AN: This chapter contains both a 'sacred text' going from G 1-1 to G 1-100, if you have no interest in learning more about the religion I'm building, skip that part and just read the plot points first. Enjoy!

…Synod of Arwintar…

Neia paced, it was one of her distinctive traits, she was an active speaker. She did not simply stand still and stare at her audience, she moved about the center of their view, never too far in any direction, but around within the center to keep their eyes following her where she wanted them to. She gestured with her hands, making herself seem stern or open, smiling warmly or glaring with ferocity, she was more than a speaker, she was a master performer, and the perfect inflections of her evangelist voice rang to the core of every person who heard her, even if they didn't wish it to be so.

Yet now she was being grilled, hour upon hour for the morning, questions had come her way, challenges were to be expected, but the harshest was also the one she had least expected. She had prepared for challenges to her god, she had not prepared for what came for her, and it was near the height of this nigh interrogation, that Lakyus entered as a late arrival and took her seat, only to be enraged by what she heard.

"How can any of us listen to you? You're just another butcher, a killer, a thug who slaughtered her way through Prart and killed everyone in Wenmark, what can you know of any gods?" A priest jeered out. Silence fell, and pressure built around Neia as her rage was inflamed. Lakyus felt it from where she sat, she was an adamantite adventurer, but this was something else. For the other priests, ones who had lived soft lives, it might as well have been the weight of a thousand horses on their chests. Lakyus though, being a priestess, and having felt it not once, but twice before, was now sure of what it was. Divine wrath… not hers, but simply 'through' her. Priest and priestesses were having trouble breathing around her, and then the pressure faded as Lakyus saw Neia's body relax as the anger faded.

"My actions," she said firmly, "Were those of a soldier and a warrior, I acted in the service of life itself, to preserve the lives I could. My failures… are mine alone, including my failure to the slaves of Wenmark. It is because I have done these things, not in spite of them, that I can and must speak. So that nobody who lives after my passing ever must go through it again. I act in the service of the divine today because he plucked me from among many and has placed his faith in me as I have placed my faith in him. I am not mad for blood and take no lives that I can spare. Now if you are through attacking me, let us focus on the issue at hand." Neia said with iron finality.

Lakyus glared at the priest who had said that, and snapped out on her own, "I wasn't at Prart, I was however, at Wenmark. That city deserved its destruction, I have seen evil in my time. I have seen cruelty and butchery most foul, but never something so well organized, so thorough, so sick and twisted, not even from the handiwork of demons. That city deserved its end. Don't tell me it didn't, not if you weren't there, and if you were there and you don't think it deserved to be destroyed, then you deserve the same fate it suffered!" Lakyus's voice was one of ice, and any remaining discussion on that subject was stilled.

The grilling went on, and Lakyus looked down at Neia with abiding concern. She knew quite well that Neia had been putting on a strong face, but she was still a deeply troubled woman, Skana had privately confided, in priestly confidence, that Neia woke up with nightmares more nights than not, and their love making had more than once seemed more a frenzied desperation born of something other than simple desire, as if it could let her forget. A slot was reserved for her in a place of treatment and recovery, but even with Lakyus and CZ's intervention, she'd refused to go until this matter was settled, and down below, she felt how raw Neia still truly was over everything she'd seen and done.

But Neia soldiered on, and finally, as the topic turned to generosity among the divine, Neia began to recite from her text…

The Book of Generosity…

G 1-1 Who gives what is not theirs to give is thrice the thief. 1-2 For they have taken what is not theirs, given themselves a reputation not deserved, and in giving the stolen away, knowing it may be reclaimed, has stolen the happiness and the faith of the recipient.

G 1-3 There will be times when those in need who are dear to you, do not need what you have to give. 1-4 When this is how things are, you may still give, only offer out to them your love, your understanding, your friendship. 1-5 That you are there in the hour of their need, is gift enough.

G 1-6 Who has traveled a long way to give you a gift, has given you two gifts, the one in his hands, and the journey it took to bring it.

G 1-7 Accept with gratitude that which is freely given, even if it is imperfect, it may be all that can be managed.

G 1-8 Who brings the gift of laughter, has brought a light into the darkness.

An Encounter with the Sorcerer King

G 1-9 There once was a woman weeping at a bench in one of the many parks of E-Rantel, she wept so loud that when the Sorcerer King passed by on one of his walks among the people, he took notice of her. 1-10 "Woman, why do you weep?" He asked of her.

1-11 "I weep because I am to be wed, but my family has lost everything, I have no dowry to bring to my husband."

