The journey down to Helm's Deep had been touch and go and more than once Kate had fallen and slid down the incline, but the people were safe, arriving to the fortress unharmed, if not a bit frazzled.
Upon arrival, however, they did not rest, as Kate thought they might. The people headed straight to work, beginning to pool their resources into one massive pile of things to be distributed amongst the others.
It was a lot of work, but a welcome distraction. Kate had very little time to actively worry over her friends, but of course that didn't stop her entirely. There was always the running mantra in her head, without her having to think about it, reassuring herself that they would be fine.
They'll be fine. They'll come back. They'll be safe.
Of course, they would, she reasoned, why wouldn't they? Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were all exceptional warriors in their own right and fought more than their fair share of battles. She knew they would be fine. Of course they would.
Kate huffed, scratching irritably at the healing skin around her wound. The thick woolen fabric of the dress rubbed against the bandage, not enough to hurt but just enough to be bothersome. As soon as everything was settled, she was putting on her tunic and leggings again, the people would simply have to deal with the shock. Really, it's just not very practical. She justified to herself as she headed back down to grab another basket of supplies. But her internal arguments about the practicality of a dress seemed of less and less importance as she walked down the stone halls.
Hundreds of people, young and old, lined the walls, trying to find a space for themselves wherever they could. Suddenly, it seemed very stupid to Kate to be so ungrateful when the majority of these people had lost everything they owned, most only really owning the clothes on their back to begin with.
Kate frowned as she made her way down, sidling between the throngs of people in the already overcrowded stronghold. How would they possibly feed all of them? More people would still come from the surrounding villages and Kate had seen the food they had accumulated so far! It would simply not be enough! How long would they be here? Days? Weeks? How long could they go on taking care of this many people? And this was all assuming no one was injured or sick, but with a war coming, that was incredibly unlikely.
Kate wiped a hand over her forehead, beaded with sweat and sighed. That was another worry for another hour, Kate simply could not worry over everything all the time. She snorted at the thought, remembering Aragorn's very same admonishment to her a few days ago. Of course, Aragorn had always done the same thing she had pointed out jokingly. She got it honestly.
They'll be fine. They'll come back. They'll be safe.
She repeated, hauling up another basket of potatoes and carrying it down with the others to the caves. She didn't mind the weight, strategically picking that basket so that she might catch another glimpse of The Glittering Caves.
The first time she had seen it she had stood at the opening, gaping like a buffoon until an annoyed woman shoved past her. It was breath taking, unlike anything she had ever seen and it was hard for her to imagine that they extended well beyond what she could see just standing here.
Even now, having deposited several items for storage there she was still stunned by the beauty of it. Every inch of it seemed to glitter, even the areas hidden from the light of the torches. The stalactites themselves had clusters of crystals embedded in them, and no matter how cold and damp it was in the caves, Kate couldn't bring herself to dislike them, though they did have one drawback, Kate realized, upon her first entry when she heard the familiar thrum of the stones. However, the ring was effective, and the sounds and effects of the stones proved to be no more distracting than the buzz of florescent lights in an office building, or a mild facial twitch. Annoying yes, but easily forgotten.
It certainly wouldn't distract her from enjoying the beauty of these caves, at any rate! Kate made a mental note to drag Gimli here and show him, if he had not seen them already, along with Legolas. He'd like them, she thought, remembering he had told her that his people lived in an underground cave. It was obviously different than this but Kate knew he could still appreciate it, right? And of course, the caves did offer a certain level of privacy that the two of them had not been able to have in quite a while. It'd be nice to take a moment to talk… Kate blushed, pushing away the thoughts that she knew were beginning to become very indecent and hurried on with one last sweeping look. Duty first Kate, we've a job to do remember?
Kate made her way to the exit, stepping gingerly over a stalagmite that nearly caused her to fall earlier. Not today, buddy. She thought good humoredly, grabbing the rock wall for support as she navigated her way around the barely detectable vein of energy that ran through the caves like an invisible river. A dangerous, and incredibly painful river. But is it really dangerous? You've never really tested them out.
"Which, of course, I won't." She reiterated to herself, as if saying the thought a loud would reassure her.
The familiar clinking of the ring against the rock wall brought Kate back to the memory of the infuriating man who suggested such a thing in the first place… and the small amount of shame she felt at not immediately telling Aragorn or Legolas, or anyone about him afterward.
But what could she have said, in all honesty? What could be done for it?
Oh, hey Aragorn there was a weird ass man who seemed to know a lot more about me and you than I would have liked, and wants me to find a way to "use my gifts." He didn't threaten me, not directly, it just kind of sounded like a threat and he said that he doesn't work for Sauron or Saruman so I have no idea who he is actually. No, I don't know what you plan to do about it either. Good talk.
Kate sniffed. No, she'd just wait for Gandalf, like she had initially planned. Gandalf would know how to deal with it, it seemed more his level of jurisdiction anyway. But…why would he tell her not to try and test the limits…unless it was a very real possibility that she could? What exactly could she do?
Nothing. You can do nothing. Except…for travel through time…and to another world. And you're a rather adept medical professional. But, other than that, nothing. Absolutely nothing.
A small vine of guilt wound its way through Kate's stomach as she curiously reached down and ran her fingers over the vein of energy that would inevitably lead her to a portal. A small tingling in her toes and fingers was the only reaction she got for her experiment. Satisfied Kate walked on, resuming her normal path.
The ring had done, and was doing, exactly what Galadriel had said it would by dampening the effects of the portals and the veins near them that Kate barely noticed them now. What once used to deafen her with the roaring buzz in her ears and all but paralyze her was now nothing more than a mild buzz.
