She hadn't been sure that she actually remembered how to drive, especially when she saw the sleek touch screen in the middle of the dashboard. But when she looked through all the keys hanging on hooks just outside of the garage this was the one that had her name on it, along with 'Tesla!' handwritten under it.

The ultramodern vehicle gave her trouble for a few moments, but she quickly got the hang of it. Soon enough she was cruising aimlessly, her only goal to get away from the people in her life and the pressure she felt being with them. Her reaction to her husband's brandy loosened tongue had surprised her. Of course she had felt sad and a deep sense of disappointment, but that feeling of being let down by him was so familiar it was almost comforting in a strange way.

She pulled into a public park. Nothing about it seemed familiar, but the car's GPS ensured that there was no way she could get lost. She rolled down the windows and sat back enjoying the sound of the breeze rustling through the trees. Entries from her diary ran through her mind. The words she had written when she had been that other version of Helen Magnus had seemed both familiar and foreign. The tone of her voice was discernable through the written words; brusque, erudite, with a dry sense of humour. She wondered if she had retained anything of her other self. Maybe her impatience.

The picture the entries painted of her husband were not flattering for the most part. He was 'an ass' and 'devious to a fault.' Yet, she seemed to find his unpredictability rather amusing. Perhaps, with such a long life she looked forward to being surprised? Besides the exasperation, there was also a strong, almost unvoiced undercurrent of concern and affection. Occasionally, there was the dismissal of his faults as 'due to his vampiric egomania.'

One entry had wistfully mentioned their friendship at Oxford commenting that his 'childish failings of yesteryear had pained him so much, and yet now he has no shame.' Her past self wondered if he, having lost the capacity to suffer, was better off or a mere imitation of his former self. It was evident that she viewed Nikola as a sort of simulacrum she was the author of, through her experimentation with the source blood. Helen sensed a dark undercurrent of guilt in the entry.

The drinking was very like the antics of a college boy…Was he simply returning to form? She had read his autobiography of course and found it rather funny. He was always getting into scrapes even as a child. And his college years had been a disaster. He had never completed his courses and did not have a degree from anywhere. Yet, he was an earthshaking genius! As she read, she had laughed out loud. He was irresistible, but…he was and always would be trouble, it seemed.

She watched the sun rise then, feeling sufficiently relaxed, Helen started up the car and began driving at random. The model S was a pleasure to drive, smooth, sleek and silent. She wondered if Nikola was tickled by his namesake and had asked her to buy it for him. She could imagine it so vividly she wondered if it was really a memory.

A series of banners hanging from the streetlights caught her eye. 'Master of Lighting! The Tesla Exhibit now at the Science Museum!' She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Is it a sign? Yes, literally!" She laughed and instructed the GPS to direct her to the Science Museum.

…

"What is this woman's qualifications? She hardly seemed to know what I was talking about when I told her to make an IV of warmed fluids. And the man! He actually neglected to mention that we had tracking devices in our parkas until it was almost too late. That level of incompetence is ludicrous. And besides that, whose decision was it to put it there? What if someone lost their clothes? I already put Nikola to work on miniaturizing one for a flesh colored patch that will be harder to lose."

Will rested his head in his hands and let her rant. It was evident to him that the sower of chaos known as Tesla, had infiltrated Helen's mind, and now all his machinations were coming to fruition. How had he created this situation? Helen spending her money, which was still no different than Sanctuary money, on Tesla's R&D, ostensibly to prevent future threats in the field, but were no doubt nothing more than his pet projects. The expense of miniaturizing components wasn't exorbitant, but it remained imprudent given their budget deficit.

Finally he couldn't take it anymore and burst out, "Don't you see what he is doing? To you? To the Sanctuary?! He may be a genius, but when it comes to money HE IS A FOOL! Look at how he ruined his career! Wardenclyffe was a monument to not only his only folly, but J.P. Morgan's as well. How can you be so blind as to follow in his footsteps!"

Helen snapped and slammed her fist on Will's desk. "You are out of line! I bring up my valid concerns with the team you picked, whose negligence was so great, lives literally hung in the balance, and you have the gall to use it as a springboard to attack my husband, my marriage and myself?! How dare you! You are so full of this irrational hatred!"

"It's not hatred and it's not irrational!" Will stared at her resentfully for a bit then attempted to calm things down. "Look, I know he…He did a lot for you, helped you recover, but you just don't understand what he is really like-" Helen cut him off, "I read my journals. I know the facts, what he was like, why I married him, everything. Will…He is not his illness. You should know that." The blond laced her fingers near her waist, trying to stop her hands from shaking, then took a deep calming breath and continued, "I really think, Jim is not a good fit, and Tanya should be transferred. She just doesn't have the skills we need."

Will tried to compromise, "Maybe Jim made some poor decisions, but he was the strongest available candidate. There just isn't anyone else-" "Nikola made better decisions-" Will cut her off with a sharp gesture, "I'm not having this conversation. I'm tired of arguing with you when it's clear that you're not thinking clearly. Like it or not now, you appointed me to this position. I choose our staff and I allocate the funds. Not you." Helen abruptly threw up her hands and decided to live to fight another day. "Alright, fine. Just start trying to transfer Tanya." The current head of the Sanctuary sighed, "I'll see what I can do."

