Disclaimer: IDOM

Hey there! Sorry for the late update! I had a special meeting last night, and when I got home I completely forgot I was suppose to update... :D Anyway, I'm in study hall right now, and we have early release today! Woohoo! :D (Thanksgiving Break) I gotta go; we only have twenty minute class periods, and I'm not sure what time we get outta here. :)

Later, tatters! Enjoy:

Chapter 18: Broken Open

Arthur strode towards his apartment, listening to Leon and Elyan jesting as they stepped off the lift behind him. The entire ride home had been those two seeing who could come up with the most brilliant, but ridiculous, insult for the other. It carried on into the building as well, and Arthur lost count of the odd looks that had come their way through the lobby.

He could hear Gwaine blasting Sleeperstar from his apartment, and Arthur pulled his keys out of his pocket as he said goodnight to both of his friends, pushing his door open as they replied with the same farewell. Once inside, Arthur closed his door and sank against it, rubbing his temples. Everything felt so wrong, so different.

Guinevere.

He could talk to Gwen about it. About everything.

Arthur shrugged off his coat and threw it on the sofa, opening his door once more and walking straight to Gwen's. He knocked politely, and a smile pulled on his lips when she called out, "Come in!"

He pushed the door open, instantly hearing the works of John Powell coming from the television.(1) "Gwen?"

She appeared from the side hallway, smiling and pausing her movie as she walked towards the kitchen. "Hello, Arthur. How was work?"

He grinned, settling himself down on one of the barstools beside the counter. "It was fine. Hui's being held at the Yard tonight before we can get him over to processing tomorrow."

"That's good. Was he the one who broke into the museums, then?"

"Yes. He had a partner, though. He wouldn't tell us who."

Gwen cocked her head, setting a glass of water in front of him. "Did he tell you anything about him?"

"Her, actually. He seemed scared to death of her; only referred to her as 'she' or 'her' or 'the woman.'"

"Well, that helps."

Arthur chuckled. "Yeah, he wasn't all that helpful, come to think of it. But... I came to talk to you about something else."

She smiled, putting her elbows on the counter and leaning into them. "What?"

"It's about Colin."

Something flared in Gwen's eyes, and she caught herself from straightening up. "What?"

"Has... has he ever spoken to you about his past?"

Guinevere was viciously pulled between laughing at the irony and frowning at Arthur's inquiry. Instead, she grit her teeth. "What do you mean?"

"Has he ever told you what happened before all this? With his parents? His family?"

"He... Um..."

The detective sighed, wrapping his fingers around the cool glass she'd given him. "He told me that he met his father once, briefly before his death, but my father told me that Colin had been raised by his father. It doesn't make sense."

Oh.

Unease and anxiety roiled within Guinevere. She knew the truth, and she knew the lie. But how could she tell Arthur? How could she tell him that the file was a fake, that Merlin had told him the truth? She couldn't without ruining everything for him.

"Maybe the file's incorrect?" she offered meekly.

Arthur shook his head after taking a sip of the water. "It can't be. The Commissioner even said that he'd known Colin and his family for a long time and that they'd worked together before. Nothing adds up, Gwen."

"Well, maybe John was confused with another family?"

"I don't know," Arthur sighed. "I mean, there's a chance, but I don't think he'd forget something that important." He rose from his chair. "Maybe I should talk to Colin about it."

"Not tonight!" Gwen jumped. "He just went to bed a little while ago, and he needs rest."

"He did? It's still early."

Guinevere nodded, only just keeping it together. "He came over to check on me, and he looked really sick, so I told him to get some sleep."

"Well, then maybe I should talk to Morgana. Father won't tell me anything, but I'm sure she'd be able to—"

"No!"

Guinevere's sudden objection pulled him back, and his head whipped up, surprise written all over his features.

"Y-you shouldn't involve Katie in this," she tried, smiling nervously. "She has enough things to worry about. Besides, she doesn't work at the Yard anymore, and your father isn't likely to tell her anything he wouldn't tell his detective."

Relaxing, Arthur sighed. "I guess you're right. Do you think I'm just being too pushy? I mean, I want to figure this thing out, but... Should I just let it go?"

"Yes." The single word was said so bluntly that a little amount of hurt entered Arthur's soft eyes. Guinevere saw this and frowned caringly. "I mean, maybe you're overthinking this. A single misunderstanding doesn't change the months of friendship you've built with Merlin."

"I know," the detective breathed, "but does this single misunderstanding mean that I can't trust him anymore?"

"I don't think so. Arthur, he trust you," she said truthfully, "with his life even. You shouldn't let one little thing ruin the trust you've built in him. He's always come through for you, hasn't he?"

"Yeah."

"Well, there you go then."

After a moment, Arthur took another drink, sighing as he said, "I guess you're right."

Guinevere could barely restrain herself from leaping with joy. She simply smiled. "You need some rest, too, Arthur. And I need to finish my movie."

"Uh, alright." He stood, gulping down the last of the water before Gwen walked him to the door. He stepped out into the hallway, already feeling exhaustion creep over him as he thought of his bed, when Gwen called his name. He turned. "Yeah?"

"I was just wondering... when, exactly, did you begin to doubt Merlin?"

More hints of guilt stirred, and Arthur thought back... "When... when Katie was visiting. She warned me not to trust him too easily."

Arthur watched Gwen's lips tighten into an accepting frown, as if she'd already known the answer. Was... was there something going on between Morgana and Guinevere? Katie hadn't mentioned anything.

"Thanks," she said.

"No problem," he answered, his confusion bleeding through. She didn't go into detail, though, as she shut her door. Arthur soon heard John Powell's music once more, louder this time, as if she was trying to drown out the rest of the world.

What in the world was going on?

Merlin was slowly pulled out of his dreamless sleep.