The rings had also worked for Boromir, relaxing the effects on him, she realized with the familiar twist of sadness that always came when she thought of him. Clearly it was the iridium itself and not anything to do with her…but how did it work? No one had actually told her that she had to wear them either, it was just a kind gift from Lady Galadriel, so that she wouldn't suffer.
Well why wouldn't you wear them, Kate? They really do help.
She tapped the ring absent mindedly against the wall, a thought forming in her mind. An experiment really, that was all. She just wanted to see if the ring really was as effective as she remembered. If it was then she would very obviously have to keep it on. There would be no reason to take it off or doubt what the Lady or Gandalf had said.
Slowly, she wriggled the ring off her finger, setting it carefully on the ground. As soon as she no longer touched the iridium the effects were noticeably stronger, and while she was sure the portal wasn't close enough to be of concern, the vein that she had been stepping around was certainly more obvious now!
She could sense two more on the other side, feeling the waves of them rolling throughout the cavern, oblivious to everyone but her. Kate frowned as her the twitching begin the closer she walked to the vein, the call of the stones echoing through the cavers.
It was mildly annoying to her how right the man was. She knew the ring dampened the effects she just hadn't realized it dampened them that much. It had been so long since she suffered through her last bout that she had forgotten what it was like. He was right though.
Kate couldn't help but wonder what else the rings minimized, and again she grew irritated, as she thought on what the man had said. But of course, he was right! It wasn't like she had been duped into wearing the rings. She hadn't, she willingly put them on because they stabilized her, calmed her, made it not hurt. Galadriel had said exactly what they were and what they'd do…but not where she got them.
What do you care if he was right?! You hate this whole thing, remember? You wanted it gone. Put the ring back on, Kate, this stones thing sucks. Remember how much it sucks? She scoffed at herself.
This whole thing was ridiculous, she couldn't do anything more than jump through stones. They weren't just any old stones either, they were specific! There were regulations on this whole thing, she knew, and nothing else she could do. The whole thing just sounded like a horrible science fiction novel. It wasn't real, she told herself again, walking back to the exit finally satisfied that she'd quashed this whole nonsense. She'd tell Gandalf when he got back and they'd all have a big laugh over a pint of ale.
Except, Kate wasn't satisfied.
She wouldn't be satisfied until she was sure. She needed to be sure. Because what if Gandalf didn't come back? What if the man did? She needed to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was nothing…within her that could harm her friends, or this world that had now become her home. She had to be sure. She had to be right, that was what it really was, if she were being honest with herself. But Kate was rarely ever that.
Determinedly she grabbed the ring and followed the vein to where she knew the inevitable stone circle would be. She picked her way further and further back into the caves, giving a friendly wave every now and then to the random people who passed by, but the further back she went the less people she saw and the darker it got.
She continued walking, navigating through the dim and ignoring the mild throbbing in her leg, telling herself that this wasn't stupid.
It's an experiment. Science. She told herself, but more pointedly she knew it was to prove a point. She wanted to prove that there was nothing to come of this.
That man had nothing on her to exploit, that Saruman certainly wouldn't need her, that Gandalf shouldn't have to look at her in such a way. That they were wrong; this was nothing, a parlor trick really and it would continue to be so.
In the dim, she felt it. So, powerful it was that even with the ring in her hand she was nearly brought to her knees. Kate backed up, breathing rapidly and cursing herself for not paying attention.
Finally calming herself enough to regain her composure, Kate stood, setting the ring on the cave floor and stood just outside the massive stone circle. It was bigger than one she'd ever seen, bigger even than Craigh Na Duhn and suddenly she wasn't so sure of this.
Bigger meant more energy, right? It felt like it had more energy. A lot more.
Kate couldn't bear to stand any longer, so she sat on the safety of the outside, ignoring the twitching and ripping she felt inside of her, the pull that begged her to go further, but she didn't dare go inside the circle. That she wasn't ready for.
She braced her arms on the ground, willing herself to just work through whatever this was, her ears ringing from the roaring of the stones.
Sweat starting to run in rivulets down her back and she was quite sure she would throw up any moment or pass out. She'd never been around it for this long, never withstood it so long, and for what?
"What am I even supposed to be doing?" She yelled in frustration. "Practice what? Use what?" How could she prove that this wasn't real if she didn't know what to do?
She dug her fingers in the dirt, urging herself to stay exactly where she was, to not leave before she knew for sure. Because it wasn't just for her, she needed to know she wouldn't hurt anyone.
She didn't want to be some thing that people had to manage. She didn't want to constantly have people thinking they could use her for what they thought she could do. She just wanted it to be over!
Kate couldn't be sure how long she had waited there, sensing more veins of energy pop up around the portal the longer she sat there, but it was too much! The pain, the sensory assault, it was all too much!
When she couldn't take it anymore she leaned over and emptied the entire contents of her stomach until there was nothing left and pitifully crawled away, not really keen on sitting next to her own vomit.
Terrible idea, Kate, really. The absolute worst you have ever had.
"Shit!" She swore loudly, after being zapped by a vein her hand and leaned on. "This is it. I'm done! There is nothing, Experiment done! This was stupid."
Angrily and stupidly she slapped down at the earth where the offending fault line sat in the earth, when something odd happened.
She expected a zap.
She expected pain.
She expected a surge of energy so great she'd either be thrown back or vomit again.
She did not expect it to move. But it did, bouncing back under her hand with as much give as a vein in a human body might.
Kate gulped, the shock of it seeming to mute out all other sound. Gingerly she pushed on the ground and when she felt nothing but the familiar and irritating zap of energy she pushed again, this time with more determined force.
There it was again.
"Well that is…an unexpected finding." She said in shock.
Kate focused, her brows furrowing in concentration as she explored this new finding, testing the difference in force. Then, once she was fairly confident that she could navigate this without sending herself hurtling through the stones or killing herself a thought formed in her mind.
