"I have a question, Weiss," Winter said as soon as Weiss opened her door. It was the day after the dinner, a lovely spring day filled with darling blue skies, that she would spend indoors studying, as was the way for a Schnee. Weiss took a seat at her desk, her notes laid out all around in a mess.
"Ask away," Weiss said, jotting down a last few points in her notebook.
"Ruby Rose," Winter said, a statement made like a neat tick in a checkbox. Weiss felt some gears turn in her head as she tried to anticipate what Winter was going to say. There were a million questions. She put her pen down and shifted in her seat to look at her sister. Winter was stood a little ways away, nearer to her bed, hands behind her back. Weiss considered cracking a joke, like one Ruby would make if she was uncomfortable, but she decided instead to just see this through.
"What about her?" Weiss asked, biting the inside of her cheek. It was only a couple days after the dinner party. Weiss had thought it was a resounding success, and Winter had allayed her fears, telling her that it was a genuinely enjoyable to meet the people Weiss chose to spend so much time with. She had approved- not that Weiss was going to do anything if she had disapproved, anyway.
"How do you feel about her?" Winter asked, like she hadn't just held the key to Pandora's box, unlocked it, and kicked the door open. Weiss had to wonder where this line of questioning was even coming from. Did she know? How did she know? Did Yang or Ruby tell them about New Year's? What was Winter after? Weiss' mind almost threatened to short circuit, all those questions overwhelming her. Faintly, she recognized that she had let the silence reign for a little too long. Looking at Winter, Weiss knew that she took that as kind of an answer unto itself. It kind of was, to be fair. Weiss sighed.
"I..." Weiss faltered, searching for the words. It was difficult. It was a little bit more than just difficult. She didn't know how to quantify how easy or difficult it was because it was just that big. It was the kind of thing Weiss was so afraid to think about because it felt like it would take a thousand years to think a single thought out. Winter looked at her with this... look in her eyes. Something like recognition. Something like sympathy. Something like acceptance. Weiss didn't know what to make of it. She didn't know what to make of anything at this point. It was like being caught in the middle of a hurricane, except at least a hurricane had the warnings of wind and rain before.
"Why do you ask?" Weiss decided to take the easy way out. Winter set her mouth in a hard line.
"Do we really need to have this all spelled out?" she sat down on the edge of Weiss' bed, crossing her legs. Weiss figured her chances of bullshitting her way through this were really, really slim. But for the sake of her pride, she had to put up a fight. Weiss shrugged, and Winter scoffed.
"Weiss, I do have eyes, you know," Winter said, looking at her like Weiss had offended her. "I saw the way you looked at her the other night. And the way you talked to her, and talked about her- that was my first clue, really," Winter crossed her arms.
Weiss let out an explosive sigh, burying her face in her hands. She let out a long, low groan.
"On some level, you do deserve this," Winter said, in a matter-of-fact manner. She was right, of course, but this wasn't just something embarrassing, it was... well it was something more. "But this isn't about that," Winter said, and Weiss snapped her head up.
Winter got up from Weiss' bed, making her way over to the couch. She patted the seat next to her, beckoning Weiss over. With another great sigh, Weiss got up from the desk and padded over. Winter rolled her eyes.
"Don't be so dramatic, Weiss. It's unbecoming," Winter said, mirth seeping through in her tone. Weiss just pouted as she plopped herself on the couch. The picture perfect model of a beleaguered teen.
"That's not true. Being dramatic is a hallmark of an over-privileged Atlas teenager," Weiss countered smartly. Winter had to nod in agreement, besides the point though it was.
"Weiss, if you are... willing to. I'd like for us to talk. About your... relationship, with Ruby," Winter said- almost choked out, really- after a moment of silence. She looked strained, almost a little lost herself. To her credit, Weiss was too. What a pair they were, all repressed emotions and bundled Schnee feelings. Weiss had to admit though, it was very nice of Winter to provide this gesture. She must have been thinking about it for a while. The thought warmed Weiss up.
"We're not the best at talking about our emotions, Winter," Weiss said quietly. Winter smiled, shaking her head.
"No, Weiss, we are not. But I would like to try, for you," Winter said.
Okay. Fine. Even Weiss wasn't as stubborn as all that. Not for Winter, at least.
"Ruby made me this," Weiss walked over to her desk, taking out the gift Ruby had crafted her from a drawer. Weiss tentatively presented it to her sister. She took it, turning the glass box over in her hands to look it over from different angles. "She gave it to me for Christmas. She told me she'd been working on it for a month before that. Almost exactly a month before Christmas, we had just met."
Winter made a sound in the back of her throat, her gaze still transfixed on the sculpture. Weiss bit her bottom lip.
"You know how Ruby and I first met. I wasn't very... nice, to put it lightly," Weiss fidgeted with her hands a little bit, faint traces of guilt ebbing into her. She shook her head. "But Ruby saw more than just- that. She didn't see a prissy, haughty, bitchy Atlas elite that thought she was better than everyone else. She saw... how scared I was."
Winter stared at her, her attention rapt. Weiss lifted her hands to trace the edges of the scar on her eye. It had grown faint in the months and months since the attack, but Weiss wasn't a fool- she knew that it was permanent. No matter what, Weiss would always have that perfect slice, the neat cut of Atlas marring the otherwise smooth and clear expanse of her skin. It represented her fears, her doubts. It represented a different time, a before and after. She felt herself grow weary just thinking of it all.
