Chapter IV
"Hey."
"He in there?" Will shrugged, inserting his copy of the key to Jay's place into the lock, Mouse standing behind him waiting.
"Should be," Will said, tossing his head over his shoulder. "He cleaned out his office when no one was there and I still can't get a hold of him," He turned the lock and opened the door, taking a deep breath. "Let's hope he's here."
The two men entered the dark penthouse, the lights all turned off. Will commanded the smart hub to open the lights and their eyes widened at the state of the penthouse. Old takeout boxes littered the living room and the kitchen as well as bottles after bottles of beer and Will even spotted a few empty bottles of whiskey strewn about. The cushions on the couch were tossed around and all in all, the penthouse was a gigantic mess. It was a far departure from Jay's normal state—his almost obsessive need for tidiness and cleanliness. No, this was a mess. A physical manifestation of what was apparently going on in Jay's life.
Mouse let out a whistle, his eyes trying to take in the chaos that was Jay's penthouse. "Man, what a fucking mess." He sidestepped a few boxes on the floor, trying not to step into any old pieces of food leftover.
"Jay!" Will called out, hoping and praying at this point that his brother was home and not out somewhere alone. No answer came. "Jay!" he tried again, walking toward his bedroom. He knocked once and waited for a reply that didn't come. Will had enough of this. "Jay, I'm coming in." He didn't wait for permission or a reply this time, just turning the doorknob and opening the door to enter. The same state of darkness greeted him and he got the lights opened again. "Fuck!" he cussed to himself, finding Jay's bedroom in a similar state of a mess as in the living room. Mouse joined him by the doorway, both of them not daring to enter.
"Where is he?" Jay's best friend questioned, worried eyes meeting worried eyes. Mouse exhaled, his concern growing even more now. He knew Jay wasn't doing well, not since Erin cruelly left three weeks ago. Mouse had seen Jay in all kind of states, had been there when his mother died, had seen Jay hit rock bottom before where Jay was almost too far gone and he and Will barely managed to bring Jay back from the brink—just barely —and now this—this felt too similar to him.
Mouse had seen the change in Jay in the time that Erin had came into his life. It was almost impossible not to. His best friend that had been almost lifeless, just going through the motion, and would rather drown his feelings into bottles of liquor to avoid any feelings had undergone dramatic change when he got married. Despite of the unconventional reason that he might've gotten hitched for, it was obvious to Mouse that Erin had been a positive influence on Jay. Mouse and even Will had tried to convince him to take the detective exam or at the very least to go back to being a police officer many times before, knowing that Jay wasn't happy working for Halstead Enterprises and belonged in the uniform, but he didn't budge. At least not until Erin had somehow changed his mind and redirected Jay back to the correct life path. His friend had been lighter, happier, determined, he smiled more, he laughed like he did before—all the things he had lost along with his mother and Jay had regained a purpose in his life and gotten his shit together. That was until three weeks ago when Mouse got a frantic call from Will to get over to Jay's right away and finding his friend in a broken state—distraught and almost inconsolable—and both he and Will were left clueless about how to help. And that had been the last and the only night Jay had allowed them into his house, had allowed them to see how torn up he was.
For the next three weeks, Jay had isolated himself into his home, left his position at Halstead Enterprises, and ignored every phone calls and house calls Mouse and Will made, trying to check in on him. They were worried that Jay had fallen back into his old patterns—drinking and partying all night long just as he did before and acting as though his life didn't matter, like it had no worth. Will had tried to give his brother his space, time to get over getting his heart broken, but enough was enough. It had been three weeks and after not hearing from a peep out of Jay the whole time, they had decided to take matters into their own hands and use Will's spare key to let themselves in. Will took out his cell phone and called Jay, the other man not picking up, not that they were exactly surprised by that. Will shook his head, dejected.
"Where is he?"
Jay stirred the spoon around the small white mug, a few drops of coffee splashing onto the table. He didn't bother cleaning it up. The table was already sticky enough before he sat down, a few more drops of coffee wasn't going to make a huge difference. He brought the cup up to his mouth and took a sip, grimacing instantly at the almost burnt taste of the black liquid. It truly was terrible coffee, even the heaping amount of sugar he had deposited into it never helped much. But he didn't come to this diner for the coffee, or the greasy smelling food. No, he was here for one thing only—or more specifically, one person. He'd been coming here everyday for the last three weeks because he honestly didn't know where else to go. He didn't know where Erin was, didn't know where she could be, didn't know where to keep looking for her. She had left—disappeared like shadow in the dark night. Left him with no answers, no explanations, nothing but her scent in his sheets and memories of her in their home.
He sighed, dropping the cup back down on the saucer. He was a mess and he looked it, he knew it. He didn't need to look in a mirror to know that his skin was dry and chapped, his hair overgrown and or that the deep dark circles seemed to have taken permanent residence underneath his eyes—evidence of the sleepless nights he had endured. It wasn't as though he didn't want to sleep. He wanted nothing more than to just lose himself in a deep slumber, where his problems were a conscious mind away, and let time just go by until maybe Erin come back or it didn't hurt so much anymore. Maybe even let himself get lost in the dreams where he and Erin were still together, where she was still with him, in his arms. But anyone that ever had a broken heart before knew that the dreams weren't the worst part. No, the hardest part was waking up—the brief moment when his eyes fluttered opened and everything seemed fine until he reached over next to him to pull Erin's soft body into his arms and finding nothing but cold and empty space instead. Then everything came back all at once—the crushing pain in his chest, the reason why he was sleeping alone in their bed, and the half signed divorce papers that he had stuffed in a drawer somewhere, laying next to the ring he had bought for her, serving as a cold reminder that she was gone. He had suffered through that morning after morning after she left, until it had gotten to be too much. That brief moment of false serenity in the morning was far too cruel and hurt too much that he'd taken refuge in the bottom of the bottle—whiskey, vodka, bourbon, anything bitter and strong that would dull the pain enough.
"Refill?" the waitress asked and Jay nodded, sliding his cup to the edge of the table so she can refill it with another serving of terrible coffee. The diner offered free and unlimited refills and Jay had been taking full advantage of it for the past three weeks as he sat and waited. He had been here enough time to know that in five minutes, the waitress—the only one that apparently worked here now—would end her shift and the manager would pull double duty and would wait on the tables, not that there were a lot of customers at the diner anyways, and that on Tuesdays, the special of the day was a cup of tomato soup and grilled cheese. And that the cook in the back—Marty—would ignore Jay's request to speak to him for a minute, and just stood watch in the kitchen with his arms crossed, wondering how long Jay can last. Jay grimaced at the taste again, forgetting to put the sugar this time and he coughed, trying to get the burnt taste out of his mouth. He grabbed the napkin from the table and wiped his tongue with it, squeezing his eyes shut as he worked to make the aftertaste disappear.
"Here." Jay opened his eyes to find a glass of water being placed on the table and he looked up to find that it was the older man and not the waitress that had brought him the water. He grabbed the glass and downed the water quickly, the cold liquid washing away the taste. He gave Marty a nod as a thank you, his brows arching in surprise when Marty sat down across from him in the booth. Jay had been trying to talk to the diner cook for weeks, knowing that Erin was close to him but the older man always ignored his request, not even bothering to come out of the kitchen. But now he was here, studying Jay with silent but inquisitive eyes as he sat across from him in the small booth.
"You Halstead right?" Jay nodded. Marty pursed his lips, still continuing his study of Jay. Finally, Marty sighed and leaned across the table. "If you're waiting for me to tell you where Erin is, you're going to be waiting a long time because I'm not going to."
"I didn't expect you to."
Marty frowned, confused. "Then why have you been coming here for the past few weeks, sitting in this exact same booth, asking to speak to me? Cut the crap, kid."
Jay placed his used napkin on the table. "I didn't know where else to go," Jay admitted, dropping his gaze on the table. "I've been to her old apartment and she moved out. I've been to all the places she mentioned liking and nothing. I know it's a long shot that she'd be here but I just need to try." He sighed, scratching his hairline with his finger. "Look Marty. I know your relationship with Erin and how close you two are and I don't expect you to betray her and tell me where she is. That's not why I wanted to talk to you."
"Then why kid?"
Jay decided to leave all the cards on the table. He had been waiting for weeks for Marty to give him the time of the day and he had finally gotten his chance, he needed to everything he had on his mind. "I'm not going to lie, I was hoping that I would find Erin here. That one of these days she'd come back here and I can finally talk to her. But it's probably not going to happen."