Was it possible to move these? If she could manipulate them like this was it possible to move them. Kate sat back on her knees, wiping her hair out of her face, surveying the multitude of veins coming out of the stone circle.
She could practically see them in her minds' eye, these odd strings of energy weaving through the earth, weaving in and out.
She knew they had been there, she could always tell there were there but they had never been so obvious to her before. She had also never stuck around long enough to really look for them.
Ignoring the wave of nausea that swept over her Kate confidently bent down and plucked up the vein, grasping it firmly in her hand like it was the most natural thing to do.
She couldn't help the giggle that escaped from her mouth as she pulled the vein from the source, like pulling a loose thread from a sweater. Thrilled with how well this was going she absentmindedly Kate wondered if she kept pulling would the whole portal unravel?
Kate really laughed at that, yanking away at the vein, moving it where she wanted and then back again. It was thrilling to have that much power over something that had cast such a shadow over her her entire life! There was something so satisfying in this minor victory.
Standing there with this much energy running in and out of her hands she barely felt the pain anymore. A bubble of joy rose of in her. Why had she never done this before? She had no idea it could be like this! No idea that she could manipulate it like this! How hard would it be to be rid of it all together? Would it implode like a star? Or just simply disappear into oblivion?
What happened when she moved the veins? What were they really? Strands of time or the portals themselves? Or was it something less dramatic? Excitedly, her mind raced with theories and postulates of what they really were? Just what were these stones exactly? Where did they come from, and why were they there? Why were only a few people aware of them?
There had to be more information on this. How had she not looked into this before? How could she have been so close minded?! She would have to study these more, naturally. She'd have to do more experiments to really see what was happening, and she'd have to pract-
Practice, Kate.
His voice echoed through her head so suddenly she dropped the veins she'd collected in her hand, the sudden loss of energy making her stomach upturn and there she was, retching again.
A cold sweat washed over her and Kate quickly wiped her mouth and crawled over to where she'd left the ring, shoving it on to her finger without any gentleness, hoping that small action would absolve her from the shame that filled her now. It hadn't.
"I'm so stupid." She berated herself, teeth chattering. What a fool she was! She was doing exactly what he wanted and he didn't even have to try. But he'd said that after all, hadn't he? "You can't help yourself." That's what he had said, and she really couldn't could she? She couldn't just let things be she had to test the limits, to satisfy her aching need to be right!
But she wasn't right this time. She was wrong, so very wrong! What had she done?! This wasn't a toy that she could just play around with! What if these were veins of time, or lives that she'd been manipulating?! What if someone had died from just this small thing!
Kate quickly wiped away the panicked tears that were streaming down her face, mentally rebuking herself.
She hated herself for this! How could she be so stupid?
She had done exactly what Gandalf had told her not to and worse of all…she liked it. She stood up, shakily dusting the dirt of her leggings and hurried out of the cave, twisting the ring nervously on her hand.
Perhaps that was the only reason she had felt such shame, because she did like it…and there was a driving need in her now to know how far she could have gone with it, to get answers. It was like any animal tasting blood for the first time…they'd know, and they'd always want it. And now she knew and there was no denying the part of her that wanted to go back, wanted to taste that power again…
But, she was not doing that again, she reminded herself.
She'd be stronger.
She would not take that ring off again. Because she knew if she took it off again it would stay off, and she'd be right back here where she shouldn't be, twisting and pulling cutting strings just like the Fates, all to satisfy her own curiosity.
She was disgusted with herself. Why had she done such a thing? She never cared before! Truly Kate knew it was all because of that damned man! That cursed man who put these stupid ideas in her head.
Kate swore again, loud enough that people could hear her now, and frown openly. She'd have to tell Aragorn now. She'd have to.
Oh, and she knew what he'd say, he'd been right there when Gandalf expressly told her not to.
Her shoulders slumped as she imagined how that conversation would go. She did not want to have to tell Aragorn what a stupid, idiotic, selfish horrible thing she'd done. She felt like a child, waiting for the inevitable punishment her actions would bring.
Though… perhaps she hadn't really done anything. Perhaps it was simply streams of energy she was moving and nothing more she tried to reason with herself.
Somehow, she knew Aragorn wouldn't see it that way and she couldn't bear to disappoint him again, not after she'd stuck her foot in her mouth earlier. Kate grumped again, stomping her way through the cave until she'd reached the outside, panting and sweating despite the cool of the day. Defying direct instructs and self-loathing really takes it out of you, huh?
Self-loathing or none, Kate knew she would have to tell someone soon now that she'd mucked this up. Legolas would be more understanding…she was sure he'd think she was every bit the fool she was, and that he more than likely would reconsider his previous sentiments…but he was her friend first and foremost and she could really use a friend right now. Just to talk. Just to hear him tell her that she hadn't ruined everything, and it would be ok. She'd tell him everything this time…she would.
Walking up the stone steps to grab another basket of supplies, Kate formulated her story. She had her apology all scripted out, and a plan to right the wrong that had been done. It would be fine, she was sure.
She'd tell Aragorn, he'd lecture and yell and give her angry eyes for a while and then it would be fine. Then he'd tell Gandalf who would more or less do the same, perhaps with more yelling, and then the blessed wizard would have it sorted.
This was a mistake, a colossal mistake but not an irreparable one.
She wouldn't do it again.
It would be fine, she told herself, yet again, lifting up a basket of food to continue on with the tasks for today only to have another take it from her. Kate looked up, yanking the basket back before realizing who it was.
"Oh, sorry." Kate mumbled, releasing the basket to Eowyn who made a mental inventory of the contents before setting it down in a corner.
