A/N: Here we are at the end of this trip, but not the journey. I hope you will return for the second story to see what lays ahead for the brothers. Thank you for reading and thank you to any guests who left reviews that I can't personally thank. I do like to know your thoughts, please review. NC

Chapter 20

Bobby had made coffee for them with the supplies and coffee pot sitting on a counter in the waiting room and they sat quietly, drinking it and waiting on news about John. Dean kept glancing sideways at Sam watching him as he sipped his coffee. He seemed to be withdrawing into himself and nervous. He leg was bouncing slightly, and he kept rubbing his hand on his jeans. He knew that tic and knew Sam was worrying over something that he wasn't talking about. There were so many questions that needed to be answered but he didn't know where to start. He wouldn't look at either him or Bobby and only conversed with Bobby with a shake of his head or single monotone replies.

"Sammy why don't you go wash your hands?" Dean suggested when he saw they were covered in John's blood from where he doctored his injuries.

"Yeah, I should do that," Sam nodded absently, getting up and leaving to find the restrooms, glad to get away as he tried to sort his thoughts. He knew Dean saw him use his powers and knew he wanted answers.

"Bobby, should we test Sammy? Could that not be him?" Dean asked after Sam left.

"I put holy water in the coffee and touched him with silver and got no reaction to either," Bobby replied.

"Why won't he talk to us? What's going on with him? I mean he's been gone for two months without a word and suddenly he knows Dad is in danger and we have to save him…"

"I don't know Dean. That boy has always been tight lipped when he wanted to be. You know that Dean," Bobby said. He looked to Dean with worry and concern in his eyes and could see how lost he seemed. Dean had always been there for Sam growing up and could make things right, but this time he didn't think he could make whatever was wrong go away.

"Should I try to get him to talk to us?" Dean asked, not sure what to do for his brother. He felt his stomach clench and churn with tension because he wanted to ask Sam how he had done that to the ghouls. He didn't want to say anything to Bobby until he talked to Sam.

"Why don't we wait until we find out about John. Maybe when he sees he's going to be okay he'll open up to us on his own," Bobby suggested knowing it wouldn't do any good for either of them to add more stress to the situation.

Dean reached over and grabbed Sam's jacket and started searching the pockets.

"What are you doing?" Bobby asked.

"This," Dean replied as he pulled his cell out and opened it. "If he runs again, I'm going to have a way to track him. I'm turning on the GPS. I'm not taking any chances this time." He put the cell back into the jacket pocket and draped the jacket back where it had been. He had suffered enough this past month worrying about his brother, Dean wasn't going through that again. He was going to have a way to find him.

spn

Sam found the restroom below the waiting area and went in locking the door behind him. He leaned against it for a moment taking a few deep breaths as the events unfolded in his mind again. 'They had got there in time, Dad was going to be okay', Sam whispered to no one, trying to convince himself of that. He pushed away from the door and turned on the water to warm. He pumped soap into his hands and ran them under the water, watching as John's blood washed away and went down the drain. He repeated the process, scrubbing hard, wanting to get every spot of blood off so he wouldn't be reminded of how close they came to losing him. He used the commode and rinsed his hands and splashed cold water on his face. Sam knew he needed to go back out there in case the doctor came with an update on John. He dried his face and hands and willed himself to stay calm. Neither Bobby nor Dean had questioned him yet, but he could tell Dean wasn't going to be able to hold back much longer. He wasn't sure what to tell them, if anything. Maybe he could slip away again, but that would be hard to explain now that he had come back.

spn

Dean looked up hopefully as the door opened, but Sam walked in and not the doctor. He looked at Dean for a moment seeing his facial expression dropped and went to the coffee pot to get another cup of coffee. Sam was riding high on caffeine right now and knew he was going to crash and burn before too long.

He had accidently caught part of Dean's thought and his disappointment he wasn't the doctor. He knew it wasn't thought of in a bad way and pushed it aside. Sam made his wall stronger so he wouldn't hear their thoughts, feeling it was wrong to invade their minds without permission. They were family and he knew it wouldn't be right. He couldn't sit still, and walked around the room, picking up a magazine only to toss it back down. He stared out the glass window, watching for someone to come their way, but it was quiet out there.

"Hey bro, why don't you sit? You've got to be exhausted too," Dean said. He looked at Sam pacing as could see the weariness on his face.

"Just wish the doc would tell us something," Sam mumbled dropping onto a chair and slumping down. His leg started bouncing with nerves until Dean reached and laid a warm hand on his thigh to stop it, making Sam jerk slightly with his touch. He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees as he wiped his hands down his face.

"Can I ask you something?" Dean questioned.

"I guess," Sam whispered not able to look him in the eye. He kept them downcast toward the floor.

"What's with the beard?"

