Chapter 7: You will never be alone
A/N: Changed Tony's age to 16 for when his parents died rather than in is early 20's.
Harley's POV:
I slowly opened my eyes, surprised to see sunlight streaming into my room.
It was daytime.
I'd slept through the night, an entire night.
No nightmares.
Maybe miracles do happen.
I yawned widely, sitting up and stretching as I blearily looked around my room, freezing when I noticed Tony splayed out on my couch.
"What the hell?" I mumbled, rubbing at my gritty eyes to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.
Staring intently, I watched his chest rise and fall slowly, small snores escaping him every once in a while. He looked completely wiped out, and I wondered how long he'd been here. Had he intended to fall asleep?
I noticed my desk chair was set next to my bed as if someone had been sitting there and watching me. What the heck was going on?
"Hey, Fri, how long has he been here?" I whispered with immense curiosity.
"Boss has been here since 9PM," Friday answered, and my eyebrows rose in shock.
"Why?" I asked aloud, and Friday replied that she did not know.
Frowning, I racked my mind for some sort of reason Tony could've spent the night here. My frown deepened when I could come up with nothing.
Huffing, I got out of bed and quickly used the restroom. When I walked out, I walked over to the sleeping mechanic and kneeled in front of him. He looked exhausted. He definitely needed the sleep, but I was too curious to let him continue.
Reaching a hand out, I poked Tony in the chest hard as I said, "Hey, old man, wake up!"
Tony jerked, his eyes snapping open as his hand grabbed onto mine.
"What the fuck," he grumbled as he sat up, and I put on a stern face as I snapped, "Language!"
Tony mumbled something incomprehensible and rolled his eyes before scrubbing at his face. "What time is it?" he asked tiredly.
"Uh…Fri?" I called out.
"It is 9:22 AM," she answered, and my eyes widened.
"What? Fri, why didn't you wake me up earlier? I've got to be back at school today," I exclaimed irritably. It wasn't that I wanted to go, but I knew not going would cause Tony and Pepper more trouble.
"Ms. Potts told me she called in sick for you, so to let you sleep in," the AI informed me, and I gaped up at one of her cameras before turning a curious eye to Tony. He looked unsurprised, so I raised a questioning eyebrow at him.
"We've got some things to talk about," he stated before standing up to use the restroom, and I immediately stiffened, heart sinking as I began to prepare myself for the worst. This was it. He was going to tell me I needed to leave. He was kicking me out.
My palms began to sweat, and I stuffed them into my sweat pant pockets to hide how they'd begun to shake.
Keep breathing, I instructed myself. Don't panic. Don't freak out.
"Would you like to eat first?" Tony questioned, seemingly oblivious to my inner turmoil. Guess he wants me to leave on a full stomach. Too bad all I feel like doing now is throwing up.
I shook my head negatively, and Tony nodded before patting the couch cushion, signifying that I should sit next to him. Taking in a deep breath, I settled myself down at the opposite end of the couch from Tony.
"What's there to talk about?" I asked, my tone coming out more hostile than I intended.
Tony's exhausted eyes looked at me, and he held up defensive hands. "Bud, please, I'm not looking for a fight. We need—there's stuff I need to say, and I really need you to listen," he outright pleaded, and I couldn't help but simply nod at him, unable to trust my voice.
I wanted to be the one to plead, though. I wanted to plead with him to keep me, to not give up on me, but I couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't manage to unglue my teeth.
Then, there was the guilt. Guilt that I was the reason Tony looked so tired, and that he felt the need to beg me not to fight with him. Had we been fighting? No…Yes. We had been fighting, and it was my fault.
He wanted me to listen, so I would. I'd let him explain, and maybe, just maybe his explanation would help soothe some of the pain I'd feel when he said I had to leave. Maybe there was a good reason. Maybe he was doing it to protect me because he was Iron Man, and people would target me for being close to him. That would be a reasonable explanation, right? That would mean he cared about me, right?
I observed Tony, noting that he looked nervous, but also extremely concerned. This only made me feel more certain about what he wanted to discuss.
"I spoke with May yesterday," Tony began, looking at me apologetically, which made absolute no sense to me, so I raised a confused eyebrow.
