A/N: Well here is the fourth chapter. This is where things start to get a little rocky and Bella kinda loses her shit. So, I ask you to buckle your seat belts and keep your hands inside the vehicle at all time. All disclaimers still in effect, I don't own anything, except my love for Twilight and Rob Porn. Ready? And off we go.

Edward POV

Waiting to hear from Bella after her appointment was turning me into a nervous wreck. I was pacing back and forth; Emmett kept looking up from his video game, laughing, rolling his eyes and going back to his video game. Soon enough it was starting to annoy him.

"Dude! I'm gonna knock you out if you don't stop. Bella's a big girl. She'll be fine."

"Really? That's why you act like her protector?"

"That's different. She's like a sister, and I refuse to let anything like what happened a year ago to happen again."

"What happened, Em?"

He looked at me with raised eyebrows. "You haven't figured it out yet? The first part is easy to guess by how she acts. The second part was easy for me cause I saw her after it happened." He looked at his phone. "You're not gonna like it, and she's on her way now so I can't tell you. Just watch how she acts, like even the small things, and you can guess." I nodded. He looked at me thoughtfully. "So, what's going on with you two anyway?"

I sat down. "We're just friends."

He scoffed. "You may think that, and maybe it was at first, but now it's something more. She trusts you a hell of a lot more than she should with her past. With this new therapist making her face and deal with it, she's gonna be fairly neurotic. Just be careful around her and don't hurt her, cause brother or -not I will break your face."

"I have no intention of hurting her, and I dealt with Kate for four years so neurotic is a specialty of mine." I smiled.

Em chuckled. "That's for damn sure. I questioned your sanity for getting with her."

We both chuckled. I just watched Em play his game, lost in my thoughts. I thought about what I had been missing. The way Bella looked anxious and scared when out in public, the look she got when I touched her, the way she reacted when we first kissed (like I'd electrocuted her,) how she jerked away from me when I grabbed her wrist, and lastly I remembered something from the night she had the nightmare; she was yelling "Riley, stop!" before the bloodcurdling scream. Holy shit! Had she been raped? Who was Riley? I wanted to find him and detach his head from his body. There was more though. Emmett said that was only part of it. What else had happened? I'm sure I had rage and confusion written all over my face because of Em's next words.

"Figure it out?"

"Part of it." There was a knock on the door. "We need to talk when she goes home."

"Whatever bro, but you need to get your emotions in check."

Em went to answer the door and I followed him. Bella was standing there and my heart almost broke. She looked so small. She had tears running down her cheeks and looked like she was trying to hold herself together. What happened next shocked me, and made me very smug. She looked straight at me and whispered "Edward" and then flung herself into my arms and started sobbing uncontrollably. Em looked at me in shock and concern. I know we were both thinking WTF? I picked Bells up cause she was starting to get wobbly and carried her to the couch. I made soothing sounds and rubbed her back while she cried. I gave Em a look that very clearly said "help!" He came over and started stroking her hair in a very gentle way. He also spoke in a voice and manner I had never heard him use before.

"Bella, honey. What happened? Are you ok?"

Her sobs had grown quiet from our dual soothing. She looked up from my shoulder. "It was just really hard to have to go through all that again. Like having to relive it," She said and just stared off into space.

"Well you're here with us now, and everything is ok."

She huffed. "I know Emmett. I'm sorry I freaked you out, but I'm gonna be just fine." He just nodded. His phone started ringing. "You should answer it, it's probably Rose."

She said giving him an out without him asking for it. He excused himself and left the room. Then her phone started ringing. She rolled her eyes and answered it. I let my wander while she talked to whoever it was. I thought about what she was hiding and how one person could handle that by themselves. She was gonna crack at some point. She got off the phone and sighed. I looked at her and she was looking right back at me.

"What's up Bells?"

"Alice had to go back to help Jasper and won't be home tonight. Do you think I could stay here? I will warn you, it's not gonna be fun. I'll probably have the queen of all nightmares tonight, but I got anxiety pills so maybe not." she said shrugging.

"Whatever happens, I'll be ready this time. It's ok." She lay her head down on my shoulder, and I lay mine on top of hers.

"So, are you even a little curious about why I threw myself into your arms earlier?"

"I'm curious about everything when it comes to you, but I figured you'd tell me if you wanted to. I've learned if you don't wanna tell someone something, you are very stubborn." I smiled. She smiled back at me.

"Well, the whole time I was telling Dr. Foster about what happened all I kept thinking was about you. How I wanted you to be there, and how comforted I am by you. Also how that completely freaks me out."

