Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors

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"Will you judge me? All my ugly? I won't blame you if you do."

~Love Me Less, Max Schnieder

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Crowfeather slowly eased from a sprint into a leisurely dawdle and took his time making his way back to camp. The leaf-fall air was cool and made him shiver when it blew against his pelt, ruffling his short black fur, but it wasn't quite unpleasant. It had been some time since he had strolled through the moor like this.

Crowfeather was filled with a warm, happy sensation as he broke the treeline and his paws hit the short grass that coated the uneven earth that made up his home. He realized the feeling was content. Satisfaction, almost. It wasn't a foreign feeling. It was quite familiar, actually. It was a subtle feeling, almost unnoticeable, but he was certain that he was more aware and in tune with this feeling than most cats. It was the feeling of safety and security a cat got when he was home.

Home. It had taken Crowfeather a long time to call this place home but almost immediately upon walking away from ThunderClan territory and its dense woodland, he let out a long breath and his lean shoulder muscles relaxed. He hadn't realized they were tense until he a wave of ease and calmness washed over him and his troubled mind. The past few seasons, WindClan and the moor finally began to feel like home. His heart no longer roamed, no longer longing for Feathertail in the mountains or the life he could have had if he journeyed to the sun-drown place with Leafpool. No, his heart had finally settled in his old age and found peace on the moor.

The aging warrior couldn't explain why the forest had unsettled him so much. He hadn't even realized it until he crossed the first ridge on his way back to camp. Maybe it was the trees. WindClan cats never did like feeling trapped, afterall.

In the back of his mind, he knew he was just making things up to deny the truth. The truth was that it was Jayfeather. It was Jayfeather that caused that uneasy feeling to set in and fester until the familiar terrain soothed him. The endless hills of grass, the open sky, the wispy clouds, the unobstructed sunlight on his face, the fresh scent of the wind and earth… It caused the thoughts that rampaged in his mind like a hoard of badgers to finally quiet. Crowfeather took in a long breath and let it out slowly as his eyes took in the tranquil scene. Up here, nothing could disturb him. He was alone with his thoughts and his thoughts were quiet for once.

Or they would be if a certain grey tabby stopped slipping into his mind.

Crowfeather shook his head and picked up the pace a bit as he darted down the ridge in the direction of the camp. The spotty clearing in the heather and grass had long since come into view and he could feel a tug at his paws drawing in towards it. He felt a bit lighter and he broke into a steady run, stretching his muscles. He'd been out longer than he had thought. He hoped no one was worried about him.

As he padded through the entrance of the camp, he shared a nod with Sedgewhisker and Slightfoot who were loitering near the path cut out of the heather leading up to camp. Crowfeather wasn't sure if they were sunning or sharing tongues but he didn't care at the moment. "Did anything happen while I was out?"

The pair shook their heads before Sedgewhisker offered, "The kits were asking for you. Something about wanting a badger ride?"

Crowfeather bit back a purr of affection and rolled his eyes. Applekit and Woodkit were his son and former apprentice's second litter but Crowfeather still loved them from the bottom of his heart. "They're going to be getting too big soon, don't you think?"

Sedgewhisker flicked an ear and waved him off with her tail. "Kits grow fast. I'd give them another half-moon before your old joints can't keep up."

"Give him a break, he's not that old," Slightfoot purred. His orange eyes glowed with amusement. "You've got many more moons of rabbit-chasing left in you."

"Don't let any cat convince you otherwise," Crowfeather tried to joke but his heart wasn't in it. An old, empty pang echoed in his chest. He tried to ignore it. He dipped his head and turned away. "I should get going."

The two younger warriors were oblivious to his sudden change in demeanor and murmured their goodbyes as Crowfeather padded away. He hung his head ever so slightly, letting out a long breath. I don't think these cats know how old I really am. Nightcloud and I are the only cats left in WindClan who made the Great Journey… Whiskrnose and Gorsetail already retired and I've got seasons on both of them.

He almost let out a mrrow of amusement aloud. Here he was, old enough to be an elder, and only now he felt like he was just starting to get his life together. I know it won't be for awhile but I better have a good time in StarClan when my time comes to make up for everything I've gone through.

Crowfeather came to a stop in the middle of camp and sent a longing gaze in the direction of the warrior's den. What I wouldn't give to curl up in my nest and take a nap right about now…

Suddenly something hit him in the flank. He jumped, surprised, and his heart raced in a panic for a moment before he heard a familiar, high-pitch voice. "Got you!"

Crowfeather broke into a rugged purr of laughter and dramatically threw himself on the ground, rolling onto his back. "Oh no! I've been killed!"

Two pairs of paws battered his stomach as he pretended to go limp. Woodkit and Applekit were making excited mewls of excitement as they jumped off him and pranced around him excitedly. "We killed the badger! We killed the badger!"

