A/N: This chapter is COMPLETE CRACK. It was the result of my working for inspiration on the rest of my stories. Unfortunately, I like MA fics a bit too much. There's no real smut here cause ... well, I don't want to upset too many people and it wasn't the point of the story.

The Lone Traveler is kind of a goody two-shoes, the second traveler mentioned is looking for the easy way out and does things that don't take into account consequences. What if there was a third Traveler? Now, hear the story of ...

THE LONE HEDONIST

The students of Hogwarts were eating dinner. It was 1998. The war against Voldemort had been won in May, but at great cost. A very large number of defenders had been lost. A number of families had been decimated. Even now, there was a shortage of wizards.

Harry Potter sat at the Gryffindor table brooding. He had lost his best mate, Ron, in the final battle. Dean had disappeared since he saw him at Shell Cottage. Seamus had returned for the repeat of 7th year. Neville had as well, but was almost as broody as Harry.

Ginny Weasley, greiving for two of her three brothers, had not tried to get back together with Harry after things had settled down. It wouldn't have worked anyway - Harry was still too distracted. Instead she had joined the flock of girls trying to woo Neville.

Hermione Granger, the Head Girl by popular support as well as the backing of many professors, had also returned. She had grieved much when Ron was lost - they had started to become close. Now she spent her time trying to prevent her friend Harry from being doused with potions day and night (she had already assigned 8 detentions to various girls from 5th year on up).

Suddenly, a bright light appeared at the front of the hall. Instead of being one color, it was a psychedelic kaleidoscope of purples, acid greens, and other colors which reminded one of the seventies.

Out of this light stepped a figure. When everyone could finally make out the man's features, there was a collective gasp.

Before them stood Harry Potter! But not the Harry Potter that most were used to. Instead it was a slightly older version. Instead of robes or raggety muggle clothes, he wore a sharp purple suit with a yellow shirt. Around his neck was a heavy golden chain with the word "PIMP" formed in gold. And on top of his head was a purple fedora with a long pheonix feather held by a band of basilisk skin (the underskin - not the scales).

The figure looked around and said, "Huh. Hogwarts again." He turned and saw who was at the table and said, "Hello, Headmistress."

Minerva McGonagall, upon seeing the disturbance, had stood and taken out her wand. She, however, had relaxed slightly when she saw who was before her. "Mr. Potter. How are there two of you within the hall?"

The Traveler looked over at where he had traditionally sat when at school and saw that, yes, there was another Harry Potter present.

"Due to an accident with a time turner and an untested spell, I have become somewhat ... disassociated from the concept of time. I end up in places where my particular skill set seems to be needed."

"And what is that skill set?" she asked with a pinched face.

The Traveler smirked and said, "Perhaps it's better that I keep that to myself for the moment. Premature revelation could prove catastrophic."

She looked at the visitor for a moment and said, "Very well. But I will need some verification of your true identity."

The visitor smirked and said, "I can accept that." He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out ... a miniaturized cane. He gave it a flick and it expanded out. Out of the handle he pulled a wand which appeared to be pure ebony. "I swear on my life and magic that I am Harry Potter, son of James and Lily Potter, Godson of the Great One, Sirius 'Silver Dog' Black. So mote it be!" He then flicked his wand and a shower of multicolored sparks shot out.

"Very well. Welcome to Hogwarts."

The visitor nodded. "May I consult with my dimensional brother? It seems likely that I have to help him correct a few issues."

McGonagall nodded and motioned toward the Gryffindor table.

Hermione was staring at the new version of Harry and back to her friend. She got the idea that things would become very interesting, very quickly.

The resident Harry looked confused.

TIME SKIP for clothes talking, lessons ...

Hermione was very curious. "How did you have a time-turner accident?"

Harry the Pimp grinned. "I was trying to test out a spell which would allow me to interact with my past self so that I could have a threesome with a particularly hot chick from my home universe ..."

TIME SKIP for shopping, walking lessons, a trip to a brothel or two, a visit to Gringotts, negotiations with a number of families with beatiful daughters ...

Harry the Pimp walked into the now enlarged bedroom at 12 Grimmauld Place. He smirked as he saw that his dimensional twin was barely awake. He was surrounded by a number of naked girls who looked to be passed out with pleasure. The local Hermione had fallen asleep apparently still ... attached.

"Well, I think you've got it. It's time for me to move on. Just remember, life is too short to pass up the chance with a hot chick."

The local Harry smirked almost in the exact same way. "Thanks for the help."

Pimp Harry nodded and turned. He compressed down into a small ball of psychedelic light. The sound of pheonix song wafted around the room. The sound had woken up Hermione. She looked around, confused, and asked, "When did we get a VCR to work so we could watch porn?"