Chapter Three: Back to Basics
Three hours later, Neji was not happy.
He stormed out of the office, Anko, Naruto, and Tenten trailing behind. Orochimaru was skulking in the shadows to watch the show as they walked out. He was not at all happy about Naruto's recent policies.
At first, he'd listened keenly, then started to shift uneasily. Then he'd raised objections, which Naruto had not responded to. At last, Neji stormed out in a fury. Naruto, being Hokage, promptly abandoned the dignity of his office. All to chase after Neji for validation.
"Look," said Naruto as they moved into the street.
"Trust you?" Neji turned around. "Naruto, I like you, but I will ten days dead before I ever trust you again."
"Oh come on, when have I ever lied to you?" asked Naruto.
Neji raised a hand with a finger then lowered it. Finally, he took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll tell you.
"Remember that time where you inspired me with hope, since if you a nobody can amount to something, surely I could? And I was supposed in the wrong for believing that fate cannot be changed?"
"Yeah, I mean, I beat you and proved anyone could fight fate," said Naruto.
Anko put her face in her hands.
"No, you didn't!" said Neji. "You just said that, and everyone believed you!"
"But I did beat you against all the odds," said Naruto.
"It was only against all the odds because you were lazy!" said Neji.
Bit harsh, but true.
"No, I wasn't. I worked hard-" began Naruto.
"For a few months," said Neji. "Prior to your combat with Mizuki, you were dead last. You hardly ever showed up for class and needed the nine-tails to bail you out against Haku!
"I thought it was beyond understanding how you could have advanced so far so quickly.
"Now, I know why.
"It turns out you're the son of the Fourth Hokage and one of the Uzumaki Clan. You are also the last heir to the ancient Senju Clan. And, if that didn't make you special enough, you're also the reincarnation of a Hashirama and a god.
"I was right. I was 100% absolutely right about everything. I am the modern prophet of this world."
Hmm, Anko hadn't thought of it before. She hadn't watched the Chunin Exams in years, but given everything that happened, Neji had kind of been right. Naruto had been in possession of far better lineage. He'd had less experience, worse training, and a worse attitude to learning. Yet he'd beaten Neji, who was superior to Rock Lee, the 'genius of hard work.'
Naruto shifted beneath his gaze. "Okay, so um, maybe things weren't as clear cut as we thought, but why are you so angry?"
Neji blinked, then looked to where Hinata was approaching. He shifted and finally took off his headband. "What's this on my forehead, Naruto?"
Naruto blinked. "Um, an uh... tattoo..."
"And what does this 'tattoo' symbolize?" asked Neji, eyes narrowing and seeming to spark into a flame.
Naruto rubbed the back of his head as he looked around nervously. People were crowding around now. This was going to be good. "Um, well, it's a uh... Hinata, you know what that is right?"
"It's a Caged Bird Seal, Naruto," said Hinata.
Anko wondered if she could use a jutsu to melt into the floor. This was... embarrassing.
"Caged... uh... what?" asked Naruto.
"You forgot." hissed Neji, shaking with rage.
"Forgot what?" asked Naruto.
Neji punched him. The blow struck Naruto across the face, and the nine-tails jinchuuriki's entire body moved with it. It sent him flying backward to crash into the wall of the Hokage building. Anko whistled, impressed.
"You promised you'd change the Hyuga!" snarled Neji. "What, do you think I just randomly started being nice to you because you beat me into the dirt?"
"Um, kinda," said Naruto.
Neji was shaking. For a moment, it seemed as if his eyes were bursting into blue flame. His teeth were gritted as a hand went for a kunai. Anko shifted as Kiba came out. "...You entitled son of a bitch," said Neji.
"Hey, I resent that remark!" said Kiba. "It promotes negative stereotypes about-"
Neji punched him too, and Kiba smashed into the wall. And he looked a lot more like the kid who had faced Naruto in the arena. And a lot less than the youngest jonin. "Nobody cares what failures resent, Kiba. You've lost every fight you've ever had that mattered. The extent of your importance was jobbing to Sakon long enough for Kankuro to one shot.
"Kankuro! The poster child for irrelevant and useless powersets!"
Apparently, Kankuro was here on a visit because he stepped forward. "Hey! Just who the hell do you think you are to talk down to me or my style."
