Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors

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"People cannot win against their loneliness."

~Gaara, Naruto

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Crowfeather stood in the shadows despite knowing that they did nothing to hide him from the tom sitting in the clearing before him. Jayfeather hadn't noticed him yet. He was once again rummaging through a pile of sticks. Even after a quarter-moon, Crowfeather still didn't know why he did this but it fascinated him. His paws were nimble and his movements were smooth. Despite his lack of sight, Jayfeather seemed to know exactly what he was doing and he did it with a focus Crowfeather had never seen in another cat.

Some time had passed since their first meeting and Crowfeather met Jayfeather at the border every day since then. It wasn't premeditated. They hadn't agreed to do so nor had either cat admitted to enjoying their talks but there was a mutual understanding between them that kept them both coming back. Crowfeather didn't understand it but it held a special place in his heart. He hadn't realized how much he needed this.

Watching him like this, Crowfeather briefly wondered if Jayfeather knew he was there and was just waiting for him to take the first step forward but he pushed the thought away. There was no way Jayfeather could know how much Crowfeather valued these moments.

The direction of the wind suddenly changed and as always when it did, Jayfeather looked up. "How long have you been standing there?"

Crowfeather purred and padded to join him on the bank. "Long enough. Anything interesting happen lately?"

"Are we going to sit here all night until our tails freeze off or are we going to head in and quit wasting moonlight?" Jayfeather grumbled, tucking his paws under him to keep him warm. He sat atop one of the ridges that held one of the paths leading to the Moonpool, the other medicine cats standing not far off. Kestrelflight, Alderheart, Puddleshine, and the ShadowClan medicine cat apprentice Shadowpaw were all waiting, the eldest of the group looking annoyed. RiverClan and SkyClan's medicine cats hadn't arrived. Jayfeather and surprisingly Kestrelflight were getting impatient.

"Perhaps we should head into the cave and they can join us when they show up," Kestrelflight suggested with a light shrug. Alderheart and Puddleshine made noises of agreement. Jayfeather could hear Shadowpaw shuffle his paws as if he was going to protest but he didn't seem to have the confidence to show any form of assertion around the more experienced healers and remained quiet.

"That sounds like a good idea," Puddleshine agreed and rose to his paws, Shadowpaw quickly following the motion. Jayfeather was a bit slower but by the time he was on his feet, an unexpected voice grabbed his attention.

"Sorry we're late!" Mothwing's voice rang out through the night. Jayfeather could hear her and three other sets of pawsteps running towards the group at a hurried pace. All four were breathing loudly but none of the breaths were particularly labored and no cat sounded winded. Jayfeather realized the sudden noise of their arrival had made him tense up. He forced his fur to lie flat and looked away as Kestrelflight greeted the other medicine cats.

"We were just about to leave without you," the WindClan tom informed them.

"Sorry about that," Mothwing apologized again. She moved to Jayfeather's side and shouldered him playfully. "I know how grumpy Jayfeather gets when it starts getting cold."

Jayfeather naturally grumbled but he was sure that Mothwing knew it was in good humor. Even if the two fought more than most medicine cats, Jayfeather and Mothwing were the eldest of the group and got along well.

"We actually left on time but the usual path we take was blocked," Frecklewish explained.

"Really?" Alderheart questioned. "I haven't seen anything blocking SkyClan off from crossing into ThunderClan territory."

"Some brambles overgrew around their usual path," Jayfeather told him. His blind gaze turned to Fidgetflake. He could hear her paws move as she shuffled them, clearly unnerved by the way his eyes steadily held a distant, unfocused look when they fell on her. Suddenly self-conscious, he turned his head slightly so he wasn't completely facing her but still spoke. "You took the path closer to the lake, right?"

The SkyClan she-cat nodded. "Right. We didn't want to wander too deep into ThunderClan territory."

"But you're medicine cats," Shadowpaw protested with a frown. "You were going to the Moonpool. ThunderClan cats can't hold that against you, can they?"

Puddleshine put a tail tip on his shoulder. "Sometimes warriors don't quite understand our duties as medicine cats."

"We should probably head to the Moonpool," Willowshine said worriedly. Jayfeather could picture her glancing up at the moon, nervousness dancing in her round eyes. "We're wasting moonlight."

