The story is going to start off pretty depressing, unfortunately, writing has always been a way for me to get my feelings out of myself before they cause permanent damage to my insides, so I'm going to write.
I just wanted to add both a trigger warning for mentions of rape and self harm.
She didn't like herself. But then again no one really did, that fact didn't make her special.
Nothing she did made her special.
There was a reason she changed her name; Lyla Medici wasn't a happy little girl. She has to admit however that, Athena Medici is not a particularly happy young adult. She stopped being happy a long time ago.
But at least Athena, could wipe away Lyla's existence. Erase her, and remove that part of herself.
Athena has already lamented all the things she lost her sophomore year of high school. They've been listed and they don't really need to be said again; it'd just be another painful reminder of who she is and who she isn't. She knows her past better than anybody else, which is why her world seems to break that much more when her friendship with Elena Gilbert ends.
"You don't know what's it's like to lose your parents-"
Elena's voice had cut off then, quiet and quivering. It seems she had forgotten that today was the third year anniversary of their deaths, like most others did, that Athena was present when her mother killed her father...and then herself.
Athena had kept her face passive, controlled. Nothing visible.
"It's different," Elena said so suddenly it hurt, "My parents actually loved me."
Everything seems to fracture around her, and she's not sure if her world is really crumbling or if it's the mixture of tears and mascara muddling her eyesight. Either way, nothing is right and everything is ruined. But she's Athena Medici and nobody seems to see the sadness in her eyes, so she excuses herself to the bathroom and she cleans herself up.
Nobody can say that Athena Medici doesn't know how to save face.
She smiles a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes when she hooks her arm around Bonnie's, and they stay the rest of the night even though her heart breaks a little more every time she breathes. Bonnie doesn't notice and she doesn't expect her to, but it's okay because she has a plan.
At the end of the night, she steps into the warm spring air with Bonnie at her side. Bonnie is always the one at her side.
Caroline sees them and gives her best smile before offering them rides home. It's just a little awkward, Athena thinks, but Care is oblivious and Bonnie is to secure in herself to care, so she'll endure it this one time. Caroline drops Bonnie off first, which eases some of the tension, but then both of them are trying to ignore the big rift in their friend group.
They stop at Athena's house next, and when she looks out the window at the mansion that's not a home, she has to swallow back the pain that makes her want to cry out and grab hold of the nearest body for strength and comfort. She smiles a fake smile again, and Caroline looks at her curiously because she can see right through it but seems to dismiss it. She takes her keys from her pocket and the gentle clack of heels on paving stones resonates through the darkness as she approaches the front door, unlocks it, and slips inside.
The lights are off and she knows her uncle isn't home so she doesn't bother turning any on as she passes through the foyer and up the stairs to the bathroom attached to the bedroom that doesn't feel like hers anymore. She slides her feet out of her shoes and kicks them into a corner as she closes the door and locks it behind her.
The linoleum is cool and refreshing against her tired feet and she takes a moment to revel in the sensation before she steps onto the warmer bath mat and reaches for the knobs in the shower.
She cranks the hot water up all the way, and the small enclosed space quickly fills with steam and heat. The mirror fogs and she wipes it clean with a single swipe of her palm, and she takes one good look at her reflection before she turns away.
She doesn't bother taking off her dress as she steps beneath the beating stream of hot water.
She doesn't feel its scalding sting as she lowers herself in tub. She reaches for her shaving razor and it takes her a second to pop the removable head from the handle. She's never done this before, and she cuts herself as she tries to remove one of the single blades. She almost decides to turn back, but then one of them comes free and she holds the sliver of metal between her thumb and forefinger.
She's not sure how to do this, but she's heard stories and jokes so she has some idea.
She catches her bottom lip between her teeth and bites down as she presses the blade against her flesh and draws it from hand to elbow in one long gash. It hurts more than she thought it would, but there's already so much blood that she's sure she did it right. It's harder to hold the blade in her left hand and she's starting to feel a little dizzy, but she manages to repeat the action on her right arm but the line is a little less straight and a little less clean. It's done, she thinks, as she drops the blood-stained blade over the side of the tub and then lets her arms fall tiredly at her side.