"I needed advice," he continued, "on how to…on how to help you."
"What?" I exclaimed outraged confusion, feeling my ever-present anger shoot up. "And what'd she tell you?" I pressed, heart pounding in rising hurt as I figured she must've been the one to suggest Tony get rid of me. With such a perfect nephew, she must've told him I wasn't worth keeping around. She must think I'm a bad influence on her precious Peter. She must want me gone.
"She told me to be honest with you," Tony replied, his tone agitated. "Uh, can you take a breath, Harls, your anxiety is giving me anxiety and I'd prefer to avoid an anxiety attack right now. What exactly are you thinking?"
"If you're asking me to leave, can you just spit it out," I blurted out, voice cracking with poorly restrained emotion, unable to stand the situation anymore. I needed to know. I needed him to say it.
"Ask you to leave? Aww, shit. No, Harley, that's not what's happening at all," Tony immediately assured me, scooting himself closer to me. "That's the farthest thing from my mind right now."
"Then, what the hell is all this, Tones?" I inquired desperately. "I'm 'sposed to be at school right now, but I'm not, and you're telling me we need to talk, or that I need to listen. You talk about going to May for advice, and you're definitely nervous. Just quick jerking me around and say what you need to please cuz I feel like I'm about to"—
"I want to adopt you," Tony blurted out, and my mouth fell open in utter shock as that was the last thing I'd expected to hear.
A heavy silence followed his words, each one of us just staring at the other.
Was he serious? This is what I wanted, right? But, why was he doing this? There hadn't been any mention of adoption until now, so why? Why now?
Fuck, why was I second guessing this? Just say yes, dumbass.
"Man, I suck at this," Tony grumbled, looking upset with himself. "Kinda sprung that on you, didn't I? I'm just—I need you to know that I don't want you gone. I-I care about you, and I want you to live here…as my kid...as my son."
I felt the blood drain from my face, sudden tears spilling down as I comprehended what he'd just said. He wanted to adopt me. He wanted me as a son. Holy fucking shit…where had this come from? Was he for real? Could this be true? Was I dreaming? Was this some nightmare where I'd say yes, and then he'd laugh in my face?
"Are you…you want me—like to adopt? For reals?" I questioned in disbelief, my voice barely above a whisper. As much as I may have yearned for this moment, I can honestly say I never believed it would happen. This moment felt almost unreal.
"Yes, I want to adopt you," Tony replied seriously, his eyes gentle as he reached out with a finger to wipe at a few of my tears. "Since the second I found out you were orphaned it'd always been my intention to adopt you. I've been dealing with legal issues and goddamn child services, and—whatever, that's not your problem," he asserted, waving a dismissive hand. "Point is, I was waiting for things to calm down, for you to settle in better before bringing this up. Honestly, I never thought you'd think I'd just kick you out or I would've said something sooner."
I couldn't believe it. This was unreal. A dream come true. He wanted to adopt me. He wanted me. He wanted me, Harley Keener, the nobody from Rosehill, Tennessee.
"Why?" I had to question, internally smacking myself. Just say yes, stupid! "Why do you want me?" I mean, he had Peter already. Peter, who he could have fun with and then send home. Peter, who didn't cause problems. Peter, who was so damn good and nice. Peter, who was a superhero just like him.
"Because you're a kick ass kid," Tony remarked with a teasing smile that I didn't return. I wanted a serious answer.
"Because I care about you, and the thought of losing you hurts," the genius admitted more seriously. "Watching you try and cope these past two months has been absolute hell, especially since I've had no idea how to help you. Yesterday when I spoke with May, she pointed something out, and you know what it was?"
I shook my head negatively.
Tony scooted closer, so our knees were touching, and he patted my chest once before patting his own. "Me and you, we're the same, bud," he asserted softly, and I frowned in confusion. What did he mean by that?
Tony took in a deep breath, his gentle, brown eyes still trained on me. "You know my parents died when I was sixteen?" he inquired, and I gave a single, slow nod.
"They were murdered," he told me, and my eyes widened in surprise.
"I thought it was a car accident," I stated, completely taken aback. It was common knowledge how Tony's parents had died. Howard Stark wasn't as famous as his son, but he was still covered in both history and science classes, meaning his death was covered.