He sucked in a gracious amount of air as he woke, blinking in the hazy sunlight that streamed in through the open windows. The warlock's fingers ran along the soft bedspread, wanting nothing more than to be encased once more in the black nothingness as everything came rushing back to him.

Squeezing his hazy blue eyes shut, Merlin rolled over, clutching his pillow as sadness grew in him. Why did everything have to be so complicated? Why couldn't everyone remember?

Gwen...

For all of Albion, he didn't know what he'd do without her. How had he survived this long without her sound guidance and calm wisdom and gentle hand?

Yes, along the way there had been others like her. Women that reminded him so much of Gwen that it burned his heart just to be near her and to not have Gwen around. But it had never been the same. Not a single one of those women had been his Guinevere.

Merlin pulled his legs up to hold in the warmth, burying his head beneath his blankets as an all-too-familiar loneliness overwhelmed him. The others didn't remember him. It had been weeks, and Merlin knew that the memories were still there. They were buried deep, but they were there.

But they still didn't remember. Gwen seemed to have been the instigator of everything connected to Camelot: the nicknames, her remembering, her calling him "Merlin."

Morgana remembered, though.

The accident she'd had had brought her memories back to the surface. But what if that never happened to the others? What if they never remembered? What if everyday, Merlin had to face them, knowing who they truly were and aware of their former friendships and everything they'd done together, but having to hide all of that, along with his magic?

It would be worse than hiding in Camelot.

It would be torture.

The hope he'd had these past few months was gone, drained and faded out by all the secrets and lies and diversions. He was so, so tired of it all. He hated the lying; he hated having to pretend to be "Colin Jones." Why couldn't he just be "Merlin Emrys" or, better yet, just "Merlin." Would that be so bad?

After months of having to hide from his true friends, Merlin felt absolutely horrid. The guilt in his heart at having to lie once more to his friends, to his family, was astoundingly great.

They'd all learned, after all, about his magic: Guinevere, Leon, Percival, even Arthur. And to have to hide, once more, hurt.

The only two who didn't know were Gwaine and Elyan, and Merlin knew that Gwaine would accept him. He always had. No matter what. Gwaine had always been there. Elyan, he didn't know. If he was anything like his sister, then of course, but he had been killed by magic. By Morgana, whom had kidnapped his sister using magic. His father had been killed because of magic.

In the end, it might not ever matter. If Elyan never recovered his memories, Merlin would never know anyway. And if the others never recovered their memories?

Merlin would never know if he had been forgiven for letting it all go wrong in the first place, and that... he couldn't live with that any more than he could live with the lies.

The only person he could be truthful with right now was Guinevere, and though he was oh so grateful for her, he was still hiding, still lying. And now Gwen would have to, too.

That sudden realization had tears beading in Merlin's eyes. Why did Destiny do this? Why did sweet Guinevere have to walk his path? She shouldn't have to lie or hide, especially from those she grew up with. Especially from her family. How would that affect her? Would she plummet into the same depression Merlin had found himself in?

She couldn't.

Not Guinevere.

She'd always been strong, even after Arthur's death. She'd held Camelot together during its darkest time. Guinevere couldn't be forced into the life Merlin was apparently destined to lead.

But how could she avoid it?

Merlin didn't know.

A lone tear fell from his lashes, gravity pulling it down past his temple to soak into his pillow.

How could he and Gwen hide everything? How could they hide everything they knew, everything that once was, everything that they couldn't just forget? Gwen and the others had lived in Camelot, and Merlin fifteen hundred years longer; he knew how to hide. This was the reason he'd moved back to his lake cabin all those decades ago; so he wouldn't make friends so he wouldn't have to hide.

But he couldn't leave now.

How could he leave Arthur? How could he leave his friends? They needed him more than they knew. Their destinies were intertwined, no matter what they might be this time around.

He would have to face it. Face it all. He would have to hide, to lie, to deceive them everyday.

How could he do otherwise?

Merlin couldn't save any of them before, so he owed it to them to stay with them now. He still didn't know if Guinevere could do it, but she needed to. She needed to stay strong. As much as Merlin wanted to pull her out, to make her forget again even though she was the only thing keeping him holding on, he couldn't. She had remembered, and even that was his fault.

If he hadn't used his magic to save her, she wouldn't have remembered. She wouldn't be forced into this life, into hiding.

But there was nothing he could do about it now.

She would have to hide, lie, and deceive. Just like him.

Something vibrated, breaking Merlin from his despondent thoughts. His head rose, red eyes looking at his nightstand to see his phone vibrate once more as the screen lit up. He reached out and curled his long fingers around it, bringing it closer. The bright light hurt his tired eyes, and he squinted to read the text from Arthur.

"Meet me in the lobby. Hui was murdered."

Merlin instantly bolted up into a sitting position, reading the black letters over and over again. Hui had been murdered. Their one tie back to...

Morgana.

Arthur had put two armed guards on Hui last night, to protect him, and even Merlin thought that she wouldn't be as audacious as to confront him at the Yard.

He'd been wrong.

Quickly, he bolted up from the bed and shed the clothes he'd fallen asleep in before putting on blue jeans, a t-shirt, and a sweater. He shoved his phone into his pocket and rushed out the door.

Right now, it didn't matter what he felt or what the future held. Arthur and the rest of his friends needed him to face Morgana and to keep them safe.

And that's exactly what he would do.

(1): Not so subtle shout out to the movie How To Train Your Dragon

So we got a little more plot into this chapter... I know some of you mentioned that the last chapter didn't go anywhere, but I personally think it did. We needed that Merlin breakdown because it expressed where he's at, as this chapter does a little too. Plus, it helps set up for later. All of my chapters will have a point to them, I promise! :D

See you all later! :)