"Get over it, you face painted failure." snapped Neji. "Your special abilities are useless."
"My puppetmaster jutsu is an ancient technique that takes years to master!" snapped Kankuro. "And I didn't have it handed to me at birth like you, Hyuga!"
"Yes, and the greatest puppetmaster in history was Sasori. Who was killed by Sakura Haruno," replied Neji. "Sakura. Haruno. The physical manifestation of failing upwards as a concept."
"That's a little harsh, don't you think," said Naruto.
"Not fucking harsh enough, given that you're the one who promoted her!" snapped Neji. "I not only got injured, making sure you became Hokage. I fucking DIED for you! And this is how you repay my sacrifice! You have time to pardon every war criminal on the planet but not to pass one decree outlawing the Caged Bird Seal!"
"I'm not really big on paperwork, but I mean-" began Naruto.
Neji punched him again. "No, no, I'm done. I'm not listening to these promises anymore."
At that moment, Tenten stepped forward and grabbed him by the shoulder. "Hey, uh, Neji, listen I realize that this is hard for you but, um, Guy-sensei and Lee will want to-"
"Those failures can wait." snapped Neji.
Tenten blinked. "Failures?"
"Um, Neji, you're acting as you did in the old days," said Hinata, sounding afraid.
"My, what a remarkable grasp of the obvious you have Hinata," said Neji. "I'm pleased to see your Byakugan has developed to a level where it can perceive things on the surface."
"Hey, Neji, knock it off! Leave Hinata out of this!" said Naruto, standing up.
"Oh no, I have been down that road, and it is a dead-end," said Neji. Then he looked back to Hinata. "So, Lady Hinata, now that you're glorious career of getting beaten up by me, then Pain, what are your ambitions?"
Hinata shifted as everyone looked on. "Well, um, I was planning on sort of settling down with the war-"
"Oh, I see," said Neji. "You plan to become an ordinary housewife. Hopefully, produce some children who are not quite as worthless as you are. Hiashi, always did say you were completely unqualified to be a ninja.
"This just confirms it."
"Enough!" said Naruto, radiating nine-tails chakra.
"Does anything I've said count as worse than performing lethal experiments on children?" asked Neji flatly.
That question killed the nine-tails energy right quick. Naruto obviously had no idea how to answer that. Murmurs came from the crowd. "Well... um..."
"He's got a point," said Orochimaru, coming out of the shadows.
Neji looked at Orochimaru with a glare that said he was next. "Oh, the reminds me of Orochimaru. How did that whole search for ultimate power for out for you? Let's you... you lost your army to Sarutobi, your alliance with the Sand to yourself. Then you got your entire genin team killed so that you could get Sasuke.
"Only instead of throwing him into prison for three years, you trained up to a level where he could kill you. Oh, but your spirit persisted, and you were thus able to get humiliated over and over again until you just gave up.
"You started out your career as the Satanic Archetype of the entire ninja world and now look at you. You're a stupid old man, desperate attempt to distract himself from the fact that he is a failure. One tolerated only by the whims of the Uchiha and Senju you so envied.
"A desperate attempt to get noticed. All so you can distract himself from the obvious. That you do not have the Sharingan or the Rinnegan, and therefore you were totally insignificant from the very moment of your birth. You will never have the Sharingan. You will NEVER be an Uchiha."
Orochimaru opened his mouth and tried to speak, looking a bit hurt. "...I uh...
"I think I need a minute."
And he walked off.
Neji turned to walk off, and Anko and Tenten trailed behind. Then Team 10 rushed up. Shikamaru with his hair tied up and the flak jacket. Ino, blonde hair tied up and wearing violet shirts and belly-shirt. And Choji, wearing his green vest.
Ino moved forward. "Hey, guys, we just saw Orochimaru running off crying. You know what's going on here?"
"Ah, the Ino-Shika-Cho team," said Neji. "I suppose I'll begin with the lump of lard."
Wait, had he called Choji fat? The fool! Anko and Tenten quickly stepped aside as Shikamaru and Ino ducked for cover. Choji's face became a furious scowl as he seemed more a demon than a person. "Are you calling me fat?!"
"Yes, Choji, I am," said Neji simply. "You are fat. Obese. Overweight. You have a significantly higher body weight than is healthy for one of your size. You eat too many calories compared to the amount of exercise you gain daily. You are in need of severe fitness training.