Shaking his head at me, the mechanic quietly began to recount a video that had been shown to him in Serbia and the subsequent fight that followed.
Holy shit, I couldn't help but think. I wanted to know more, but he continued speaking.
"After they died, I was emancipated, and that might sound cool, but it really wasn't," he admitted, his tone coming off sad. "Being alone sucks. It hurts. Knowing you've got adults in your life who are more than capable of helping, but don't want to—that hurts more than I can describe, and I'm guessing you've felt a little of that, though, huh? You've been thinking I haven't wanted you," he stated more than asked.
My eyes burned as I nodded my head, heart aching at the emotions his words brought up. I had felt what he had. He knew. He understood. A part of me felt relieved, but another part of me felt sorry for him, or at least his younger self.
"I look at you, Harley, and I see so much of myself, and sometimes that fills me with pride, but other times it scares me," he confessed, his voice cracking with emotion. "I remember what I was like after my parents died. I remember the anger and loneliness. I remember all the shit I did to forget, and god, I would never want you to do the same. I want you to be better. I want you to know you're not alone, and that you don't have to deal with all this on your own. I'm here for you now and forever, whether you want me to adopt you or not."
I was overwhelmed. I was in shock. I had the urge to start bawling but managed to restrain myself.
Tony simply stared at me with tender, knowing eyes as if he knew what I was thinking.
"You've known me for several years," Tony continued. "You know I'm not perfect, and I guarantee I'll probably make mistakes, but I can promise you that I'll try my damndest to do right by you. It's not gonna be all kumbaya. I mean, it's me," he joked with a light laugh, eliciting a grin from me. "We're so alike we'll probably get on each other's nerves at times, and you probably won't always agree with my choices, but I promise you that whatever happens in the future, good or bad, I'm there for you. You will never be alone."
The sobs I'd been desperately attempting to keep at bay were finally released, my emotions overcoming me.
"Fuck, Tony," I complained through the tears, futilely attempting to wipe my tears and stem my cries. I failed miserably though and found myself being pulled in for a tight hug, my head buried into Tony's chest.
"Language," the man scolded mildly before assuring me everything would be okay.
I grabbed onto him as if my life depended on it, and he responded by tightening his arms, one of his hands cupping the back of my head.
"Just let it out, buddy," he spoke soothingly. "It's okay to cry. I've got you."
"I-I-I don't know why-why I'm cr-crying!" I sobbed, feeling rather embarrassed.
"That's okay," Tony reassured me kindly. "You don't have to know."
That made no sense to me, but his constant reassurances and soft words kept me from fighting too hard to stop. When the tears finally stopped it was because I felt absolutely spent. Embarrassed and tired as I was, though, I was shocked to find I actually felt better. That didn't stop me from immediately pulling away from Tony, though, and hastily wiping away any signs of my tears.
"You've got nothing to be embarrassed about," Tony informed me knowingly, and I slowly lowered my hands, giving him an unsure look.
"How do you know what I'm feeling?" I asked, and his responding smile was wide as he answered, "Because we're connected."
My heart filled with warmth at those words, not having forgotten how I'd said that to him all those years ago in an attempt to get him to take me with him. It'd sort of become our thing over the years, and we'd thrown the words back and forth at each other in a joking yet affectionate way.
"So, you haven't answered yet," Tony stated a bit hesitantly. "Do you want me to adopt you?"
"Yes!" I exclaimed, finally able to trust that he was being honest. "Of course, I do," I told him with a large grin. "Where else am I going to get access to a state-of-the-art lab?"
The billionaire gave a loud laugh at my words before hooking an arm around my neck to pull me in for a quick hug. I half-heartedly pushed away, swiping at his hand that ruffled my hair. I didn't want him to think I was turning soft and needed to be constantly hugged or coddled like Peter.
"Let's go tell Pep, then," Tony declared as he stood up. "She's been going grey with worry over you—don't tell her I said that, though."
I laughed as I happily trailed behind him.
How different I felt from even an hour ago. It was like the world was different now. It didn't look so dreary and bland anymore. Things seemed more colorful and brighter. I felt lighter and had to resist the childish urge to bounce around in my sudden happiness.
I felt alive.