Crowfeather rolled back onto his belly so he could face the pair of kits properly. Applekit had her mother's coloring with her light yellow tabby fur while Woodkit more closely resembled her father with darker brown hairs on her pelt. Crowfeather loved them both dearly. He could barely hold back a proud purr as they bounced around him. This is too precious.

"Oh no, you killed me," Crowfeather groaned, once again flopping down on the ground in mock defeat. "I'm dead. It looks like this old badger can't give any brave little kits any badger rides anymore."

Woodkit and Applekit's eyes went wide in horror as they turned on him. "No!"

Woodkit began kneading his flank with her tiny paws. "StarClan's power restores you!"

It took every morsel of Crowfeather's self-control to keep himself from bursting into laughter. This is too precious! His breaths became shorter and rougher with effort but he thought he was doing a good job keeping it in. He couldn't stop the mirth from dancing in his eyes though. He reached up and tapped Woodkit on the nose with the rough pad of one paw. "Now, you know only medicine cats can save cats like that but maybe if you sit a vigil with this old, dying badger, he'll get enough life back in him to give a special pair of sisters a badger ride before it's time to go back to the nursery for the night."

Woodkit and Applekit sat down gingerly and nodded with energy that Crowfeather couldn't believe they were containing.

"Where were you all day?" Applekit asked. Clearly, she couldn't keep still for long because Crowfeather blinked and suddenly she was climbing on his back. Crowfeather stifle a sigh. He knew better than to expect a kit to stay still. At least Woodkit was- Nevermind.

Woodkit suddenly had Crowfeather's tail in her tiny jaws. Crowfeather pulled it away gently and flicked it in her face softly but the action didn't seem to deter her in anyway. "Breezepelt said you were in ThunderClan but Applekit and I didn't believe him. You're a loyal WindClan warrior!"

Crowfeather winced.

"Yeah! You're too good for those stinky ThunderClan cats!" Applekit agreed, tumbling to the ground.

Crowfeather nosed the two, trying to get them to settle down. "Now, ThunderClan cats aren't that bad. You've got kin in ThunderClan, you know."

Woodkit and Applekit stopped climbing on him and looked up at him with wide eyes. "We do?"

Crowfeather nodded. "You didn't know? I was sure your father would've told you about Lionblaze by now or the elders would have told you a story about them."

Applekit looked confused while Woodkit's face hardened with concentration as if she was struggling to remember. After a moment, her expression brightened and she went back to wriggling around with boundless energy. "Oh right! Breezepelt told us about being friends with a ThunderClan warrior!"

Crowfeather nodded and tried to get her to sit back down but Applekit had already joined her in chasing his tail. He let out a defeated sigh. So much for that. StarClan, I really must be getting old if I just want to sit and talk instead of playing. "That's right. Lionblaze is your father's brother."

"Breezepelt has a brother?" Applekit echoed, looking up from her target. Woodkit pounced and caught his tail in her teeth for a second time. Without reacting, Crowfeather pulled it away from her and tucked it in.

"Yeah. He's got two actually. And a sister," Crowfeather told them. It's probably too soon to tell them about Breezepelt's littermates. I don't think they quite understand what kitting or death even is. Crowfeather's gaze rested on the two kits looking up at him eagerly, eyes begging to hear the rest of the story. Crowfeather felt a soft rumble rise in throat.

"What are their names?" Applekit asked. "What are they like?"

"Well, you've heard about Lionblaze from your father. He's a great warrior," Crowfeather began, unsure how to start. Thankfully, he was talking to kits and kits could be trusted to do one thing and that one thing was to ask a lot of questions. And I mean a lot.

"Has Breezepelt ever fought him?" Woodkit asked, rearing up on her hind paws to box the air, swiping at an imaginary foe. She growled, clearly trying to seem intimidating but she tumbled back, losing her balance.

"Make sure to keep your tail out so you don't fall," Crowfeather told her before continuing. He twitched as the memory of Breezepelt and Lionblaze's fight crossed his mind but that was a long time ago. They were different cats now. They had found respect for each other. He had nothing to worry about. "Yes, they've fought before. They didn't get along too well until a few seasons ago."

"What about the others? What are they like?"

"Yeah! I want to hear about Breezepelt's sister!"

Crowfeather closed his eyes for a moment, feeling guilt and grief well up in his chest as it always did when he thought of his daughter. "Hollyleaf… She was a smart cat. Too smart for her own good. And kind. She died during the battle with the Dark Forest."

"Do you miss her?"

"I didn't really know her," Crowfeather admitted. "I was never the best father. I get along with Lionblaze and Breezepelt now but it took a long time."

"Just Breezepelt and Lionblaze?" Woodkit questioned.

"What about the other one?" Applekit asked. "Breezepelt and Lionblaze's brother?"