Her eyes begin to flutter closed, and she catches a glimpse of crimson seeping into her once-beautiful-now-ruined dress and she thinks it's symbolic of all the bad creeping into her once-wonderful life. Marring it. Staining it. Ruining it.
Her mind is growing fuzzy when she hears somebody on the other side of the door, and she thinks it might be Caroline. She hears a clipped version of, "Hey my best bitch, you left your phone in my car again." She doesn't answer, and then there's a knock on the door which turns into pounding and then shouting but Athena's too tired to care.
She hears the door break open and then there's screaming and crying and the beating of the water on her face is gone and somebody's wrapping something soft around her arms. Athena struggles to open her eyes, to tell Caroline to go away, but she feels strong arms lift her out of the tub and then she's resting on the bathroom mat and Caroline is hovering over her and she sees her swearing loudly into a phone.
Yelling at her mother in a way Caroline never has.
She tries to shake her head violently, to tell her no, but she can't muster the strength but she can't go back to sleep with the knowledge of the haunted look that painted Caroline's face, so she tries to stay awake for her, to listen to her.
Athena isn't sure how much time has passed when men in uniforms arrive, but it takes a police officer to hold Caroline back when the blonde tries to jump into the back of the ambulance with her.
She loses consciousness before they reach the hospital, and when she wakes up, all there is to greet her is the steady blips and beeps of machines attached to her, and she thinks she's back where she started.
Alone.
Her uncle doesn't want her to go to a psychiatric facility, even a temporary one, for which Athena is grateful.
Instead the nurses hover carefully near her private room, but she thinks this is much better than the alternative. She isn't crazy; she's just sad and maybe a little broken.
When she opens her eyes again, she expects to see her uncle, but instead she finds light eyes and a burning glare. She turns her head away to break the eye contact but is met with an audible growl.
"No, you don't get to pull a stunt like that and look away from me, Medici," Caroline growls, and she marches to the other side of the room to try to catch gold eyes again. "You don't get to slash your wrists and try to take the easy way out. You don't get to-" Athena watches her stony facade crack with every word until it breaks and there are tears and pain and she wants to look away again but can't.
Caroline's on her knees beside the bed now, shaking hands gripping at the sheets as she sobs. Suddenly, Bonnie is there too with wet eyes, and Athena feels sympathy at first, but then the anger is on her in a flash and she's shouting at them.
Then there is a maturity Athena hadn't seen in Caroline before, one that made her step forward and sit in the chair beside her bed. Her hand is resting near hers, but Care seems hesitant to take it, and Athena wants to be angry; she glares at her instead until she sighs and stands. Caroline reaches for something in her backpack.
"I told Elena not to come. If you're not going to let any of us help, maybe you can let this do something," she says sadly, but Athena barely hears her because her eyes are focusing and un-focusing on the open sketchbook in front of her.
Athena wonders how she found it, why she might have been going through her things, but then she realizes that people like answers and she created a really big freaking question when she tried to take her own life.
Why?
Her body still feels like somebody pumped her limbs with lead so it takes a little effort to rest her hand on top of the sketchbook. She struggles to trace the lines she once drew in pen (the doctor said she nicked a nerve and may have suffered a minor loss of motor function in her right hand), and she turns her head away so tears won't fall onto the drawing. She wants to throw it across the room, pretend it doesn't exist, but even if she had the physical strength to do so, she's not sure she's ever had the emotional will to do it.
Athena falls asleep crying softly to herself.
The plan for junior year is simple.
She's going to lose all the excess weight long before school even starts again, and Caroline will help her do it, because even though they have their issues, they're cut from the same ruthless, superficial cloth.
Then she's going to make sure her academic average recovers from sophomore year, because somewhere in between getting jumped, getting kicked out of her house by her uncle, living in her car, declining mental health, losing her best friend and trying to kill herself, neither her first nor second semester exams were what they should of been.