"That's a good thing," Marty interrupted. "Erin belongs somewhere better than this diner. She'd wasted enough of her time here. It was time for her to move on."
"I know. She does." Jay did agree with Marty. Erin was far too smart, too ambitious, too special and too determined to spend the rest of her life here. "The reason why I wanted to talk to you is because I know how close you two are and I know you know where she is." He held up his hand, stopping the protest that was about to come out of Marty's mouth. "Look you don't have to tell me. I don't want that. I want at least one person in Erin's life to not disappoint her and let her down. I just….." he paused, thinking over his words. He had so much to say, so much to get off his chest but when it was finally time to, his mind was racing a mile a minute to get his words out without them being in a jumbled up mess. "I love her. I'm in love with her." He figured it was best to start with the simple truth. He loved Erin. That was a fact unchanged and Jay knew that it would never change. "There's nothing I want more in the world than for her to be happy. Yeah, I want her to come back to me but that's secondary to her happiness. I just want her safe and happy." He looked at Marty square in the eyes, showing all the sincerity and emotions he felt. "I just needed to hear from someone that knows where she is now that she is that. That wherever she is right now, she's okay. That's all I want from you."
Marty took in Jay's words, his eyes softening more than it had five minutes ago towards Jay, but still debating with himself whether or not to give Jay what he was asking for. "Please." Jay pleaded again. Finally Marty sighed and closed his eyes, giving in to Jay.
"She's okay." Jay released a deep sigh, relieved. "As okay as she could be," Marty continued. "Happy? I don't know about that." Marty kept his eyes on Jay. "Look here kid. I've known Erin for a long time and she's been through a lot in her life. I don't know how much you know about her past or what she had to go through to get to where she is now but I agree with you that she deserves to be happy. But I also know her enough to know that she is willing to put her happiness aside for the people she cares about in her life. I can't tell you why she left or where she is but I know that she always has a good reason for doing things. Whatever happened that caused her to leave, she must've had a good reason. She always does."
Jay just kept quiet. He knew that Erin must've left for a good reason but the problem remained that he still didn't know why. Her goodbye note had been vague, no real explanation of why she had walked out. And if Jay was being honest with himself, there was this anger that was simmering inside him at being abandoned without a word goodbye or an explanation why. That simmering anger that had made its presence known at random times and that he had taken out on random breakable objects in his home—a vase here, a glass there. But every time, his concern for her well-being had overpowered it, had tempered it down. Growing up, he had always thought that anger was the strongest emotion—his relationship with his father being the prime example of it—but because of Erin, he had learned that it was love instead.
"Jay," Marty called his name, Jay bringing his head up to look at the older man. "I know you love her. If your regular appearances here or you forcing yourself to drink that tar that we call 'coffee' here hadn't been clear enough, I can see it on your face. And I'm glad. Because Erin deserves someone that loves her as much as you do. Someone that is finally going to put her first. I wish I can say or do something to fix this for you both but I'm just an old man and I can't."
"I just don't know what to do," Jay admitted. Maybe this was something Marty could do, give him advice on what to do next, how to move forward.
"I wish I knew," Marty replied, reaching across to pat Jay's shoulders. "Give her time. Let her work through whatever she needs to work through and let her come back to you. In the meantime, don't waste your time and your life here because she's not coming back to this diner. Move forward with your life. Be a man that is going to deserve her when she comes back. That's all you can do."
Jay took in Marty's advice. Maybe he had a point. Jay took out his wallet, placing a few twenty dollar bills on the table and stood up, hands held out. Marty took his offered hand and shook it, giving Jay a smile. "You're a good man. I can tell."
Jay smiled. "I just hope I can be the man Erin deserves." Jay reached into his wallet to pull out a business card and handed it over to Marty. The older man had a skeptical look on his face, like he thought Jay was giving him his number so Marty can call and tell Jay about Erin's location. But that wasn't Jay's intention. "Call me if you ever need anything. That card is for you," he stressed, letting him know that Jay wasn't expecting anything in return. Jay turned to leave, taking a couple of steps before stopping and turning back. "Can you just please let Erin know that I love her and that I want her to be happy?" Marty nodded, sympathetic to the broken man in front of him. "Thanks."
"What the hell are you two doing here?" Jay slammed the door hard, his annoyance building at finding his brother and Mouse inside his home. He just wanted to be left alone but it seemed as though peace and solitary weren't going to be in his plan for the night.
"What the hell are we doing here? Where the hell have you been all night?" Will shouted, his own anger showing. "You lost your damn phone or something? Because we've been calling you for days already and no answer! Then we come here and look at this place!" He waved his arms around at the penthouse. "It's a fucking mess!"
Jay glared at his brother. "It's my damn house!" he shouted back. "It's not your house. You had no right to come in whenever you want to. Give me the fucking spare key back!" He held his hand out and waited for Will to hand over his spare keys. Really, Will was pushing it with his habit of just barging in whenever he wanted to his home. He had done it several times when Erin was here, claiming 'family dinner' as the reason. And now this? So what if his house was a mess right now? What if there were broken glasses and takeout boxes all over it? It wasn't Will's business.
Will just ignored Jay, making it clear that he wasn't going to handing over the key anytime soon. Instead he refocused on cleaning up the place, tossing a few empty bottles of beer into the trash bag. Jay just shook his head, his shoulders drooping with tiredness and headed for the couch. "Just leave it," he murmured. "Just leave me alone."
"I think you had enough time being alone," Will remarked, still working on clearing the coffee table. Mouse dropped the trash bag he was holding and sat down next to Jay on the couch.
"You okay man?" It was a stupid question and they all knew it. But they didn't know how else to approach Jay, how else to start the conversation. Jay just scoffed, tossing his head back on the couch.
"Just great," he replied, sarcastically. "Peachy."
Will sighed, sympathy growing for his brother. "Look Jay, we're worried about you. We haven't heard from you in three weeks and you haven't been answering your phone. We just want to make sure that you're okay."
"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Jay started, a wry grin on his face. "I mean, my wife just left me, who knows why because she certainly didn't make it known to me. My heart just got ripped out and thrown in the trash. I'm fucking fine."
"You still haven't heard from Erin huh?" Jay shook his head, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry." Will offered but knowing that those words were next to useless for Jay. It wouldn't help heal his broken heart or put the shattered pieces of his brother back together. There was only one person that could do that and she had left.
"Don't be," Jay mumbled. "It's my fault."
Will frowned. "How is it your fault?"
Jay exhaled, sitting up on the couch and rubbing his face. "Why else would she have left? I must have done something. Push her too fast, scared her too much, something." That something had been elusive to Jay, he had spent weeks trying to wrack his brain trying to come up with why Erin had left. Something must have happened but he couldn't think of anything. They had been happy—or so Jay had thought. He had been over the moon when Erin had returned his sentiments and finally told him that she loved him too. They were happy together—he was sure of it. He knew he was. She had made him happier than he had ever been, just by being in his life and loving him.
Maybe that had been the problem. Maybe he had been too caught up in her—in his happiness—that he didn't notice how she was. Maybe he had been a fool, thinking that just because he was happy that she was too. The possibility of him not noticing how Erin was feeling made him sick to his stomach, like he had failed her.
"No," both Will and Mouse immediately protested. Will grabbed Jay's arm to get his full attention. "I saw you guys together and you guys were so happy. She was happy. It isn't your fault."
Jay shook Will's hold on his arm, smiling sadly. "Then why?" It was a question none of them could answer. Jay just chuckled humorlessly. "You know even now I wouldn't care," he started, like he was lost in his thoughts and unable to control his words. "I'm hurt, I'm pissed off and I'm worried as hell but all of that would be fine. I'd let that all go if she'd just walk back through these doors. Everything would be fine because I just want her back." But the door remained closed and his heart remained empty because Erin wasn't coming back anytime soon.
"You don't think your dad had anything to do with Erin leaving do you?" Will turned at Mouse's question, giving him an incredulous look. He darted his eyes back to the closed door as if Jay could hear from inside his house. "I'm just saying man," Mouse tried to explain. "No one saw this coming. You saw Jay and Erin together, I have zero doubt in my mind that she loves him as much as he loves her and for her to suddenly take off? Something isn't adding up man."
"And your mind automatically went to my dad?" Will asked, anger seeping in. They had just left Jay's place, leaving him to get some sleep. "You've been hanging out with Jay too much. My father is not always the bad guy!" Will whispered harshly, trying to keep his voice down so Jay wouldn't hear. He shook his head in disbelief, heading to the elevator. Mouse followed.
