Visitation
Ahsoka woke too exhausted to catalogue all of her pain. She contemplated not opening her eyes, rolling over (figuratively, her broken ribs made any movement a bad idea) and embracing the aspirin of sleep. Anakin always went soft on her when she was recovering from battle. Sometimes Tup would cook her sweets if she stayed in bed long enough.
Reality rushed in on Ahsoka, reminding her of where she was, what had happened. For a moment, it felt like she had lost her friends and allies all over again. For the first time, Ahsoka let herself cry. For the choices she'd made, for the injustices she'd suffered, for the friends she'd lost and for those she'd abandoned, for everything that was and everything that could have been, Ahsoka wept.
The next time she woke, Ahsoka's cheeks were salt-crusted from dried tears, but she felt brave enough to face the world once again. Among his other good points, Merth was right that no matter how she'd spent her first seventeen years, she still had four times that many ahead of her if she didn't get herself killed first.
Upon opening her eyes, Ahsoka found Ventress sitting at her bedside. A mix of warm emotions swirled within the young Togruta's chest. Despite everything she'd lost, she'd found a way to save something.
Ventress had burst into motion, showing off a tangled array of wires and dangling electronics. She was becoming increasingly agitated as she typed feverishly into a small mobile keyboard, making numerous adjustments and looking at Ahsoka with a mixture of nerves, confusion, and anticipation.
Understanding bloomed in Ahsoka when she caught sight of an old droid audio processor. With her own vocal cords severed, Ventress had constructed a replacement so they could converse. It spoke to Ahsoka's emotional state that such a small thing was able to rouse feelings of affection for her partner.
"I'm sorry, but I won't be able to hear you. Back on Corellia, when you were shot, you...screamed. I've been within feet of massive explosions, I know loud sounds. This was different; it had to have been some kind of force ability. I haven't been able to hear since." Anticipating Ventress' response, Ahsoka added, "It wasn't your fault, you weren't in control. We never would have made it off of that street if you hadn't screamed; besides deafening me, your scream knocked two of the hunters out, scared one of them off, and I think it gave one of them a heart attack. Tactically speaking, it was a brilliant move."
Ahsoka's attempt at bright and cheery fell on deaf...it wasn't working. Ventress looked heartbroken, devastated.
"Look, it happened." Ahsoka said. "Can't change the past. So we keep moving. Remember what you said, in the diner back on Coruscant? 'None of this. No whining about how you were betrayed, no complaining about how the Jedi abandoned you. Everyone has a sob story.' And you know what?" Ahsoka took a deep breath, and struggled to sit up, "I think that's exactly what I needed to hear right then, but I don't know if that's what you need right now. But for what it's worth, I don't hold you responsible, I don't blame you, and knowing how things turned out, I'd go back and do it all again in a heartbeat: your life is totally worth my hearing."
Ahsoka's ribs screamed in pain as Asajj seized her in a sudden grapple. The Dathomiri woman had released her before Ahsoka realized that it was a hug.
Ventress refused to meet her eyes. She blinked rapidly, refusing to let the slight wetness spill from her eyes.
Ahsoka coughed slightly, winced at the resultant spike of pain, and did her best to change the subject, "I promised to explain how we got here, if you'd like?"
Still staring determinedly at something on the floor at the foot of Ahsoka's bed, Ventress shook her head. She took a deep breath and faced Ahsoka, trying to mime what she wanted to say aloud.
Ahsoka shook her head, "Here," she said, "Try this." Using the Force, she tried to duplicate Offee's trick, floating the grime and dirt in her room into letters in the air. The maneuver proved surprisingly tricky, requiring more concentration and delicacy than Ahsoka could muster.
Despite her failure, Ventress seemed inspired, rushing off and returning five minutes later with a pan full of packed dirt and a stick to carve letters into the surface.
"Why...haven't...you...healed...yourself?" Ahsoka read each word as Ventress wrote it.
Ahsoka couldn't help but find Asajj's tiny jubilant celebration at finding her voice to be adorable, an adjective she never would have associated with her partner even a week ago.
"I will try, but I received most of my training from Anakin and Obi-Wan. I'm good at killing things, better at not being killed, but only a novice at healing. I'll try, but most of me will just take time to fix."
Ventress stared at Ahsoka with an expression somewhere between indignation and disbelief. She slapped her stick down in her dirt-pan, then turned in her seat and faced directly away from Ahsoka.
Then she whipped her shirt off.
"Um...Ventress," Ahsoka said, doing her best to look anywhere but at the tightly muscled exposed gray skin in front of her. Despite herself, Ahsoka noted that Ventress didn't wear any kind of undershirt. Ahsoka's sudden nerves made her babble. "I know I'm mostly naked and you're in my bedroom, but I've never considered thinking about girls that way, never mind you in particular, and even if I was into it, I don't want my first time to be while I'm too injured to enjoy anything."