Bobby looked at Dean, arching his eyebrows with the question wondering where that came from.

Sam frowned and looked up in surprise at Dean thinking that was the last question he thought he'd hear him ask. He opened his mouth to answer, but before he could reply, Sam sensed someone in the hall and tensed, looking toward the door, waiting for the doctor to come in. He didn't notice Dean frowning at him before his attention was jerked to the door when a man dressed in scrubs came into the room.

"Winchester family?" the doctor questioned.

"Yes, we're his sons and this is his brother," Dean introduced them as they gathered around the doctor.

"How's our Dad?" Sam asked as he fidgeted beside Dean.

"I'm Dr. Marsh, I was your father's surgeon. Mr. Winchester is out of surgery, in recovery and is stable. The bullet didn't do any major damage and was removed. It's the head wound I'm worried about. He does have a concussion and we will be monitoring him for any bleed or swelling on the brain over the next seventy-two hours. The other injuries have been taken care of and I'm hopeful he'll make a full recovery. We did have to give him a transfusion for blood loss. There is always the chance of infection that we will keep an eye on, but I'd say he was very lucky. If the bullet had been a fraction to the left it would have injured his heart. He will be in the stepdown unit so we can monitor him closely. He will be taken for another MRI of the brain to keep a check on it," he explained.

"When can we see him?" Dean asked.

"Later, once he's taken to a room. I'll have a nurse come get you. I do need to let you know with a gunshot wound I have to report this to the police, so they may want to question you as to what happened."

Sam quickly stepped to the doctor and shook his hand as he spoke softly to him, moving him toward the door away from Dean and Bobby. It was low enough that neither Bobby nor Dean could hear him.

"Yes, I'll do that, no reason to bother the police with this matter, and nice to meet everyone. I will be coming by to check on Mr. Winchester later this afternoon," he told them before leaving.

"What did you say to him?" Dean asked unsure of what he had just seem Sam do.

"Nothing, I just wanted to be sure Dad was going to be okay," Sam lied not able to look Dean in the face. He busied himself with trying to find a magazine to read and didn't say anything else.

Dean looked at Bobby and could tell he didn't believe Sam either. There was really something very off about his brother and it was getting weirder by the minute. He couldn't believe this was happening, but he saw it with his own eyes.

"Did you do something to him? Why aren't you talking to us? Hell, where have you been for the past two months?" Dean asked his voice getting stronger with each word. "And what's with the damn beard?" he almost yelled at his brother.

Sam cringed with Dean's words knowing they were coming but couldn't help it. He knew they deserved answers, but he didn't think he could give it right now. "Can we talk about this after we see Dad? If he's up to it, I'll tell everyone at one time," he spoke softly and weakly.

"That sounds like a good idea Sam," Bobby said before Dean could say anything else. He glared at him to stop talking and got a loud huff as Dean slumped back in the chair to pout with his arms crossed over his chest.

Sam took a seat across from them, shrinking in on himself as he hugged his body tightly, but wouldn't look at Dean knowing he was pissed because he wouldn't answer his questions. He began to doubt his decision and wondered if it would be better not to answer them. Maybe he should just sneak away and disappear; leave them all behind. He was lost deep in his thoughts and didn't realize Dean and Bobby were watching him closely.

spn

The nurse led them down a hall and through double doors to the stepdown unit. She stopped in front of a room and turned to them. "He's still going to be in and out from the anesthesia, so don't be alarmed. You can only stay for a few minutes for now, but you can come back during visiting hours later this morning. There's a waiting room just down the hall if you want to use it. If you will clean your hands before going in please," she told them and pointed to the hand gel hanging on the wall.

"Thank you, we won't stay long," Bobby assured her.

They used the gel and Dean went in first, opening the door and stepping into the room. The light was dim, but he could see how fragile his father looked and took in the bandages on his head and shoulder and chest. He moved to the side of the bed and looked at him. His face was pale, and it looked like he hadn't shaved in a week.

"Dad?" Dean whispered to him as he squeezed his hand. "Can you hear me?"

Sam had moved to the other side of the bed and watched as Dean talked to him. He wasn't sure if John would even want him here after what he said that night he left for college. He watched warily as John began to stir.

"Hey, Dad, you're okay. You're in the hospital," Dean told him as he started to move and struggle. "It's okay."

John blinked his eyes and winced with pain when he tried to move. His head was pounding, and his vision was blurry. He raised a hand to wipe his eyes and struggled to focus on his son's voice.

"Dean?" he rasped out trying to wet his dry mouth.

"Hold on, sip on this," Dean said putting a straw to his lips. He let him have a few small swallows before taking it away. "Is that better?"

"What happened?" he asked keeping his attention on Dean and not noticing Sam yet.

"I guess a hunt went wrong. Sammy called that you were in trouble and we found you in Missouri. A couple of ghouls had you and were starting to carve you up for dinner."