I felt like I could breathe.
I finally felt like things really would be okay.
Tony wanted to adopt me. He wanted to adopt me! He wanted me as his son.
I felt like yelling with sheer joy but contained myself.
I didn't stop from rushing over and embracing Pepper, though, the second we saw her.
"Tony is adopting me!" I gushed, looking at her with pure excitement. I was smiling widely, and my muscles felt tight, as if unused to being used in this way. Had it really been so long since I'd been happy? These emotions almost felt foreign to me.
Pepper gave a squeal of excitement, hugging me back tightly and placing several kisses to the top of my head.
"Did Tony happen to tell you that I too wanted to adopt you?" she asked once we pulled apart, and once more I found myself struck mute with shock. She wanted to adopt me too?!
"Of course, he didn't," she grumbled, gracing her fiancé with a mild glare. Turning back towards me, her eyes were bright with unshed tears as she began to speak. "Tony and I decided the second we gained temporary guardianship over you that we'd both like to adopt you. I am planning on marrying that bull-headed man, so if you're willing to accept him as your dad, would you be willing to accept me as your mom?"
I didn't even stop to think before I exclaimed, "Yes, yes, yes!" as I wrapped my arms around her again.
"Wow, I feel offended," Tony complained at our display. "I had to convince him to say yes to me, and when he finally agreed, he said it was only because of my lab."
"Pepper is cooler than you," I asserted, sticking my tongue out at the pouting mechanic, which caused him to stick his tongue back out at me.
"Well, I'll certainly be the better influence," Pepper remarked drily, rolling her eyes at our antics. Her arm remained around me, and she absentmindedly smoothed my hair as she held me close.
The adoption process started the next day when child services showed up to check up on me. Lawyers were already present with adoption papers, waiting for child services to give the okay, which they did with no issues. A few signatures and a cheesy picture later, and I was now officially Harley Stark, adopted son of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts.
Besides Tony and Pepper, Rhodey, May, and Peter were also present for the adoption. They were all super excited for us, although I did notice that Peter looked a little jealous. I smirked inwardly at that, feeling triumphant. Tony was my dad now while he was simply Peter's mentor. I acknowledged that my feelings were petty, but I hadn't been able to get rid of my jealousy of him, and continued fear that he was going to take Tony from me.
I was reluctant to go back to school, but I'd promised Tony I'd give it a real try. He'd made a deal with me that if after two months I still hated it, then he'd home school me himself. He informed me, though, that I had to put forth a real effort, get good grades, and get into no more trouble, otherwise the deal was off. I was determined to survive these next two measly months, looking forward to being able to have Tony as my full-time teacher.
The only thing I was excited about regarding school was people finding out about my adoption. Since I'd officially taken Tony's last name, I proudly corrected all my teachers when they'd addressed me as Mr. Keener.
"It's Harley Stark now," I informed them, feeling smug satisfaction at the shock, awe, and jealousy of my classmates. Flash's ugly, resentful eyes were the highlight.
A minor downside of being a Stark, though, was the sudden attention from complete strangers. After discussing it with Tony and Pepper, we decided it'd be best to release news of my adoption on our own terms rather than wait for some random news reporter to find out. There was no press conference or anything. We simply had a reporter come to the tower, briefly interview me, and take a family photo. The only information released about me was that Tony had met me years ago, had been mentoring me, and had decided to take me in when I became orphaned. Details regarding how my family died or anything afterwards were kept under wraps.
As a Stark, random strangers were suddenly clamoring to know me, classmates included. Kids who hadn't given me a second look, or who had thumbed their noses at me, now wanted me to be their friends.
Admittedly, while the fame could be annoying, I did enjoy the automatic respect I was given. I was no longer some country bumpkin from Hicksville. Instead, I was the only son of the famous Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, heir to the Stark fortune, and future CEO of Stark Industries…or, at least that's what the media was saying. I didn't really know if I was going to inherit money from Tony or become CEO of Stark Industries, and truthfully, I didn't really care. I was simply happy having Tony and Pepper as adoptive parents. I was happy to not be alone.