Ventress looked back over her shoulder with a very "her" sort of expression, all scorn and annoyance. She reached behind her back and drew Ahsoka's attention to two circular scars that stood out among the long-healed remnants of welts, cuts, and burns, one just below her left shoulder blade, the other at the base of her spine.
Where she'd been shot.
"Okay, I get it, you can put your shirt back on." Ahsoka said. Once Ventress had complied and turned back to continue their one-voiced conversation, Ahsoka continued, "You've missed a lot while you were out. After you screamed, I still had to deal with Bossk, Highsinger, Bane, and Fett. I managed to get Fett out of the fight, but the other three pinned me down. Most of this," Ahsoka used her working left hand to gesture vaguely to her many injuries, "had been done by then, so I knew I wasn't going to be able to fight my way out."
Ahsoka hesitated too long before continuing. She knew that Ventress noticed, but hoped she'd escape discussing Barriss, "Someone in clone armor showed up out of nowhere, killed Bane and Highsinger, stunned Bossk, healed you, and left. I didn't recognize the armor. Next thing I knew, I was in the Banshee, in hyperspace. I hit the brakes, found you in your bed. I'm pretty sure I took a concussion somewhere along the way; it'd explain the memory loss."
Ventress wasn't fooled. She picked up her stick and began her slow communicative process.
"You...lie," Ahsoka read aloud. "That's….okay. Trust...you. I...can...heal...you. You can heal? Where did you learn to do that?"
Ventress wrote one word, 'Talzin.' She revealed a bucket of ominous green sludge. Some of Ahsoka's apprehension at that answer must have shown through her face, as Ventress went on to write, 'Trust me?'
Ahsoka stifled a dozen questions and looked at Asajj. Her expression was open and honest, vulnerable and pleading, second-hand pain and concern. It answered all her questions before she could ask them. Ahsoka nodded.
Asajj nodded in return, picking up her pen once more, 'Will hurt.' 'Relax.'
Ahsoka leaned back, gingerly settled herself upon her skinny pillow, and exhaled.
When she breathed in, there was a strange scent in the air.
Asajj disappeared. The Banshee disappeared. The last fourteen years and all their memories and lessons disappeared. Ahsoka was a babe, living in a memory her mind didn't even know to catalogue. But her emotions on this day, joy and love and security and comfort, looking up into the eyes of the teenage togrutan boy who held her were stronger than any other she felt in the years since.
Her emotions changed in time with her body. She could stand now, petrified with fear and horror as she eavesdropped at the door and heard the masked monster without eyes convince her parents to abandon her, to send her with this monster to a faraway world.
The scene changed, heart and mind alight with wonder as she first climbed the steps of the Jedi Temple.
Delight for her first deliberate use of the Force.
Pride in igniting her lightsaber for the first time.
Disgust at the smell of Rotta the Hutt.
Shame at leading a squadron of clones to their deaths.
Fury at the padawan-hunting Trandoshans.
And then she was on trial, Chancellor Palpatine ready to condemn her to death, when Barriss arrived. A part of Ahsoka far outside of herself screamed in terror at what she knew was to come, begged Ventress and waters of life to end this memory, to go to any other memory, to return to Mortis and die at the Son's hand rather than go through that betrayal again.
Every other scene had built Ahsoka into the person she was, defined her by the power of the emotions evoked. But in that courtroom, for the second time, Ahsoka felt nothing. As her guts, mind, and heart were scraped from within herself, leaving her empty, hollow, Ahsoka felt nothing. Forgot how to feel.
But the waters had not yet run their course, and the scene changed again.
The last words of the Jedi Council.
Her last conversation with Anakin.
The negotiation in the diner.
The conversation with Merth.
And then the street on Corellia, that desperation. That fear. That rage.
Ahsoka woke from her visions with bared teeth, wide eyes, and wet cheeks. She wondered for a wild moment how long she'd spend in this moment before her emotionally overwrought mind was whisked off to another moment of bliss or torment. Then her rationality kicked in: reliving those memories must be a side effect of Asajj's medicine.
Asajj.
Medicine.
Ahsoka bolted upright in bed. She saw Asajj just outside the room, putting a cover on her bucket of goo, but for the moment, Ahsoka wasn't interested. Sitting up hadn't hurt. She gingerly felt her ribs and found them whole. Prodding her (now heavily scarred) thighs proved the muscles regrown, their shape restored. Some stretching proved her right arm functional once more, if stiff from disuse.
Excitement at Asajj's success overwhelming her, Ahsoka clapped her hands for joy and called out to her partner.