"Sammy?" John questioned letting his head slowly roll the other way to see his youngest son standing back a little from the bed. To look at him, John would never have recognized him as his youngest son. The beard, he had a hardness about him now, and the haunted look of his eyes scared him. This was not the same person who he had fought with about going to college. His son was different now, he seemed older, worldly even, but there was a darkness about him too.

"Hey Dad," Sam said quietly and with uncertainty as he moved a little closer to the bed.

"I don't understand, no one knew where I was. How did you know?" John asked as he raised a hand to his head to feel the bandage there. He had a dull ache in his head and tried to remember what had happened to him. "I was checking on a number of missing persons there…I found…Can't think…." John grunted in frustration.

"We can talk about that later Dad, you need to rest," Sam told him. "You'll feel better in the morning."

"I will but there's something I need to tell you," John said looking to his sons. "The yellowed eyed demon is dead, not just exorcised, but dead." He leaned his head back and took a few slow breaths before looking back at Dean and Sam.

Dean looked at him in shock, as his mouth fell open and snapped shut as he swallowed hard before he could talk. "How? How did you kill it? I didn't think there was anything that could take this demon out."

"I was questioning a demon…." John stared but was interrupted by Sam.

"He didn't kill the demon, I did," Sam stated, his face showing no emotions as he spoke.

An eerie silence filled the room except for the constant hiss of the oxygen from the port on the wall that fed the line that was in John's nose. Sam knew he shouldn't have said it but couldn't stop himself. He let his barrier drop and was bombarded with the raw emotions from the others in the room. He stiffened, shuffled back slightly, squinted his eyes with the pain it caused, and sucked in a sharp breath. It was all he could do to control his own raw emotions as he tried to deal with the others. A tear slipped down his cheek before he could stop it and he looked to each person.

Dean and Bobby looked at him not able to believe the words Sam had just spoken. John gasped in a sharp breath as what the demons had told him came back about the force that was able to kill Azazel and could have been King of Hell if it wanted to. He couldn't stop the horror that ran through his mind or showed on his face as he pulled away from his son. Could his son be the one the demons were afraid of, who they called the Boy King? Just thinking about it made his stomach roll and his head pound harder and took his breath away.

Dean looked between Sam and John knowing something was not being said here. How could Sam have killed the Demon their Dad had been searching for all this time? He didn't even want to hunt and had fought to get away from the life. He couldn't comprehend what could have changed with Sam that he could do that. Had he found some secret weapon to take him down? How had he known their Dad was in trouble if no one knew where he was? Doubt was filling his mind now, because he didn't know his little brother anymore. He couldn't stop the look of disbelief, denial and betrayal, that was plastered on his face as Sam stole a glance his way.

All Bobby could do was stand to the side and watch it all play out in front of him. It looked like Sam, sounded like Sam, and acted like Sam, but it wasn't the Sam he knew and thought of as an adopted son. He couldn't imagine what had happened to him these past two months to turn him into what he is now. He wanted more information so he could make a logical and rational decision about Sam. He needed the facts before he spoke his peace.

Sam saw it all, he saw the fear, the rejection, the uncertainty, the trepidation, the panic that was in John's mind. The last thought he heard was 'monster.' When he looked at Dean's stricken face, Sam's heart broke because he could tell Dean was rejecting him too. But what broke him was one thought, 'Are you even my brother?'. He could feel the intense stare from Bobby and didn't need to look at him to know he was thinking the same as the others.

He stepped back and hung his head, knowing he couldn't stay. He choked back a sob when he saw the way his father cringed from him and couldn't take the rejection. He knew they would never feel the same about him again, especially when they learned the whole true about what happened to him.

He skirted away from his brother as Dean stepped toward him and hurried out the door and through the double doors of the stepdown unit. Sam was panicking as his breaths were fast and raspy. He never heard Dean calling his name from the doorway of the room. He searched for a way out and finally saw the sign for stairs and pushed through the door. His boots clanged on the steps as he raced down them, wanting to put some distance between him and what was once his family.

Sam threw himself into his car, cranked it and pulled from the parking lot. Tears poured from his eyes and he madly wiped them away so he could see. He should have known this was how it would play out. He should have left as soon as they got John to the hospital and not put himself through this torture. None of them would ever accept him for what he had become.

This was the real Sam Winchester now with powers, able to kill demons with his mind, move objects with a thought, hear people's thoughts, step out of his body, and who knew what else. He was leaving the only family he knew, driving out of their lives for good because his Dad thought he was monster, his brother rejected him, and Bobby wasn't sure how to feel. He was alone now, and was going to have to face it, no matter how much it destroyed him.

He could feel the emptiness in his chest that was never going to go away.

The End

TBC Accept Me As I Am