"I'm just saying," Mouse defended himself. "It could be a possibility. Maybe…." He paused, wondering if he should even really be saying this. "Maybe he paid Erin off or something."
"No," Will immediately protested. "No way. My dad wouldn't stoop that low and Erin wouldn't take that money if it meant she had to leave Jay."
"I mean no offense to Erin and I like her but she did get into this whole thing with Jay because of money in the first place."
"Yeah, the money that she didn't take," Will defended Erin. "She didn't end up taking a cent, not the $50,000 that she was promised or the money for the nursing courses that I promised her. Whatever happened that made her leave, it wasn't because of money and it certainly wasn't because of my father so just drop it." Mouse bit his tongue, knowing that he shouldn't push the topic anymore so he just nodded, accepting Will's order.
Jay entered the punch code and the door buzzed, opening. He walked up the stairs, finding Antonio already waiting for him at the top of the stairs. At least someone looked excited about Jay's first day as a detective in Intelligence because Jay certainly didn't have enough energy to plaster on a fake smile. Here he was, his dream of becoming a detective in the most elite unit in Chicago coming true yet he was utterly miserable. The only reason he was even here and not back in his place, holed up in his bed, was because he had decided to take Marty's advice. He knew he couldn't wallow in his pain forever, he needed to move forward. If he had any hopes of Erin coming back, he needed to work on being a man that deserved her. He chuckled to himself, chastising himself for being that pathetic. Because here he was, left behind yet still trying to make her proud of him.
"Jay!" Antonio greeted him, obviously happy about Jay joining the department and them fulfilling the dreams they had together. "My man! You're finally here." Jay smiled, trying to match his friend's enthusiasm. At least he was feeling and looking more like a human. He had shaved, gotten himself a haircut but the dark eye bags were still there, still showing his restless nights for all the world to see. "Let me introduce you to the guys."
Jay followed Antonio further into the bullpen, several guys looking up from their desk at him. Antonio pointed to the oldest man in the room. "That's Olinsky. Al. He's the most elite undercover we have. He's like a chameleon." The man gave Jay a little salute with two fingers as a greeting. "That's Atwater on his computer, he's taking over the tech duty for now until we can get someone else." The black man gave Jay a smile, acknowledging him. "And this is Ruzek," Antonio introduced to the last guy in the room, a blond who was staring at Jay with a strange look on his face. "Adam!" Antonio called, snapping Ruzek out of whatever trance he was in.
"Oh sorry," Adam said sheepishly, coming over to Jay with his hand out. "Ruzek." He introduced himself.
"Halstead." Jay shook his hand. "Jay."
"Come on," Antonio pulled Jay toward an empty desk furthest in the bullpen. "This right here is your desk. It's a special one." Jay quirked his eyebrows, asking what made the desk so special. "It's the closest to the break room and the coffeemaker and best of all, it's closest to Voight's office. The boss can keep his eyes on you the whole day," Antonio teased. Jay just rolled his eyes, scanning the room. His eyes landed on Ruzek, who was still looking at him with the same strange expression on his face. Jay wondered what the hell was wrong with the guy and why the hell he was looking at him like that.
"Halestead," Jay's attention that was on Ruzek was broken when Voight called his name as he arrived in the bullpen. "First day."
Jay stood taller, wanting to make a good impression on his boss. "Sir," he greeted. Voight stood, his eyes on Jay scanning him up and down for a while, making Jay squirm under his stare. Despite not wanting to feel intimidated, he couldn't help it. His new boss was very unnerving, like he could bury Jay alive in the silos somewhere and no one would know better. Finally Voight was done scrutinizing Jay. "Welcome," was all he grunted before he entered his office.
Jay let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. Antonio gave him a knowing chuckle. "Trust me, we've all been there." Jay just raised his eyebrows, giving him a look but immediately schooling his face into a neutral expression when he caught Voight staring at him from his office. Jay turned his head, only to be met with Ruzek's eyes on him, still. Jay wondered what the hell he had gotten himself into, because he not only had one weirdo that seemed fixated on him for some reason in Ruzek, his scary Sergeant couldn't keep his eyes off of him either.
"So what do you think?" Antonio asked, joining Jay in the break room. Jay offered Antonio a cup of coffee, which he took happily and Jay worked to make another cup for himself. "You liking Intelligence so far?"
Jay just bobbed his head around. The day had been going fine so far. Nothing really exciting had popped off just yet, Jay too busy catching up on the current case that they were working on. Jay had been worried that he might've been out of touch with the job but he found out that it was just like riding a bike and easing back into being a cop—and now a detective—had been easier than he thought.
"Alright, I guess." Jay replied, sitting down on the small table in the break room. "Pretty good so far."
"Yeah? Good." Antonio sat down next to Jay, watching as Jay took a sip of the coffee. "You okay man? You look like you haven't slept in weeks." Jay just returned a small nod. Antonio didn't buy his answer, his face frowning. "So how's the wife? She gave you a hard time about the job? And how you're risking your life by working here?"
Jay's face dropped at the question. He had been trying his hardest not to let his mind wander off to Erin. He had been forcing himself to focus on the job, on the case and it was almost working. Almost. But Antonio's question was like cold water suddenly splashed on his face, just the truth slapping in his face about the state of his life.
"Um," he held the handle of his mug tightly. "Erin left me." Antonio's eyes widened, obviously not expecting the revelation.
"Oh man, I'm sorry Jay." He squeezed Jay's shoulders in comfort. Jay just nodded. "What happened?"
Jay licked his lips, expecting the question yet not having the answer. "I don't know," he replied, shrugging his shoulders. "I wish I knew but she just left."
"Man," Antonio sighed. "No wonder you looked so down and looked like you haven't slept. I just thought that you were nervous for your first day or something." Antonio tried to think of something to say to Jay, to make the situation better, to comfort his friend. But the sadness that was practically radiating off of Jay made it clear that no matter what he said, it wouldn't do much good. That broken hearts needed more than just comforting words to heal. But Antonio figured it couldn't hurt. "You know," he started, squeezing Jay's shoulders again. "The best thing about this job is that you get to take out your anger and aggression on the case and do some good in the world. Bring some justice to the victims."
Jay let out a small chuckle, knowing Antonio's intention to cheer him up. "Thanks man," Jay voiced. "For getting me into the unit."
Antonio made a 'pssh' sound, waving Jay's thank off. "Please, that was all you and all those years of you being a great cop. All I did was make Voight aware of it. I did nothing. Come on, let's go catch the bad guys." They stood up and headed for the door, Jay stopping when he saw Voight near the entrance, the Sergeant having heard their conversation. He waited, wondering if Voight was going to say something. After all, his Sergeant did know Erin from before but Voight remained silent, just continued to study Jay under his unnerving stare and retreated back into his office.
The job had been a wonderful distraction for Jay, he had to admit. He had been working around the clock, coming in extra early, staying extra late and he had been spending practically 24 hours of each day in the bullpen. He had attributed the long hours to being new and needing the extra time to catch up on all the cases and they had pretty much left him alone. And he had been grateful because Jay didn't want to go home.
Because home was now an empty penthouse, dark and cold. Because every time he walked through the doors, he couldn't stop himself from getting his hopes up that she'd be there, Erin would be back and waiting for him at their kitchen island just as she always did before. But that hope had been crushed over and over again when he found the place empty, no sign of Erin returning. And because home was now nothing but reminders of the time they had spent together, studying in the kitchen, making love in the bedroom, cuddling on the couch, all the things he'd never get to do with her again.
So he had taken refuge in the bullpen. Most of the time he had been alone, the team going home because they had family and loved ones that they wanted to spend time with. Not that Jay had preferred it any other way, he liked being the only one there as he poured over the case files, his mind distracted and the voices in his head silenced. But he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, letting him know that it wouldn't be the case today. He glanced over and tried not to groan when he saw Ruzek came up the steps, taking off his jacket and placing it on his chair. Jay titled his head a greeting, not wanting to be rude. There was really nothing wrong with Ruzek. He had been nice enough but it was just the way he kept looking at Jay—like he knew him from before—that had weirded him out a little. Jay had spoken to Antonio about it but the older man just waved him off, saying that Ruzek was just a little strange but that he was a solid and trustworthy team member. So Jay had let it go or tried to anyways—but as he felt Ruzek's stare on him again this morning, Jay had enough.
