A/N: The song used in this chapter is Just Give Me A Reason by Pink ft. Nate Ruess. I urge everyone to go listen to it before reading this chapter. Because it's a duet, and the way I wrote the chapter things may get a bit confusing. That's why you should listen to the song first. All the flashbacks will be in italics. And fun fact about the flashbacks- there are a couple from Victoriously Jade Season One, and all the others will be included in future episodes I write. All the lyrics will be in bold. I hope this isn't too confusing for anyone.
Enjoy?
I Don't Know How
Part Three
"You've been a great audience. Thanks for coming out tonight!" I yell into my mic, trying to be heard over the applause that hasn't quite quieted down yet. Before I know what is happening, Ryder grabs the microphone from my hand.
"What the fuck are you doing Daniels?" I hiss at him. All I get in reply to my question is a cocky smile.
"Isn't our new lead singer amazing everyone?" Ryder asks the crowd, gesturing to me while the crowd roars in agreement. I can't help but be a touch flattered- he certainly hasn't singled me out to the crowd the handful of other times I've performed with them. I look back at the rest of the band, who are all looking anywhere but in my direction. Something isn't right…...I whip my head back and eye Ryder suspiciously.
"Don't forget, we are Ryde-Her and the Heathens, and you can see us perform again this weekend at The Gorilla Club," he shouts.
Ugh. I still can't hear the stupid name of his, (well I guess technically it's my band too) without wincing internally. I just know that Ryder thought that he was 'oh so fucking clever' when he came up with it. I turned to walk off the stage, expecting Ryder to say goodnight to the crowd, my one thought on how I desperately need some water to drink, my throat is feeling awfully dry after all the alcohol I had before the show. I silently scold myself. I know better than to have more than a couple shots before I start singing. Even after the couple of water bottles I brought on stage with me to sip between songs, my throat still feels like I swallowed a hand full of sand it's so dry.
"We've got one more song to perform for you tonight," Ryder says to another round of applause. I stop walking and turn to him, shooting daggers at him with my eyes. I know he isn't stupid enough to-
"Our own Jade West wrote both the lyrics and music to this song, and although it's a bit different than what we normally perform, we think you'll like it," Ryder says with a big grin on his face, turning towards me. "Jade?" he tilts the mic towards me. My eyes narrowed into slits and I walk up to Ryder, temporarily turning away from the audience.
"I'm going to fucking kill you for this," I threaten him quietly, and I feel some slight satisfaction as his cocky grin falters and he audibly gulps.
I walk over to Doug, the keyboardist, and grab the drink he has sitting next to him and down the final third that remains in the glass. I can feel the liquor leave a warm trail all the way down to my belly. I force myself to take a deep breath and plaster a smile on my face, as I turn to the crowd, walk up to Ryder and rip the mic from his outstretched hand.
"Okay, so...um, I originally wrote this song for a class project for-" I hear Ryder clear his throat, warning me I'm about to admit to still being in high school. I clear my throat and focus on putting the microphone back in it's stand. "I finished it about a week before my boyfriend and I broke up. It's kinda poetic I guess….I wrote it because I thought he was falling out of love with me and falling for someone else," my voice trails off for a moment. "Three fucking years together…..but, it turns out I was right," I stop myself from talking, realizing I've shared WAY more personal information than I intended to with a bar full of strangers. Damn nerves. I take a deep breath and force a small smirk across my face. "Anyways….always trust your gut people!" I say, before walking up to Pete, our drummer, and downing the remains of his drink. For some reason my throat STILL seems dry and honestly I need all the liquid courage I can get if I have any hope of managing to get through this song.
I grab the second microphone stand and bring it downstage with me and set it a couple feet to the left of the first one.
"So my friend Andre was originally supposed to perform this with me, but apparently he got held up helping with a film project for uh, for someone," I explain, not even wanting to say Beck's name out loud. "No worries though, since Ryder over here has agreed to perform this with me tonight," I say, turning to look at him. "I don't know how I'll ever thank you," I say thru gritted teeth, imagining eight different ways I could break his pinky finger once we get offstage.
"So yeah, I call this song Just Give Me A Reason," I address the crowd. "I hope you like it."
The band begins to play the first notes of the song and I take a deep breath, forcing myself to actually open up and perform the song the way it deserves to be sung. It's not like anyone in the audience knows me. I can afford to show some vulnerability here without having to worry about anyone from Hollywood Arts seeing through my emotional armor. Except Ryder of course, but he doesn't really count.
As I begin to sing, I look out over the audience without really seeing them, memories of the past playing in my head.
