leaving was full permission to."

Sakura's smile was a bit strangled. "I try not to do unto others too much more than I would want done unto me." But her shifty mind belied her true nosy nature: you were leaving to go throw up. What if you'd come back? I can't read your secret signals. Of course I would have snooped. I just didn't want any kind of awkwardness with someone's relatively unknown sister.

Then she noticed Hana shaking her head.

"Huh. Well, if that's your response, you must not know my brother very well…"

Dude, this diary is ancient. It's still all about Dickhead Uchiha… but wow, did she ever take good notes.

Kiba shook his head and dropped the journal back into the box. There were a few others in there, which he flipped through, but they all dated back to the Age of Sasuke, which the dog ninja had absolutely zero interest in. There was, however, a definite drop-off point in Sakura's journal writing around the time Sasuke disappeared for good. It made sense, but lack of secrets to sneaky peek at made for a really fucking dull afternoon.

…Well duh. Why would she keep a current diary in a box in her closet? That'd more likely be in a bedside table or a desk or something.

So Kiba checked. Bingo on the bedside table. He opened it to a random page.

January 14

This really sucks. REALLY sucks. I know it's only because it's winter, but the fact that I'm alone is continually driven home these days. Not that I'm not happy for Ino-pig. I mean, Chouji is a perfect match for her; they're so cute together! But I want my own perfect match. I'd even settle for a semi-perfect match. Hell, even just a match at this point would probably make my year. I just want a warm body, some arms and some lips, hopefully some sort of brain to spark (at the least) semi-intellectual conversation. And it couldn't hurt to be funny. Tall is good. I don't know. I don't want to be too picky because then I'll never find anyone. Argh. Damn my perfectionism. But in the same vein, if I'm not picky, I'll end up with some loser who won't make me happy. This conundrum… you know what it does? It SUCKS.

"Well. Looks like we have a little Lonely Hearts Club going on here." Kiba flipped to a new page, but abruptly slammed the book shut, shoving it back in its drawer. With a few running steps and a flying leap, he made it to the couch just as Sakura walked in the door.

"Hey there, doll. What's going on?"

Kiba couldn't have been more thankful for his good hearing, not to mention his sensitive nose. After all, he'd smelled her before he even heard her feet on the stairs. She smelled nice, somewhat of a mix of fresh grass and something flowery; very fresh, very clean, and easy enough to distinguish in the mess of scents that resonated from the rest of the building. She'd smelled so nice, in fact, that he forgot how dead she would kill him if she found him rooting through her stuff, hence the hasty employment of his top-rate ninja skills as Fists O' Death arrived at her door.

She didn't seem to have noticed that he hadn't been sitting on the couch the entire time she was gone. He hoped things would continue in this way. Being very concerned with his current train of thought (going round and round its track of Sakura's diary...Sakura...death...SO DEAD...worth it?...hurr hurr secrets etc. etc.), he failed to notice that she threw something at him. Clothing hit him square in the face with a satisfying thwack.

"Let's try to keep these garments clean and wearable, hmm?" Sakura eyed him for a moment before striding into the kitchen.

"What on earth are you talking about? Did you not notice the gorgeously tanned skin I've covered myself with?"

He could almost hear her rolling her eyes. "Yes, actually, and I'm so glad you've kept your organs covered. Even though I'm a doctor, I still can't help but blush whenever I see so much as a kidney."

"You know you love it!" Kiba yelled, but put the clothes on anyway. Then he meandered into the kitchen and popped up onto the counter where Sakura was making herself a cup of tea. "So, all clear at the office?"

"Oh, you know Shishou…" Sakura chuckled a little. Kiba stared blankly at her. Sakura blinked back for a second.

"You know," she said, "you really are remarkably similar to Naruto."

Kiba pulled a face. "Is that a compliment or an insult?"

"It's a fact."

Kiba shrugged. "I guess. Anyway, what's this about Shishou?"

"Just that she drinks like a fish, and at every inappropriate time she can find. And she never eats enough beforehand, so her hangovers are always awful. She just couldn't handle the world today, or rather, handle teaching me how to cure flesh-eating viruses, so I came home."

"But… you know how to fix headaches and stuff, right? Don't you think it would have been nice to give your old Shishou a break?" Kiba ruminated on this for a second. "Hey, what the hell! You could have put me right hours ago!"

Sakura seemed wholly unmoved by the dog nin's outrage. "Sorry, Tsunade-sama has already hardened me against the plight of the morning after. And even if she hadn't, I don't see much of a reason to ease the pain of stupid behavior."