As the son of one of if not the most famous and powerful couple in the world I was determined to not be an embarrassment. I made sure to always dress impeccably, meaning no dirty or ripped clothes. I always walked with confidence, making sure to keep my head held high, and I watched my speech when with strangers. I didn't want people thinking I was some sort of idiot when I was well aware of how smart I was.
I even went so far as to ask Pepper for help with etiquette when I found out I'd be joining her and Tony at a charity event. It was to be my official introduction to high society, or something like that.
"No one is going to be judging you, sweetheart," Pepper attempted to reassure me, but I raised a disbelieving eyebrow.
"We both know that's a lie, Pep," I refuted with a scoff. "They're going to be watching, and they're going to be judging us all. How I behave is going to be a reflection on you and Tony, and I don't want to embarrass you guys. Besides, I'd feel more comfortable if I knew I wasn't going to make a fool of myself."
Pepper gave in easily. "I understand. I felt the same way when I started working at Stark Industries, especially after I became Tony's secretary."
Both my eyebrows rose suggestively at those words. "Secretary, huh?" I remarked with a wink, quickly avoiding the smack Pepper aimed at my arm.
"Okay, wise-guy, keep that mind of yours out of the gutter," Pepper stated, giving me a fond look of exasperation. "I'll teach you basic etiquette but know that neither Tony nor I care what others think about you."
I smiled at her words, although I really didn't believe them. She was just being nice.
Adoption was the best thing to happen to me. I'd never felt closer to Tony or Pepper, but all this good fortune didn't stop the nightmares. It didn't change the bad memories or the guilt I still felt over my mom and sister's deaths. I didn't feel alone and hopeless anymore, but the memories still hurt. The sadness wasn't gone. It'd pop up at the most random of times, and nearly every night. More often than I'd like to admit, I'd woken up in tears, arguing with Friday to not disturb anyone. So far, Tony had shown up twice, but only because Friday had contacted him before I'd woken up.
I had to admit, that having Tony there when I'd awoken those two times had been comforting. His arms had wrapped around me, and I'd felt safe and cared for. Knowing having him there helped, however, didn't change me from telling Friday to not bother him or Pepper. I was fifteen. I shouldn't need anyone coming to comfort me after a nightmare, so as much as a part of me yearned for that comfort, I settled for taking care of myself like I always had.
My independent nature was put to the test one weekend, however when Tony was gone. He and Natasha were abroad dealing with Accords issues, and I didn't know when he'd be back. He'd been gone nearly a week already, and I hadn't had a full night's sleep since. Things had gotten so bad last night, that I'd actually wished Tony had been here to help me.
The dreams about Mom and Ana had continued to worsen, and as I'd feared, their dream selves had begun to talk to me. They both blamed me for their deaths. They said it was my things that brought the robbers. It was my lab they were after.
In addition to blaming me for their deaths, they also accused me of being happy they were dead.
"You always wished you could live with Stark," Mom accused with hateful eyes. "We weren't good enough for you, were we?"
"Why didn't you love me, brother?" Ana asked with wide, hurt eyes. "Why did I have to die so you could get what you wanted?"
It'd go like this nearly every night, and I was at my breaking point. I was exhausted and having trouble keeping my eyes open during the day. I was afraid my grades would start slipping, which would cause Tony to renege on his deal with me. I also worried that I'd make some stupid or careless mistake in the lab, destroying something or even injuring myself, which would end with Tony banning me.
I needed sleep. I craved it, but I loathed the nightmares.
I couldn't take it. I couldn't stand the guilt, sorrow, and confusion. Would Mom and Ana really have thought I'd let them die just so I could live with Tony? Did they really blame me? Did they really hate me?
I hadn't exactly pushed the authorities to find their murderers. The thirst for revenge just didn't hit me. I'd been too wrapped up in my own misery, and I hadn't wanted to be involved in any police investigation. I didn't want to remember that my family was dead. I didn't want to remember their cold, dead bodies, so I'd said nothing when the cops had attempted to discuss the investigation with me.
Did they resent me for this? Did this make me a bad son/brother?
I sat in my bed with knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around them. My face was wet with sweat and tears, and I was trembling.
I wanted Tony. I wanted him to tell me my thoughts were ridiculous and that my mom and sister would never blame me or hate me. I even wanted to be hugged and comforted, a thought that normally made me flush red with embarrassment. Right now, though, I didn't care.