Quite frankly, that is unacceptable.
Athena can't help but berate herself, because all of it is her fault.
The best she can do now is move on, and scale the heights of the Mystic Falls high academic endeavors without looking down, because she will, one day, leave this town and never look back.
The weight sorts itself out before school starts again because she is both dedicated and smart, and after royally pleading with Caroline, she's even back in her rightful spot as co-captain of the cheerleaders.
During summer cheer camp, all it took was one glare from her to get the other girls to stop talking about the scars on her wrists.
She sees Tyler and Matt sometimes during practices and she can still barely manage to look at either of them, or maybe she just struggles with the way they look at her- like she's a fragile thing, as opposed to a regular girl. (Or according to Tyler, the girl he's been dreaming about sleeping with since he had his first wet dream).
It's both disgusting and flattering that he felt the need to tell her that.
Caroline catches her eyes while she's scanning the football players and raises an eyebrow, but Athena knows better than to take that bait.
"You're killing me out there. You know that?" Athena says stretching her arms to try to get rid of the burn.
Care looks her up and down with a smile. "You can take it."
And then she voluntarily rubs at the sore spot, just for a minute.
It's towards the end of the summer when she meets Sam.
He's sweet and kind and doesn't stare at her scars like they ruin her.
Almost despite herself, she's amused, and she can't help the sly smile that twitches her lips.
"Oh my God, please tell me you don't actually like that mouth breather now?" Bonnie asks, staring at her when she watches Sam jog over to the field; he always turns halfway, and waves at her in that silly, open way that flies in the face of everything she thought she liked.
"His name is Sam, and we can continue this conversation after you drop and give me twenty," Athena snaps back.
Bonnie's on the ground in an instant barely breaking a sweat after twenty-five, bitch, looking smug as hell when she gets back up.
"He's a puppy, Athena. He's the kind of guy who's going to date someone...regular. Buy a teddy bear at a carnival or some shit. They'll be happy and have five kids together, and one of them will be named Sam junior, and he'll take Sam junior to baseball games and it'll be a merry old fucking gay time."
Athena feels herself harden with every word dripping pointedly from Bonnie's lips.
"What's your point."
For a second Bonnie falters under the intensity of the other girls gaze, realizing what everyone else always talked about. Athena Medici had a depth that regular teenagers didn't know how to handle and being her sole focus is overwhelming...she absently wonders if every person this girl meets is doomed to fall in love with her.
"My point is, you're sharper than that. You would eat him alive in no time. But eventually he will see all you are showing him is a mirror. An echo chamber he could love." Bonnie stopped herself from saying that Athena did that with everyone. Showed them exactly what they wanted. She doubted anyone has ever even glimpsed behind that door, she doubted anyone could handle it.
Athena watches as Bonnie fixes her skirt and heads over to Elena.
Later that night, Athena looks at her mother's grimorie, dusted and old, and it pains her to see it.
Even still she picks up and pushes her magic to the limits, until it hurts, and by the end of the summer her magic has surpassed what she thought was possible. Her bloodline isn't special like Bonnie's is, but there's something in her. Something that no other witch has.
Weight, grades, magic, and control.
It's the first thing she thinks when she wakes up and it's the last thing she thinks when she goes to bed.
Sometimes it feels like the only thing keeping her together.
It's the first day of school and she feels the eyes of people on her everywhere she turns.
And she absolutely hates it.
Tugging her sleeves down she walks into the administrative office...her incident during the summer had caused the school to 'reccomed' (force) her into mandatory counseling once a week.
A part of her doesn't really feel anything, so she's not sure what she's going to talk about in those things, but Athena's sure she'll find a way to get out of it.
Her gold ones find hazel green ones, a boy, one she's never seen before. The feeling of death surrounds him so thoroughly she almost chokes. He's taken a lot of lives...brutally.
By looking at him, she wouldn't have been able to tell.
