"With every step I take
The less I know myself
And every vow I break on my way towards your heart
Countless times I've prayed
For forgiveness
But Gods just laughed at my face
And this path remains
Leading me into solitudes arms

I see through the darkness
My way back home
The journey seems endless
But I'll carry on
The shadows will rise
And they will fall
And our night drowns in dawn

Amidst all the tears there's a smile
That all angels will greet with an envious song
One look into your eyes
And I know where I belong" The Path by HIM

Chapter 16

I don't know how long exactly we've been on the road but I do know I was able to get a full nights sleep by the time Natasha is shaking me awake.

"Cmon, we're here." I help her grab our bags out of the back of the SUV we drove here in.

The safe house we're at looks like a pretty basic cabin in the woods, no neighbors to be seen.

"We didn't go very far away did we?" She unlocks the front door of the cabin and I follow her inside. It's cozy inside, furnished in a way that makes it seem like someone's actually living here.

"Only about eleven hours away from the compound. Figured it better to stick to a closer place in case we're needed." We both take a seat on the plush couch in front of us.

"You should go get some sleep Nat, you drove all night." She bumps her shoulder against my own and smiles softly.

"And leave you here to overthink your way into an anxiety attack? I don't think so." She knows me too well. I'm so lucky to have her here with me right now.

"I'll feel better knowing you're taking care of yourself woman. I'll be fine." She sighs but seems to accept what I says she heads towards what I assume is a bedroom.

It only takes about a few hours for the anxiety and sense of loss to completely consume me. I feel like I can't breathe, like a part of me is missing, it actually physically hurts to be away from Bucky. Where is he? Is he ok? Have I lost him completely? There's a part of me that knows I'm being dramatic but I'm terrified. Could I ever live without him now? I really don't feel like the normally put together woman that everyone confides in. How the hell can someone like me really help anyone?

The urge to flee this cabin and go search for Bucky is so strong that I have to dig my nails into the palms of my hands and force myself to walk to the bedroom Natasha is sleeping in. I don't want to wake her but I don't think I can handle this right now. I lay down in bed beside my friend, her eyes open instantly, it's an occupational hazard to be a light sleeper that is instantly alert. Her eyes swim with concern and that's all it takes for sobs to start shaking my body so fiercely that I'm gasping. Natasha wraps her arms around me, her fingers run comfortingly through my hair and she murmurs soothingly in Russian to me like I'm a child. It takes a long time for me to stop crying so hard, finally exhaustion over the entire situation overcomes me and I fall asleep.

Eight days have come and gone and I'm barely aware of it. Steve and Tony have contacted Natasha three times total on burner phones that are untraceable. No updates on the Hydra men and no leads on Bucky. I should be more concerned about the people who came to the compound and were able to vanish without a trace and without actually doing any damage but I can't bring myself to feel anything other than empty. I barely eat or speak. I'm depressed enough that sleep comes easily but my nightmares are vivid. Natasha grows more concerned by the minute at my unstable appearance.

At her urging I shower and go to sleep. I've been staying in a separate room so my reaction to my nightmares don't wake her and I can cry in peace. Another horrible memory plays out in my sleep tonight, a mission gone wrong, so many people died, so many deaths that I caused.

I wake with a start but something keeps me frozen in place lying on my side. The eerie feeling of another presence in my room, if it was Natasha she'd have spoken by now. I reach a hand slowly under my pillow where I have a large knife hidden. The dark figure of a man walks stealthily to my bedside. I react as soon as they're in front me. I lunge out of bed with all of the finesse that years of training has afforded me. I use all my force to push the man against the wall closest to us, my blade is pressed dangerously to the intruders throat.

My breath hitches when the moonlight from the window illuminates the familiar features of one James Buchanan Barnes. He looks more distressed than I've ever seen him. He clearly hasn't shaved in the time we've been apart and his hair is disheveled. Unshed tears are threatening to spill out of his blue eyes. I gasp when I realize that not only am I cutting shallowly into Bucky's neck but he isn't defending himself in the slightest, he allowed me to attack him. I drop the knife like it's burning my skin.

"Liya…I'm…I'm so sorry." He sounds so pained, but he's here. He came back to me. I'm sobbing again but I wrap my arms more tightly around him than I ever have. He breaks when when I lay my head against his warm chest, crying as hard as I am. The strong arms I've missed so much are squeezing me back.

I pull away after a moment, my hands move to cradle his face, steel eyes close as he leans into my touch. We have to talk but I need to feel him right now. I push up on my toes and press my lips fiercely to his. Both of us are still crying but he kisses me back with just as much passion. His lips trail over my wet cheeks, my temple, the top of my head and he's pulling me back into him.

"I love you doll, God I love you. I'm so sorry, you don't know how fucking sorry I am. I shouldn't have left, I shouldn't have run away from you." His voice is shaking, almost frantic.

"I'm the one who's sorry. I had no right to keep all of that from you. I never wanted to deceive you Bucky. I was just so scared of losing you, I didn't want you to get yourself hurt. I can't lose you, I can't. Please forgive me, please don't leave again." My voice breaks at the end and he looks even more heartbroken than before. He crushes me to his chest again.