"I couldn't agree more," Jayfeather grumbled and began padding down the path. Alderheart left his side and drifted to flank Kestrelflight. The two toms slipped into a hushed conversation. If he wanted to, Jayfeather could have pricked his ears and listened in but he didn't feel the need to. Instead, he fell into a comfortable silence and walked beside Mothwing and Willowshine.

They arrived at the tunnel leading to the Moonpool shortly after. Unlike the Moonstone in the old forest that he had heard stories of from Mothwing and Leafpool, there were no wear marks from the paws of medicine cats of generations of the past to place his own paws in. Still, he could imagine the indents of the ancient cats that once walked this same path. His fellow medicine cats would never know but Jayfeather would always remember the cats who once called him one of their own.

The cats took their places around the edge of the Moonpool without a word passed between them. They remained quiet, the sighted cats undoubtedly once again in awe of the moon lit water's beauty. Jayfeather wasted no time settling down and plunging his muzzle into the cool water before him.

The transition from the land of the living and the realm of Silverpelt was always a smooth one. When he was at the Moonpool at least, Jayfeather mused. Visiting StarClan when he was sleeping in his nest was a bit different but it had been a long time since he'd done that. He didn't think he had since he lost his powers. Still, he always loved the feeling he got when he lay down in the darkness of the night and blindness before opening his eyes to see he was standing in a brilliantly green field of lush grass and small flowers with starry sky stretching over him.

Only tonight Jayfeather wasn't met with the usual sight when he opened his eyes. No, tonight he was standing in a field but it wasn't one he recognized. He wasn't in StarClan's territory. Where am I? Nervousness and worry prickled in his belly. Jayfeather looked up to check the sky and gasped. The sky was a light blue and covered with thin, white clouds but that wasn't what surprised him. Well, partially. He wasn't in StarClan. The skies in Silverpelt weren't quite like the ones in the world below. He hardly noticed though and he didn't plan on dwelling on it today. The sight that surprised him was the massive mountain towering over him.

Normally the rough texture of the rocks and the almost watery scent of fresh air and stone soothed him and brought him back to a simpler time in a different life but this time, Jayfeathe's mind wasn't flooded with fond memories of his past as Jay's Wing or his previous visits to the mountains in this lifetime. This time, a different set of memories flooded his mind.

Life was a fleeting moment. Breathless, exhilarating, yet so terrifying. Flashes filled his vision. He couldn't tell what they were until it was too late. The cold and pain faded as the only thing he could focus on was the ground rushing toward him, threatening to take everything away. Everything he fought so hard for was suddenly-

Jayfeather sucked in a breath and stumbled. He widened his stance, trying his best not to fall over. His paws were still planted firmly on the solid earth below but he couldn't get that feeling of falling out of his mind. A dizzy spell overcame him and Jayfeather's body lurched. This time, he was unable to catch himself and he lost his footing, paws sliding out from under him and making him sink into the grass.

Jayfeather began breathing hard, trying to get ahold of himself. His eyes were wide and his chest heaved. It was hard to breath. He knew he was breathing but it felt like his lungs just weren't taking in enough air each time he took a breath.

Jayfeather wasn't sure how long he lay there, panicking, but he eventually became aware of another cat standing at his side. A flank pressed against his, providing support and warmth, and a tongue was lapping over his neck and ears like a mother comforting her kit. Jayfeather relaxed, letting this cat take care of him.

"It's terrifying, isn't it?" the cat questioned. A she-cat, Jayfeather realized. "Falling. I think it's the worst way to die. You have too much time to think. Knowing you're about to lose all the happiness you just discovered, thinking about what could have been if you just had a few more moons. And there's nothing you can do but watch the ground rush at you."

"Yeah," Jayfeather murmured before he could catch himself. He looked up and saw a silver tabby sitting beside him, a distant look in her blue eyes. After a heartbeat, they focused on him and filled with warmth and love faster than a riverbed in a rainstorm. Jayfeather was confused for a moment. He didn't know this cat, how could she love him? Then he found he recognized the look. He'd never seen it with his sightless eyes but any cat knew it. It was the love of a mother. Not his own, obviously, but the cat that could have been if fate hadn't ended her life so soon. Too soon. "Feathertail?"

Feathertail purred and ran her plumy tail down his spine. "I'm glad you finally reconnected with your father, Jayfeather. It would tear Crowfeather apart if you died before he got the chance to know you."

