He'd kissed her.
Venser still couldn't quite believe he'd actually done it. Not that he hadn't wanted to. He'd fantasized about just such an eventuality, of course things had always gone much further than one kiss in his imaginings. He wasn't vain but he'd always assumed once they started making out, she would enjoy it enough to want to go all the way. He definitely had; he'd been ready to take her right there in the library if she'd have permitted it, that one kiss making him so hard he had ached with it. But she'd looked almost frightened when the kiss ended and it had taken every ounce of his willpower not to touch her again and try to persuade her to be his. He'd forced himself to let her leave, watching as she retreated from the room before he collapsed into the chair she'd sat in earlier.
He was worried he'd messed things up. From the first moment they'd met, he'd been attracted to her physically. Yes, it was partly due to her being naked at the time, but that first night when they'd had dinner at her parents place he'd gotten to see what she was like when her guard was down. She was warmth and light cloaked in a dark sense of humor and a cynical mind. Her lack of magic had forced her to be both isolated and guarded; most people on this plane looked down on her and could easily be a threat to her in more ways than one so she was careful to maintain a detached air and spent most of her time working. Thanks to being introduced to her in a setting where she felt safe, from the very beginning he'd known what was behind the walls she seemed to carry everywhere else.
Venser could relate to that need for self protection; he'd been the victim of manipulation more than once. He despised the feeling of rage and helplessness that came with realizing he'd been taken advantage of. Unfortunately most times it had been insurmountable enemies that had bent him to their will, so he'd never had the satisfaction of seeing them brought down by his own hands. The physical damages had healed over time, the psychological ones had faded but weren't truly gone. He could understand her caution; he sincerely hoped she hadn't experienced anything as awful as he had. Whatever had taken place with her former lover had left a mark, he could only hope it wasn't a permanent one.
However, it was this very part of her nature that he assumed was the cause behind her running away tonight. He knew she'd enjoyed the kiss; Lorissa had been shyly returning it before abruptly pulling away. It hadn't been a chaste kiss either; her mouth had looked as swollen as his crotch felt. Her nipples had puckered so they were visible beneath her dress, he'd been riveted and further aroused by her obvious response to their embrace. But even though her body was showing all signs pointed to yes, one look in her eyes had told him the answer was still no. She'd looked uncertain and shaken; he took solace in the notion that it was her reaction to the kiss that had alarmed her and not the actual kiss itself. She might not be against going to bed with him in the future, even if she wasn't prepared to do it right now.
Of course this was all conjecture on his part, based on hope. She hadn't yelled at him or slapped his face; she'd just run away. Which left him with no idea how she was really feeling, no right to pursue her since they weren't even dating and no clue how to proceed in the future. His gut told him to keep at it; perseverance had served him well in the past and his nature was rather focused once he had a goal in mind. He was just used to being able to invent something in order to gain an edge. This was one instance where he couldn't engineer his way to a solution.
He dropped his head down to lightly bang it against the desk, painfully aware he'd been a second away from banging her on there instead. He closed his eyes with a groan at the thought, and the subtle scent of her surrounded him. She spent hours a day sitting there and her smell permeated the air. He breathed in slowly, the urgent heat still simmering in his blood, making him feel reckless. He reached down to slide a hand over his crotch, wincing at how sensitive it was, primed for sex. Just from one little kiss. Sleeping with her might kill him at this rate. But he was willing to risk it.
Venser was normally careful and cautious by nature, but at that moment he was operating on instinct rather than rationality. He leaned back in the chair, his eyelids dropping halfway closed as he unfastened his pants and jerked off.
He collapsed back against the seat panting, light headed from the intensity of his release, his body feeling languid and relieved. It took him a few moments to collect his thoughts and he laughed in disbelief when he saw the mess he'd made. He grabbed the ends of his cloak and scrubbed his body before cleaning up the floor, desk and chair. Then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, wondering what was going to happen the next time he saw Lorissa. He had no idea how she was going to react when they crossed paths again.
He knew she thought of him as a gentleman because of his kind and polite demeanor. But he was multifaceted like anyone else. A lot of women didn't understand that nice guys could get horny as hell too. He'd wanted her for what felt like an eternity, although rationally he knew it had only been a matter of months. Every day it had become more difficult to ignore his attraction to her when they shared stimulating conversations or ridiculous jokes; kissing her had only been a matter of time and now that he'd done it, he wanted more. He wanted her in his bed and the privilege of waking up in hers. She made him feel at ease and alive, she made him laugh and think. He'd only ever had fleeting moments of happiness in the past, every day spent with her seemed to be full of such occasions.
He sincerely hoped that, no matter what happened now, their friendship would at least remain in tact. There had only been a handful of people in his life who had understood his sense of humor or been able to appreciate his intellect and even fewer people who had wanted nothing from him other than the gift of his company. The prospect of losing that closeness they'd developed was what had kept him in check the last couple of weeks, but his desire had overcome his better judgment when she'd been in his arms. Holding her against his body, feeling her soft curves had gone straight to his head and he'd made a move without thinking about the consequences. He didn't think she was heartless enough to give him the cold shoulder if she decided he'd gone too far tonight, but he was concerned that things might never again be the way they once were.
*I'll be spending the next week in a bikini, bar or bed depending on how fun my vacation turns out to be, so no updates next Friday. I'll post the following Monday if I survive ;)
***Sorry this chapter seems so short, I had to edit out a lot of the mature content due to restrictions on this site.