Ahsoka couldn't hear it.
With dawning disappointment, Ahsoka reached up to caress her montrals. They were splintered, pockmarked, and...long. Too long. Judging by them alone, Ahsoka couldn't help but feel she'd aged five years in the past five minutes.
"Asajj...not to sound ungrateful, but what did you do to me?"
Asajj returned to her bedside, got as far as picking up her pen and dirt, before being interrupted. Something was banging against the outside of the ship.
Ahsoka hopped to her feet, eliciting an endearing look of concern from Asajj. They both jumped slightly when a small stone knocked against the Banshee's windshield.
Standing in front of the ship, silhouetted by the setting sun, was a woman.
While she and Asajj stood together behind the pilot seat, separately wondering how to deal with this situation, a second voice awakened within Ahsoka's mind, a stream of thoughts not her own. She was reminded forcibly of her childhood training with Master Yoda, him performing a Jedi mind trick on each youngling in turn, so they could learn to recognize and resist its compulsive power. Yet it was different; there was no command, no grasp for control, just words, spoken in a voice Ahsoka had never heard, gentle as the morning dove, firm as...Ahsoka had no time for metaphor, opting instead to listen to what the voice was saying.
"Be warned. You are trespassing upon Miraluka. Hostile actions will be met with violent repercussions. Leave now."
Ahsoka turn to look at Asajj, "Are you hearing this?"
Asajj nodded.
"Think we should talk with her?"
Asajj nodded.
Ahsoka touched her hip, looking for the reassuring presence of her lightsaber, and found bare skin instead. "I should probably put some clothes on first."
Asajj nodded.
Properly dressed, with the Banshee's flood lights holding back the young darkness, Ahsoka and Asajj disembarked.
The Miralukan woman was well past middle-age, but stood with her back straight and head held high. Her clothing seemed comfort-focused, light in accordance with the mild weather, lacked any obvious pattern, and was composed of several non-complementary colors.
She also seemed to be blind, whether by choice or chance; a thick fold of cloth was tied about her head, completely hiding her eyes.
The woman's lips parted, began speaking. Ahsoka looked to Asajj, who presumably could hear what the woman was saying, but lacked any means to express herself. Ahsoka raised a hand to stop her and explain the situation, only to realize that the blind woman would see the gesture.
Ahsoka buried her face in her hands. Three women, one deaf, one blind, one mute. She felt like she was in the setup to one of Master Vos's terrible jokes. Or perhaps she was the punchline, she did almost feel like laughing.
"Sorry for interrupting, but this conversation isn't going to go anywhere like this. I'm recently deaf, she's recently mute. We're still working out how to communicate with each other. But I promise, our being here is an accident; we mean no harm at all to you or your people. But be warned, my companion and I are both accomplished warriors. Do not mistake our kindness for weakness."
The Miralukan woman began speaking again. Ahsoka guessed she was asking some manner of yes-or-no question, given Asajj's response was to nod, rather pointlessly.
Feeling rather foolish that she hadn't realized it earlier, Ahsoka recognized that it wasn't pointless, "I don't know what you asked, but my companion is indicating that the answer is 'yes.'"
This exceptionally roundabout and limited method of conversing and interrogating continued for a short while, Ahsoka supplying a second yes, three no', a yes, a no, and one final yes.
And then the woman's voice bloomed into life within Ahsoka's mind once again, "Your companion thinks it more convenient if she is left out of the proceedings, and that I should speak directly with you, in this manner. Are you amenable to this change?"
Ahsoka cast a questioning eye upon Asajj, checking that she was actually comfortable letting Ahsoka speak for them both.
Asajj replied to her gaze with a slow, deliberate nod.
Wondering if Asajj could read her face well enough to answer the right question, Ahsoka spoke to the Miralukan woman, "Is this technique only useful for communication? You aren't reading my memories or manipulating my thoughts, are you?"
"I am not," she bellowed within Ahsoka's mind, "You claim to come in peace, and I have no reason to suspect otherwise."
"Okay, do you have to be so loud?" Ahsoka asked. "I don't know how what you're doing works, if it's technology, the force, or something else, but if you can turn the volume down, that would be nice."
The next words in Ahsoka's head were quieter, gentler, and much more pleasant, "It is an ability I've earned from the Force. You are sensitive to its whims? Our people teach that it is rare for those who cross the stars to hear the hymns of reality."
"My name is Ahsoka Tano. I was trained as a Jedi. My...friend is Asajj Ventress. She was trained by the Sith. Which are you? Do you follow the light, or the darkness?"