"Alright man," Jay snapped, deciding to confront the guy and what the hell was wrong with him. "What the hell?"
Ruzek broke his eye contact on Jay like he had finally snapped out it. "What?" he asked, startled.
Jay stood up and walked over to him, Adam's eyes widening. "Ever since my first day here, you've been staring at me strangely like you know me or something. It's weird and it's creeping me out so can you just stop? Or at least tell me why the hell you keep looking at me? Do I know you from somewhere or something?"
Adam gulped, not expecting Jay to confront him. Jay waved his hand, expecting an answer from Ruzek. "Sorry man," the blond man finally finding his words. "I didn't mean to. I didn't even realize I was doing it to be honest." Jay arched his eyebrows, not really buying his explanation. Adam bit his lips and sighed. "I…I just…I wasn't expecting to work next to Jay Halstead."
Jay frowned. "So you do know me from somewhere?" Jay had no clue where it could've been. He didn't even know Adam Ruzek existed before Antonio had introduced them. And while Jay was pretty well known in the upper society of Chicago and had made quite a few appearances in the Society pages, he certainly didn't think of himself as famous or a celebrity so he didn't know where Adam knew him from.
Adam wrinkled his nose before finally spilling the truth. "It's just…my girl, I've seen her googled you before and I just happened to be next to her when she did so that's where I've seen you."
Jay sucked his teeth, listening to Adam's explanation. "So your girlfriend has googled me," he repeated, skeptically.
"Yeah," Adam nodded. "Kim, she's into celebrity gossip and the whole social media thing. I know it's lame but don't worry she's not one of those crazy stalker fans or anything. She just claims that she has nothing better to do and it helps time go by when she used to be a waitress and me and Erin had tried to talk her out of wasting her money on all those gossip rags…." Jay was about to walk away and just let Ruzek continue to ramble on but he suddenly stopped.
"Wait!" His heart raced as he caught the tail end of Adam's rant. "You said your girlfriend's name was Kim? And that she was a waitress? Erin," Jay took a deep breath. There was no way. No way that Adam knew Erin and that his girlfriend was the Kim that he had met before, Erin's best friend.
"Yeah?" Adam replied. "Kim used to be a waitress but she graduated last month and got a job at a firm downtown."
"Erin," Jay breathed out. "Erin Lindsay?"
"Oh you know her?" Adam asked with a grin, clueless of what that meant to Jay. "Yeah she and Kim are like best friends," he said with a roll of the eyes as if it was amusing. "She's actually crashing with Kim for a while actually. I don't really know what happened and I don't ask but apparently, she's…"
Jay interrupted Adam, his heart thudding so loud against his chest. "She's been living with Kim?" He dropped his hands on Adam's table, his whole body sagging in relief that he had finally found out where Erin had been for the last month. Really, he could've kicked himself. He should've figured out that Erin would turn to her friend.
"Yeah?" Adam replied, confusion clear in his voice. "How do you know Erin?"
Jay closed his eyes, whispering, "she's my wife."
"I can't believe I'm doing this," Adam muttered as he bounced on his feet up and down, shaking his head. Jay tried to calm the guy down, putting his hands on his shoulder to get Adam to stop moving.
"I owe you a big one, man." Jay said.
After unexpectedly finding out from Adam that Erin had been crashing with Kim, he had tried to convince Adam to tell him where Kim lived. The guy had been reluctant as expected and didn't budge until he had heard the whole story from Jay and just how he knew Erin. Adam still remained a bit reluctant but finally gave in.
"I'm only doing this because I've been hearing from Kim just how down Erin had been. Kim has been worried about Erin and has been doing everything to cheer her up but nothing," Adam explained as they arrived outside of Kim's door. "Man, I hope she doesn't kill me for this." He knocked and Jay's breath hitched as he waited for Kim to answer, knowing Erin was behind those doors.
Finally the door opened and Kim came out. "Adam!" she greeted her boyfriend happily but her smile automatically stilted when she saw Jay standing behind Adam. "Jay!" The shock was clear on her face. "What are you…" she glared at Adam. "You told him!"
"In my defense, I didn't know what I was saying because I was in the dark about the whole thing," Adam defended himself. "How was I supposed to know that Erin was married to Jay or that we'd be working together?"
Kim rolled her eyes and turned to Jay. "You can't be here," she told Jay. "She doesn't want to see you."
Jay stepped around Adam. "I just need to see her for five minutes. Just five minutes," he said. "I just want to talk to her." Kim pursed her lips, obviously debating with herself whether to let Jay in or not. She didn't want to just ambush Erin with Jay suddenly but she knew that the couple needed to at least talk. Even she didn't know why Erin had suddenly left Jay, the former being extremely tight lipped about the whole thing. All she knew was that one night Erin had suddenly knocked on her door, distraught with her suitcase by her feet, and as soon as Kim had opened the door, Erin had fallen apart in her arms. Kim had thought Jay had done something to Erin, otherwise what else could explain why Erin was in so much pain and wasn't able to stop crying? But Erin had quickly corrected her that Jay had done nothing wrong but that she had left him and that their marriage was over.
Kim had tried to get more information out of Erin, trying to figure out just exactly why she left Jay but hadn't been able to. And after a while, Kim had let things go and focused on just helping Erin heal. So far it hadn't worked so well, her friend clearly still hurting from the break up. Erin had been withdrawn, quiet, and she lost quite a lot of weight, not having an appetite. Kim sighed. Maybe it was a good idea to just let Jay in and just finally have the two of them talk things out. Because as she took in Jay's own appearance, it was obvious that he wasn't doing so well either, his handsome face that she had seen in pictures and in person before was more hollow than she recalled, his eyes sad and she had overnight bags that were smaller than his eye bags.
"Fine," she gave in, opening the door wider and stepping aside to let the two men in. Jay tentatively entered the apartment, his eyes searching around for Erin. "She's in the back. I'll get her."
Jay held his breath as he waited for Erin to come out. His nerves were all over the place, both excited to finally see her again but equally as scared at how she'd react to seeing him. He wringed his fingers, just so he had something to do because time felt so slow as he waited for her. Finally after about thirty seconds that felt like hours, he heard her voice.
"Yeah what's up Kim?" she came out, answering Kim's call but stopping in her tracks when she saw him. "Jay!" she gasped, her eyes looking at him in surprise, her mouth parted. He took her in with his eyes, his mouth too dry to utter a word as his eyes scanned her up and down, like he couldn't actually believe that she was actually here, standing in front of him. He had been waiting for this moment for a month now, just hoping that he'd see her again all the while trying not to lose hope and think that it might never actually happen again. But here he was, here she was, here they were. Just both of them standing still, staring at each other, not knowing what to do next.
"Erin," he finally managed to speak, his voice rough and shaky. She was just as beautiful as the last time he saw her but he couldn't stop the worry from rising in his chest when he took in her more lean form, she had lost too much weight in the span of a month. He wanted to reach out to her, to pull her into his arms and just never let her go. He wanted answers, he wanted everything. He scanned her body up and down, like he was making sure that she was really okay, that she was alright. Her eyes seemed to be doing the same to him, the concern in the hazel eyes so clear. He wanted to reassure her that he was okay…now. Now that he had seen her again. He took a step, wanting to reach out to her.
But she quickly took a step back and she crossed her arms. "What are you doing here Jay?" There was a change in her body language and it had happened so quickly that Jay almost missed it. Almost missed the moment when he saw her sealed herself off and steeled herself against him. She was putting up an act, he knew.
"I just needed to see you," he replied, standing in his place. He didn't want to push her, didn't want to corner her. That wasn't his reason for coming here, he just wanted to see her. "Make sure you're okay."
She let out a laugh, cold and unfeeling. "As you can see, I'm great so you can leave."
Even though he knew that she was putting on this fake façade, it still hurt to hear the chill in her voice. So far removed from his Erin and the raspy voice that soothed him when they had their late night talks, the voice that encouraged him, picked him up when he was down, the voice that made him feel like he could do anything he wanted to—because she believed in him.
"You're great?" he asked, the disbelief in his voice clear. She shrugged, her arms crossed like it was a wall she had built against him.
"Well, I'm not," he admitted. "I'm terrible. I can't sleep, I can't eat. I can't function because you're not there. Because you left and it's been a month and I still don't know why you left." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I just….I just miss you Erin."
She sucked in her breath, her eyes closed off. "I don't care," she gritted out, breathing deeply.
"Why?" he asked. "Why did you leave? Just…just tell me why."
"Because I don't love you," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady as she said the words.