I felt a twist in my stomach at her words. I knew exactly how she felt. She had already changed my life and there was no going back. "Bella, I know how you feel. I don't know what happened to you, but I had a relationship that ended badly. I was with someone for a long time and I had planned on proposing to her and I found her in bed with a good friend of mine, We broke up, but she refused to accept it was over and made my life a mess for a long time, so I transferred here to start over and get away from her. My point is, when I'm with you I forget all that crap. Like it never happened. I'm the old Edward again and it feels good. I don't want to scare you, but it seems I have…" I said trailing off. She was looking at me like a deer caught in the headlights. She got off the couch and stood in front of me. "I really like you Bella and feel strongly for you, but I'm still the same Edward as when we were kids, just older."

She shook her head before I even finished. "I'm not the same Bella, Edward. You may think I am, but I'm not. Edward, I can't do this. I can't be in a relationship. I will make you hate me, and you of all people I can't lose."

"Bells, it's ok. You're not gonna lose me."

"You say that now, but you can't promise me that. You don't even know what's wrong with me or what happened. True, cause I haven't even told you, but you can't promise you'll never leave me."

"No, I can't, but I know there are very few things that will make me walk away from you Bella."

She grabbed her coat and purse, then headed for the door. "Well, I'm walking away first."

Wait, what? I thought "You're leaving. Why? There's no one home, Bella." I looked at her and she looked completely shattered and she looked like she was holding herself together again.

"I don't care!" She yelled. She looked a little scary. "I'm not gonna do it again. I will hurt you before you can hurt me. Goodbye, Edward."

She left the house. I was so shocked that I couldn't move until I heard her car door shut. I ran to the door and got outside as she was peeling out of the driveway. I went back inside slamming the door. I called Bella but it went straight to voicemail. Em came out of his room.

"Where's Bella?"

"She left," I said. I called Alice and she didn't answer. "Shit!" I yelled. Em noticed something was wrong.

"What happened, Edward?" He sat on the couch and I paced.

"She completely freaked out, Em. She told me how much she liked me and how it scared her. I told her I liked her too, told her about Kate, and I told her it was all ok cause I was still Edward and she was still Bella. Then she freaked. She told me she wasn't the same Bella and she couldn't be with me cause she'd make me hate her. She said she was gonna hurt me before I could hurt her, said goodbye, and left."

Em looked a little surprised, but also a little weary. "Classic zombie, Bella. I knew she'd return but wondered when."

I looked at him like he had two heads. "What?"

Em sighed. "I'm not gonna tell you what happened, 'cause it's not my story to tell. I am gonna give you some back story. Bella started dating this guy named Riley. She acted happy but everyone could tell she wasn't in love, or happy. He did something to her and it broke her. She tried to act like nothing happened, but she was withdrawn and spacey. She would lash out at me and Ali for no reason. She got scary crazy man, but she refused to get help, we couldn't really force her. So, here we are. Finally a year later, and she's cracking again

"Wow, that sucks man. She's been through a lot." Em just nodded. "Em, how do I fix this?"

"You're just gonna have to wait for her, Edward. Her biggest fear is getting hurt again, well after Riley coming back for her. Just give her time. She'll be ok. "

"I hope so."

Bella POV

By the time I got home, I was a wreck. I was in my car sobbing and wanting to die. I had just hurt the one person I couldn't stand to lose, but he wanted more. I was fine with us just being really good friends. He wanted a relationship. He still didn't know about Riley, so he wasn't aware of how bad an idea that was. I was not normal; I was not "healthy." I was damaged goods, and no one should have to deal with my crazy. I laid my head against the steering wheel, waiting. I had called Alice on my way home. She'd heard my voice and my crying and said she was on her way home now before I could even tell her anything. I figured she'd just bring Jazz with her. I decided that sitting out here freezing wasn't a good idea. I could be in the house alone for a few minutes. I got out of the car and went into the house. I laid on the couch and the tears started again. I heard Alice's car pull into the drive and heard her pounding up the porch. The door flung open and she was by my side in an instant.

"Bella?" She smoothed my hair back and looked at me with concern. "What happened?"

"I told him goodbye," I said crying harder.

"What? Who, Bella?"

"Edward. I told him goodbye. I'm not going to talk to him anymore. He was about to ruin everything. He wants a relationship, Ali. I can't, not again."

"I understand, Bella. It's ok." She just gave me a hug and continued to hug me while I cried. I cried until, finally exhausted, I fell asleep….

I opened my eyes and I was outside the library at school. I was walking towards the entrance when I heard a voice that stopped me cold.

"Hello, lover." I tried to ignore the voice and kept going. All of a sudden he was in front of me. "What's wrong? Not happy to see me?"

"Riley. What do you want?"

He grabbed me roughly by my arm and crushed me to him. "To finish what I started." He smelled my hair and ran his hand down the side of my face. "Still beautiful as ever. It was such a shame we got interrupted last time."