"Jayfeather? He's a lot like me. A better cat, probably. We never really get along. We're too prickly," Crowfeather told them. Until today that is. I don't think we hissed at each other once. "I don't know him all too well. When he was an apprentice, we journey together to the mountains but we never talked much. Kestrelflight would probably be able to tell you more about him."

"Why? Is he a medicine cat?"

"The best," Crowfeather responded. He paused for a heartbeat then lowered his head and whispered, "But don't let Kestrelflight know I said that."

"We won't," the two kits chorused.

"Which one do you love the most?" Applekit asked.

"A father loves all his kits equally. They all have a special place in my heart," Crowfeather told them, placing his muzzle on Applekit's head briefly. "Your father is my clanmate and I raised him so we have a different kind of bond but I'm still very proud of Lionblaze and I wish I could've gotten to know Hollyleaf."

"What about Jayfeather?" Woodkit asked. She got to her paws and bounced a little bit, sitting still clearly being too much for her.

"What about him?"

"You didn't say anything about him. Don't you love him too?" Woodkit asked.

"Yeah." Applekit nodded in agreement. "Won't you be sad when he dies too? Like Hollyleaf?"

That struck a chord in Crowfeather's chest. His eyes widened and he reeled back slightly. Where did that come from? Jayfeather's a young cat. He's got plenty more seasons left in him than I do.

The kits looked confused by his lack of a verbal response. He opened his mouth to speak but his throat went dry and no words came out. Thankfully, another cat came to his rescue.

"You two quit bothering Crowfeather!" Heathertail scolded, swooping in to pick up Applekit by the scruff. The tiny she-cat mewled and struggled in protest at being picked up. "Have some manners! Now it's off to your nest for you!"

"But Crowfeather said he would give us a badger ride!" Woodkit wailed. Crowfeather felt a stab of guilt. That's right. I did.

"Well, you're not getting one now. It's time for your nap," Heathertail told them. She put Applekit down a tail length away before scooping up Woodkit. "Come on. The sooner you get to our nest, the sooner you can come back out to play."

"Okay…" the two she-kits chorused and bounded off in the direction of the nursery.

Heathertail let out a sharp sigh before looking to Crowfeather, eyes reflecting an emotion the tom couldn't identify. "I'm sorry, Crowfeather. I hope they didn't offend you in any way."

"No… It's fine," Crowfeather said, finally finding his voice. "It just…"

"Unsettled you?" Heathertail suggested.

"Caught me off guard," Crowfeather finished. He sat up, pushing some of his weight to his forepaws. "I talked to him earlier, you know. It's been a long time. I've wanted to reconnect since the battle. We actually got along for once today. I know he's not going anywhere but I'm getting up there in seasons. I just want to… I don't know."

Heathertail was quiet for a moment and for a heartbeat Crowfeather wondered if he said something wrong. A moment later, he felt something on his face and he knew he said something wrong.

"Did you just slap me with your tail?"

"Yes. Yes I did," Heathertail said with an air of swagger that Crowfather very rarely saw in any cat. He'd seen it enough to know that he was about to be awed or frightened out of his fur. He was suspecting the latter.

This is what you get for letting the negative thoughts leave your mind and come out of your mouth, Crowfeather, he scolded himself. You've always kept them up there. Your loss of love, your restlessness, your loneliness, our discontent with the clan, you kept quiet about it until the problem went away and you think about your son and your age for half a day and it suddenly comes out? I was right. These moons must be catching up with me.

"Now you listen to me," Heathertail said sternly, stepping forward. Crowfeather took a step back but his former apprentice and son's mate took another step forward and thrust her muzzle in his face. "Are you listening?"

"Yes." Great StarClan! Becoming a mother makes she-cats scary! She wasn't this bad as an apprentice.

"Good. Now listen closely. Nothing's going to be happening to you anytime soon so get those thoughts out of your head. You're still as fit as a field mouse and you're not going anywhere near the elder's den anytime soon. Your deputy and the clan needs you. You're finally on good terms with Nightcloud and your sons. And!" Heathertail raised her voice on the last word as if to make sure he was paying attention. Her eyes locked with his and she squared her shoulders, widening her stance as if she were about to head into battle. It as as intimidating as facing a pack of dogs. "I mean all of them. Jayfeather's a good cat and you've gotten the chance to finally form some kind of bond. Do it before you can regret passing up the chance."

"Yes mother," Crowfeather said, trying to cover up his fear with sarcasm.

"Good," she said firmly. "Now go take a nap!"

"Yes mother!" Crowfeather darted off without another word. She's worse than Nightcloud! Has Breezepelt seen her like this? She's terrifying!

But her words made sense and StarClan knew he needed to hear them. As he settled down into his nest for a well-deserved nap, one thought lingered in his mind. Jayfeather and I are finally going to start acting like kin.