"I don't believe you," Jay shot back. "I know something happened, something you're not telling me." He reached out and held her arms, pleading with her to look at him but she wouldn't meet his eyes when he was close to her. "Erin, look at me," he pleaded. "Just look at me and tell me why. And I'll fix it, whatever and whoever that made you leave, I'll fix it all."
She shut her eyes tight, her head still down. "Erin," he whispered her name but she was still ignoring him.
She exhaled, like she was bracing herself and she finally looked up and met his eyes, trying to keep all the emotions out of the hazel orbs as much as she can. She broke the hold he had on her arms. "There's nothing to fix Jay," she stated, her voice even and unfeeling. "I told you that I just don't love you and I'm sorry that you don't believe me. That you can't accept the fact that there's someone in this world that doesn't love you or think that you're some special person. But I don't. I just want you to file the divorce papers and just leave me alone. And just let me forget the fact that we were even married in the first place."
He shook his head. "You're lying."
She sighed. "I'm not."
"So all this time, everything that we've been through, everything that we've shared with one another, it's all been….."
"One big lie," Erin finished for him. "A way to pass the time for me." She shrugged, like she didn't care that she was hurting him and that she was stabbing him with her words. "Look Jay, you're a good looking guy okay? And you're rich and yeah, I needed a way to pass the time and make the six months go by faster. It was fun for a while and the sex was nice. I'm sorry that you fell for me and thought more into what you think we had but I don't love you. And I'm over it. I just want a divorce and for you to leave me alone."
He chuckled, mirthlessly. "You're a terrible liar you know Erin?" He stepped away from her, knowing that whatever he could say would fall on deaf ears right now. Because Erin was determined to shut him out and if there was anything he had learned about Erin in the past six months was that there was no one more stubborn than her. "I know you're lying about something. You're keeping something about why you left. That what you said to me, you don't really mean them. I can see it in your eyes." She dropped her eyes, avoiding his eyes. "It's okay. I know you have your reasons. And it's okay because I love you anyways. I know you love me too and I can wait. I can wait for you to come back because I know we belong together."
Her head was still glued to the floor but he felt her resolve breaking little by little. But he didn't want to push her anymore, cause her anymore pain. That wasn't what he came for. He'd rather take on all the hurt and all the pain on his shoulders than for her to feel an ounce of it.
"I just wanted to make sure that you're okay," he told her. "You know where I'll be." He laid a kiss on top of her head, closing his eyes, and pulled himself away from her.
Walking out of Kim's apartment and leaving Erin inside was the hardest thing he had ever had to do but he knew it needed to be done. He couldn't push her to come back to him, she needed to do that on her own. He didn't know whether she'd come back or not, didn't know if he'd ever have her in his arms again. But one thing he did know for sure was that something had happened that had convinced her to think that leaving him was the best thing for him and he was going to find out what it was.
Erin entered the kitchen room and took a seat on the dining table, next to Kim. The younger woman had been avoiding her for a week and Erin knew that it was because she was feeling guilty and bad about letting Jay in. But Erin wasn't mad. She knew that Kim had good intentions for doing what she did.
"Hey," she said, trying to keep the smile on her face to let Kim that she came in peace. Kim returned a smile, an apologetic one. "It's okay."
"You're not mad?" Erin shook her head. "I'm sorry anyways," Kim offered, reaching to hold Erin's hands. "I just thought that you guys needed to talk."
"I know," Erin sighed, looking down. "You're right. We did need to talk."
"He looked really devastated by everything," Kim commented, the familiar feeling of guilt rose up in Erin at Kim's comment. She knew that she had hurt Jay, had hurt him deeply. But it was for his own good, she repeated to herself. She had been reminding herself of that every few minutes so she wouldn't run back to him. Because she missed him so much, she was miserable without him. She loved him and she wanted him to be happy and get everything that he deserved and he deserved better than her. And if this was something that she could do to give him that, then she'd take the pain happily. She just hated that she was causing him pain too, the anguish and the heartbreak on his face stabbed her to her core. But she knew—she'd hoped—that it would just be temporary. That with time and space, he'd forget about her and move on with someone better suited for him because Erin didn't think she was all that memorable.
"It's best this way, believe me." Kim didn't look convinced but she kept quiet. Erin appreciated it. Kim had been nothing but supportive ever since Erin had arrived at her doorsteps, needing a place to crash. She knew she couldn't go back to her old apartment, knowing that Jay would look for her there. Kim had not only given her shelter but she had given Erin her shoulders to cry on and space when she knew Erin needed it.
Erin sighed. She really needed to start moving on with her life and started figuring out the mess that was her life out. She was back to where she started, only now she was out of a job. She didn't want to go back to the diner or get another waitressing job but she needed a job and she needed it fast. She hadn't taken a penny of Jay or Will's money even if that meant that her dream of taking the nursing courses and becoming a nurse was pushed until further notice. There was no way she could've taken their money. Even thought she had tried to convince Jay that she didn't love him and that the whole six months they spent together was a lie and all for money, there was a part of her that still wanted him to know that she did care about him. It seemed as though Jay didn't believe the lies that she has tried to spew out to get him to leave, to get him to hate her and to forget her, in the first place either. She dropped her face into her hands, her head starting to hurt from just overwhelming emotions. The mild she was getting started to intensify when she heard the loud sound of her phone ringing, causing her to groan and answered it.
"Hello?" she spoke into the phone, her eyebrows furrowing when it was a number that she didn't recognize. "Yeah this is Erin Lindsay. Oh my god, yeah of course. Thank you for calling. I'll be right there." She hung up the phone and stood up, frantic.
"What happened? What's wrong?" Kim asked, wondering what had gotten her friend acting like this all of a sudden.
"It's Marty. He had a heart attack and he's in the hospital."
"Hey there are my girls," Marty greeted with a big smile as Erin and Kim entered the hospital room, the two women bending down to give him a kiss on the cheeks.
"You had us worried, Marty." Erin rubbed his hand gently, trying to avoid the IV line that was inserted into his skin.
Marty chuckled. "As you can see, the old man is still kicking and will live to see another day," he remarked, trying to keep the mood light and stop them from worrying about him. "Thank you for coming."
"Of course," Kim said, as if there was any chance that they wouldn't be here for him.
"I don't have any family so when they asked me who I wanted to be contacted as my next of kin, I told them your name," Marty said, looking at Erin. "Because you two are the family I have."
Erin nodded, smiling. "You're family to us too Marty. I'm just glad that you're alright. Just rest up okay?" She squeezed his hands. "I can run by your place and get you some change of clothes, if you want?" Marty nodded, accepting Erin's offer and she and Kim left Marty to get some sleep.
They exited the room and came face to face with Marty's doctor. "Hi," Erin got the doctor's attention. She just needed to hear from the doctor himself that Marty was going to be fine. "Is Marty going to be alright?"
The doctor looked down in his chart. "Are you Erin Lindsay?" Erin nodded. "Okay, I can share this info with you then with his permission. He had a mild heart attack and it was mild enough that we treated it with a less invasive option so he underwent an angioplasty instead of an open heart surgery. He is out of the danger zone for now but I recommended him to get a couple of stents inserted as soon as possible. The stents will help open up the coronary arteries and it'll help prevent more attacks in the future but he declined."
Erin frowned. "Why?"
The doctor looked hesitant to elaborate. "Look the only form of insurance he has is medicare and it's not a comprehensive enough of a plan to cover for all the costs. The insurance he had covered the angioplasty but most basic insurance plans like what he has won't really cover what they consider extraneous treatment. Technically, he'll be fine and stents aren't needed for him to live so the insurance won't cover it. But if it was my family member that was lying on the bed, I'd made sure that he get the procedure done as soon as possible."
Erin's anger grew. "So this is about money? An old man is unable to get the treatment he needs to live a healthy life because he doesn't have enough money?"
The doctor held up his hands. "Trust me Ms. Lindsay, I share your frustrations with our universal health care. But it's not up to me here and I don't decide what the insurance covers. Look, a staff from the financial department had explained all this to Marty okay and he refused the treatment on his own. He is already going to have a high bill to pay for this hospital stay and I have to say I don't really blame him for not wanting to get the treatment." The doctor gave her an apologetic look and left.
"Can you believe that?" Erin was still fuming. She couldn't believe not only Marty had gone through something scary and life threatening, now he was left with this massive bill to pay. Erin didn't know where he would get the money to pay the bill off would come from.