Right from the start
You were a thief
You stole my heart
And I, your willing victim
"So I guess you're going to be my scene partner," the new kid says, holding his hand out to me. It's the first day of the second semester and I'm sure I've never seen him before. I've been hearing about him all day long though. The new cute guy who just transferred to Hollywood Arts Junior High. The whispers I'd heard about him were right. He WAS cute. He had a cute smile "My name's Beck," he holds his hand out to me, and I just stare at him and arch one eyebrow.
"Jade," I say icily, narrowing my eyes at him.
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
I felt myself begin to start trembling again and before I knew it Beck had enveloped me in his arms. "Whatever it is, you can tell me." He says quietly into my ear, and kisses my forehead.
"Why does the universe hate me?" I whisper.
Now you've been talking in your sleep- oh-oh
Things you never say to me oh-oh
Tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love
Beck is talking in his sleep again. "I don't want to do it anymore," he finally manages to mutter a coherent sentence after five minutes of gibberish.
"You don't want to do what?" I ask him, wondering what kind of nonsense he will say in response to my question. Sometimes he says the funniest shit, and I quickly grab my pear phone from my nightstand and begin recording.
""I've had enough," he answers, and sighs in his sleep. "Ijusssbmmmmff."
"Had enough of what?" I lean in with my phone still on, hoping I will get able to record something that I can tease him with later.
"You know…..shhhh...don't tell Jade," Beck mumbles in his sleep, before turning away from me.
"Don't tell Jade what?" I ask him, crossing my fingers he says something outrageous.
"Mbbbfff like Tori jusssbfff," he mutters.
My goofy smile disappears and I lower my pear phone and stop recording and turn away from Beck's sleeping form. Why the fuck did he just mutter Vega's name?
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
"Why do you have to act so crazy jealous all the time!?" Beck yells at me in the parking lot after I managed to get us kicked out of the restaurant.
"The waitress gave you her number right in front of me!"
"I can't control what other people do Jade!"
"But you can control your reaction to it!" I screamed at him.
"You're right," Beck says. "I can control my actions. But I don't think you can," he spins around and storms off to his car.
Just a second we're not broken, just bent
And we can learn to love again
"It just feels like everything's breaking apart," I tell Cat after another fight between Beck and I ended up with me storming out of his RV.
"Maybe stuff isn't breaking apart. Maybe it's just bending into something different," Cat says. "And different doesn't always mean bad Jadey," she tells me quietly, putting her hand on my shoulder. I can't help but roll my eyes as I shake off her hand. Cat looks at me sadly. "Just think about it, before you do something you'll regret."
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken just bent,
And we can learn to love again
I turn to look at Ryder and am shocked that there is no trace of his normal cocky demeanor. I'm glad he's taking this seriously. He begins to sing, looking straight at me and ignoring the audience. I honestly forgot what a good actor and singer he can be when he chooses to.
I'm sorry I don't understand
where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everything
And it's all in your mind
"What are you talking about?" Beck asks me.
"You already told me you think Tori is pretty!" I scream at him, picking up a throw pillow and chucking it at his head. Beck dodges the pillow and it slams into the wall of his RV.
"Yeah, after YOU said that she was pretty!" Beck yells back at me.
(Yeah, but this is happening)
Instead of seeing Ryder singing next to me, I'm picturing a frustrated Beck.
You've been having real bad dreams, oh oh
You used to lie so close to me, oh oh
"No, stop!" I shout, lurching up in bed, drenched in sweat and literally trembling from another hellish nightmare.
"Shh, Jade, it's okay. I'm here," Beck darts to the bed and sits on it, wrapping his arms around me and brushing the hair from my eyes. "I'm here. I promise, no one can hurt you while I'm around," he assures me, his thumb wiping away the single tear that fell from my left eye. "I'll always be here for you."
There's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love
Beck and I are on opposite sides of my queen sized bed.
"Can't we talk about it?" he asks.
"There's nothing left to talk about," I reply without glancing at him.
Just give me a reason just a little bit's enough
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You're still written in the scars on my heart
You're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I walk up to Ryder so we are singing this next part face to face, only inches from each other. I can pretend that Ryder is Beck. I can pretend that Beck still loves me.
Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust
But our love's enough
"I'm just tired of it," Beck says.
"So am I," I say. "Finally, we actually agree on something."
You're holding it in
You're pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We'll come clean
"Jade, haven't you had enough?" Beck asks me, grabbing the vodka bottle out of my hand, causing me to knock my glass over.