1-12 At this the Sorcerer King drew back in surprise, "Are you not living? 1-13 Have you not your beating heart, have you not the warmth of your smile, are you not able to bring happiness into the home you share?" 1-14 She nodded weakly at his words and he added, taking her living hands into his skeletal ones, "When you show him all the broken little pieces of yourself, the things that have frightened you, scarred you, you have put a weapon in his hands to shatter you afresh, that trust is your dowry, and is more precious than any coin." 1-15 So saying, he took from his pocket several platinum coins and put them into her hands and said, "For you both, go and celebrate your union."

G 1-16 So generosity and giving comes from more than goods, and even more than in our actions, it also comes from what we offer from within, the trust that, armed with the means to hurt us deeply, those with that power, never use it, and instead seek to soothe those many hurts.

G 1-17 Who heals the sick and the injured is the true servant of god. 1-18 Who creates the sick and the injured, through selfish greed or hatred, bears only his wrath.

G 1-19 No commerce fairly done for the common good is wrong. 1-20 Yet commerce that preys on the desperate is a monster fit only to be slain. 1-21 If your neighbor's child is sick and you have the mana to heal her, and you refuse because he lacks the coin, there is no moral distinction between you and a murderer.

G 1-20 Do not abuse the generosity of others, if a man offers you half his sandwich, do not demand the whole one, if you are offered a bed for the night, do not think yourself owed it for all time.

G 1-21 Giving is done with deliberate intent each time, that a neighbor allows you the use of their tool on Monday, do not presume to simply take them again on Tuesday.

G 1-22 What is borrowed, should be returned as well or better than the manner in which it was received in the first place.

G 1-23 Accept kindness with responsibility. 1-24 If a man should bring a cask of beer sufficient to quench the thirst of a dozen, and there are a dozen present, let not one single person among the twelve take so much that another must go without. 1-25 For generosity to spread justly, be not a miser.

G 1-26 If you give a gift, do not attempt to command its use, else it is not truly given, it remains your own. 1-27 To give a gift is to give up the right to control it. 1-28 This too includes the gift of life. 1-29 A child's life is their own, and at adulthood they may live as they see fit, love as they like, marry as they will, work how they wish. Their gift to you then should be your pride in their uniqueness, accomplishment, or character.

G 1-30 To give your body to another's embrace is always a gift of equal trust, one that must not be broken. 1-31 The value of that gift is not degraded by experience, whether one lover or one hundred, in that moment of offering, what matters is that it is offered to you, and by you. 1-32 The sex of lovers does not matter, only that they are lovers by choice, of their own free will, and have the capacity to make that choice as adults. 1-33 Who manipulates a child's trust into such an act, is deserving of an endless torment.

G 1-34 Who is generous in order to extort, is not generous.

G 1-35 Apportion your giving to your ability, do not destroy yourself, for you are also responsible for your own wellbeing.

G 1-36 To desire to give is good, yet you need not yield up every joy of your own, you too, are permitted happiness.

G 1-37 When a need is observed, do not say that someone should do something, because 'you' are someone, instead, say 'I' will do something. Who does this is the true servant of god, who does not, I do not know them.

G 1-38 Know that you cannot, no matter your kindness, always save people from themselves, or from the consequences of their actions.

An Encounter with Self Destruction

G 1-39 There was once the son of a rich man, he had all one could want in life, save the flaw that his father still lived. 1-40 Eventually he got his final wish, and his father passed away, leaving him everything. 1-41 All his world seemed perfect, and he chose to celebrate his good fortune, he threw lavish parties, purchased the finest wines, indulged himself with the greatest beauties all while his lifelong servants looked on in distress. 1-42 The good servants had dutifully stored away their pay, and watched the young man squander all his wealth, though they warned him often, he would not listen. 1-43 Soon the money ran drier than an abandoned well. 1-44 When it was gone, they tried to save the boy they knew, they loaned him money from their pockets, which slipped away through his fingers in the form of other needless purchases, he ran into debt, and borrowed more from the servants who had become his creditors. 1-45 In the end he was no better off than before, and the servants themselves became as poor as he was, having nothing left to lend him, and nothing left to live on, the lot of them destroyed themselves, throwing good money after bad into the pit of a man who would not help himself.

G 1-46 Therefore help to the helpless may be called good, whereas help to those who will not help themselves and who will only take ever more, while never seeking to change the means by which they live, may be called folly.

G 1-47 Generosity is an investment in a better world, and the fruit that is born from it, is creating others with the ability to do the same.