"You should rest now. Your wound must surely be causing you pain." The lady said coolly, rummaging through the contents of another basket. Kate slumped, wondering how bad she must look. Just pin a Scarlett letter on me and call it a day.
"I'm fine." Kate grunted, grabbing another basket and handing it to Eowyn. "It's good to keep moving anyway, and it's a good distraction." Eowyn nodded, waving Kate along to help her grab a few more baskets from the other side of the courtyard.
"If a distraction is what is needed, then perhaps you should have stayed and fought while you had the chance." There was an edge to her voice that grated against an already unnerved Kate. Was she really annoyed that Kate didn't fight?
Kate exhaled through her nose, her mouth pinched shut in annoyance as she handed over another sparse looking basket of blankets. Eowyn took the basket, not meeting her gaze and moved it over to another corner where beddings, blankets and extra quilts were being stored. Slowly things were being organized.
"It's true." Kate grinded out, every fiber of her being hating to admit aloud her areas of weakness. "I did not argue when Aragorn said I shouldn't fight today. Wouldn't have done much good to argue with him, especially after that…display you witnessed. He'd gotten his fair share of irritating niece that day." Eowyn blinked at Kate in surprise before grabbing a crate full of squawking chickens and moving it closer to where the food was being gathered.
"One would think it was cowardice that sent you running instead of fighting beside those you love. You do not strike me as a woman who dutifully listens to every command a man gives." You have no idea.
"Well, one can bite me." Kate snipped, passing more supplies to the woman but having the sense to look sorry for the outburst. A flash of surprise across Eowyn's was quickly replaced with subdued amusement. "Sorry. It wasn't cowardice. I mean, I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to run out and greet them but I fight when I have to! I've been in fights, I got this from a fight!"
Eowyn watched the woman with concealed amusement, her face betraying nothing as she busied herself with her task.
"Lady Kate…I do not mean to cause offense but …you are an odd woman."
"I know." Kate slumped rubbing a tired hand across her face. She suddenly felt the weight of the day as her shoulders sagged; she was exhausted. "Sorry…I just am tired. And I do…I'm not a coward. I'll fight if I have to but I'm not a fighter, really. I've got some skill, yes, but I've been out of practice for some time, and my sword is being fixed…and honestly, I'm a just not a fighter. I don't want to hurt anyone, I want to help people, I'm better suited for the bedside than the battlefield."
"There is honor in that." Eowyn said after a moment, considering the woman's words carefully and finding no fault in them. They were honest, if anything. "Your uncle does not find you irritating." She added. Kate snorted, prompting another raised eyebrow from Eowyn.
"Maybe not all the time, but about a good eighty percent of the time probably. And likely a lot more so after I tell him what I have to." Kate groaned, folding up a misplaced blanket and putting it in its correct place.
"Oh, so you will tell him of your courtship with the Elf then? I had wondered if you would." Eowyn asked without missing a beat. Kate could feel her stomach flip at the shock, as she gaped at the lady with rapidly blinking eyes.
"My c-courtship? No! No, I…no, that is not it."
"You are not courting? Certainly, the elves need no instruction in healing from the humans, at least that has not been my experience, so I can't imagine what the two of you could possibly be doing." She was teasing, and Kate's face softened now, relaxing at the unexpected friendly gesture, even if it was at her expense.
"We, are…well…I don't actually know. It's a relatively recent development, as it were." Kate said, feeling her cheeks warming. She knew this whole time!
"Recent? How recent? He was in your room after all!" Eowyn laughed, grabbing an armful of linens from another man. "Oh, thank you! These would make good bandages, would you agree?"
"Oh, yeah, those would be great, just set them over there, I'll grab them once it's all sorted." Kate nodded, and continued. "And it wasn't like that, we are friends. Elves don't, well I don't think that they are like that. We had only just…discussed those feelings." Eowyn blinked surprised and then laughed, much to Kate's chagrin.
"I really did interrupt then, didn't I? That is recent!" She laughed again, shaking her head. "Well, I hope you will forgive me for interrupting your lesson."
"Well, only if you promise not to do it again." Kate joked, laughing herself. It was nice to have someone to talk to about this…even if they had only just really talked for the first time now.
However surprising that revelation had been, it had broken the ice and the longer the spent together, sorting the supplies, the more Kate realized she quite liked Eowyn! She was quick witted, and wry humored, and her strong and determined presence made Kate regard the Lady Eowyn differently than she had at first.
"It has been far too long since I have had another woman to practice with, let alone the time, but if we both have the freedom, I would not be opposed to sparing with you, if it might give you more practice." Eowyn said, taking a basket from Kate and glimpsing into a barely filled basket of bread and sighing in frustration. "Where is the rest?"
"This was all we could save, my lady." A man replied as Eowyn breezed pass, stress across her face. There was definitely not going to be enough food.
"Take it to the caves." She replied simply. Kate bit her lip, scanning the crowd. So many people…and Eowyn felt the weight of all them on her shoulders.
"Make way for the king!" A shout rang out and relief washed over Kate, nearly bringing her to her knees as her eyes met Eowyn's.
"Their back!" Kate breathed. The two women rushed through the stone halls, their shared excitement spurring them on as shouts of the king's arrival continued to echo through air.
Kate's heart was in her throat as she scanned the crowds for her three. There was Legolas and Gimli, on the back as always. No sign of Aragorn…where was he? Probably at the back, making sure the wounded are all right. She reasoned, still searching.
"So few… so few of you have returned." Eowyn remarked and Kate knew she also searched for Aragorn.
"Legolas, Gimli!" Kate shouted, waving her hand. Where was Aragorn?! Not sure why I'm so eager to dole out my own punishment from my uncle. Not super ready to get that withering stare from him. "Hey!" Kate waved, her smile falling from her face as she watched Legolas dismount the horse and walk away without even a glance in her direction.