"I don't know. Have you had enough time to work with Tori on how to handle herself at the Gorilla Club? I'm surprised you even bothered to come over. Doesn't Vega need more help with her acting? Helping her for her audition is oh, so important," I sneer, snatching the vodka bottle back.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
"I just don't understand why YOU have to be the one to help her out all the time. Why does she always ask you for help?" I ask.
"It's not like you will help her," Beck says.
"You don't see her asking Andre, Cat or Robbie do you? It's always you. If you can't see what she doing, then you're fucking blind."
"And if you can't trust me, then we have a problem," Beck says, and crosses his arms.
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
That we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
"Is this what I think it is?" I ask, and Beck just smiles at me as I pick up the matching necklaces and examine them.
"I remember you said how cool it would be to transform some of the washers and nuts and bolts and stuff into jewelry when I was fixing my RV awhile ago," Beck shrugs. "After you went home that night I grabbed two of the washers you were playing with." he gestures to it. "I hope you like it."
"Are you kidding me?" I ask, still a bit stunned that he remembered some random comment I made in passing and turned it into the perfect gift for me. "This is amazing," I say and stand up and kiss him. "Hurry up and put it on me. I want to see what it looks like!" I give him a necklace and turn around, holding up my hair.
I feel him put it around me and he leans in to kiss where my neck meets my shoulder blades. "Did you read the inscription?"
"You got them inscribed?" I feel my face break out into a smile and I try to read what the ring around my neck says on the inside, but it is too tight. Beck laughs at me. "Look at the other one. It says the same thing. Then you can put that one on me."
I turn around and pick up the matching necklace and hold the ring up into the light. "I pick the shadows," I read out loud, and feel my insecurities start to melt away.
"Every damn time," he smiles.
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
We end the song with only centimeters separating us. The crowd erupts in cheers, and the next thing I know Ryder has grabbed me in a huge bear hug, lifting me up off the ground.
"I told you the song was amazing," he whispers into my ear, and for a moment I can't completely hide the smile that threatens to spread across my face.
"Ugh, put me down Daniels," I reply once I regain my composure. "You're making us look like idiots."
Ryder just laughs and sets me down and we walk off the stage with the rest of the band.
"Just listen to that reaction. They loved us," Pete, the drummer, says. "Maybe we do need to diversify our set list a bit. You written any other songs Jade?"
"I bet she has a ton of gems just collecting dust in her room, don't you?" Ryder asks me.
"Eh, I'm not a fan of showcasing my real emotions to people," I tell them.
"You two were really good out there. If I didn't know better, I would swear that you two had hooked up at some point," Pete tells us, "I'm going to go get us all a couple rounds of shots," Pete and Doug go off to the bar, leaving Ryder and I alone backstage.
Ryder turns to me. "You really were awesome,"
"Hey Daniels!" the bar's manager comes up to us. "Call me tomorrow. We definitely want to book you guys again," he says, and rushes out to do something on the stage. We both wait a second and then huge smiles erupt.
"Yes!" Ryder shouts, sweeping me off of my feet and into a huge bear hug. He spins me around in his arms twice, making me laugh. Suddenly it's like he remembers himself, and he stops abruptly and sets me down.
"Sorry," he says quickly. "I know how you are about people touching you without your permission."
"Eh, I'll let it slide this time," I can't help but grin. Between the crowd's reaction to my song, the knowledge that we are going to book another gig here, and the alcohol I've had tonight, I'm in too good of a mood to care. "I was pretty fucking good out there, wasn't I?" I playfully hit him on the shoulder.
"Yeah, you really were," he says seriously, and carefully tucks an errant lock of hair behind my ear. His hand lingers on my neck and he leans into me, his lips stopping only centimeters from mine. "You were honestly mesmerizing out there," he whispers, before closing the remaining space between us and crashing his lips into mine.
Two hours and several shots later, I find myself in the backseat of Ryder's car. My breath hitches as I feel his thumb gently caress the lace of my bra that's directly over my nipple. It sends a spark through me that penetrates thru the euphoria of performing, and even has the power to jolt me from my drunken haze. I open my eyes and gently push him away from me. "I can't do this."
Ryder stares at me a moment, thoughtfully. "Why?" he asks me.
Rather than answer him, I adjust my shirt back into place.
"It's because of him, isn't it?"
I look away, trying to capture the euphoric feeling I had after my performance, but I can feel it slipping away, leaving me feeling even more empty than before.
A/N: Okay, please don't hate me! Obviously endgame is Bade. But there was a lot of episodes between The Worst Couple and Tori Fixes Beck and Jade. Please review!