"Well fine." Kiba sulked at her a little bit and considered stealing her tea. "What now, then?"

Sakura gave him a baleful look. "I don't know. I was kind of hoping you would be leaving soon."

"…Are you saying you want some alone time?"

"Solitude may be a foreign concept to you, but some people enjoy it regularly."

Kiba barked out a laugh. "Oh come on, you don't want me hanging around? Why not? You're alone all the time. What's wrong with a bit of company?"

Sakura's back stiffened the slightest bit, her eyes turning a bit steely. Kiba took a few moments to think about what he'd just said, then banged his head on the cabinet behind him in frustration.

So, what have I been saying about paying attention? I need a speech filter or something.

"I-I really didn't mean it like that. I mean, you just sounded like a girl who lives by herself and has come to, er, appreciate that fact. And you're right about me not understanding, because the Inuzuka clan is a pack by nature and I've always had a relative nearby, human or animal, and when I was five I got Akamaru so I was never alone, but we're a pack like I said and that's all relatively natural for us and…" Sakura was watching him quietly. On the upside, one corner of her mouth was beginning to quirk up. Kiba took a breath and closed his mouth.

"You want to get a girl? Here's a tip: don't joke about things that might not normally be funny unless the girl seems to be taking light of it herself." The pink-haired girl scratched an itch on her neck. "Not that I took any real offense to what you said or anything. You sounded a lot like Ino, to be honest. And my default response to that pig is annoyance, so."

Kiba wondered if he would be allowed to comment on the oddity of persisting in calling her best friend a pig after all these years, but thought better of it. It was probably just some weird female love-hate ritual anyway, which had shit-all to do with him. Oop, back to the present, Sakura was talking again.

"-not really the way you use your words, but your tone, if anything. Just try not to be so… flippant all the time." Good. She hadn't noticed that he'd spaced out. Safe.

Odd word to use, though. "Flippant?"

"If I were majorly in Girl Mode right now, I would have taken what you said to mean that I was alone because I had no other choice, because no one else wanted to be with me."

"That wasn't wh-"

The pink-haired girl held up a hand. "I know it wasn't what you meant, but female brains operate on a completely different frequency than male brains. Just register this simple fact and you'll already be way better off."

Unsaid as it was, Kiba still heard the you poor stupid bastard Sakura left out. He gave her one of his patented Looks, specifically the Look he reserved to share with Shino on the rare occasions when the bug inn acted like a douche. "Okay, so now I'll forever know that I automatically sound like a dick to women. Gotcha."

"I would say you talk more out of your ass than any other part of your body, but suit yourself. Careless observations, or answering a loaded question such as 'does this make me look fat?' truthfully, regardless of whether you, as her man, care about the answer, can make or break a girl's mood. Rarely do girls bother to remember that if a man is with them, he obviously likes them as they are, be they fat or thin, blonde or brunette, whatever."

Kiba could concede that the pinkette had a point. Still, she could use a little work on her phrasing too, not that Kiba was actually stupid enough to complain for the sake of his ego. Poor thing was already black and blue, it didn't need chakra scalpel stab wounds on top of everything.

He contemplated the kunoichi, scanning her form out the corner of his eye as she sipped her tea. It was pretty surprising that she didn't have guys all over her. She was certainly a tough contender, but Kiba would have figured that her straightforward attitude and strange lucidity about her own female…ness would have been more than enough incentive for the male population to find her appealing.

Not to mention she was pretty much a babe. There was just no denying an attractive lady as far as Kiba was concerned, even if she could (and probably would) rip out your femur and beat you with it. Hell, for an ass like that, a guy might even be willing to give up a few limbs.

It was at this moment that the phone chose to ring, startling Kiba from his increasingly more disturbing thoughts. He was closer to the handset than Sakura and grabbed the receiver without thinking, despite her attempts at telling him not to with a mouth full of liquid.

"Hello? No, she's unavailable at the moment, sorry." He wasn't lying; Sakura was now choking on the tea she had mistakenly tried to talk through. "I see. I'll tell her first thing. 'Kay, bye."

Spluttering, Sakura managed a "Who was it?"

"It was the hospital. A team just arrived with severe injuries, and it appears the ICU is intensely understaffed today. So they wanted to know if you could come in and save the day."

The woman was already out the door. Kiba lurked around the kitchen for a moment, eyeing her half-finished cup of tea (which he promptly chugged), and followed.

Anyone who catches the Wayne's World reference gets extra special lovin'. REVISED AND ALL THAT GOODNESS.