G 1-48 You ask how you will know what is needed, and what you should do? 1-49 I tell you that you will always know at least something of the answer. 1-49 Are the people sick? 1-50 Then do they not need medicine? 1-51 Are they cold, do they not require homes and blankets? 1-52 Or simply ask, what help would I require, if I stood in the place of those in need? 1-53 To say one does not know what to do, is nearly always wrong, rather what they truly mean is, 'They do not know where to begin'. 1-54 At the beginning, in the simplest of ways, the smallest of actions, lay them down as the foundation for all that follows.

G 1-55 Do not make a beggar of your mate. 1-56 If your mate bears the labor of the house while you labor for the wealth of it, know that they are not your servant, they are your partner. 1-57 It is not an act of generosity to feed them, clothe them, or see them provided for. 1-58 Just as it is no indication of great sight to see the sun in the morning, so it is nothing to boast of providing for the comfort and wellbeing of your mate, that is your duty to them.

G 1-59 The greatest generosity is the surrender of one's life, that others need not perish, or that the future may thrive. 1-60 That is the gift of tomorrow, honor those who fall that you may have it, and you will be a good servant of your god.

G 1-61 Do not seek to give your life gloriously for a cause, but rather, live humbly for it whenever possible and accept that the need may one day come.

G 1-62 Do not lend what you are not prepared to give.

G 1-63 Do not promise more than you give, only give more than you promise. 1-64 To do the first is to deceive. 1-65 To do the second is to joyfully surprise.

G 1-66 To give your word is a good gift only if your word is reliable. 1-67 Who treats his own word like dirt, will find others treating it the same. 1-68 Who treats his word like gold, will see it sought after with zeal.

G 1-69 Generosity to the unprepared may be destructive, it must be tempered with reason. 1-70 Giving a child all that they ask for, while neglecting to teach them, will put a viper at the breast of your house and your community. 1-71 Therefore moderate your desire to be generous with your need to be disciplined, and to impart discipline and a sense of communal obligation.

G 1-72 Celebrate the gifts given to others. 1-73 Do not drown in your own jealousy, it will eat you alive from within until there is nothing left of you. 1-74 Ask not, 'Why does she deserve that?' rather ask, 'What should I do, that I deserve the same?' and if you are not given it, do not cling to what you never truly had. 1-75 Clinging to things lost that were never had, will have you endlessly reaching for what is beyond you, while dropping all of what is close to you.

G 1-76 Gifts given that better the mind, body, and spirit surpass the worth of gifts which merely sustain or temporarily satisfy it.

G 1-77 Generosity does not buy love, you cannot bribe your way into another's heart, and it is an insult to even try.

G 1-78 Do not lord your generosity over those to whom you give, be humble even in the giving of a gift. 1-79 Seek connection and understanding, attempt to elevate those you help so that they may stand beside you. 1-80 If your giving is there solely to let you feel that you are better, then the act of giving was only for yourself.

G 1-81 Say no when you must, and without shame, there is no guilt to be had in saying no when asked to do what you cannot or should not.

G 1-82 Who demands your generosity in exchange for their company, is neither friend nor comrade to you. 1-83 Favors are done between friends. 1-84 Favors can never be done that will 'gain' friends. 1-85 If a friend will sever a friendship for want of a favor, then it was only for your favor that they were your friend.

G 1-86 It is not generosity to spare someone in full from the consequences of their actions. 1-87 Who says to you, 'I have done this wrong, go and take the blame for me' and will allow you to suffer their consequences, is no comrade of yours.

G 1-88 Where conflict becomes violent, give the gift of mercy to the guiltless. 1-89 Where captives are taken, give them their dignity, for are you not also given it as your due, by he who rules over you?

G 1-90 Even in punishment, generosity need not die. 1-91 Teach by example, for the wrongdoer who has not gone too far, may come back and reclaim his place in the community. 1-92 Who is taught how to live, will come to the means to help others to do so. 1-93 Who is punished and taught nothing of how to live, will need to be punished again. 1-94 Who is degraded as a mere beast by punishment, and not given the gift of living dignity, will become a beast in turn, and his abuse will return to haunt you.

G 1-95 Mercy to the cruel, may be kindness for them, but it is cruelty to the victims. 1-96 Therefore a balance must exist between justice and mercy. 1-97 Who has little to give, but gives, is most generous. 1-98 Who has much, and gives much, is the next most generous. 1-99 Who has much and gives little is but little generous. 1-100 Who has much and offers nothing, is unworthy of anything, and is neither my follower, nor your neighbor, nor your family.