…

The Science Museum was a lovely modernist building, all clean white curves, glass and steel. Something about the style still appealed to her, despite its many failings. It had the whiff of dreams too pure for the real world, ideals too high and too harsh. She liked its harshness, it suited her.

She made her way to the Tesla exhibit. They had the obligatory coil that was switched on every half hour to demonstrate wireless electricity. A neon light spelled out the words 'World Wireless,' another ideal that had failed the litmus test of reality.

A pensive mood came over her. Maybe her own ideals were just the same. Perhaps her vision of a world in which those rare, strange and often dangerous creatures known as abnormals could not only live in peace but thrive, was nothing more than the imaginings of another half-cracked college kid. She couldn't help but notice that abnormals' existence was so often incompatible with the current order of human societies. Did her life's work amount to little more than a glorified zoo that could never give her charges a satisfactory life?

She shook off her dark thoughts and continued down the exhibit hall, drawn to a series of photos of her dearest friend. He looked so sad as a small boy, and it was no wonder, the caption explained that he was tormented by hallucinations. As she read how he would touch the images to see if they were real or not she was suddenly thrown into a vivid memory.

"I thought about that Arabian horse a lot. It was so beautiful, pure white, a perfect wide brow that tapered to such a delicate nose. It was very smart and saved my father's life once. I never thought it could do wrong…"

Nikola paused in his story, the gaslight flickered in his eyes, making them appear dark and haunted. "And then it appeared over the hill. Dane was riding it too fast as usual. He was too daring, we all knew, but no one said a word. He could never do wrong either." He sniffed then sighed defeated, "I was the one who always did wrong. Somehow, I was just…troublesome."

He looked her in the eye and asked flat out, "Helen, do you think I am mad?" She adamantly denied it but he couldn't be persuaded. "Am I poison? There's so much evidence for that. I wish-" His voice broke and he turned away, hiding his face as he continued, "-I wish I could believe my own stories. That there was some great, fateful reason for it all. Please tell me, Helen, why didn't I realize my brother on that horse was real?"

The photo of the sad little boy blurred before her eyes. Helen wiped away her tears and whispered, "I don't know. All I know is, it made you who you are, and I love you."

…

Nikola showed her the miniaturized tracker side by side with the original. "Here you can see that the polymer is different. That is what allowed us to make the improvements. Henry is actually not bad at nanotech, though he still needs work when it comes to mechanical devices rather than electronics." Helen nodded absently, then interrupted his stream of technobabble. "Have you tested it yet?" He nodded, unbuttoned his sleeve and pulled it up to reveal a patch stuck to his arm. "Henry has been tracking me around the place. But we still need to see if it is accurate long distance. Wanna go for a drive?" Apparently, she found his mischievous grin too hard to resist. "Alright, take me for a ride." He laughed delighted. "Yes ma'am!"

Nikola grabbed the keys and opened the door to the sedan for his wife. She smiled at him through the window as he closed the door securely. A warm tenderness filled his heart and he smiled back at her. As he sat behind the steering wheel she reached for his hand and held it for a moment. Her hands were so soft now. The callouses had faded and her grip was gentle. He gave her hand a squeeze then drove them out of the garage.

"Remember the day I ran away?" The unexpected question made him tense up. He glanced over at his wife and replied, "Yes…" She swallowed, a bit nervous. "I saw the Tesla exhibit at the Science Museum." He let out a sharp laugh. "Oh, and how was it?" She smiled ruefully, "I wanted to understand you…and I remembered something." Nikola hummed with interest, "Really, it brought back memories?" She nodded and said carefully, "You told me how Dane died." He felt the blood drain from his face as a cold tightness settled in his chest.

He wondered if he should put on Auto-Pilot or just pull over. Before he did either his wife put her hand on his knee. "I remembered it was then I started falling in love with you. But I didn't tell you. I tried to pretend-" He abruptly pulled over, "Because I wasn't good enough, right?! I've never been good enough, not for you or anybody-" She tried to shush him, but he couldn't dam the torrent now that it was bursting forth. "It's dangerous. I-wasn't I dangerous? For so long…and what about now? What if Will is right and I can't, if I ruin your dreams-" "No, no, Nikola, I wanted to tell you-" "I tried to kill you. I went crazy and-" His voice caught on a sob. "Nikola, oh no…I didn't mean-I'm sorry, don't cry."

She tried to comfort him, but he couldn't stand to be touched. After several minutes he managed to regain control enough to say, "No, I'm sorry. All this is my fault. You got hurt because I'm cursed. Everyone I love-" his voice broke and he had to stop. Helen took advantage to say, "There's no such thing as curses. What kind of scientist believes in that?" He laughed bitterly, "I'm no scientist. Just a crackpot that could memorize trigonometric tables as a boy." Helen smiled sadly, "I'll love you if you're strong or weak, smart or stupid, sane or insane." He sat there stiffly then huffed, "You got the quote wrong I think." She laughed at his dumb joke and it proved contagious.