"A complicated question, one best saved for another time." Ahsoka noticed, with gratitude, that she was speaking physically in time with her mental communication, so even though Asajj couldn't contribute to the conversation, she could nevertheless bear witness. "Why have you come to our home? My ancestors went to great lengths to purge all memory of this place from the rest of the galaxy; how is it that you have come to know of us?"
"We didn't; we don't. Our ship was damaged, and our nav computer isn't working. I honestly don't know where we are, nor what people you claim as yours."
"Again, questions for another time, or perhaps not at all. You are not of our people, and thus are not welcome here. We mean you no harm, and will supply you with any food or other resources you may require for your trip, but you must leave our planet, and soon."
Ahsoka shook her head, realized the futility of the motion, and voiced her complaint, "Our ship is badly damaged, and repairs take time. We cannot leave as we are now."
"You can, and must," the Miralukan envoy was adamant. "You did not crash here; you said it was merely your navigation that was damaged. You can still fly, and may wander the stars as you will. If you yet remain in seven days time, you will find that my people can be dangerous as well. We do not harbor outsiders."
"Then you doom us to die," Ahsoka said, trying not to sound desperate, despite a part of her knowing that additional desperation may well make her argument more convincing. "Why the hatred of outsiders? What have we done to you?"
To Ahsoka's shock, the Miralukan gave her a straight answer, "Our people retreated from the stars as they know nothing but war. Our people have found a way to live without it. We've come to know the Force in truth, we've learned to climb the mountain," she motioned to the peak piercing the horizon. "You come to our home and immediately boast of your skill in war, hoping to manipulate me with arguments made with closed fists. I would not have you influence my children or their future."
Ahsoka tried to do a pulse check, delaying her response until she could focus hard enough to hear her own pulse. Her current hearing limitations just left her feeling foolish. "The Jedi ways have kept the galaxy from open war for thousands of years. They were doing something very right for a long time. They were the keepers of the peace. But I think...I think this recent war means that they failed, somehow. Something was lost, they forgot something, or found something which should have been hidden. I'm not here to recruit you for our wars, or to corrupt your children. I left the Jedi so I could learn. I and my friend have done much to educate each-other, but we are still lost. Our arrival was an accident, but I think the Force guided us here, to learn from you."
She hadn't planned to say that, and her mind told her they were regrettable; she knew next to nothing of this blind woman, of her capabilities, her methods, if anything she'd said was actually true. But even so, that space right in front of her spine that Anakin had taught her to trust said that this instinct was a good one.
Ahsoka turned to Asajj, searching her face for a reaction. She received several: shock, disbelief, hurt, disappointment, consideration, and exasperation before Asajj hitched her favorite sardonic scowl into position and gave a noncommittal shrug. Ahsoka yearned to step outside of time for a moment, to speak with her partner, assure her of how thankful she was for her lessons, how dedicated she was to staying with her and figuring out the galaxy together.
But the Miraluka was still there, and she was not waiting, "I wish I could believe what you say, but I will not ignore your initial hostility. Words cannot overwrite words."
"But actions can," Ahsoka said. That response came quickly, perhaps it came from an early Jedi lesson. Something on mediation. It didn't matter right now. "What can I do to prove I'm telling the truth. We. What can we do? To prove our earnestness?"
This seemed to take the Miralukan emmisary aback. She mulled over the possibilities before giving her answer. "The mountain is a vergence of the Force. It will test you. If it finds you unworthy, you will break upon it. If you are weak, it will break you. You will find yourself upon those slopes, or you will lose yourself forever. Claim a stone from the peak, return, and we will open our doors to you."
Ahsoka checked with her partner before making a reply. Asajj looked confident, condescending, and eager for a challenge. Ahsoka wished for that self-assuredness right now. She'd only heard the word 'vergence' in relation to Mortis, and she did not know if she could survive a trial on that scale again.
Asajj snapped her fingers in front of Ahsoka's face. Her hands made two sharp motions which Ahsoka could translate readily enough, "None of this."
"Alright," she found herself saying. "We'll climb your mountain. Be prepared for our return."
The Emissary betrayed her shock for only a moment before restoring calm indifference to her face. "You're either greater fools than I imagined, or I have misjudged you entirely. Do not leave yet, the trip is perilous. Wait until tomorrow and I shall bring you supplies for the journey. Wait until the day after, and I'll teach you to speak as I do."
"You mean, in our heads?" Ahsoka asked, excited. "You'd do that for us?"
"It seems I must now." The emissary was amused by the Togrutan's enthusiasm. "Why I am so generous, even I do not know. Perhaps it is time for me to return to the mount myself. It is not a difficult skill, if your are as powerful as you claim."
Asajj outright smirked in reply, then turned on her heal and returned to the Banshee.
Ahsoka gave a quick, "Goodbye," and followed after.