When Neia ended her recitation, the sun was just passing beyond the opening of the building, as if the divine was removing his light from her as his words ceased to pour from her mouth. An end to the day was called, and gradually the figures in the many seats began to filter out. Neia was the last to leave, and outside the door, Lakyus waited.

"Neia… are you alright?" She asked, her voice was filled with concern, and Neia turned around to look at her, and it was just as she did so that Lakyus caught a glimpse, just a glimpse, of what lay beneath the mask that Neia wore. She had a warm smile pasted on her face that would have fooled virtually anyone, but the glimpse she'd gotten was enough to let Lakyus pierce the veil and see that no… Neia Baraja was not alright.

"I'm fine, thank you, rough day in there today though." She said, giving an exaggerated gesture of wiping nonexistent sweat from her brow, it was an overly dramatic gesture of the sort Neia did not normally engage in, and it was a telling sign for the experienced priestess.

Lakyus reached out and snatched Neia's hand with both of her own. "You're not fine, Neia." She said in a hushed and urgent voice, "They got to you in there, I felt it, I felt his power slip through you."

Neia shook her head, "I don't know what you're talking about." She said and snatched her hand away.

"That was the third time I've felt it, I'm not an idiot, you know." Lakyus said. "I stood in his presence, I felt his aura, and I'm a priestess, and I felt it the other day when Skana…"

"Don't say it!" Neia shouted with wide eyes, "Please don't say it!" Her fists bunched tight and she closed her eyes as tight as she could, "Please… just don't say it, I don't want to think about it, I can't think about it." She said softly, numerous eyes from passersby had turned to look their way, but then moved on at a wave from Lakyus and the softer words of Neia no longer reached their hearing range.

Lakyus did her that kindness and said, "And I also felt it that day at Prart." Her voice was soft, and she reached out and took Neia's hand again, more gently this time, and this time it wasn't yanked away.

"Neia, you're not well, the war is OVER now, please… stop this, the Sorcerer… your god cares about you, please, tell him you need help now, nobody will think less of you for it."

Neia's eyes snapped open and she looked at Lakyus accusingly. "Are you saying that because you care about me? Or are you saying that because you don't want the god you followed your whole life to lose their place?"

Lakyus reacted immediately, she drew her hand back and was about to slap Neia across the face, but she paused before coming any closer, not because she saw Neia's other hand go to her sword, which she couldn't have missed in a thousand years, but because when she looked into her eyes, she saw a tortured soul being ripped apart from within and lashing out in desperation. Lakyus brought her hand down.

She stepped closer, and Neia took a step back as she realized she'd almost drawn her sword. "I… I'm sorry, please forgive me." Neia said and bowed her head.

"Neia, it's alright, everything is going to be alright, everyone is going to be alright. Please just let's go get help." Lakyus said.

"I'm fine, I promise I'll… I will be fine. I just can't stop now, OK? If I stop now, everything will have been for nothing, you know what they'll say? Who would follow the god of a mad woman? Crazy Neia couldn't keep it together? They'll say I'm weak, that I couldn't hack it, and they'll ask what kind of a god would have a weakling do this?!" She snapped out.

"They'll be wrong!" Lakyus said emphatically, grabbing Neia's shoulders and giving her a sound shake, "They'll be wrong, alright? You're not weak! There is nothing wrong with you that is your fault!"

Neia put her thumb and forefinger to her eyes, looked down, and brought her fingers together at the bridge of her nose and shook her head, she looked up with clearer eyes, her mask restored. "Suppose you're right, and they would be wrong? So what? It doesn't change that they'll say it, and it won't stop others from believing it, and then everything will go to shit and I'll have lost everyone I lost, without achieving final victory. Don't you get it? Whether they're right or wrong doesn't matter, I 'have' to get through to the end of this."

"Even if it kills you?" Lakyus asked.

"In a lot of ways, it's far too late for that." Neia said softly, "Thanks for your concern, Lakyus, I mean that, and… I'm sorry again about going for my sword, you're just trying to help, and you didn't deserve that reaction. I'll go back to the hotel for now, you should catch up with Skana and CZ and see what progress they've made on the investigation."

"Alright." Lakyus said, certain that Neia hadn't even heard her, and they parted ways, each one walking off alone.

AN: Well here you go, double release and I hope you enjoy it. :) This chapter took a lot to write, getting PTSD written properly into a character is no easy task, and I hope I executed it well. If you enjoy this story and would like to see an audio version produced, you can support that project on P atreon dot com slash godrising. You could also join me on discord for readings, early story access, and more.