"Your death tore him apart," Jayfeather said without thinking. His own words caught him off guard and he quickly looked away. He squeezed his eyes shut, expecting Feathertail to respond but she remained silent. After a few heartbeats, Jayfeather risked a glance at her and found that those warm eyes now carried an immense sadness he never thought he'd see in another cat.

"I know. I loved him and he loved me. We never could be but we could've been so much. I couldn't let him or any of my friends die though. I don't regret my sacrifice." Feathertail shook out her pelt and her gaze fell back on the blind medicine cat. The warmth came back and Jayfeather immediately felt calmer, tranquility settling into every bone in his body. "You lived a good life, Jayfeather. Two, actually. You've done more for the clans than any cat, even the original leaders. You deserve to be remembered until the day the stars' light dies."

Jayfeather let out a long breath as a heavy emotion began knotting in his chest. "I don't deserve it. I was gifted powers and I had a second chance at life. I'm special but not a good cat. Maybe what I did should be remembered but old grumpy Jayfeather certainly doesn't. I push everyone away who I'd want to remember. No cat loves me. No cat will carry my legacy."

"No cat can love you if you don't love yourself," Feathertail told him softly.

Jayfeather snorted and gestured to himself with his tail. "How can any cat love this?"

"Half Moon loves you."

"She's different. I met her when… when…"

"In a different time?"

"When I was someone else. I met her when I was Jay's Wing, the brave and clever sharpclaw. Not blind little Jaypaw. Not the worthless apprentice I was. She's got a beautiful heart. She could love me even after this… this shell of bitterness and hatred built up around the cat she fell for. I can't though. I could never love what I've become. No cat could."

"Crowfeather could," Feathertail told him. "He's just like you."

"I suppose," Jayfeather murmured. He would never say it but he and Crowfeather shared something. Something different from a father and son usually did. They knew each other's pain. They had both leaped forward in new pawsteps and walked away torn up inside, hearts tread on by fate until they became too raw to experience life as it was meant to be lived. They had lived in anguish until they became someone else. Something else. No words could describe it but they understood what the other felt, even if they hadn't shared the details.

Guilt flooded his chest. Finally, he had found a cat to soothe and understand his pain. He was sure Crowfeather was grateful in the same way he was. And Jayfeather was going to die. He was going to leave him alone with his pain. Granted, Crowfeather had closer friends and kin than Jayfeather did but they still had something special. Jayfeather felt guilty that he still wanted to move on.

Feathertail gave him one last lick on the cheek before stepping away. Jayfeather tried to rise and follow her, his touch starved flank craving the support of another body at his side once again but Feathertail moved with the speed and swiftness of a ghostly StarClan cat. Before he knew it, Jayfeather was standing all alone. Again. Like always.

Alderheart inhaled sharply as he withdrew from the Moonpool, the other medicine cats stirring awake around him but he didn't pay them any mind. Leafpool's words from his dream echoed in his mind and Alderheart knew he had something he needed to do. His eyes locked with Kestrelflight and words were silently exchanged between them. Before arriving at the Moonpool, the WindClan tom had expressed concern for Jayfeather and Alderheart's dream had just confirmed that it was justified.

Leafpool had been vague as StarClan cats always were but she had admitted this time it was unintentional. StarClan didn't know what was wrong but they could feel it. For reasons Alderheart couldn't know, Jayfeather was special to StarClan and they worried for him, especially since they didn't know what was wrong. That scared Alderheart more than anything. If StarClan didn't know…

Alderheart shook his head before the anxious thoughts could set in. They always got the better of him. Right now, he needed to keep his mind clear and focused on his goal, for Kestrelflight and Jayfeather's sake.

The medicine cats didn't linger for long, all wanting to head back to their respective clans as soon as possible. Alderheart and Jayfeather were headed in the direction of ThunderClan with Kestrelflight not close behind soon enough. Jayfeather didn't seem to notice Kestrelflight's presence until they neared the trees or if he had, he chose not to comment on it until then.

"Is there something you two want to say to me?" Jayfeather asked, coming to a stop to whip around. Alderheart couldn't help but flinch. He was used to Jayfeather's intimidating gaze and sharp tongue but it still caught him off guard once in awhile. Even though Jayfeather couldn't see him, he gave is pelt a few embarrassed licks.

