Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors

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"The closer they are to you, the greater the pain."

~Gaara, Naruto

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Crowfeather wasn't worried. He had no reason to be, he told himself. Jayfeather had no commitment to him. He had no reason to show up. It was perfectly understandable that he didn't show up.

But that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Maybe he imagined Jayfeather's promise to see him the next day. Jayfeather was an independent, strong willed cat. He would never give his word out so carelessly. It was unthinkable.

But his words echoed in his ears.

And the sad looks ThunderClan patrols definitely didn't make his heart skip a beat in fear each time he showed up at the meeting place by the lake only to sit alone in the shadows until sunhigh. The fact that they didn't ask him to leave definitely didn't make his chest ache. And he definitely didn't lose himself to his own worst thoughts as he walked home.

Nothing's wrong. Nothing's wrong. I'm just a foolish old warrior who thought he finally found something special with his son.

Crowfeather understood denial perfectly but that didn't stop him from heading to the lakeside every morning. He didn't know where all the hope welling up inside him came from or how it resurged again each day after the disappointment of not seeing that familiar tabby pelt or those murky blue eyes. Each time that hope came crashing down, he told himself he wouldn't let it happen again. But his heart betrayed him each and every time. It always had and always would.

But perhaps tonight his longing would be eased. The idea of asking Jayfeather why he hadn't been seeing him scared him but Crowfeather needed an answer. Maybe it would help the ache in his heart fade, even just a bit.

Breezepelt stayed at his side as the WindClan warriors made their way to the island for the Gathering under the full moon. Part of Crowfeather wanted to be alone tonight but at the same time, having his son remain close to him was nice. Apprehension prickled in his paws and Crowfeather knew he wouldn't be as confident jumping onto the tree bridge if Breezepelt wasn't right behind him to catch him if his distracted mind caused his paws to slip out from under him and send him tumbling into the lake.

The pair crossed with ease and dropped onto the solid earth of the island within a few heartbeats. Corwfeather glanced around, taking in the sight. As always, it was dark due to the surrounding trees' shadows and the nature of night but the full moon illuminated the clearing. It was nearing the cold season and Crowfeather's short fur did little to protect a chill from crawling up his spine. He did his best to ignore it. He turned his attention to the cats loitering around him. Some cats were sharing tongues while others calmly waiting for the leaders to begin talking. Crowfeather realized WindClan was the last to arrive.

"The Gathering is going to start soon," Breezepelt told him, shouldering him to sit at the edge of the gathered warriors. Crowfeather dipped his head to Tawnypelt and Dovewing, the ShadowClan warriors sitting just in front of him, and tried not to be disappointed that he didn't have time to look for Jayfeather. He really wanted to talk to him. Don't I deserve some explanation as to why he stopped showing up? We never agreed to do this but that last time he said that he'd be back. I'd think Jayfeather was a cat of his word.

When Onestar jumped to join the other leaders on the giant oak, the others murmured their greetings to him and the WindClan leader responded respectfully. "Are we ready to begin?"

"If it's alright with you, ThunderClan would like to speak first tonight," Bramblestar spoke. Crowfeather could barely hear him. Usually the tom's voice rang out loud and clear but for once in his life, Bramblestar sounded hollow. Crowfeather blinked a few times and noticed that his pelt wasn't in as good of health as it always had been and the ThunderClan leader looked like he'd missed more than a couple meals. Something's wrong.

"Of course," Mistystar said, dipping her head to give Bramblestar a chance to speak.

Tigerstar flicked his ear dismissively while Leafstar looked more concerned. "What's so urgant?"

"I'm afraid ThunderClan has some very grave news," Bramblestar shared. Crowfeather felt his belly turn and he curled his tail inward. Don't tell me… Bramblestar closed his eyes for a moment and looked away from the cats below before speaking. "Our medicine cat Jayfeather is dead."

The clearing broke into shocked yowls but they fell on deaf ears as the world disappeared around Crowfeather. His breath hitched and his widened eyes could do nothing but stare blankly at Bramblestar. What did he just say?

Crowfeather's mind went numb and quiet as shocked coursed through his body. He didn't know how long he sat like that, it felt like an eternity had passed yet time stood frozen at the same time. His vision tunneled and his gaze dropped to the ground, unable to focus on anything. The sounds of the forest, water, and the cats around him passed unnoticed and the feeling of the ground under his paws faded. If conscious thought had not abandon him, Crowfeather would say he felt very, very alone.

Eventually, he noticed that some cat was prodding his side. He jerked his head up to find two pairs of amber eyes on him, blinking in concern. It confused him for a few heartbeats before he matched a black pelt to the expression of worry and a golden pelt to a face of grief and guilt … Wait, guilt?

"I'm sorry you had to find out like this," Lionblaze said softly. His eyes shined with genuine sorrow. "I didn't know how to tell you. I didn't know if I could tell you. I tried to go to the border so many times but I couldn't find it in me to cross. I'm a coward."

"You're not…" Crowfeather protested weakly. Crowfeather expected himself to find himself angry but he was only met with a fresh wave of pain. Jayfeather, I'm sorry. Crowfeather closed his eyes and pressed his muzzle into Lionblaze's neck fur. "Don't feel badly, Lionblaze."

"How did he die?" a foreign voice asked. Crowfeather looked around before noticing that Tawnypelt and Dovewing were sitting in their little group. They were close with Jayfeather too, Crowfeather assumed.

"Alderheart… Alderheart said he had a stroke," Lionblaze said, voice breaking. "It had something to do with his blindness. Apparently Leafpool thought it was genetic and that sometimes causes weakness of the heart. I don't really know. It was unexpected."

"Was he in pain?" Tanwypelt asked. "Did it hurt when he passed?"

Lionblaze shrugged. "I don't know. It happened at night. I hope he slept through it. Alderheart wouldn't tell anyone, not even Bramblestar. He's taking it pretty badly."

"Bramblestar or Alderheart?" Breezepelt asked.

"Both," Lionblaze responded. His gaze shifted back to Crowfeather. "We already sat a vigil but I know- erm, I heard you started talking with him a bit just before he, um, died so, uh… Would you like to come to our territory and visit him? Where he's buried, I mean. Only if you want to! I thought you would… Great StarClan, why is this so difficult?"

Crowfeather tried to purr but it broke in his throat. Still, Lionblaze's flustered words warmed his heart. It was raw and hurting but it helped. "Yes. I'd like that."

Author's Note: I would just like to say thank you for all your reviews. They're amazing but I'd like to give a special thank you to Lightning of the West. Their awesome 1,500 word review analyzed this story in a way I always hoped someone would but never expected. If you'd like some more insight on this story, check out their review. I was losing my inspiration to write and their words have helped me find it again. Hopefully we'll see more stories like this one in the future.

Someone also mentioned that Jayfeather's death seemed sudden. It was hinted at a bit before it happened but I didn't expect anyone to notice it. As said in this chapter, Jayfeather died of a stroke. In chapter 10, Jayfeather began experiencing some pain and other physical issues but he didn't notice it since he was upset. He just thought the symptoms came from emotional distress when he was actually showing signs of a stroke. Hope that cleared things up.