"Our people are safe. We have paid for it with many lives." She heard Théoden answer.
"What's wrong with Legolas?" Kate asked Gimli, who looked at the ground as he walked up to the women. Kate knew Legolas generally liked a moment or two to himself after a fight but…he wouldn't even look at her. Why?
"My lady…" Gimli choked out, his eyes rimmed red as he stood tall. The air grew thick around her as Gimli tried his best to school his features. She knew that face. She'd worn that face.
It was the face you made when you were about to give very bad news to loved ones.
"No." She breathed out, feeling as if the air in her lungs was being pulled from her.
"Lord Aragorn…where is he?" Eowyn asked. Kate barely heard the dwarves reply as she took a dizzying step back. No, no no no. Please, please please no. Please no.
"He fell." The dwarf explained, his voice hoarse from constrained tears.
Kate couldn't breathe, couldn't move, couldn't think. She barely registered Gimli explaining the events of what had happened, the sound of her own heartbeat was so loud in her ears.
Finally, she gasped out a breath after her lungs were well past burning and she wiped away tears that fell.
"Where is he?" Kate asked, her throat straining against the words.
"H-he fell, lass. He's gone." Gimli couldn't stop the small sob that escaped his mouth, dipping his head to avoid the prying eyes of the onlookers. People were everywhere, watching, looking for their own loved ones…and waiting to hear of the fate of Aragorn who had already been so respected by these people.
Kate, pushed the palms of her hands over her eyes willing her not to cry. Not here, not in front of all of these people.
"No. No, the…where is he?"
"He went over. We could not see him, lass, not even the elf could get eyes on his body."
Kate felt a dizzying lightheadedness come over her. No, this isn't real. This isn't happening, where are not talking about this right now.
"Are you alright. Injured?" She asked quickly, she needed to leave, she couldn't breathe.
"Uh, no-I. I am not injured." The dwarf replied, and Kate felt her eyes fill with tears, angrily wiping them away. "I am sorry. I know it will do nothing for you, but I am sorry nonetheless. I loved the man." He added.
She nodded her thanks, unable to speak again and then turned on her heels, walking as fast as she could to any room that would even be close to private, a difficult task at the current moment.
This is your fault. You did this. You were too busy playing mad scientist and you killed him. What have you done Kate? You've killed him.
How could this be her fault? She couldn't possibly have done this?! But…there was room for doubt and that was enough to crush her….the thought that she could have….
Pushing open every door she could find, she finally barged into what looked like a cellar, the room was empty, save for one elf who's arms held himself against the wall, head cast down.
"Leave me." He growled, not even bothering to look up. Kate had never heard him sound so threatening…never seen him look so broken. But Kate didn't move, how could she? "I said, leave me!" He yelled, whirling around until he faced her. When he saw that is was Kate his face fell, crumpling right in front of her and he reached out for her, but drew his hand back just as quickly. Would she be angry? Blame him for Aragorn's loss? He turned around, his back to her. He would not mourn two losses today.
Kate walked over to the elf, slowly, and laid a hand on his back, gaging his reaction before wrapping his arms as best she could around him. Now she could not stop the tears that spilled from her eyes as Legolas turned and pulled her against his chest, the two of them lost in the other's grief.
The mourned the same person, they had their own sadness, but also for the other's loss. Legolas, for the loss of Kate's uncle, father figure and the only family she had ever had, and the loss of whatever future kinship they'd have. Kate for the loss of Legolas' dearest and most loyal friend, she knew how much he loved Aragorn. She knew that if Legolas had seen it he would have thrown himself over in hopes to save Aragorn.
After what seemed like hours, Kate could not cry anymore. Legolas had long since ceased and the two now sat on the floor of the cellar in silence, wrapped in each other's arms.
"Still want me to leave?" Kate asked quietly after the silence became too much.
"I did not mean that." Legolas sighed, smoothing his tousled hair. "I did not realize it was you." Kate stared up at him, wondering how bad off he must be to not have even heard her. He did look tired, and altogether miserable.
"I know…I was joking…not really funny though." She muttered, as Legolas hummed in understanding, his lips pressed against the top of her head. "I suppose…we should make arrangements…. someone should tell Arwen…"
"That can wait."
"She needs to know." Kate insisted tiredly. She was not sure how middle earth did funerals here, how would you start to arrange them?
Kate heaved another sigh, hoping to fight back another onslaught of tears. Even as she thought it she knew that was not what Aragorn would have wanted. He made a promise to Gandalf the Helm's Deep would not fall…she needed to make sure he would be able to keep that promise. He would want them to soldier on, not fall to pieces. He would want these people safe, and to mourn once it was all over. She knew what he would want, but it was not so easy to soldier on without Aragorn to lead the way. What would they do now?
Legolas sighed, sitting forward to rest his head in his hands.
"It will kill her Kate." He said finally, his voice wavering ever so slightly. "I will tell her but…give it time…allow it time." Kate nodded understanding now his insistence.
"Yeah. You're right." She replied, leaning back against the wall, the two of them sinking into silence once more.
"It does not…feel possible." Legolas whispered, to no one in particular. Again, the silence washed over them, thick with grief and exhaustion. What use were words? It seemed so cold to talk of other things when Aragorn was… he couldn't even think it. And yet…time moved on…there was a war on its way, he could feel it drawing closer. The must ready themselves. "Tomorrow, Gimli and myself are to meet with King Theoden to discuss the defenses. He seems confident that they will hold." He said, with little confidence of his own. Walls do not stand forever. Kate snorted, echoing his sentiment, and his lip turned up in amusement, pleased that they were in agreement over the matter, at the least.
"Short meeting then." She quipped sullenly. "I have to speak with him myself."
"About?"