I felt so alone sitting in my large, dark room. I didn't want to be alone, but nobody would be up at this hour.
Pepper had to be…Pepper! Pepper was home, I thought in rising hope. She sometimes stayed up late with work. I could check her room and see, and if she was…well, if she was I could…
I shook my head, honestly having no idea what I could do or say. I just knew I didn't want to be alone.
Pepper was always so kind, and I knew she'd be understanding, not teasing me for my sudden weakness. She was also easier to talk to than Tony, and maybe I could tell her about my nightmares. Maybe she'd sit with me until I fell asleep.
I shoved away the shame I felt at that childish thought, my emotional needs overcoming my teenage insecurities.
Getting out of my bed I felt chills run up my spine as my bare feet touched the cold, hardwood floors. I quietly made my way out of my room and to the door of Tony and Pepper's room. I felt my heart sink at seeing no light filtering from under the doorway. She wasn't awake, I thought in crushing disappointment, feeling sudden tears prickling at the corner of my eyes.
Well, she could be awake, I attempted to reassure myself. She could be using a bedside lamp instead of having the whole room lit up. I could open the door a crack and check.
Rubbing my hands over my goose-bump covered arms, I slowly turned the doorknob and pushed it open enough to stick my head in. No lights were on, and I could barely make out the sleeping form of Pepper on the massive bed.
Indecision hit me, the teenager in me telling me to leave while the child told me to go inside. The decision was made for me when the lump on the bed stirred, a hand reaching out to turn on a lamp.
"Harley?" Pepper called out in sleepy concern, sitting up to get a better look at me. "Is everything okay?"
I found myself unable to admit why I was here, so I ended up just stuttering, "I-I-I, uh, well, I was just awake, and um…" My words trailed off as I gave an awkward shove. Brilliant explanation, genius, I scolded myself.
Pepper got herself out of the bed and walked towards me, eyes full of worry. "Come on inside," she coaxed, placing a soft hand on my shoulder. I slowly stepped inside, awkwardly looking around. Pepper led me to her bed and sat me down on her side of the bed before sitting herself next to me.
"Nightmares," she stated rather than asked, and I gave a dismal nod.
"Do you want to talk about them?" she inquired, and I shook my head even as I felt tears well up in my eyes again. I did and didn't want to talk. There was so much I wanted to say, but I couldn't bring myself to do so, so I settled for a helpless look.
Pepper's eyes were so soft and loving as she gently ran a hand through my hair.
"How about we get some sleep, and then tomorrow we can talk," she suggested, and my heart sank at the thought of being sent back to my room. The thought of being alone scared me so much that I couldn't keep from blurting out, "I don't want to be alone."
"Well, that's a relief," Pepper replied with a beautiful smile, "because I don't want to be alone either. It's always harder for me to sleep when Tony is gone. How about you spend the night here?"
Relief flooded through me, and I eagerly nodded my head, a lump in my throat keeping me from expressing my thanks.
Pepper patted the spot next to her as she pulled back the covers, and I quickly got into Tony's spot, happily burying my face into his pillow. Feeling the covers being pulled over me and tucked in snugly, I turned my face to see my adoptive mother looking at me with fondness.
"I love you," I found myself saying, and her eyes turned bright with emotion as she replied, "I love you too."
Closing my eyes, I felt both content and safe. That coupled with a hand rubbing circles on my back caused me to fall asleep in minutes.
Hours passed before I awoke to the low murmuring of voices. I couldn't make out what was being said, but I recognized Tony's voice. Opening sleep lidded eyes, I saw Pepper already dressed for the day talking with a tired Tony, who was unbuttoning his dress shirt. I closed my eyes for what I thought was a second, but turned out to be a few minutes, because Pepper was gone and Tony was settling himself into her spot.
"T'ny?" I murmured sleepily, causing his eyes snap towards mine.
"Hey, bud, go back to sleep. It's too early to get up," he whispered.
"Wan' me t'go t'my bed?" I then pressed, and he rolled his eyes before reaching out to gently ruffle my hair
"Close your eyes, Gizmo," he replied nicely, and I promptly did as told, once more finding it easy to fall asleep. With Dad here, everything would be okay.