She doesn't introduce herself just gets her paperwork and slides out as quickly as she had been there.
Weight, grades, magic, and control.
None of those encompass teenage vampires who sulk around high schools.
Stefan felt her before he saw her.
Witches had to be beyond a certain magnitude of power for them to be felt from as far away from her as he did, and when standing beside her and meeting those gold eyes he nearly fell to his knees.
He finds himself frozen, like a deer-in headlights, one of the most gorgeous women he had ever seen before.
With a green blouse draped over her in such a way it left the top of her collarbones exposed with long, wild curls, tight ringlets really that cascaded down to her lower back, golden brown skin, wearing a wry smile on her pretty full rosy lips, looking almost amused at the world around them.
She reminded him of a goddess.
Relaxed and confident, an almost indifferent quality to her demeanor.
It's only after she leaves and he glances at her paperwork, seeing it signed in beautiful caligraphy, "Athena Medici" does it all seem to make sense.
Athena...at first glance I would assumed she was Aphrodite.
In class his eyes bounce between Athena and Elena.
One representing familiarity, the other something entirely new.
Elena looks back, Athena doesn't.
He hears the rumors about both of them.
Elena lost her parents, Athena tried to lose herself.
He follows her after school, she's changed into shorts and a tank top ( and he doesn't understand how someone that short can have such amazing legs or such wide hips and a round- he stops himself), and the scent of her skin mixed with the pure power drifting off of her is nearly addictive.
Expressive golden eyes stare at him intently, and the stunningly beautiful young woman introduces herself, voice a low hum and the very definition of feigned poiliteness. "I'm Athena."
Her gaze quickly rakes over Stefan, as if accessing him, and she says. "You're the new mysterious guy everyone's been talking about."
He nods in a way that can only be described as frantic, and in realization of that he smiles, sheepish. "Yes that would be me," he confirms combing his hair back from his face, and even though Athena probably already knows his name he adds, "I'm Stefan Salvatore."
"Charmed." Athena smiles at him, a quick quirk at the edge of her lips, and Stefan feels like he's staring directly into the sun. "You should head to the graveyard, that's where Elena goes after school."
"And where do you go after school?"
Her eyes turn steely for a second, almost looking pained, but she hides it before he can ask.
"No where you need to know, Salvatore, go be good for Elena." It isn't a dig, it's lighthearted, nearly sweet, but he can see the wicked amusement in those gold eyes of hers.
This time he's assessing her. Wide amused eyes, dimples, freckles spread across her nose and cheeks, and rosy cheeks on top of golden brown skin. She has a small waist, wide hips and thighs and ass, and petite breasts. His mouth waters only slightly.
This was going to be torture. And speaking of which, the girl raises one perfectly shaped eyebrow, her head tilted. "Did you not hear me darling, run along and be good for Elena."
Stefan glares at her, his eyes darkening and the urge to rip into that pretty neck of hers wells up, but all she does is throw her head back, wild curls following as she unknowingly exposes her neck to him, turning around to walk away at a leisure pace, hips swaying. "It was such a pleasure meeting you, Stefan. Hurry up, wouldn't want to keep a girl waiting, would we?"
Stefan goes to the graveyard and ignores that voice in his head telling him he should have followed Athena.
He only shares history class with Athena.
He had compelled to have at least five with Elena...he didn't realize how badly he would want more with Athena too.
She sits in the front and pushes her glasses up her nose, giving Stefan no more than a passing glance, but just enough to acknowledge him and make his heart do these weird shard injured jumps that make him wince in silent, unbearable pain. Jesus fucking Christ, she was so fucking cute, with her little glasses and her folders lined up neatly and she was so pretty, deadly dark curls and all soft and sweet. Her focus is nearly unbreakable, and he knows that her academic performance is more than impressive.
So it's no real surprise that Tanner doesn't call on the only person listening.
"The Battle of Willow Creek took place right at the end of the war in our very own Mystic Falls. How many casualties resulted in this battle? Ms. Bennett?"