"We're worried about you," Kestrelflight started, taking a step forward. Alderheart felt a flash of gratitude for the WindClan medicine cat. The molted tom had a confidence to him that Alderheart knew he lacked. He felt a lot better knowing that Kestrelflight was leading the conversation. Alderheart was a supporter, not a leader. He hoped Kestrelflight knew how much his help meant to him.

"Why? I'm fine," Jayfeather responded. Alderheart picked up a hint of hesitation in his mew.

"You've been visiting Crowfeather a lot," Kestrelflight said gently. "Are you having a hard time accepting Leafpool's death?"

"What?" Jayfeather looked genuinely confused. Alderheart felt disappointment bubble up in him. I guess it won't be that easy. Jayfeather was too surprised by the inquiry for Kestrelflight's suspicions to be the case. "No. Leafpool's death isn't bothering me… Well, I'd have to be heartless to be unaffected but it's not bothering me or affecting my duties."

"Then why are you spending so much time with Crowfeather?" Kestrelflight pressed.

Jayfeather neatly tucked in his haunches and wrapped his tail around himself. The place the trio had decided to stop was placed perfectly under the moonlight and the glow from above perfectly illuminated the tabby markings on Jayfeather's grey pelt. He tipped his head, murky blue eyes probing. "Is it a crime to want to connect with my father?"

"That's it. You never wanted him to be your father. Crowfeather is my friend and I'm happy that you want to form some kind of bond with him but this is you we're talking about Jayfeather," Kestrelflight said. "Visiting him as much as you have seems a bit…"

"Excessive?"

"Out of character."

"My business is none of yours," Jayfeather answered. His expression hardened. He didn't look angry but his face was sharper, giving him a more threatening appearance.

"I think it is," Alderheart spoke up softly. Jayfeather's head whipped around to face him but Alderheart didn't waver under his gaze this time. Alderheart took a hesitant step toward his mentor. "You've been acting strangely since that morning a quarter-moon ago. Did you have a dream StarClan?"

"No." Jayfeather's voice was a bit too defensive.

"If there's something that's going to happen to the clan…"

"Nothing's happening with the clan. The clan is fine."

Alderheart and Kestrelflight exchanged a look. Blunt denial… Something is definitely wrong. Alderheart closed his eyes for a heartbeat and swallowed. "Jayfeather…"

"I'm dying, okay?" Jayfeather snapped. Alderheart took a step back, shock striking him like a monster racing down the thunderpath. Jayfeather's eyes went wide as if he was surprised to hear those words come out of his mouth. If he were any less of a put together cat, he would have slapped his tail over his mouth but Jayfeather would do no such thing. The shock faded from his face and he lifted his chin. His gaze grew steady and resolute but his voice suddenly became very soft. "I'm dying, okay?"

"Bu...B.. Bleh… Hu…" Alderheart fumbled with his words, unable to form a complete thought. Jayfeather's dying?

"Explanation?" Kestrelflight requested. He too was at a loss for words.

"My… Ah, there's so much you don't know. That no one knows," Jayfeather said wistfully. He tilted his head back to look at the sky. "Half Moon told me I was finally going to join her in the night sky."

Alderheart was confused by Jayfeather's words but he was more confused by his tone. He sounds… happy?

"Every cat carries the spirit of another in their heart and that cat takes them to Silverpelt when they die," Kestrelflight murmured. "This Half Moon, is she the cat in StarClan who watches over you?"

"Not quite," Jayfeather said. His voice sounded strange and Alderheart realized he was purring. "I knew her when we- she- was alive. She was always so much more than a guardian."

"Wha… How does she know?" Alderheart demanded. Jayfeather shrugged. Alderheart wanted to yowl. Why is he being so casual about this? He just said he's going to die! "Is it an illness? Can we cure it? Jayfeather, tell us what we need to do to save-"

Jayfeather put a paw on his muzzle. It didn't stop him from talking but Alderheart's mouth stopped moving. He's never done anything like that before. He usually just tells me to shut up. He's being so gentle.

"I don't want to be saved," Jayfeather told him. His eyes flickered between the two of them. Jayfeather's eyes rarely showed emotion but they were full of affection. "I lost my love for life long ago. My heart's been in the stars since… StarClan, it's been so long. I'm not happy here. Alderheart, Kestrelflight, I'm grateful to you two and I appreciate that you care more than you could ever know but please. Don't try to save me. I want to die."