"Were I a petulant schoolchild, the term 'fatso' would be appropriate.
"Now, what are you going to do about it!"
With great wrath, Choji transformed into his human boulder attack. He surged forward and was instantly deflected by Neji's kaiten. Landing some distance away, Choji began got up, and then Neji was on him.
One flurry of the gentle fist later, and Choji was on the ground drooling.
"I really don't see why anyone stands on eggshells around you," said Neji. "You've lost every single fight you've ever been involved in; I'm not worried. Even if you go into your human boulder form, it will only result in me crushing you that much faster." Then he kneeled down, opened Choji's bag, and took out a bag of potato chips. Opening one, he sampled them. "These are excellent chips.
"I recommend you do some jogging." Then he threw them out.
Well, that was brutal but not untrue.
"Who the hell do you think you are, mister!" said Ino. "I'll-" She stopped, even as she raised a finger and saw Neji gazing at her.
"You'll do what, Ino?" asked Neji. "Your most notable accomplishment is looking good in leather. Why are you even a ninja anyway? You could probably make more money in a photoshoot, and you'd be more useful than you are now.
"Tell me, how's that rivalry with Sakura Haruno going?
"Let's see... Sakura has a neverending stream of failures, while you are irrelevant. Congratulations are in order. Despite not training at all, you have defeated the most worthless ninja in history."
"Sakura isn't... well, I..." Ino shifted.
"Why did you even become a ninja if you didn't want to put any work in?" asked Neji. "I recommend you switch careers to one where an obsession with makeup is a virtue."
"Knock it off," said Shikamaru, and then it was his turn.
"Oh, Shikamaru," said Neji. "No doubt you've come up with two-hundred different contingency plans for this situation. And no doubt every single one of them is bad."
"Hey, Shikamaru is our finest tactician!" said Ino. "His plans always go off without a hitch! And he pulls of victories even with major disadvantages!"
"Putting aside that you are one of those disadvantages, no he isn't," said Neji. "His plans rely on things going according to plan. A good tactician makes a plan that can be adapted. Shikamaru is lucky enough that all his plans work despite them having no right to. And his lack of options in battle is his own fault. He has exactly one worthwhile power, and you two have none.
"If he were a competent tactician, he'd have forced you, idiots, to learn some new powers.
"What were you going to do if Kakazu and Hidan took a route far away from your woodlands? Maintaining shadow jutsu takes significant power over time. What if you ran out before reaching the trap? And why did you even bring Ino and Choji? You didn't have a role for them in the mission?
"How would you have killed them if Kakashi hadn't forced his way onto your team?"
"Well, I-" began Shikamaru.
"Oh, that reminds me, you weren't supposed to kill them, were you?" asked Neji. "That's right. Lady Tsunade ordered you to capture them."
"Instead, you killed both of them.
"And as a result, Jiraiya had to go investigate the Land of Rain, which provoked Pain to attack the Leaf." Neji looked around him. "So congratulations Team 10, you are so incompetent that you made your sensei die for nothing. And, in the same stroke, you killed Naruto's master and turned the LEAF INTO A CRATER!" His voice echoed far and wide.
Tenten blinked. "Hey, actually, that's a good point. I lost my apartment because of your jerks!" And then she kicked Shikamaru in the crotch.
"I... might not have been thinking clearly," admitted Shikamaru, keeling over.
"I don't have any more time for you, Shikamaru," said Neji, walking over to a nearby stand and paying the vendor. "Some of us actually won our fights with the Sound Four. And you three are and always failures purely because of the families you were born into." Then he turned to the assembled failures all around him, and they trembled beneath his gaze. "So, who's next?" And snatching a set of sunglasses from his stand, he set them over his eyes. "Failures beware. Neji the Prophet is back."
This was going to be good.
Author's Note:
I was unsure of how to continue on from the cliffhanger of last time.
And then, I came up with the idea of Neji reverting to his initial jerkass nature. After all, Naruto didn't do any of the things he promised Neji. And later, revelations remove the validity of Neji's character development. If Naruto was destined for greatness because of his blood, then Neji is right.
Why should Neji keep his character development? Recent events have proved that said development was based on a lie.