Athena laughs at the way Bonnie looks at her as if begging for help, before the young Bennett sighs and says, "Um...a lot? Like a whole lot."
"Cute becomes dumb in an instant, Ms. Bennett," Athena bites down a laugh at that. Did he just call Bonnie cute. "Mr. Donovan? Would you like to take this opportunity to overcome your embedded jock stereotype?"
Matt raises and drops his shoulders in a little shrug. "It's okay, Mr. Tanner, I'm cool with it."
There's scattered laughter from there classmates before Tanner sets his sharp eyes on Elena. "Hmm. Ms. Gilbert, surely you can enlighten us about one of the town's most significant historical events."
"I'm sorry, I-I don't know." Elena's eyes go wide and doe like as she shrinks just slightly in her chair.
Tanner sneered. "I was willing to be lenient last years for obvious reasons, Elena. But the personal excuses ended with summer break. You know Ms. Medici never allowed her summer experiences to affect her academics-"
Athena flinches before her eyes grew cold and as unfeeling as ice, face pinched in annoyance as she griped the sides of her desks. "Fuck you," the girl named after the goddess growled. "Don't use me as a weapon in this, you complete and utter-"
"There were 364 casualties. Unless you are counting local civilians."
"That's correct. Mister...?"
"Salvatore."
"Salvatore," Tanner repeats leaning back against his desk. He glances at Athena and finds pure fire in her eyes. He quickly looks back at Stefan. "Any relation to the original settlers here at Mystic Falls."
"Distant," Stefan added, he can feel Elena's eyes. He wishes he could feel Athena's.
"Well, very good," The history teacher ground out. "Except of course, there were no civilian casualties in this battle."
"Actually there were 27, sir, confederate soldiers, they fired on the church, believing it to be housing weapons. They were wrong. It was a night of great loss. The founders archives are uh stored in the civil hall if you would like to brush up on your facts, Mr. Tanner."
Class let out soon after that, and Athena wasted no time trying to disappear into the chaos of other students. Stefan didn't let her body leave his line of sight. He stops her by tapping her shoulder, and she turns around more gracefully than anyone should have the right to move.
"So," he starts, and fidgets slightly beneath her eyes. What is wrong with him, talking to Elena was virtually nothing compared to this. But then again, Elena was a beautiful human, this girl was a powerful witch. Magic hanging heavy in the very air around her.
"Yes, Stefan," she drawled patiently, hugging her folders to her chest, her glasses catching the light and gleaming slightly.
His fingers flex and he forces himself to calm down. "I found out about a party that's supposed to happen tonight, a back to school thing, and I was wondering if you planned to be there."
Athena stares at him, before smiling, amused. "You're cute."
"Thank...you?" Stefan replies.
"Mmm," Athena hums, that intent look back gleaming in those eyes of hers. "And no, I had no intention of going. I have some things I need to take care of." But the girl steps forward, a coy smirk on her face doing nothing to settle his nerves. "But on another note," She glances over his shoulder, "thank you for interrupting, I've been told I can be quite vicious and if I was allowed to say what I intended to say...I'm very certain I would've been expelled and that would do nothing to help in my pursuit of valedictorian."
"It was nothing," he replied shortly although he wanted to ask what other pursuits she had.
"It wasn't nothing. Give yourself more credit." Her voice drops a level, more serious and achingly earnest. But something...something in her tone makes Stefan feel uncomfortable. He doubts she gives herself any credit.
Stefan finds himself feeling struck for a moment.
And she laughs, and its so bright and so smooth, he can't imagine this being the same girl who tried to hurt herself, but maybe that's the point. "We're going to have a lot of fun together, aren't we?"
He doesn't get to answer because she's already walking away.
While everyone else is at the party, Athena goes to her mother's old artifact room.
She had already mastered all the spells in her mother's personal grimorie, now onto her ancestors. She couldn't afford to be weak, not with what Stefan Salvatore's arrival in Mystic Falls would bring right behind him.