The tension drained out of him and he just felt tired and depressed. When she reached for him, he embraced his wife and pressed his face into her neck. The comforting scent of her was a pale memory of what his vampiric senses had been able to detect. Before his devamping, he could tell so much about her from her scent alone. He used to savor the intimacy of it, though he was constantly tormented by the undertone of her blood. At least he no longer had those problems. Only his original ones. "Helen, I love you." She murmured into his hair, "I know." He enjoyed the feeling of her stroking his head for a bit then said, "I wish I were good for you, that I could really help you, take care of you. I wish I could protect you from all harm."

Helen pulled back from him to look him in the eyes, "I know. You devoted a lifetime to trying to make the whole world safer. How much more can you expect from yourself?" He sighed then blurted out, "No one with any sense should have anything to do with me. When you asked me to marry you I was overjoyed, but I didn't understand why and was too afraid to ask. But now, I need to know. Why?" He watched her face carefully as her gaze turned inward, trying to grasp the slippery sand that was her memories. "I wrote in my dairy the day I proposed that I had to have you fully. I was afraid of losing you without ever showing you how I feel. I know you will grow old and I will not and it hurts so much I can't bear to think about it. But at least, we will have this time together, and I don't care what happens because of it. I don't care if I lose everything, if my dreams lie in ruins, if the whole world ends, so long as I have you. As much of you as I can for as long as I can. I-I can't say it strongly enough-I am willing to be destroyed for the love of you."

Nikola went very still and thought, 'How could she feel that way about me? I can't live up to a love like this.' He suddenly felt very small. "Helen. I would live my whole life for you. I would die for you. But, I have to protect you and your dreams from my-my flaws. You don't remember me at my worst. You don't know, but Henry does, Will does. I do."

"That was before. You are only human now-" "I was human when I gambled away my tuition and dropped out. I lost my sanity. Everyone thought I killed myself. Honestly, I am surprised that I didn't. The next thing I knew I was being dragged home by the police. The look on my father's face. I hurt him…and he died." "Nikola, that was so long ago."

"I remember it like just happened. I remember everything, even what I did and felt and thought when I was crazy. Do you know what it is like, remembering another you?" Helen looked distressed and nodded uncertainly. He continued, "I was working in Budapest at the job my uncles got me, and just getting worse and worse. It was clear to the doctors that I was losing my mind and there was nothing they could do for me. I waited for death but it never came."

Helen protested, "Yes, instead you had the vision of your motor." He nodded and continued, "At that time, I could feel God and the Evil One with me at every moment. When my vision came I felt like Jacob seeing the ladder to Heaven. I remember thinking that everything in my life made sense. The flashes of light I had seen since I was a boy were very like flames; they were the Holy Spirit and this vision was proof. I absolutely knew the induction motor would work and when I built a prototype, it absolutely did. When you met me I was already convinced that I was God's instrument on Earth."

Helen smiled gently, "You never said as much, but I remember your confidence. I'm not surprised." Nikola shook his head, "That's why I never cared about being a drop out. That's why I took the Source Blood. I thought it was destiny. I was high on the idea of divine intervention." His wife looked sincerely curious, "Do you still believe it?" He thought for a moment and shrugged, "Half of me believes it without question, the other half reasons that it is the sort of thing a crazy person would believe and therefore I must be crazy. But besides that, I feel like asking me if I believe it, is sort of a nonsensical question. What it actually feels like is that the me the vision happened to sort of split off from the rest of me and is sort of, waiting, off in the wings so to speak…When I ask myself what I think or feel, he sort of chimes in, because I remember being him…" Helen was clearly not able to relate to it from her own experience given the troubled expression on her face as she mulled over his description.

"You see? I am…unstable, and I wish I weren't because I am afraid. I could lose myself, the person sitting here in front of you now, the only version of me that you have ever met, the person that you rely on-" Helen broke in, "Do you ever wonder why I am not afraid to be in this car?" Nikola stopped short, thrown out of his anxious spiraling. "I assumed that it was because you can't remember the accident." Helen shook her head, "It's true I don't consciously remember it, but when I get in a car, I do feel scared. But I know that the accident happened, it is in the past and I can't control that. I can only control the present to try and influence the future. When I am in a car, I try to focus on and enjoy the moment because paying attention to now is how we can be safe. The past doesn't determine the future."

Nikola sighed and nodded slowly, "I know. I can think it, but I don't feel it." Helen embraced him closely again. "It's okay. Just keep thinking with your brain and not your emotions and you will be fine." Nikola held his wife tightly, until the clinging turned into something less filled with fear and more a source of pleasure and joy. The feeling of her hands rubbing his back seemed transformed into the most sensual of caresses. They seemed to penetrate to the core of him, taking away all his tension and fear. He felt so safe in her arms, and he knew it was illusory, but it didn't seem that way.

"Darling, what did you want to say?" "Hmm?" "Before I got upset. You said you wanted to say something to me." "Oh, I wanted to say that we are the same. Everything we've worked for might turn out to be nothing more than the enthusiasms of two young people and come to naught. But I am grateful that our dreams led us to each other." Nikola smiled and kissed her blond hair. "Me too."

…