Her thoughts bounced quickly, from Atlas, to Ruby, to Blake and the Faunus, to Jacques Schnee, to Schnee Manor itself, both in its perfect pristine glow, then with half of it blown to kingdom come. She thought it was the worst thing to have ever happened to her. She thought meeting Ruby was the best thing to have ever happened to her. She thought about how one couldn't exist with the other. She felt herself retreading old ground, thoughts she was thought about until it was worn down in her mind, like grass trampled over so often it created a nice pathway. Weiss sighed.
"I was scared," she shut her eyes, feeling the emotions she had tried to leave behind- the smoothing out of her skirt, the walking unsteady, lost and alone, the uncertainty of her place in the world. "And I've never dealt with fear in the best of ways. Until I met her. Meeting Ruby Rose has made my life better than it has ever been," she opened her eyes and saw herself back in Vale, with Winter beside her, silent and caring. In Vale with Ruby just a couple minutes away, bright and loving. In Vale with Ruby, Blake and Yang, the handlebars that she could use to steady herself whenever she needed it. She had decided, a while ago, that it was love. So that was what Weiss thought about. Love.
"I... love them. Blake, Yang and Ruby. But Ruby..." Weiss clenched her fists in her lap, sucking in a deep breath.
She felt Winter place her own hand on Weiss', coaxing it open to hold it in her own. She ran her thumb over Weiss' knuckles. Weiss blew out her breath.
"She's special," Winter said.
Weiss nodded. Because that was it. That was the long and the short of it. She had more on the tip of her tongue, to tell Winter that Ruby laughed like music, that Ruby smelled like roses and that was funny and endearing, that Ruby's eyes were too big and wide and such a gorgeous colour, and all Weiss wanted to do was look at her sometimes, just to look and look and look, like the next time she would see Ruby, she would have morphed into someone else. All of this was important, and it mattered, and Weiss thought about it a lot, but looking at Winter, Weiss thought that she understood.
God, how old was Winter now, almost in her 30s? She'd lived more than Weiss would ever know. She'd know more than Weiss ever could. She had a sizeable head start. Not that Weiss was looking to be outdone. She had time.
Weiss leaned in and put her head on Winter's shoulder. Winter didn't move a muscle, and Weiss relaxed into her sister's side.
"We almost kissed on New Year's Eve," Weiss said. If she breathed in deep enough she could recall the scent of Ruby, just Ruby Rose, so close in her hands.
"Why didn't you?" Winter asked. Their hands were still grasped firmly together.
"I don't know," Weiss answered honestly.
"Do you want to?" Winter probed further. Weiss furrowed her brows.
"I don't know if we should," Weiss said. Winter let go of her hand to stroke at Weiss' forehead, brushing some hair away.
"That's not an answer," Winter said.
"It's not a good idea," Weiss looked at her hands, saw her scar, thought about her words. Thought about Ruby Rose, who was a million miles away from Atlas, who was anything but Atlas, who was good and beautiful and light, and contained none of her Atlas worries. Her antithesis, her foil, her bright, shining miracle. It wouldn't work, it wouldn't be okay to stick Ruby Rose and Weiss Schnee together. Ruby deserved better, of that Weiss had no doubt. She thought about Blake and Yang, perfectly made for each other. How each of their traits balanced each other out. Yang hated anchovies. Blake loved them. Ruby and Weiss didn't have that give and take. It felt like, sometimes, Weiss was taking far, far too much from Ruby Rose. It just wouldn't work.
"It's not a bad idea," Winter countered.
In her heart of hearts, Weiss desperately wanted it to be an amazing idea. Weiss wanted to fall with the knowledge that she had that parachute securely fastened to her. Weiss wanted to know before any of it started. Weiss wanted to be there, be already all in, be secure in this decision, if it was a decision at all. But she was Weiss Schnee, and there was this voice in the back of her head that told her to stop, that slowed her down, that held her back by the nape of her neck and forced her to look, to see it all from up above. It was easy to see things in black and white when you viewed things from a distance. And from her distance, Weiss could see that it wasn't- she couldn't.
"Yang told me to stop hiding," Weiss admitted. She groaned, wishing, wishing, wishing that this wasn't so hard. That there would be a straight line from Weiss Schnee to Ruby Rose, and nothing else.
"Yang sounds smart," Winter said.
"I just don't know if I can, Winter," Weiss said finally, her voice small and wavering slightly as she felt the lump in her throat threaten to choke her words out. Her face felt hot, and tears threatened to burn her eyes. "I don't know if I deserve it, if I could even if I did, if I should even if I could. All of it."
"I can tell you, deserve's got nothing to do with it," Winter wiped Weiss' tears away. "And there's no greater fear than that of the unknown. But look at where you are, Weiss, and where you started from. You've come far," Winter said, and now her voice sounded like it was wavering, but there was a smile on her face. Weiss catalogued that look. Pride. Again, always so strange, always so welcome and revolting in equal measures. Weiss wanted her heart to burn itself out. This was exhausting.
"You can't be afraid to try, Weiss. That's the thing that kills people like us. We have to face our fears. We have to be better than it. I believe in you, and I hope you find the strength to do it," Winter said, gentle and kind and filled with love. Weiss buried her face into Winter's shoulder, sniffling a little bit. "I'm sorry I interrupted you from your studies," Winter breathed a laugh out, and it made Weiss burst out laughing.
"It's okay, Winter. Some things are worth it."