Hey guys, I am back again with another one shot. It's probably gonna be angsty because I'm always sad but we don't talk about that. Anyways, on with the story!

Tw: Arguing, Cutting, Hospital

It's sickening. The fact that he could just say he was fine and everyone would believe him. Alexander has always been a good liar. But I could see through. I could poke holes in his lies spread thin.

I could help. I could help and no one else could. No one else knew, or no one else cared. Either way, I've always been there. Even if we argue and bicker, he could trust me with his secrets. It made me feel special for the first time in a long time.

I am his lifeboat.

I keep him afloat.

I, Thomas Jefferson, am the reason he is still alive.

And I love him. Even if he doesn't love me, I love him.

I always have.

"Hey Alexander," I started.

"Hm?" He replied.

"You seem off today."

He just shrugged.

"I'm serious Alex, what's wrong?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Actually I would."

Alex just scoffed at me.

He was always like this when I knew something was wrong.

"Alex—"

"Jefferson, shut the fuck up. Please, for the love of god. I don't have to tell you shit. Stop fucking asking."

"Alexander, I do this because I fucking care."

"Well you shouldn't. Don't you get it? Have you not caught on? I. Hate. You. I always have, and I always will."

I was taken aback by his words.

"Alex I—"

"Don't. Don't say anything. I don't fucking care. Just shut up for once in your damned life."

Beat.

"Fine. You want me to leave? I'll leave. It's not like I fucking fell in love with you or anything. It's not like I neglect my own fucking needs to care for you. But I'll leave. And don't expect your lifeboat to be back anytime soon."

I stormed out of our shared dorm. Of course he didn't care. No one does. I'm his lifeboat. But no one is mine. I found my little secluded area on campus. It was somewhere behind the building where it met the forest.

"I. Hate. You. I always have, and I always will."

His words echoed through my ears.

"Fuck..."

Tears welled up in my eyes.

"FUCK!"

I punched the brick wall, leaving my knuckles bruised and bloody.

I leaned against the wall, sliding down it while dropping my messenger bag down to my side.

I opened my bag and moved stuff around before finding what I was looking for.

My blade.

I rolled up my letter jacket sleeve. My arm was already littered in cuts.

I made more. It started with with one.

Then two.

Then four.

Then seven.

Then thirteen.

Then twenty.

Then twenty-six.

Blood was dripping down my arm. It didn't hurt. It was just numb.

I heard a gasp in front of me. I look up and see none other than Alexander Hamilton.

"What? You shocked? You shouldn't be," I just let the blood drip down my arm, "I don't have a lifeboat. You have me."

"Tom I—"

"Save it, I don't need excuses. You hate me, and that's that."

"No Tom I—"

"You what? You're sorry? You didn't mean it? That's what they all say. But you know I'll be back. I can't stay away from you. You're like an addiction Alexander. I just can't get enough."

The blood didn't stop running down my arm. I started to feel a bit light headed. Alex just stood there in shock.

"Damn, now I'm gonna need a new jacket."

"I'm gonna go get help—"

"Don't. I don't need it. If I die, it's my own damn fault."

He disregarded my words and ran off to get help.

I tried to stand up, eventually doing so, stumbling off into the forest.

I could hear when Alex got back to my spot. He looked around for a moment. I looked down.

"Fuck."

There was a trail of blood leading straight to me. I kept walking.

The loss of blood made me dizzy, and I fell.

I didn't move. I only stared at the sky, hearing Alex and someone else rush over to me before blacking out.

HEHEHE CLIFFHANGER!

Jk

I woke up to the sound of monitors beeping rhythmically. There was a blinding light looming overhead.

"Fuck, turn off the light..." I mumbled.

"He's awake!"

"Thomas!"

"Hamilton? And... James?"

"Oh thank god!" James said.

"Thomas I'm so sorry!" Alex said after.

I kind of just shrugged.

"It's alright, it's no problem," I dismissed.

"No Thomas it's—"

"Ah, you're awake," Said the nurse, walking in.

"Angelica?"

"Mhm, I'm in training, but I'm pretty good at it so they let me do a patient by myself. I didn't know that patient would be you, for well... that," She gestured to my arm.

"Heh, well, you never know."

"I never thought you were fighting your own battles, just fighting Alex. You seem way too cocky for that."

"It happens."

"Anyways, you lost some blood and need to stay here for a while to rest and recover."

"Understandable."

"I'll come check in on you later. Don't die?" She said, half heartedly.

"Alright."

She nodded and walked out of the room.

"Y'all can go home now if you'd like, since it's like, midnight," I offered.

"You sure?" James asked.

"Mhm," I replied.

"Alright, stay safe," He said and left.

"What about you?"

"I wanna stay."

"But I thought you hated me," I said mockingly.

"I don't. I was just super pissed off, and you were the first person in my line of fire," He teared up and looked away, "I shouldn't have taken my anger out on you. I'm sorry..."

"It's alright."

"Really?"

"Yeah, no sweat man. It's not uncommon for me to cut after arguments. It's not just you. It's okay."

Alex walked over to me and hugged me tightly.

"I'll be your lifeboat..."

Woah this was long. I literally wrote half of it in the social worker's office in my school because I had a panic attack. Basically I wrote myself into Jefferson a bit (a bunch) and I'm actually pretty proud of this! Anyways, see y'all in the next story.