"We seriously need an overhaul in this country," Kim griped, agreeing with Erin. Erin shook her head, still angry as she shoved a few shirts into an overnight bag. They were in Marty's place, packing him some items from home to help him feel more comfortable while he stayed at the hospital. "How much did the lady from billing say the bill was?"
"Just for the angioplasty and the estimated three days in the hospital alone? $25,000. That's not including the cost for the procedure to get stent put in. Otherwise it'd be over $75k, easily."
Kim's eyes bulged at hearing the cost. "How is Marty supposed to pay for it? Work at the diner for the rest of his life and have every cent of his paychecks to go pay for it?"
Erin sighed, she had been thinking about it too. She knew there was no way Marty could pay for it. That was the whole reason he had refused to have stents put in, knowing that he couldn't afford it. But Erin knew that it would save his life, keep him from having another heart attack so he needed it, even if he couldn't afford it.
"I need to help him," Erin said. "I can take on his debt," she voiced.
"Erin," Kim replied, like it was a crazy idea. Maybe it was. "That's a lot of money."
"I know but it's Marty. He's family. He needs the procedure. He's lucky that this heart attack was a minor one but next time, he might not be so lucky so if he needs the stents put in to prevent more attacks in the future, then he needs to get it."
"Okay, I agree with all that but Erin where are you going to get the money?"
Erin shrugged. "I can work out some sort of a payment plan. I have some money left over from my savings. And I guess I can go back to the diner, actually get a job and make some money."
"But I thought you were going to use this time to find a job that you actually like," Kim commented.
"Who knows how long that'll take before I find a good job. My resume isn't exactly screaming qualified candidate for any other type of job besides minimum wage ones," Erin replied. Really, she knew there was no way she could leave Marty to fend for himself. She knew that Marty didn't have a lot of money, barely had any savings and that he was living paycheck to paycheck. There was no way he could afford to pay off his debt and Marty was right when he said they were family. He was the only resemblance of a father figure she had in her life and she couldn't turn her back on him. If that meant she had to go back to a job she hated then so be it. She zipped up the bag. "Can you take this back to the hospital?"
"Yeah," Kim took the bag from Erin. "Where are you going?"
"I need to go talk to the manager, see if I can get my job back." Erin gave Kim a small smile and left. The younger woman watched as Erin left the room, sad at the sudden turn of events. Erin was taking on a whole lot of responsibility here. Kim knew just how much Erin hated going back to the diner but she was willing to just so she could help someone. Kim ran her hands through her hair, her heart sad for everyone involved.
She swung the bag on her shoulder, accidentally knocking a few knick knacks on the nightstand during the process. "Shoot," she bent down to pick up the items, her hands stilling when she saw a business card on the ground before she slowly picked it up, bringing it closer to read the name on the card. Jay Halstead.
Erin entered the billing department, wanting to speak to the staff that she spoke to earlier so they can get some sort of payment plan started and Marty could have the procedure he needed right away. The doctor had recommended the procedure to be done as soon as possible so Erin knew she needed to get it done quickly.
"HI," she smiled at the woman working the counter. "I was here earlier. I was just wondering if we could work out some sort of payment plan for Marty Brookes?"
The woman that she had spoken to before gave Erin a confused look. "Oh, I'm sorry but it's not necessary."
Erin's heart dropped. She had been counting on working out some sort of a payment plan with the hospital. There was no way she could come up with all that money in one large sum. "Please," she said. "There has be something we can work out. I promise you'll get all the money."
The woman cut Erin off. "No, it's really not necessary." She placed a piece of paper on the counter. "The money has been paid."
"What?" Erin was shocked, picking up the paper to get a closer look. Sure enough the bill had been paid off, all at once. "What?" she repeated, her mind still unable to wrap around the fact that the $100k bill had been paid off.
"Yeah, I thought you knew," the staff member said, giving Erin a strange look. "Marty is about to undergo the procedure as we speak. If you hurry, you might be able to catch him before he goes under." Erin had so many more questions but she had no time and she rushed out of the room, trying to get to Marty's room as fast as she could.
She was breathless as she ran down the hallway, trying to catch Marty before he was taken to the operating room. So much so that she ran smacked dab into a hard chest, the person immediately reaching out to steady her. She regained her balance and looked up to find it had been Jay who she had ran into.
"Jay?!" she uttered out, not knowing what he was doing there for. "What are you doing here?" For a minute, she was worried that something had happened to him. She had been worried about him, knowing that he was now a detective and risked his life everyday out on the job. But after scanning him up and down and finding him to be okay, she was confused of why he was there. But things was put into place for her when she finally realized that he was coming out of Marty's room. "You were the one that paid off Marty's bills? How did you even know that he was here? Wait, how do you even know him anyway?" She was lost. Sure, she had mentioned who Marty was to Jay several times and how close the two were but as far as she knew, Jay and Marty had never met. So for her to find Jay coming out of Marty's room and that Jay had somehow paid off $100,000 debt for Marty, her head was spinning.
"Slow down," Jay held his hand up, stopping her rant. "I got a call from Kim that Marty had a heart attack. She explained that he needed this procedure but that his insurance wouldn't cover it so he was refusing treatment."
"So what?" she crossed her arms. "You convinced him to get the procedure done?"
"Yeah, he needs it doesn't he?" Jay retorted like it was obvious.
"Why?" Erin questioned, her face confused at why Jay was willing to pay that much money for who was essentially a stranger to him. She knew Jay was a generous person but this was a whole another level—this went beyond generosity.
Jay shrugged. "I've talked to Marty before and I like him. That's why I gave him my card and told him to call me whenever he needed something and he need this. So I'm here."
"That's it?" she asked, grimacing to herself when she noticed a flash of hurt went across Jay's face, like he thought she was accusing him of something.
"What else is there?" he shot back. He sighed. "Look I really don't have any ulterior motives here okay? I didn't do this so you'd feel indebted to me or something." He brought his finger to his brow, scratching it, his habit whenever he was uncomfortable or had something to say. "I know how much he means to you so did you have something to do with me paying the bill? Yeah but I'm not expecting anything back from him or from you. I just wanted to help and I could help so I did."
"Jay," she exhaled, wanting to reach out to him but holding herself back. "I wasn't trying to accuse you."
"I know," he cut her off. "If you did, I wouldn't blame you either." He brought his hand up like he wanted to reach out but stopped himself. "I just….he's important to you so he's important to me. That's all. I'm not expecting anything to change. If you come back to me, I want it to be because you want to, not because you feel like you owed me. That's the last thing I want." She nodded, taking in his words. He gave her a small smile. "Beside I like him, he has given me good advice and I want to make sure he's okay."
"Thank you," Erin told him, sincerely. She didn't know how she could thank him enough for being so selfless and doing this for Marty. He might've just saved Marty's life and gave him a quality life with this act. There were no words she could say that would be tantamount to the appreciation and love she felt for him. Jay just nodded, didn't say anything else before walking away. But he didn't need to. The look in his eyes had been clear enough. That he loved her as much as he did before and that he did this for her, because he knew just how important Marty was to her. She turned around, watching his retreating back walk down the corridor, further and further away from her. She wanted to run to him, stop him and just kiss him and let him know just how much she loved him. But she didn't, she couldn't.
Jay walked into his father's house, heading straight to the dining room. His father had been calling him for the past week, practically demanding his appearance at dinner. Jay had refused as long as he could, had tried everything to get out of it, thinking that his father only requested his presence to lecture him about Jay quitting Halstead Enterprises and becoming a detective. And Jay didn't want or need to hear that. But his father had surprised him, telling him congratulations on his new job and he had managed to sound sincere enough that Jay felt that he needed to put effort in himself. If his dad was going to be turning over a new leaf, then he needed to also so that was how he found himself here.
"Jay!" his father greeted him, "You're here." Jay just nodded, his eyes rose when he was pulled into a half hug by his father. This was certainly new, Jay couldn't recall the last time his dad had given him any sort of physical affection. Will was already at the table, watching the two interact. Jay just titled his head at Will, greeting him, before taking his seat. Jay waited for his father to ask about Erin, the older man still not knowing that she had left but the question never came, neither did any mention about her absence at the dinner. Jay let it be, hoping that he wouldn't mention it at all, not wanting to explain to his dad that Erin had left him. Jay didn't think he'd be able to hold in his anger if his dad started to celebrate at the news or god forbid, if he re-started his usual agenda of trying to play matchmaker for Jay with every available socialite in Chicago.
