Your Ex-Lover Is Dead by Stars

I sat on the beach for a long time. Fragile had already left. I played with the quipu in my hands, thinking. The smell of cigarette smoke broke me out of my thoughts. I looked up to find Cliff staring down at me. "You staying here forever?" he asked, sitting beside me, taking a drag.

This is...weird. But what isn't weird lately?

"No," I admitted finally. "I just don't know where to go." Sam is busy with Amelie and they deserve some time together. I don't want to be with Fragile. I'm not sure I can take Lockne's and Mama's pitying stares. But I didn't want to go back to my house. I was already reliving memories with Higgs in my head. I didn't want to be in the place they took place in.

"Come on," he said, standing. He held a hand out to me. I hesitated. "DOOMS is different here. You don't have to be afraid." I took his hand. He kept a hold of my hand as he walked with me. I felt safe. Like I always did with my dad. Dad. I turned to Cliff with a look of realization.

"Oh my god," I breathed, looking at him but not letting go of his hand. He stopped with me.

"What?"

"You're Sam's dad. That's why you keep getting Sam in the storms."

"That's impossible, my son is a BB."

"Sam's adopted. President Strand adopted him. You worked at Bridges before you died. Your files are buried deeper than any others I've seen. More than Higgs, who literally destroyed cities." And me. But I'm less important than a city.

"No, that can't be true," he shook his head. But I could tell I planted doubt in his mind.

"You're going to try again, I'm not naive enough to think you won't," I shook my head. It made too much sense. They had the same demeanor. The same way of saying nothing and everything at the same time. "Just look. Don't think about it. Just look at him."

He said nothing, continuing to walk while holding my hand. I walked with him. "You love him?"

"I do, so I'd appreciate you not killing him when you see him next."

"If he's my son, he'll outdo me." Stubbornness is a family trait apparently. He stopped, looking at me. "You look so much like my wife. You're kind like her. But strong. Sam is lucky to have you, whether or not he's my son. You have to go back. What's stopping you?"

"I don't know where to go." As soon as I said it, I thought of something. I wanted to be where Higgs was staying. "I know some place."

"Good, go there." He kissed my forehead. "Stay safe."

As soon as I touched the quipu, I found myself inside of a shelter. It smelled like pizza, beer, and Higgs. I was standing by the door so I headed further into the bunker. It was small. Three rooms. A closet, a bathroom, and a bedroom. The bedroom had a cot, a desk, a few shelves, and a lot of general shit just scattered around. Definitely Higgs. He and I used to squabble about his inability to be organized. He called it organized chaos.

There were photos of Sam all over the walls along with various scribbled thoughts from Higgs. I was in some of the pictures. Higgs had crossed Sam out of most of the pictures. Apparently the two of us together made him more angry than he let on. There were pictures of us from when we had first met. When we got married. And pictures of me alone after he left me. He never stopped keeping tabs on me. I sat in his chair at his desk, pulling the files he had laying around towards me. One on Fragile, Bridges, Sam, and me. I started with mine. Other than pictures, there was a handwritten note addressed to me.

Taylor,

If you're reading this, I'm probably dead by now. I imagine it was either you or Fragile that was the end of me. Sammy boy couldn't handle that, could he? But if you found out what I did, you'd be able to. I killed your parents and our daughter. And I lied to you about all of it. I made sure you could never have another kid again. If it's not my kid, it's nobody's kid.

Sometimes I wonder if things had been different. If I'd have just let you keep it. Would I have been distracted enough to stop my plans with Amelie? Maybe I would've even tried to help Sam stop her. But I guess you wouldn't be with Sam. You'd be with me. And Katharine. We'd probably live with your parents. Or they'd live with us. Your mom would help little Katharine like she helped you. Your dad and I would go fishing when I'm not making a delivery or saving the world.

It could've all been different. You and me. Who I became. I like to think that, but it's not the case. I would always become this version of me. A tool for Amelie to use. And I'd enjoy it just as much. But it would be worse because you'd have people to care about when the world ended. But goddammit if you didn't thwart that plan like you thwart everything else. The world's gonna end and you've still got someone to care about going home.

I tried to break you in all the ways that I felt broken because I just couldn't love you in the way that you loved me. I tried. I did. But I couldn't, and I wouldn't, love you enough. Don't let anyone else treat you like I did. Don't cry over them like you cried over me. Guess you still cry over me. I'm glad. Means you really loved me. And all the love I ever had I gave to you. But it wasn't enough.

Stay safe while the world ends,

Higgs

I hadn't realized I was crying until a tear fell onto the paper. I put it back in the folder, holding my head in my hands. Higgs really was off the rails. But I couldn't have stopped it. I can't stop anything. The wind outside howled, sending shivers up and down my spine. There was a bad storm outside.

The front door unlocked. I sat up straighter. What? That shouldn't open from outside.

"Goddammit man," I heard Sam growl as he closed the door behind him. I poked my head out of the office in surprise.

"Sam?"

"Taylor? What the hell are you doing here?"

His arms were around me. I relaxed as I put my arms around him.

"I didn't know where to go and I didn't want to be around anyone else while you were with Amelie so I came here." I hesitated. "That room is intense, as a warning." He wiped my face with his thumb. "Higgs left a note, I'm okay. He at least gave me all the answers I wanted or needed and didn't want."

He followed me into the room, letting out a low whistle when he saw the state of things. "The particle that permeates all existence."

"Yeah, he really lost it." I crossed my arms uncomfortably. "Sam, I think Amelie is part of the reason why."

"Yeah, I know. I'm on my way to Lake Knot City. I'll have to take a boat back to Port Knot." He hugged me. "God I'm glad you're safe. Fragile has everybody at Central Knot but she said she couldn't find you because you never came back from the beach."

"I sat and thought for a while. Cliff showed up."

"Did he hurt you?"

"What? No. He wouldn't. He walked with me. And talked with me."

Sam hesitated. "I saw Bridget on the beach. Die-Hardman showed up with a gun and pointed it at her. Then Cliff showed up and scared the shit out of him. I don't know what happened next because Amelie threw me out of there so fast my head spun. I have to get back. I have to stop her. She's going to cause the last stranding."

"The last stranding?"

"End everything. She's the final extinction entity."

"That's...a lot."

"It is." He kissed my head as he pulled me close, just holding me. "Anything you want from here?"

"Clearly all of these photos of you falling down a mountain," I said, a smile growing on my face. I kissed him before he could reply. "Just the files. I'm sure Fragile will want hers. The Bridges one should be catalogued in digital files. There's one for you, which is mostly just pictures and some receipts from you delivering him pizza. And mine is full of old pictures and a letter he wrote at some point before now." He looked at me curiously. "You can read it after the world isn't being destroyed."

"Good call."

I stuffed the files into a backpack I found laying around. Old school. And to think I found his pretentious love of old things charming when we met. Sam escorted me outside, making sure the hood on my sweatshirt was secured so I was protected from the timefall. He had a truck waiting. He helped me into it before struggling into the driver's side.

"I'm impressed you know how to drive," I admitted. He looked at me in confusion.

"You don't know how to drive?"

I shook my head.

"Well that's one thing to teach you if we live," he shook his head. "I can't believe you don't know how to drive."

"It's not like there were roads most of my life. That was all your doing."

"Fair enough."

The rest of the drive was in silence, mostly because Sam had to concentrate on just being able to see. We were almost in the gates of Port Knot when a wind tunnel began to touch down. Sam tried to break and reverse but it was too late. The truck lifted into the air.