Max fucking Caulfield. Of course, the universe would deem fit to match me with the most hipster loser ever, as my soulmate crush. Why the fuck do butterflies appear in my stomach when I see Max tuck a stray hair behind her ear? Or when she does something that's so like her dorky-self, like snorting through her nose when Warren makes some lame-ass puns as a pathetic show of impressing her? (fyi, I was NOT eavesdropping on them). Or when she suddenly stops and kneels, in the middle of a busy pathway, to capture a shot of a fluttering blue butterfly, and then blushes furiously because she almost got knocked down by the druggy skater boy? (fyi, I was NOT secretly observing them).

She's just so..different from everybody in this god-forsaken academy. She's like a fish out of water, a weird puzzle piece in a jigsaw puzzle. She doesn't fit. But somehow, she seems to attract a lot of attention and brings out the best in people, even if she doesn't do it for herself. For example, poor biblical Kate, who was such a quiet, insecure girl in the first lesson. But after meeting Max, and having a couple of tea sessions with her, Kate spoke out more in class, she seemed more bubbly, cheerful, and started talking to other loners in class, like Alyssa, and Stella. Like what the fuck. Is Max fucking Jesus or something? How the hell did this hipster transform Kate into some cheerleader? How did she make Alyssa grow big enough balls to snap back at me? She managed to cheat my social hierarchy system (that I created with my blood and sweat, mind you), and created this whole other, 'fairy and candy' system, where everybody is so fucking jolly, and everything is sunshine and rainbows, by just purely using her hipster charm.

I mean, I can see why her hipster charm works. The way she seems to look at you like you're a real genuine person; a person with a complicated life, and just goes along with you. I don't know if that makes sense. Probably not. I don't know how else to describe it. No judgement, pity or arrogance. Just shake her hand and you probably just made friends with Jesus. I can't believe I typed Jesus twice in this essay.

But, she is a dumbass for sure, because of how she sees herself as a person unworthy of attention, judging by her shy attitude crap. Sometimes, it makes me want to slap her out of it, to make her see herself for who she truly is, not the shell she portrays to the world. (well, that sounded cringey).

I realise that, she makes people feel special. Like how she attunes to you, cataloguing your likes and dislikes, and takes it very seriously. Like how she gave Kate a beautiful tea set as a birthday present and gave Alyssa some of her trashy rock albums as a random gesture of kindness. It's weird. And well, kinda impressive, in this day and age. She revived chivalry. She's like a knight in shining armour, who came to save everyone from 'Vicious Victoria' (that does have a nice ring to it), with her mysterious hipster charm. She can honestly charm my panties right off.

I mean, seriously, have you seen her bewitching doe eyes? They're so goddamn blue. Bright, guileless, blue eyes. It's akin to the Van Gogh's Starry Night. The way you can stare at it and fall off into the deep end of the sea. That's why I can't hold a complete conversation with her. I have to end it quickly with a snarky remark, or else I'll end up as a pile of goo on the floor. How pathetic.

I just wish she'd stop being so…Max-y. Like her terrible dancing.

Once, during a moment of insanity, I took a sneak peek at her since her room door was left ajar. It's not like I purposely did it.

There she was, drunk off her ass, swinging an empty beer bottle around, dancing in a little dorky dance, arms and legs unsynchronised, as if she never danced before in her life. It was definitely one of those 'jaw-dropping' moments in my life. Max being wild, free of her shyness, and in her element of dorkiness, was something of a rare sight. It made me feel privy to her true self, the self that she only showed to her closest friends. Strangely, I wanted to see more of it.

Now, every time I see her, I remember her little dorky dance, and secretly smile to myself. Oh Max.

If her dancing wasn't horrible enough, her sense of style would make me gag on the spot, if it wasn't for her dorkiness which, might be her only redeeming quality. A pink shirt, a hoodie, and some generic jeans, and poof! You've got Max Caulfield. Though, her simple outfits, do add to her general charm of innocence. And the fact that she doesn't care about what anyone thinks, to continue dressing in her plain clothes - even after my harsh (but necessary) fashion criticism - makes her admirable. She carves out her own pathway, and she doesn't notice people following in her steps. Like an oblivious Hercules. It makes me jealous; and in awe, of her.

Gosh, I can't believe I'm fangirling over Max! A retrograde hipster! But an endearing one, nevertheless, especially with her weird hipster language. Like if she sees something that amuses her, she'll say 'Wowzers' or 'That's cereal!'. That's so hipster, it's adorkable. Fuck me.

Max is cute. I'll give her that.

And bold.

And benevolent,

Not to mention her great photogenic camera eyes. Honestly, what else should there be?

Ugh. At the rate of absurdity I'm going at with my infatuation with Maxine, I might as well call Warren to date him.

Can anyone imagine this turn of events? Probably not. Not even in Max's darkest fantasies, given how innocent the little dork is. Honestly, I don't know what to do with myself, or how to maintain my 'Queen Bitch' façade in front of Max, with all the fucking butterflies in my stomach and my heart thudding in my chest, every time I see her. Thanks to my daily 'I hate Max Caulfield' mantras, I manage to look like the fashionable bully that I rightfully am, without once losing my composure in front of Max. I should win an Oscar for that.

Maybe, hopefully, Cupid would wake up from his hibernation and hit Maxine Caulfield with his gay-as-fuck arrow so that we all can live happily ever after and this gloom that's settled over me, ever since I realised my infatuation with Max, can finally disappear.

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My chivalrous knight, can't you save me too?