Jay looked around at the large table, frowning when he saw two extra plate settings. "I thought it was just going to be the three of us. Are we expecting other people?"
"Just two more," his father replied, keeping his answer vague. But he started grinning when he heard the doorbell and stood up to greet the new guests. As soon as Fiona and her mother walked through the door, Jay knew what the whole evening was about and just what his father had on his mind for the night.
"Fiona, why don't you take a seat next to Jay?" His father suggested, sickeningly sweet and Fiona agreed, greeting Jay with a smile as she sat down next to him. Jay didn't return her smile, too busy fuming inside being ambushed by his father. He looked over at Will to see if his brother had any inkling of just what their father was up to but Will looked just as surprised as Jay. "Jay, don't be rude. Doesn't Fiona look beautiful tonight?" Pat and Fiona's mother exchanged a look across the table, smiling at each other. "We thought we'd get you two together and all of us could have a nice dinner together."
Jay gritted his teeth, pissed off at the gall of his father. For all his father knew, Erin was still here and here he was trying to pair Jay up with some other woman, knowing that Jay was a married man. Did he really think Jay would be like him? Willing to cheat? Disrespect his marriage for whatever sidepiece that came along? Maybe if Jay had been in a better state of mind, he would have been more tactful and would've tried to avoid making a scene, not wanting to make a fuss in front of his father and make waves. But he was tired, he was broken and this was the last thing he needed so he slammed his napkin on the table and stood up to leave.
"Jay, sit down," his father ordered, voice stern. Jay didn't listen, pushing his chair back to make his exit. "Jay!"
"I'm not staying for this!" Jay yelled back as he reached the living room, needing to get out of there as soon as he could. "Whatever plan you have of getting me and Fiona together, you can forget it. I don't want her. I'm married and I have a wife that I'm in love with!"
Pat scoffed derisively. "You mean Erin? Didn't she leave you?"
Jay's eyes narrowed. "How did you know that?"
"Please," Pat scoffed again, smirking. "You think I don't know what goes on in my son's life? I know she left you a month ago."
"Yet you never bother to ask how I was doing?" Jay asked. Really he shouldn't have been surprised. It was as though it was brand new information that Pat never cared about his sons beyond what they could do for him and in this case, so Jay could marry Fiona and merge the two companies together even more. Because that was all his father cared about—his own selfish needs.
"You should be doing great!" Pat shot back. "It was time that the skank finally left."
Jay fisted his hand, getting in his dad's face. "Don't call her that," he warned, barely able to contain his anger. A storm brewed in his eyes, clouding the usual blue orbs.
"It is what she is, isn't it?" Pat said again. "A hooker? She sold her body on the streets and she married you for money didn't she?"
Jay just looked at his father in shock. "You knew all this time." He realized just how foolish he had been, thinking that his father was actually making an effort to better their relationship. He had almost even praised him for not making too big a deal of Jay marrying Erin but it seemed as though Pat had been keeping his shit under wraps, digging up all the information about Erin without Jay knowing.
"Of course I did. What? You think I was just going to stand by and do nothing when you ruined your life by marrying some street trash?"
"I told you don't call her that," Jay warned again.
Pat scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You know Jay, Will had tried to convince me that you marrying Erin," he said mockingly, "was a good idea. How it was necessary so you can dig yourself out of the legal hole you've dug yourself into, as usual. And I was actually willing to let things go, at first anyways. I just thought you had better sense and that after the six months, you'd pay her what you owed her and she'd disappeared back to whatever hole she crawled out of. But then I saw you two together at the Christmas party and I saw how you looked at her, how you held her and danced with her and I just knew. You really are your mother's son. You're weak and stupid and you're willing to throw your life away for something as useless as love. There was no way I could've let that happen."
Suddenly things clicked into place for Jay. "You did something, didn't you? That's why Erin left."Pat didn't reply, refusing to admit to it. Jay just shook his head. "Go to hell dad," he spat and stormed out of the house.
"Jay!" Will was surprised to find Jay back in the office, not expecting him to see him there, especially after what happened last night with their father.
"I need your help," Jay said without greeting Will.
"With what?" Will asked worriedly, taking in the agitated state Jay was in. Will had tried to reach out to Jay after he stormed out of their father's home last night but his brother didn't answer. Will was giving Jay a couple more hours to answer his calls or otherwise he had already decided to go down to Jay's house himself and find out what was going on.
"I know Dad did something to Erin, said something to her. That's why she left. I don't know why I didn't think of that sooner. But that bastard, he's the reason why she left." Jay was almost incoherent, rambling on about their father. Will had tried his hardest not to let his mind wandered to their father ever since Mouse had mentioned how Pat could've been responsible. Will didn't want to think that their father could so callous and heartless to hurt his own son and break his own son's heart but really, he should've known better. It was exactly who their father was and just because Will had wished desperately for him to be otherwise, at the end of the day, leopards didn't change their spots.
"What do you want me to do?" Will asked Jay. He was willing to do anything to help his younger brother.
They had hacked into his father's personal accounts, Will trying out a couple of passwords before landing on the right one. After all, Will was the closest to their father and if anyone could figure out the password, it was him.
"What are we looking for here?" Will asked as they scrolled through the hundreds of transactions his father's accounts contained.
"Anything that has to do with Erin." Jay murmured, his eyes glue to the screen, searching.
"You really think she'd take the money? That's why she left?" Jay immediately shook his head.
"No, of course not. But there has to be something here that forced her to leave. Maybe he threatened her with something." Will shrugged, searching through the records.
"Nothing," he commented, finding nothing relating to Erin. Jay sighed, expecting to find an answer but not getting one. "Wait, what's this?" He pointed to a transaction on a screen. "Dad made a seven figure donation to Chicago Police Department." He looked at Jay. "Dad never donated to public services before. Why would he suddenly donate over $5 million dollars now?"
Jay barged up the stairs and entered Voight's office without bothering to knock. If his Sergeant was surprised by Jay's sudden appearance, he didn't let it show, just looked at Jay with an arch eyebrow. "Something on your mind Halstead?"
Jay held up the paper in his hand. "Yeah, this." He slammed the paper down on Voight's desk, Voight barely glancing at it before looking back at Jay. "My father, he bribed the department to getting me in here didn't he?"
Voight sighed. "Halstead, calm down."
That worked as opposite as Voight intended and Jay felt himself more worked up. "How could I? This whole time I've been thinking that I'm here because I worked hard to and that I belong here but then I find out that it was just because my dad had bribed the department to get me in. Why the fuck would you go along with this? Is the department that desperate for money that it could easily be bought?"
"Watch how you talk to me Halstead," Voight warned. "I know you're pissed off but you still need to watch your mouth."
Jay scoffed. "Fire me then," Jay said. "After all, you guys would let anyone in your department as long as you got enough money in return right? Pretty sure I can just make another donation and get my job back."
Voight sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose. "I like you Halstead and that's why I'm giving you this chance. Shut the door," he ordered, staring down Jay until Jay finally turned and closed the door. "Sit down." Jay sat down on the seat across from Voight, his arms crossed as he waited for what VOight had to say. "Your dad did make a large donation to Chicago P.D but it's not what you think."
"Here," Erin took the offered coffee from Kim, thanking her with a smile. "You look like you needed it."
"Thanks," she replied, taking a sip of the coffee. She leaned against the wall, shifting her body until she found a comfortable enough position in the hospital chair.
"So," Kim started, looking at Erin from the side of her eyes. "Jay came through for Marty, didn't he?"
Erin sighed, crossing her legs. "Yeah, he did." Marty was in the operating room, getting two stents put in and it was all thanks to Jay. "I wish I could say I was surprised but" Erin shrugged. "It's Jay. He's amazing. He's caring and dependable and generous." If it was possible, she loved him even more after everything. He had no reason to help her out, to help Marty out. Marty was practically a stranger to him but Jay had stepped in anyway, after just one phone call. He had given so much money, more money than Erin would ever see in her lifetime and he had dramatically increased Marty's quality of life with his generous act.
"Then why did you leave him?" Kim finally dared to ask. Erin met Kim's eyes at the question. "I know that it's none of my business and I've tried keeping my mouth shut for the past month but," she turned her body towards Erin. "I'm dying to know here Erin. It's clear that you love the guy and it's more than obvious that he loves you too so why did you leave him suddenly?"
Erin sighed, dropping her head. She knew she owed Kim this. After everything Kim had done for the past month, Kim deserved to know why she suddenly had an extra houseguest intruding in her space. "Okay, I'll tell you."