"About a medical team. I just have been thinking it would be a good idea to have a few people who were trained, that could help during the war. I just, have an idea, to help those who are injured during this coming war…but I can't do it by myself and we wouldn't be stuck in the caves, so I'm not sure how well received that would be."
"Ah, yes I see. It would be a good thing, and not an uncommon practice…though…it would put you close to the battle." Legolas trailed off. That he did not want.
"Yes, I'd probably scope out a reasonable area but…I think it would be good. We'll see." Legolas nodded in agreement, but pulled her closer to him now. "Of course, all that won't be for anything if we haven't got the medicine to treat anyone. I just need more people to help…it would be a pretty big undertaking…but if we could help that many more people…hmm."
"It is dark. You should sleep now, Kate." Legolas mused, combing through her tangled hair with his gentle fingers.
"So, should you." She retorted. She was too heartbroken to sleep, but she felt exhausted. "I think…we should, maybe I'll just stay…for a moment more."
"It can wait till the morning." Legolas agreed. "There will always be duties awaiting us in the morning." Kate hummed in agreement, relaxing only slightly as Legolas continued running his fingers through her hair.
Kate swallowed, forcing the lump in her throat down as she thought again of the events of today. What a terrible day. It has to be a dream, this whole impossible, horrible day…it must be a dream.
Legolas stayed with her, holding her until she had fallen into a fitful sleep and well after, taking comfort in her presence. Had this been a happier moment he would have been delighted that she sought comfort in him, felt close enough to him that they might share their sadness together. He would have been hopeful for their future…but it was not a happier moment.
No, at this moment he felt nothing but grief, shock and despair. A part of him, a young and irrational part, wondered if this was his punishment. The loss of his friend for greedily reaching for the one thing he should not have. Were the old alliances truly so lost now that to be desirous of a friendship with man and the hope of something more with a woman was seen as grasping? Perhaps it was… Would the Valar be so cruel? He couldn't imagine so but then…he couldn't be sure. He couldn't be sure of anything now…he had never even considered the possibility of Aragorn falling in battle, and in such a way…and they had left him.
It amazed him, constantly, the frailty and finality of human life; it hardly seemed fair really. They only seemed to start their lives on this earth, then to lose it just as quickly. Again, he pulled her closer to him, and closed his eyes.
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There was a brief moment in between waking and sleep, where Kate had forgotten. A merciful moment where the events of yesterday were nonexistent. She hadn't made such a mistake, she hadn't lost Aragorn…but she had, and she did. Just as quickly as her eyes opened the realization hit her and a fresh wave of nausea rolled over her. With a groan she rubbed her face, arching her back to relive her aching muscles and stood, ignoring the cracking in her joints.
She stood in the middle of the room, not wanting to leave the solitude of the cellar. Legolas was no longer there and he would not have faulted her if she chose to stay her, mourn for a moment longer. However, she did not have that luxury. She needed to check on the people she had taken care of on the way over, specifically Bergil's father, and she had wanted to speak with King Theoden, pitch her idea to him. There was much to do…there was always much to do in a place like this.
With one last sigh, she pushed her heartache to the sighed and opened the cellar door, hoping to track down some breakfast and some soap to wash her face. She blinked against the light of the too bright sun and headed up the stairs.
"I had thought you would still be sleeping?" Legolas said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere with a pitcher of water and a plate of food. Kate's stomach rumbled immediately at the sight of the roll, a large hunk of cheese melting inside.
"Thanks." Kate replied, her voice hoarse. "No, no time to sleep. Lots to do." Legolas smiled, motioning for her to eat as he leaned against the wall casually. Kate took a bite, but was less than satisfied. She was sure it was delicious, but food didn't quite hold the same delight for her now. Kate pantomimed splitting the roll, wordlessly asking, Legolas if he wanted some to which the elf shook his head laughing to himself.
"You look…chipper." She noticed, swallowing the last of her breakfast and taking the pitcher to rinse her hands. No soap, she realized, shrugging and taking a handful of water to splash on her face.
"I have had a dream." Legolas said smiling.
"Must have been some dream."
"Yes…I dreamt that Aragorn was alive…that he would be here by this morning." Kate was thankful that the shock of the cold water hid her disbelief as she listened to Legolas's dream. She'd heard that elves had the gift of foresight but she had never known Legolas to have it.
"And this dream…is what made you so happy?"
"Yes. I believe that he is with us still, I feel that it is true." Legolas said excitedly. "It gives me hope."
Kate nodded, not meeting his gaze as she splashed another handful of water over her face, feeling a bit more awake now. She didn't want to tell him…but the likelihood of him coming back, after falling off a cliff and then walking back to Helm's Deep? It was nearly impossible! But there was the smallest chance, that it could be possible… Don't do that, don't give yourself hope. He's not coming back Kate. She could have told him that, could have explained exactly what a fall like that does to a person's body and just how unlikely it was that Aragorn was ever coming back…but instead she gave him the best smile she could muster.
"Yea. Ok." She choked out, still not quite able to meet his gaze.
Legolas smiled, his hands cupping her face and tilting it upward so that he could look into her eyes, red rimmed and bloodshot from a night of crying.
"It is ok that you hold no hope for yourself in this." Legolas said softly, his thumb running a long her cheek. "You need not protect me from your doubt, I am sure I know the thoughts that run through your mind. It is alright, I will hope for the both of us, Kate." He leaned down, kissing her lips without a care that they were in a crowded hall, with people milling about and casting a glance here and there. It did not matter. They were celebrating.
It was short, sweet, and full of unspoken promises that the two of them wouldn't dare to speak aloud just yet. Kate wiped her eyes as discreetly as she could. No, she didn't hold any hope in this, but that was the thing about Legolas…he had everything she lacked. His optimism and strength and Kindness, how openhearted he was… he was all that where Kate was unsure, pessimistic, obviously weak willed and at times rather selfish. She could not for the life of her, understand why he cared for her… but she would treasure every moment that she held his affections, such a gift they were!