"Oh sweetheart I'm never goin away from you ever again. I missed you so much. Felt like my heart had been ripped out, like part of me was missin." That's exactly how I've been feeling. All I can think about is how happy I am that I'm back in his arms.

Bucky suddenly pushes me behind him when the room lights up. Natasha is standing in the doorway with wide eyes. She stares at Bucky for a few seconds before her expression changes to unbridled anger. Her arm moves so quickly that I don't notice what's happened until Bucky falls to his knees groaning and clutching his chest. It takes him a moment to rip the taser disk off his chest.

"What the hell Nat!?" I kneel down beside Bucky and pull his shirt up to inspect the damage. Theres just a small burn from the electrically charged device that's already healing.

"He deserves far worse than that for what he's put you through in the last week." She's still glaring coldly at him.

"You're right Natalia. I was an idiot and I swear to you it'll never happen again. Thank you for taking care of Aneliya when I shoulda been. You're a good woman." He's still teary eyed, sincerity is so clear in his broken voice.

"You're god damn right it'll never happen again. You hurt her again and you're dead Barnes." Both Bucky and I get to our feet.

"Nat, this is on me. Don't be mad at him. I should have never kept any of this from him to begin with." She rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh.

"You probably shouldn't have but him leaving you was a far worse offense." I know she's just trying to take up for me because she cares so much. Her eyes narrow at Bucky again. "And you said that Liya being your soulmate was a joke. She can't ever unhear that you asshole. I had to watch her bawl her eyes out and neglect herself for eight days! I couldn't do anything to make it better. She may forgive you but I most definitely do not." Bucky looks like he feels even worse if that's possible. I want to defend him but she speaks up again before I get the chance. "I'm taking the car you stole back to the compound and leaving the SUV here. One of us will contact you soon when we know more." She closes the space between us quickly and hugs me tightly. She shoots Bucky another nasty look before leaving the room.

We move out to the living room area after Natasha gets on the road. I make us both hot chocolate and we sit as close as possible to each other on the couch. Things still feel a little off, my anxiety is through the roof because I don't know how he's feeling exactly. I'm picking at my nails and bouncing my leg in nervousness. Bucky breaks the silence between us.

"I talked to Steve before I came here. He gave me the locations of all the safe houses within relatively close proximity to the compound, that's how I found you. He also made it very clear how disappointed in me he is." The thought makes me giggle for the first time in over a week. Of course Steve would be disappointed rather than flat out angry. Bucky seems to catch onto why I'm laughing and cracks a small smile. It makes me feel better that there's still familiarity and comfort between us.. Maybe I should be more upset than I am and maybe he should be too but all I feel is relief and happiness, maybe it's the soul bond. Maybe it's just because I realize in the grand scheme of things one small disagreement isn't going to completely change our relationship.

"So, what happened out there James? Did you find them?" He laces his vibranium digits through my own when he notices how fidgety and nervous I'm still acting. I smile when he traces my knuckles with his metal thumb. I'm so glad that he's gotten past his insecurity about his arm.

"I found absolutely nothing, not even a trace of anything and that scares the shit outta me darlin." Worry is evident on his handsome face and in his tone. "I'm not the winter soldier anymore but all the skills and instincts are still there, I'm good at trackin people. There wasn't a sign that anyone was ever even at the compound other than the video feed we saw. All the fancy security features and weapons that automatically should have went off in the event that someone even got close to that place were never triggered. No trace of the big armored vehicle with hydra tech that we saw in that video, not even a dent in the armor of the building from the supposed explosion. It's like it never even happened." I'm just not understanding this at all.

"So what do we do now then? Shouldn't we be helping out if even Steve and Tony are coming up empty handed?" Bucky presses a kiss to my temple.

"You and me are gonna stay here a little longer. You were all right when you said I don't need to go chargin after these people with no plan and with nothin but revenge on the brain. I don't wanna put you in any danger. Being away from you really put things into perspective for me." He smiles at me warmly before pulling me onto his lap so that my head rests under his chin. The sound of his heartbeat is so begins speaking again so quietly that it's hard to make out his words..

"I hated myself for so long, I didn't think I was worth savin, that I was worth all the trouble Stevie went through to bring me back to myself. I didn't think I had any worth and then I met YOU. You make me feel like a man again, and the way you look at me like I'm you whole world absolutely kills me sweetheart. I know you love me and I know you feel exactly the same way about me that I feel about you. I can just FEEL it. The further I got away from you the more miserable I got and I realized that you were feelin the exact same pain I was and that's when I realized how fuckin stupid I was bein. You and me are meant to be together, you're mine and I'm yours and nothin in the whole damn universe matters more than that to me. We gotta stick together now, I need you with me." I'm yet again struck by how very lucky I am to have this man as my soulmate. His sweetness has me feeling a little teary again.

I press my lips to the strong line of his jaw. "I love you James. I'm going to spend everyday of my life showing you exactly how much. I promise I'll always do everything in my power to make you happy." I shift on his lap so that I'm now straddling him. His hands hold my hips gently and I lean forward to press my lips to his. He kisses me gently before leaning his forehead against mine.

"You know what would make me happier than anything doll?" I pull back a little and trace his cheeks and jaw absentmindedly with the tips of my fingers , I just love the feel of him.

"Hm?" His plush lips press a kiss to my thumb when I swipe over them.

"If you'd marry me."