Erin stepped into the small office in the precinct, wondering why Hank had suddenly told her that they needed to talk. She turned and waited as Hank closed the office door. "What's wrong?"
"You're married to Jay Halstead?" Voight asked her again. Erin nodded.
"Is everything okay Sergeant?" Her concern was growing now. She needed to know what was going on. "Hank?"
"You know, Halstead is a great cop and Antonio has been talking my ear off about him," Hank started, scratching his nose. "So I thought what the hell? Let's see what this kid is all about and I read over his file." Erin suddenly became anxious, thinking that Voight was going to bring up Ben Corson and how Jay handled the case. She had no problem with how Jay handled the fragile case but she was afraid that others might've not seen it that way. But she was ready to defend her husband, every step of the way.
"Listen," she started to speak but Voight held up his hand, cutting her off.
"I'm not looking to judge Halstead about the past cases he worked on," Voight told her, like he already knew all about Ben Corson. "I am not the most by the books guy in the department either. You know that Erin." She did, after all he had tossed the book aside to help her out several times when she was younger already. He was the sole reason why Erin didn't have a record as an adult so she was well aware of Voight's less than conventional methods. "I don't think I'd handle that case any differently than Halstead did so I don't have any room to judge. My point is this—I like the kid and what he could bring to the table so I pulled his file to the side, told the Ivory Tower that I want him on my team as soon as his test result cleared."
"That's great!" Erin cried cheerfully. "Jay's going to be so thrilled. This is his dream and he's going to be an awesome addition." Erin could've spent the whole day singing Jay's praises. But the sullen look on Voight's face had told her that perhaps it wasn't all good news. "Hank?"
"I requested Jay on my team but I was ordered by the higher ups that even though Jay had passed his detective exam, he wasn't going to be a detective in my unit or any other—at least not in Chicago." Erin's face dropped, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
"What do you mean?"
"Apparently, a large donation would be made to the Chicago Police Department by Halsted Enterprises. All the department had to do was to toss out Jay's results." Voight continued. "His father made it clear that he didn't want his son to be a detective, at all. Bribed the department to make sure he got what he wanted." Erin was completely shocked, unable to believe that Jay's father would stoop so low and would be devious to do this. He knew just how much it meant to Jay but he was willing to hurt his son to get what he wanted. "I just thought you needed to know what kind of family you married into," Voight explained. "I'm guessing Jay knows your history?" Erin nodded, still reeling from what Hank had told her. "But I'm guessing his father doesn't."
Erin shook her head. "No."
"I just thought you should know to watch your back." Hank squeezed Erin's arms. "Pat Halstead is not to be trusted. If he's willing to do this to his own flesh and blood, just imagine what he'll do when he finds out about your history, Erin."
Erin nodded, knowing that Hank was coming from a good place by telling her this. "Thank you," she wanted to leave and get out of there. "Can you do me a favor?"
"Anything." Voight shrugged, immediately replying.
"Don't….don't tell Jay that he's not going to make detective just yet."
Voight looked at her. "What are you going to do Erin?"
"I'm going to make my husband's dream come true. Anyway I can."
She didn't bother knocking, immediately storming into Pat Halstead's office. "We need to talk."
The older man looked up from his desk, his facial expression not changing. He simply closed his fountain pen and sat back in his chair. "Go ahead." He gestured to the chair, offering Erin a seat. She walked closer to the desk and sat down across from Jay's father. "What do you need to talk about Erin?"
"You know why I'm here." Erin could barely look at the man. She knew that Jay wasn't close to his father but for his own father to backstab him like this? It was disgusting.
"No, I don't," Pat replied, in a mocking tone. "You're going to have to make things a little bit clearer to me."
"You bribed the police department to fail Jay so you could stop him from being a detective," Erin stated. "Even though you knew just how much he wanted to be a detective. How he had been dreaming of this for years."
Pat chuckled, not even caring that he had been caught. "Yes, I did."
Erin was in disbelief. "How could you do this to him?" she voiced. "You know how much he wanted this."
"Yes I did," Pat interrupted her. "Trust me Erin, I know just how much Jay wants to be a detective. Told me since he was nine years old and wouldn't have shut up about it ever since."
"Then why?"
Pat sat up, crossing his arms on the table and staring down Erin. "The question here should be do you know Erin?"Erin gave him a confused look. "Do you know just how much Jay wants this?" Erin nodded slowly. "Then just what are you willing to give up for it? To make sure that Jay gets what he wants."
"What are you getting at?" Erin questioned. Although she already knew where this was going, the old man was cruel but he certainly wasn't original. Now as she sat across him, watching him smirk like he had just got her right where he wanted her, Erin knew just what he was about to say.
"You love Jay right?" He didn't wait for her reply. "Yeah, I know you're going to claim to love him. I know Jay had deluded himself into believing that he loves you too but Erin, my dear wake up and face reality." The fake sympathetic look on his face made Erin almost vomit. "You and Jay? It's never going to work out. My son, he grew up with a golden spoon in his mouth, you with plastic in yours. He is an well educated man, millions of dollars at his disposal. I can't imagine you passing high school. You are too different. Maybe your looks had distracted Jay enough for a while. Maybe he actually believes that he loves you but you and me? We both know the truth. It's not going to work out between you two." He stood up and walked around the desk until he reached Erin, staring down at her. "He belongs with someone like Fiona. Someone on his level and you my dear, well we can put lipstick on a pig all we want, maybe even dress it up in some fancy dress but underneath all that, she's still a pig."
Erin gritted her teeth, her anger growing at being openly insulted by Jay's father. "You want me to leave Jay, don't you?"
Pat chuckled. "I guess that middle school education is good for something," he snidely remarked. "I'm just saying why should Jay lose out on both love and his dream?" He sat on the edge of his desk. "If you really love Jay like you claim to, then leave him. Leave him and I'll make a donation to the police department, only this time my money won't come with conditions. Jay could become a detective like he wanted to and you'll be gone from his life like I want you to." He stood up and walked back to his chair. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a check. "And just so everyone wins, here's a check for $1 million dollars." He handed Erin the check. "A small price to pay to take out the trash."
Erin sucked in her tears, not wanting him to see her cry. She wouldn't give him that satisfaction. "Jay would hate you when he finds out."
"Then it's a good thing that he won't," Pat shot back. "After all, you won't be around to tell him." He smirked. "Don't you want Jay to have his dream? For him to finally reach his goal? Can you just imagine the look on his face when he gets the call that he failed his detective exam and that he's not going to make Intelligence? He'll try to hide his true feelings and how sad he'll be but we both know how heartbroken he'll be about failing. Maybe he'll even try to take the test again, thinking maybe it'll be this time and he'll pass but of course, I'll just make another donation and another and another, and he'll never get his dream. You really want that for him? Or you want him to be happy?" He waved the check in Erin's face. "Take the offer Erin. Take the money and leave my son alone."
Despite not wanting to and trying her hardest not to, a tear fell on her face, Erin quickly wiping it away. "I'll do it." she said, her voice breaking. "I'll leave Jay. So make the call."
Pat grinned slyly like he just won. And he did because he just got what he wanted. But it didn't matter to Erin that he was practically gloating in her face, tossing her one smirk after another as he called the Ivory Tower to change the conditions of his donation and to make sure that Jay would get his deserved spot in Intelligence. "Done," he said after he hung up the phone. "Now it's your turn to hold up your end of the bargain. Get the hell out of our lives, Ms. Lindsay." He reached into his drawer again and pulled out a yellow envelope and tossed it to Erin. "Sign the divorce papers and disappear."
Erin grabbed the envelope from the desk and stood up, trying not to break down before she got out of the office. She wanted to just fall apart at what she needed to do. She had just broken her own heart and she needed to break Jay's. She didn't know if she'd be able to just walk away and leave him. She loved him. She sniffed back her tears and steeled herself. She loved him and she needed to do this for him. Jay deserved to have his dream come true and even though she didn't want to admit it, his father was right. He did deserve someone better than her. Maybe this was the way it was meant to be all along.
"Here, don't forget your money," Pat tossed the check in Erin's face. Erin picked up the check that fell on the ground and she ripped it up and tossed the pieces of torn papers back in his face, taking the older man off guard.
"Keep your damn money," Erin spat. "You said Jay deserves someone better and you're right. He does deserve someone better than me and he certainly deserves a better father than you because you're a poor excuse for a father."
She chuckled condescendingly, tossing Pat a smirk and turned, making her exit. For good.