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I pushed my hands against his chest and shoved him away from me. "Don't touch me!"

"Why are you being like that, lover?"

"Don't call me that! I don't love you anymore!"

"Oh, you never did Isabella. You know no one will love you as much as I do. No one understands you like I do. That silly boy thinks he loves you, but really who is gonna want you now. I know what you really like."

"You made me this way. You raped me, and then you beat me! You would have killed me if Emmett hadn't stopped you!"I drew in a sharp breath. I'd seen that crazy angry look in his eyes before and it terrified me.

"Well, there's no one here to stop me now." He pushed me hard and I fell to the ground, he kneeled next to me and pulled out a knife. "Let's start with this."

I screamed and bolted upright in bed. "Holy shit!" That dream was not like the others. Alice was lying next to me in my bed, and Jasper was on the floor. Alice was awake and rubbing my back soothingly.

"What happened?"

I laid down next to her. "I was near the library at school and I ran into Riley. Words were exchanged, gauntlets were thrown, and he stabbed me. Well he didn't, I woke up before he did, but that was the direction he was heading."

Alice's eyebrows were knit together in confusion. I was right there with her.

"That's weird. You don't usually have dreams like that. Usually, you just replay that night, right?"

"Yeah, maybe it's because the one guy who had feelings for me and admitted it; I pulled his heart out and did the salsa on it. Riley said no one would want me now, and no one got me but him."

"That's bullshit, Bella. He knows nothing about you. Why did you push Edward away?"

"It was for his own good, Ali." I looked at her and she looked mad. Oh shit! Here it comes, I thought. I was right.

"Are you kidding me? How is it that breaking his heart is good for him?"

I was mad enough that I interrupted her. "Oh my god! I can't believe you talked to him!"

"Yeah, he called me, and he's my friend too!"

"So now you're campaigning for him?"

At this point, Jasper woke up and looked at me and Ali only to see us looking back at him. "I'm just gonna give you two some privacy," he said.

"No, it's fine. I'll leave," I said and stormed out of the room. I got to the stairs and realized I had just left my room. "Shit!" I walked back to my room. "Ok, so I just realized I just stormed out of my own room. For the sake of this fight, we'll forget that and go straight to me kicking you out of my room!"

Jasper left the room. Alice stayed put. I looked at her with raised eyebrows. Boy, she was pushing it. "Bella, I'm not on anyone's side. The fact that you hurt him is something you did by yourself, and your gonna have to face it. Why do you think you're such a horrible person though? Has nothing any of us have said healed any of the damage Riley did?"

"What are you talking about?" I said defensively.

"We tell you we love you all the time, we tell you that you're beautiful, that you're strong, brave." Alice asked. She had started to cry. "Do you not believe us? You think you're this horrible damaged person that doesn't deserve love and happiness, and it's so frustrating Bella because you're an amazing person." I very rarely saw Alice cry so it kinda scared me that she was.

I didn't know what to say. "I don't.." I stuttered. "I don't think I'm a horrible person. I just know what my limits are. I can't be in a relationship. Not now."

"You need to talk to Edward."

"I think I've done enough damage for now." She opened her mouth, but I stopped her. "Just let it go, Ali. I know you think you're looking out for me, but I know what I can handle. I can't give him what he deserves. Today has sucked, and I just want to go back to bed. Ok?" I purposefully kept from looking at her cause I didn't want to break down. I was having a hard enough time keeping it together already.

"Ok." She said quietly and a little disappointed. "You know where I am if you need me." She walked out of the room and when the door closed I let it go and broke down.

When Alice told me that I had broken Edward's heart it made me hate myself even more. Alice was right about one thing. I knew I was a horrible person. I hated myself if I was a better person I wouldn't have gotten raped. I would have made my boyfriend happy, or broken up with him when I knew I wasn't in love with him. There were so many things I could…no should have done differently. Riley was at fault for what he did to me, but I wasn't completely innocent in everything. I sat there crying and thinking when my pocket started buzzing. I pulled my phone out and it was a text from Edward.

Bella, please call me. We need to talk. I'm sorry I scared you, but please don't push me away.

I wanted to text him back so bad, but I couldn't. I would just hurt us both. This way was better. Even though I'd suffer, he'd move on and find a normal girlfriend, away from me and my crazy ass. I lay my phone down on the nightstand and lay down to cry myself to sleep.

A/N: So, there we have it. Bella has kinda lost it. It's not over yet, so keep those seatbelts strapped tight. I want to thank everyone who has been reviewing and favoriting. If you're lurking, know I love you as well just for reading. I am working on my new chapters for my other stories, but as this is already pre-written and then re-edited by myself it will come much more often than the others. See you in a couple days. Love ya!