"I am afraid I must leave now. Will you be well?"
"No, not when you kiss me and leave. I will certainly not be well."
"Well then I shall promise to make it up to you as best I can!" Legolas laughed, a sound that seemed so odd considering the situation they were in. He really does believe there is hope, doesn't he? "Gimli and I are meeting with King Theoden, as I told you. Would you like me to submit a request on your behalf, to speak with him as well?"
"Yes, if you wouldn't mind. How long do you think you're meeting will take?"
"I know not. Most of the morning, I imagine."
"Well, then I think I'd like to take the morning and check up on some patients, just make sure they're doing well. Should I meet you around midday?"
"Yes, at the door to the Kings Hall. I will wait there." Kate said her farewell, ignoring the curious eyes that followed her now as she wound her way around the halls, first to hunt down her pack and then to find those that she had healed on the way to Helm's Deep.
Most had been doing fine, needing little to know help, but at midday drew near, Kate was growing more and more concerned when she could find neither Bergil or his father. When she inquired after them, people just shrugged, pointing in this direction and that, leading her no closer to the pair than she had been that day.
"Oh!" She let out a startled yelp as a young boy nearly bowled her over rounding the corner. "Please, look where you're going. Too many people in here." Kate called, sounding more cross than she meant.
"My apologies, m'lady. I didna see you there." The boy called back, brows furrowed in sincerity. When Kate looked up, seeing his face for the first time she frowned, swearing she had seen him before. Something was so familiar!
"Quite alright. I'm fine, just a word of warning. Oh, perhaps you could help me. I'm looking for a young man, named Bergil? I treated his father a few days ago and I had hoped to look in after them? Make sure he was doing well."
"Oh, aye Bergill. I know 'im. Follow me, I'll show you where their sleeping for now." He smiled, motioning for Kate to follow him. Again, Kate was struck by how familiar he seemed, but she could not put a finger on it.
"Thank you! I've been looking all morning!"
"Aye, least I could do!" He shrugged, leading the way through the winding halls of the fortress and weaving in and out of the crowd of people. Finally, she found them, and she breathed a sigh of relief. They looked well!
"Kieran! Lady Kate, good to see you. I've your sword sharpened, but I'll need to wait till we are back in Rohan to fix it proper for you. Not really the space to work here, as you can see. Wouldn't want the anyone pinching my secrets!"
"Certainly not! Take your time, I appreciate the efforts."
"Aye, or course. What are you doing with the likes of him." The boy asked, playfully throwing a punch to her guide.
"She was looking for you, runt! Can't imagine why!" Kieran jeered back, dodging the punch and playfully grabbing Bergil into a headlock, running his knuckles over his head mercilessly.
Bergil's father sighed, rolling his eyes at the boys.
"As I said, I was hoping to have a look at how you were doing, sir." Kate explained, setting her packing down and kneeling on the stone floor. They had found a small corner that allowed room for the man's cot and was also, much warmer than the rest, lighted up by a bright patch of sun that shone on them now. Well done, Bergil. Kate thought appreciatively.
"Oh, I feel a good deal better." The father announced, and he did, the color was back in his face, and he seemed more alert. Bergil had, it seemed, done a fair job of cleaning the pressure injury, but the man's cough still concerned her. She longed for her stethoscope to listen to his lungs, she was sure she of what she'd her and with the slight edema in the man's legs she was not entirely convinced he was as well off as he stated. "I am sorry to hear about the Lord Aragorn. He seemed a good man. Sorry for your loss."
Kate's face fell and she thanked him, giving about as good of a smile as she could manage. She couldn't talk about it…didn't want to even think about it.
After as best an assessment as she could give, Kate handed the boy another mixture of herbs that would help as a diuretic. There was not much else she could do at the present moment, as both father and son insisted the father was doing quite well, which he was. Still…
"Hey, how do I look?" Kieran asked putting on an old soldier helmet he'd found lying about.
"Looks like your heads too big for it." Bergil quipped, making Kate laugh despite herself. "Been training as a soldier for not even a month and 'e thinks he's one of the King's Rohirim!" And then suddenly Kate's laughter caught in her throat. She had seen that boy before, only recognizing him now with the helmet on him…the very helmet he's be wearing when he died on the operating table…on earth.
Kate shook her head as she added her items back into her back, glancing back at Kieran several times to gawk. This couldn't be the same boy? How could she be sure…she had spent more time looking at his intestines rather than his face, to be fair, they must have only looked similar. Perhaps it was her grief, making her see things that weren't there? But of course, that wasn't true…it was the same boy. She knew it.
The memory of the boy lying on the stretcher as he was wheeled into their hospital, screaming and pleading for his life was so different than the playful and overly confident teen she saw in front of her now.
"Um, so, of course, just come find me if he worsens or there is anything your worried over, alright?" She directed, trying her best not to gawk at Kieran and not appear like the flustered mess she felt like.
"Ay, my lady. I thank you." Bergil nodded, confident that whatever he had planned for her sword would cover this debt too.
"Pleased to meet you, my lady. You can find your way back alright?" Kieran asked, pulling off the helmet and brushing the sandy blonde hair out of his eyes.
"Yes, I'll be alright." Kate replied, forcing herself to stop gawking. Unbelievable… Walking away she remembered the words he shouted out just before the sedative had done its job.
"The wall is down! The wall has fallen! The orcs are getting in!" Her blood ran cold, and the hair on her arms stood on end as she made the ascent to Theoden's hall and the top of Helm's Deep great wall came into focus. A wall that Theoden swore would withstand any assault. A wall he had bet his lives and the lives of every citizen of Rohan on, men, women, children…A wall that would fall.
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"Well, you have certainly put a lot of thought into this." Theoden answered after Kate had finished her pitch. She supposed she should have felt grateful to the king, for agreeing to meet with her, but all she felt was disdain. He was the one who felt it was appropriate to leave the bodies of the dead where they lie. Aragorn's body. Perhaps she would have been forgiving if it had not been well past midday, with no sign of Aragorn.
She knew there wouldn't be, but after seeing how much Legolas believed it to be true she couldn't help the small hope that wormed its way into her heart…that had now been affectively stamped out.
Even still, Legolas was waiting outside the very hall she stood in now, waiting for Aragorn. Kate didn't want to think about how it would crush him when Aragorn did not return, and if she were being honest, how much it would crush her.
"Yes, I have, your highness. I think you'll find it would be in the best interest of your people and would minimize preventable losses. As I said, I only need a few women who would be willing to help, that would stay out of the caves with me, to assist. They would learn a great deal and be able to carry that knowledge on, to further assist your people in the future." Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Theoden frowned, wearily scratching the back of his neck as contemplated the woman's plan.
"How many is a few? You would have only days to show them skills that took you years to learn, it would not be wise to look over more than five at the most."
"I realize that, your highness, but beggars can't be choosers. I mean to say, we've got to do the best we can with what we've got."
"I see…and should these women, during the thick of battle, realize that they are not able to handle the carnage that they would witness, what then?" He asked, poking holes in her carefully laid out plan. "Once the cave is sealed it remains that way until the battle is over, they will not be able to enter into its safety? And how will you manage a hysterical woman and an ailing soldier?"
"Well…they will…have to tough it out." Kate stammered, berating herself for not thinking of that possibility. These were not medical professionals…they likely would never have seen wounds that they would see during this war. Hell, she'd probably never seen wounds such as this. She barely knew where to start on her own and now she was attempting to teach triage and advanced medical skills to people she weren't entirely sure would handle it well.
"Tough it out? Have you been in a war, Lady Kate?" He asked, knowing full well she hadn't.
"I have fought before, alongside my uncle and those I arrived here with."
"Yes, I'm sure you fought in battles, the odd skirmish here or there… but not a war! Not a war that could go on for hours, the whole night, days even! You would surely grow tired."
"Yes, that is why I am asking for a few to stay behind and assist me. We would not be in the middle of the battle, we'll remain in the keep." Kate replied, reigning in her frustration as best she could. "I believe that you doubt the hardiness of these women without giving them much credit as they surely will be the ones to pick the dead off the battlefields, arrange their bodies for burial, surely they will have seen the effects of war on its people. They will not shirk away from the chance to prevent even a handful of those tragedies, not if we find the right women. I have spoken with the Lady Eowyn who has given me the names of women she believes are up to the challenge. I trust her judgement." Gamling gave an uncomfortable cough for beside the King.
Theoden considered this for a moment and then smiled, as one would to a child who begged for a sweet.
"Give me the day to consider your request and we will see, shall we? Of course, you are basing this plan on the assumption that there will be hundreds of injured soldiers when that will not be. These walls have long since held back any and all forces that would seek to stamp us out and we have endured all the while, with minimal loss. Do not fret." He plied, as kindly as he could. He had not meant to cause offense, Kate knew that he meant to be reassuring, but she hadn't taken it that way!
"With all due respect, your highness, you are gambling the lives of your people on a wall! Walls are not meant to be permanent. Even rock can break giving enough force. You cannot put your entire defense strategy and confidence in a wall, it's ludicrous! You need a plan in place should the defense not hold." Kate seethed.
Already, the idea of coming to Helm's Deep had seemed ridiculous but now that she knew this wall would fall, she could not believe that this King was so confident as to not further prepare! The Titanic was supposed to be unsinkable too and look how well that turned out? Not so bloody well for Jack, eh Rose?!
The hall had grown so quiet from her outburst, she could have heard a pin drop. Gamling shifted uncomfortably, looking back and forth between the woman and his king, waiting for an order. The King leveled her unbothered glance, which somehow was more unsettling than if he would have been glaring and screaming at her.
"Consider this a testament to the respect I held for your uncle that I excuse this outburst as a symptom of your grief." The King replied at long last, his voice unwaveringly calm but holding all the weight of a King, for a king he was. "I will not be so gracious the next time you forget yourself."
Kate stared at the ground, thoroughly humbled, but still incensed!
"Forgive me. I misspoke." She apologized through gritted teeth. Theoden waved his hand, dismissing the matter.
"You did, and now we have heard all that I need to hear. I will consider the matter and let you know. But know that I will not force anyone to stay, those who wish to take shelter may do so and shall not be coerced into your service. Is that understood?"
"Yes, your grace. I understand" She responded, not able to meet his gaze and hoping her face was not as beat red as she felt it was.
"You may go." Kate turned, a fresh wave of anger and embarrassment washing over her at her dismissal. I need a muzzle. Truly, I do. Walking with her head down, she did not bother to look up as the door opened, not feeling quiet as social at the moment. Though, it seemed only fair to give a warning to whoever was coming in that she'd soured the King's mood. A heads up would be the least she cou-
A strangled cry left her throat, as she stood frozen to the floor.
There he was. Just as Legolas said. Despite all what Kate believe, despite probability…Aragorn was there, standing in the doorway, shoulders heaving.
"Aragorn?" She breathed, hardly able to believe it. First that he was dead, and now very much alive. She walked over to him, touching his arms just to feel solid body, to know that he was real and she was not imagining him. He smiled to Kate, giving a nod to confirm that he really was alive and then turned to the King.
"Gather you men. War is upon us."